I’m in bed, quietly looking at the ceiling. Blankly opening my eyes and lost in my thoughts.

~

Heechul sat on the couch and tapped on his chin as he looked around. His dongsaengs nor his only hyung were present, leaving him in his own thoughts and the deafening silence. Speaking of thoughts...

The only thing that lingered was that he WAS not getting any younger. Yet here he was, going over to his computer and started to play games. It wasn't to say he's lazy or that he didn't want to explore, it's just that he couldn't find himself giving a damn.

But his mind drifted off to his love life. He never had a proper relationship for quite some time now, he had a lot of lady friends that he could date but once again, he never found any type of interest for them. He groaned and ruffled his baby-pink colored hair. "Aigoo... You're over thinking again Heechul." He tells himself, hitting the side of his head repeatedly.

He got annoyed of himself and turned his computer off, launching himself on his bed and under his covers. The members could come home any minute now however, his mind wasn't focused on that.

~

Why am I alone? What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I date? My friends are dating and even getting married... But why am I alone?

~

The same thoughts haunted him as he continued to look up at his ceiling. "Yeah... Why am I alone? Why can't I find myself a partner... Sungmin's already married... But..." He then ruffled his hair in frustration. "Dammit... Dammit all to hell." He grumbled before getting out of his covers and walked out of his room, only to be greeted by Donghae and Ryeowook.

"Hey hyung." Donghae says with his signature innocent smile. His favorite dongsaeng was always so cheerful, he wanted to be like him somehow, carefree... Heechul walked over to him and gave him a noogie. "Hello there... How are you?" He asks as he pulled his dongsaeng in his arms.

"That's what I wanted to ask you, hyung, since you walked out looking agitated." Donghae says as he looked at his hyung. "Well don't worry, hyung is okay, just thinking nonsense." Heechul says, smiling reassuringly at the brunette.

"If you say so..." Donghae says before getting out of Heechul's embrace and looked around for something to entertain himself with. Heechul walked to the kitchen and said hello to Ryeowook and the ajumma before grabbing himself a glass of water, his eyes slowly staring out to a blank dimension.

 

~

Am I too picky? Or am I not popular? When I was young, there were a lot of people who liked me, a lot.

~

Heechul was just sitting alone in a booth of a random cafe, looking out the window as he ran a hand through his hair. "Kim Heechul. A man who undergoes scandals but can never date..." He murmured to himself as he ruffled his hair, silently praying at the back of his head that Gunhee wouldn't kill him for messing his work.me

"Ughhhhhh..." He groaned in frustration, somehow he felt amused at how his unproductive progress in love affected him. He drank his frappé and crossed his legs in a formal manner, his brain spinning millions of thoughts round and round, he actually wouldn't be surprised if he collapsed then and there.

~

People who are uglier than me are dating. When I’m walking on the street, everyone is in love but me.

~

 

Heechul was walking down the streets and hid the bitter look in his eyes as he looked to see couples. Heck, even gender or age didn't matter, there were couples from their early teens, pre-adults, senior citizens just partnering up and are either PDAing or just satisfied with the other's company.

He bit the inside of his cheek as his legs sped up, trying to get away from them. The frustration of not being able to get a partner in his age was getting to him, which was surprising especially for the pink-haired lad.

"Hyung!" A familiar voice called out. Heechul looked forward to see Henry jogging towards him. "Henry..." Heechul says, a small smile making its way on his face. "Whatcha doing here all alone?" Henry asks as he wrapped an arm around the other's shoulders. "Uhh... I just came from a cafe. And what about you?" Heechul asks as he looked at his dongsaeng.

"Well... I just escorted a friend back to their house. I was just making my way to the dorms and hang out with the hyungs." Henry says cheerfully as he walked with his hyung. 'Even this brat has plans.' Heechul thought to himself before nodding curtly. "Well, hopefully they're back from their schedules already." Heechul says, ruffling the brunette's hair in a playful manner and walked with him to the dorms.

 

~

"Hyung! Henry-ah!" Hyukjae says in his usual tone as he opened the door for his hyung and dongsaeng. "Hey you brat, are you the only one who's home?" Heechul asks as he ruffled Hyukjae's hair before taking his shoes off, not seeing the pout on the younger's face, trying to fix his hair while the youngest just laughed.

"Aniyo, the others are back well... Except for Teukie-hyung and Kangin-hyung." Hyukjae says with a shake of his head. Henry quickly took his shoes off and rushed to Kyuhyun, bickering with him and Sungmin. Hyukjae however, observed Heechul before walking off to annoy Donghae.

Heechul stretched lightly before walking into the dorms and greeted his dongsaengs, well mostly just ruffling their hair or pinching their cheeks. He then waves them off and walked to his room, as always, to play games or watch Love Live.

~

Is it because of my hair style? Is it because of my fashion? It can’t be my personality.

~

Heechul was fixing his hair lightly as he looked at himself in the mirror. He glared at himself lightly before walking out of the bathroom and went to the living room, grabbing the remote and turning the TV on, scrolling through channels til he found the most interesting one. He then grabs a magazine and roams from page to page, his eyes scanning the paper in pure boredom.

"Marriage. Engagement. New found relationship. Hidden relationship. Blah blah blah." He read aloud, clearly showing his boredom. He plopped his whole body down the couch and looked at the ceiling fan, looking at it as if the movement interested him. 

He started to hum the song he made with Jungmo, the song relating to him quite a lot for the past few weeks, maybe that was the sole reason why the song was even made in the first place. He was still over thinking everything, no longer surprised if he exploded, metaphorically or realistically.

~

My friends tell me to stop watching anime. My younger sibling tells me to stop playing games.

~

"Hyung, you should put down your gadgets and get out somehow..." Donghee says as he looked at his hyung who continued to play games on his phone. "There's nothing interesting outside the dorms and my schedules so why bother..." Heechul says flatly, his eyes focusing on the game.

"But hyung, you've been playing games and watching anime more than you've already had. That's a new world record." Kyuhyun says as he plopped down the couch and ate breakfast. "Speak for yourself, you brat." Heechul says, a chuckle bursting its way out of his lips.

"But seriously hyung, give it another try. Who knows what could happen if you explored for a bit? Why not try to go to the public library?" Ryeowook suggests as he sets a banana down while another one rested in his hand. "If I give it a shot will you lot stop pestering me?" Heechul says as he sat up and looked at his dongsaengs.

"We'll stop pestering you when those thoughts of yours stop pestering you as well..." Jongwoon says with a shrug, his onyx eyes looking at his hyung. He was right about Heechul's thoughts pestering him so... Another chance won't hurt right?

~

 

He walks to the public library and opened the double wooden doors. He wasn't surprised to see that the library wasn't full considering it was rare that people even come to the library anymore. Modern people, he couldn't blame them since he was one of those type of people.

He continued to roam til he takes a book from the fiction section. He turned to the back of the book and read the words written on the back. He thinks about it before going over to the tables and sat down on a chair, placing the book down and opened it. Not realizing that he was sitting across a girl who seemed busy reading, with a stack of books next to her.

Heechul was THIS close to returning the book where he got it from and just go back home. Nothing interested him anymore. He wasn't having fun and was clearly NOT fond of living this way. He then looks up to meet a pair of hazel eyes guarded with a pair of nerdy glasses. He looked at her, the same way she looked at him. Interest slowly lurking its way in their eyes.

"Annyeong..." A soft tone coming out of the girl's lips echoed out.

"Annyeong." He replied breathlessly.

~

Now I want to love one woman too.