Word count: 783

The denial was all she had left. The act of pretending to not know. 

***

Gayoon decided to stay in bed. When the world felt so cold her duvet and bed felt like a comforting embrace. Not as comforting as Jihyun's but atleast it was something. The curtains was closed and the door locked. So no light and sound could disturb her. So she could live in her memories where Jihyun were.

Gayoon shifts so she's laying on her back. The duvet pulled up to her chin she turns her head and spots a picture hanging on the wall. Suddenly she can feel tears pooling in her eyes. The familiar feeling of lonliness and longing returning. Filling up her empty soul and crushingher broken heart.

***

"Would you be able to live without me by your side?" Jihyun asks, her eyes unable to meet Gayoon's. The younger woman looks curiously at the older. She stops to think for a moment but eventually replies with: "If I pretend you're still there, I think I would be able too" Jihyun giggles cutely and something flashes in her eyes that Gayoon doesn't manage to decipher before it's gone and replaced with Jihyun's trademark eyesmile. 

"Be strong, alright?" Jihyun cheers Gayoon on, and Gayoon doesn't know for what reason exactly. But she nods her head and intertwines her fingers with the other woman's slender ones. 

Jihyun smiles wider but not brighter. Her eyes seem clouded with pain and grief but Gayoon doesn't notice. She's too preoccupied with how perfectly their hands fits together and how much she loves the older woman. Gayoon doesn't notice the pain Jihyun holds back, because Jihyun hides it and Gayoon doesn't bother to look.

***

The way Jihyun struggles to stand makes Gayoon's heart ache as if it's been pricked with thousands of thorns. Jihyun gasps for a breath she seems to be unable to take and her body shakes violently. Gayoon doesn't know what she should do. She wants to embrace her lover and cuddle her and tell her that everything would be alright. That she would make it through.

But Gayoon doesn't dare. She isn't sure herself if Jihyun's health that seems to deteriorate infront of them both, will ever become good again. "Please! PLEASE!" Gayoon cries and begs. To someone, anyone to come save them. To make everything well again. 

Jihyun collapses and lay paralysed, face down on the floor. Her body no longer shaking as if she had electrical jolts sent through her veins. Gayoon hears a choked breath and rushes to help the weak woman get air into her lungs. 

Somehow she'd survive. Somehow she would make it out alright. Gayoon pretended that Jihyun never fell ill. That their happiness never faded. That there was still hope for Jihyun.

***

Gayoon wished she had the ability to stop time or relive certain moments. Then she would be able to live on in their memories. Then they would be reunited. Then she wouldn't have to feel so alone. 

Gayoon stays trapped in a world where people doesn't die. Where Jihyun laughs and giggles freely. In a place where Jihyun's life isn't taken.

***

"Gayoonie~ "Jihyun sing songs as she stumbles in the water. Gayoon laughs and splashes some of the transparent liquid  on the taller woman who screams, giggles and steps back. Jihyun starts to counter attack and the women have a water war for a few minutes before they both burst out laughing like crazy. Their cheeks and stomachs hurting from all the laughter. Gayoon feels as though everything is alright. 

They retreat into the their hotel room after they wrapped themselves in towels and dried their hair some.  On their way Jihyun coughs violently a few times. Gayoon asks if she's okay and Jihyun nods with a reasuring smile. 

They snuggle up in the soft hotel bed and Gayoon notices for the first time how skinny Jihyun have become. and how sickly pale her skin looks. Gayoon furrows her eyebrows in confusion her eyes trying to look into Jihyun's but Jihyun won't let her. 

Gayoon feels as if time has stopped. She realises that though they promised forever, Their forever doesn't seem to be as long as she expected it to be. 

***

"Forever alright?"

"Forever." 

"A thousands times over again?" 

"Always"

"Will you marry me?" 

"Yes, a thousand times yes!"

***

Gayoon pretends Jihyun is still by her side. She pretends she didn't hear the last words of goodbye Jihyun choked out, she doesn't want to aknowledge it. Gayoon pretends she doesn't remember how to walk and talk so she won't have to. 

Gayoon pretends everything is alright. Even though nothing is.