Jongin’s eyes searched the platform for his, now, fiancé. He was finally moving in with him and the kids, after months of persuasion and a tiny bit of fighting. Jongin knew exactly why Sehun was scared. But he didn’t want him to be. They were finally moving a direction everyone wanted, and he didn't want just random silly fears to stop them.

Just as he was about to pick up his phone and call the man, the announcer announced (duh) that the train was delayed by an hour.

Jongin sighed. This was taking long. He called up home and informed the little ‘welcome home’ party him and his family had set up Sehun. The kids are not going to hold themselves back from attacking the cake any longer than an hour though. He decided to sit on the benches near-by and wait for his beloved.

He smiled at his thought, ‘beloved’. He never though that a day would come when he could associate that endearment with Sehun for real. But then, he was happy it happened. He leaned backwards, getting comfy for his one hour wait and closed his eyes, a faint smile marring his feature.

Jongin knew exactly what he wanted. That’s always been the case.

He knew he wanted to be a neurologist when he watched a movie about it. He knew he wanted to learn ballet when he watched his sisters perform it one day. He knew what he wanted and he always got it.

Just like he knew he wanted the new kid, who was too pale for it to be healthy, to stop crying for his mommy and come and play with him and Kyungsoo. And that had been the blossoming of a beautiful friendship.

Jongin’s lips curled into a smile at the memory of their first meeting, he remembers it clear as day, and he still thinks Sehun is too pale for his own good.

He remembers playing with Sehun much more than with Kyungsoo in the beginning. Much to the latter’s annoyance, they had been friends for about two days before Sehun joined the gang and Kyungsoo was already very possessive. Jongin knew Kyungsoo never really accepted Sehun into the group, but Jongin wanted to hang out with Sehun and Kyungsoo just went with the flow.

It had been the three of them against the world for the next 14 years.

Or that’s what Jongin had thought.

Somewhere along the way, everything changed. And Jongin couldn’t help but blame himself for the mess he created.

He fell for Sehun first. He was sure. What he wasn’t sure was when exactly the feeling of friendship had morphed to one of love. He wasn’t sure when, but he knew he had always though Sehun under the moonlight was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen in his 14 years.

Sehun was the guy Jongin would run too when he needed to be cheered up, or just wanted to hang out with. It was always his name that would pop into his mind whenever something interesting happened and he wanted to share it. It was always Sehun, not Kyungsoo.

Jongin knew he should’ve confessed sooner, maybe the whole drama and pain of separation wouldn’t have happened. Maybe Kyungsoo would’ve still been around. Maybe, they all would’ve been happy. But things got messed up fast.

Jongin never got even the slightest inclination that Sehun felt the same for him. If he had known what he knew now, he would’ve jumped up on the latter and never let him out of his sight.

He remembered how his eyes would follow Sehun when they were out on the field playing soccer. He could look at him for hours and not get bored, of course, that part of his life was same even now. Even a still Sehun was entertaining for him. He found even the small hitches in Sehun breath interesting. Just like back then.

There had been countless time when a small hand would wave in front of his and snap his attention away from the pale player on the field and onto the owl faced friend of his beside him on the bleachers, frowning. Jongin never understood, even now how he hadn’t seen it coming, Kyungsoo was just too obvious.

But Jongin was a fool in love with his best friend, and he really didn’t care about anything else.

Jongin did try his best though. He tried his best to make Sehun like him. He spent countless hours with the latter, helping him with biology. He would make random excuses to take his hand in his. He would spoil Sehun to the maximum, and even prided in the fact that Sehun called him whenever he felt like, even at midnight and talked to him for hours. On the days he slept over he would look at Sehun’s sleeping figure till late at night and fall asleep only when he couldn’t keep his eye open anymore.

Sehun was beautiful. But he was so difficult to read.

Jongin can see it now, how Sehun’s actions were a lot more subtle than his own. He wishes he had known then that the simple act of ‘letting’ Jongin do whatever was how Sehun expressed his love. And the twinkle in Sehun’s eyes were always especially for him.

Jongin hadn’t known it. And so he just gave up.

He wanted to know, countless times he was close to confessing. But then he would think about the years of friendship they had between them and he would stop.

His only respite was the Sehun didn’t seem to have much of an interest in anyone else.

Things had really gone downhill when Kyungsoo confessed to him in the first year of high school and he had no idea how to respond when the shorter just got on his toes and kissed him behind the school building. Jongin had butterflies in his stomach, but not of happiness, but of guilt. Guilt towards both his friends since he really had no clue what to do.

But he knew how it felt, not being liked back. He had been a victim and so he let his hands rest on Kyungsoo’s waist and pulled the boy closer. Pushing Sehun’s face out of his mind for the moment. 

In Jongin’s defence though, he really had no clue how Sehun really felt. The boy always had a stoic face and would rarely initiate anything even remotely special towards Jongin. Maybe Sehun was straight. Jongin had thought he was moving on. But how wrong his 16 year old self had been. Without knowing it, he had been hurting the person he loved the whole time.

Things with Kyungsoo were easy. Everything was a plan. Kyungsoo had a plan anyways. Only thing he didn’t plan was Sehun. Sehun was never his plan, but only because he knew how Jongin felt for the latter. But once they started dating, in secret, the bitterness disappeared and Kyungsoo started being normal around Sehun. After all Jongin was his now.

Jongin had been the one wanting to keep it a secret, he claimed he didn’t want people to know until they were both sure they wanted this. But they both knew the only person Jongin was hiding from was Sehun. That had been the reason for their first fight.

Oh Sehun.

Honestly, Jongin knew he should’ve come clean to his ‘boyfriend’ the moment he was caught staring too long at Sehun all those times before, but he had always denied it. He hadn’t told him that he was in love with the boy and Kyungsoo was right in thinking that he hung out with Sehun. Kyungsoo had known all along though, without Jongin's confirmation. So Jongin didn’t feel guilty about it anymore.

When Sehun had walked in on them that day, Jongin had been annoyed and Kyungsoo had just shown up and started kissing him like crazy, and he responded, he was a normal hormonal teenager afterall, and Kyungsoo was hot. He had been the one to notice a shocked Sehun at the doorway, and it was the first time he saw something akin to sadness on his face.

Jongin’s heart shattered, and yet his hopes grew. Was Sehun hurt by this?

Tears had gathered in Sehun’s eyes and Jongin wanted to run to him and wipe them. But a firm hand grasped his wrist and rooted him to his spot. Jongin remembers the shock his mind got from the clam and firm look on Kyungsoo’s face when he told Sehun about them.

“You guys kept it a secret from me for a year? Was I really not that important for you two? Gee thanks!”

That’s the response they had gotten followed by almost a week of silence from the boy. Sehun was pissed that they had kept it from him, not that they were dating and Jongin felt the