I did not text, call or even meet up with him anymore after that. I was hurt so bad. Now I don't know who to trust anymore. I just feel very very insecure. I don't want to talk to my boyfriend. Taeyeon, my leader, is mad at me for not listening to him. She is scolding me whenever she sees me crying. Jessica is busy with Taecyeon and all. Sunn- ah there is no point in listing down everybody else. Brings more hurt that I can't do anything. I put on my headphones and switched on the song that I personally wrote on repeat. Mistake.

How much longer must I cry?
As I’m only trusting that promise

Schedules felt like a chore after that. I'm rarely like this. This is probably the first times that I actually draggaed getting on stage, doing what I love most: singing and dancing. But then again, I had to fake a smile. I had to do it. Thank God it was the goodbye stage. After that we were on reality shows and everything, I dragged it, but I had to. Promotions ended and all I can say that I was in a relieve that there was time for me to get my thoughts together.

"Yuri-ah. You've gotten so skinny now. What happened? Why? I know you're upset, but please. It kills me to see you like this. Now even Sooyoung wont eat properly because you are not eating. Yuri-ah, please don't do this to me, to us, and to Minho. It breaks my heart Yuri-ah. Minho had been calling us to ask us how you're doing. You switched off your phone and kept it in your cupboard right? He's worried. Yuri-ah please. Do me a favour as your Unnie. Please, cheer up" Fany unnie rubbed my back while crying. I couldn't look at her. I couldn't bear to see the hurt in her eyes. I looked away as I too, teared up.

"A.. aniyo. Gwaenchanha. I'll be fine, don't worry" I said as I wiped my tears and forced a smile while stealing a glace at her.

"No you're not. You look at yourself. Less than a month ago you had the perfect figure that even I was jealous of. Now all I can see is bones and skin. Yuri it kills me" I stood there silent as I could not control my tears anymore. They gushed down with no mercy.

"It's the 10th May. Tomorrow's the KBS 2011 World Public TV Conference Celebration Concert. It's the first  exposure to the media since our Hoot promotions, which is not long ago. People asre going to see you like this, Yuri-ah. I am not worried about the media more than I am worried about you. But the fans, Lee Soo Man-sshi, TAEYEON. Think about them. And lastly, Minho" Fany said as she cried her last tear, and went out of my room, leaving as a sign of dissappointment.

I feel terrible. What have I done? So I stood there in my room, crying until my head hurts, till I can't breathe.

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