00.

A lifetime of hardships taught her that love wasn't kind. Those fairy tales she'd pour over as a child were merely fantasies created by the hopeful and the naive. Seeing her mother struggle to raise her and her siblings while being ridiculed by the society that abandoned them had only further carved into her mind that those tales she read were nothing but a terrible joke. 

Love was cruel and it was unkind.

01.

For years YG had enforced a dating ban, much to her dismay. Far too much time has passed since she's had a boyfriend and she misses the love and attention that came from being in a relationship. 

So when they're at dinner with their CEO one day and he announces that the ban is finally lifted, she's ecstatic and so is Bom. Maybe they can finally meet the one. Maybe they can finally meet their prince charming. 

"You aren't getting any younger," Yang Hyun Suk tells them. It hurts to hear but he isn't wrong. The years are flying quickly and one day they will need to settle down. It’s expected yet it still hurts to think about.

Dara pushes his comments out of her mind. Bom helps also by talking about all the hot men they can finally date. She and Bom are so giddy over the news that she doesn't notice that Chaerin has become withdrawn and her mind is focused on anything but their conversation.

It isn't until they finally get back to the dorm that Dara notices the change in the younger woman's demeanor. She's quiet and cold and Dara's unsure what to do. With much poking and prying, Chaerin finally speaks what’s on her mind, "Men will only use you." She says bitterly.

Dara is confused by the words at first until she realizes the meaning behind them. She feels her heart drop and her ears numb at the utterance. Chaerin knows nearly everything about her and she's trying to protect her from the men who've violated her in different ways. Her father immediately surfaces in her thoughts. And she feels her stomach turn at the bitter memories. The man who was supposed to protect her from the world was more of a monster to her than anyone else. But still she can't think like that, doesn't want to face the truth...

"Not all men are like that." She counters and the blonde grimaces.

Dara smiles softly. She doesn't know if the expression is meant to convince the younger woman or herself. 

Chaerin's only 22 and yet she's so wise beyond her years. More than she had ever been at her age. But still, she is experienced with dating and knew how to take care of herself. Though that doesn't mean she doesn't keep those words close by. 

That doesn't mean she hasn't always kept those words close by.

02.

Seungri sets her up with a date that weekend. Dara knows of her date. He's a drama actor that was popular for his good looks. A young man who is just now breaking into the industry. He's just about everything she finds attractive in a guy. Tall, lean, and devilishly handsome. 

She dresses up feminine to show off her charms. Even though it feels like everything she’s not. If she's honest, she's not expecting much. She just wants company, wants flattery, even if it’s only just for a night.

When she's about to leave her apartment she feels the stifling tension in the air. Chaerin barely even glances in her direction.

Dara has an inkling that the younger girl is upset so she pecks her on the cheek before she leaves and urges her to not stay up waiting for her. Most of all she tells her, "Don't worry. It's nothing serious." 

Only then does Chaerin peek at her from her bangs. "Be careful." She says and it comes out as a strong demand but Dara knows it's a plea. Please come back home.

It's an innocent date and she needn't worry about something so minute. 

03.

The man Seungri set her up with isn't looking for anything serious and neither is she. They both have careers and the last thing either of them need is a scandal. The date is incredible and they hit it off well. Yet...

Yet, when he forces his lips on hers back at his apartment and his hands reach desperately at the zipper on the back of her dress, she can only hear Chaerin's voice in her mind. 

"Men will only use you." 

Her father took advantage of her family. Men in the industry took advantage of her naivety. Now this man...they shared one kiss and he was already trying to rush things in an inappropriate direction. And suddenly, she starts panicking. 

She places both hands on his chest and pushes him roughly away. She apologizes profusely (ignoring his apologies) before running out of his apartment. 

The next thing she realizes she's back at home. Few minutes have passed since she's kicked off her heels and now she's already in her pajamas. She paces out to the living room to watch tv and calm her panicking nerves and racing heart.

Chaerin's nearly asleep on the couch but almost instantly wakes when Dara sits next to her. The younger girl asks for the details about her date but Dara changes the subject. 

She's glad when Chaerin doesn't press on.

04.

Dara isn't sure when it happened but cancelling dates with Seungri's friends happen so often now, he stopped arranging them altogether. She knows it wasn't very mature of her or what some may call "lady-like" but she doesn't care.

Her free nights have become reserved for Chaerin. Romance dramas and snacks on the couch become a routine. They don't always talk during this time but their shared laughter at the cheesy movies they watch makes up for it. 

These nights they share together are always the same and yet Dara finds there is no place she'd rather be. 

05.

Seungri is annoyed. 

He tells her that his friends are upset he set them up with a 'woman who can't keep her word.' Dara feels guilty. He's her friend and she's let him down. She assures him she'll keep her promise this time even though her excitement of dating died down.

When she ends up bailing on her usual night with Chaerin, it's obvious the younger girl is hurt. She doesn't say anything but her crestfallen expression tells Dara everything she needs to know. 

Her thoughts run laps in her mind and her heart aches painfully in her chest. She doesn't know what to do. She's hurt Seungri and his friends but hurting Chaerin not only feels wrong but it physically hurts.

Dara is about to cancel on Seungri's friend yet again but the blonde scolds her, "You already made a promise." Always so selfless.

She is right but Dara knows that none of this actually feels right.

Chaerin sees her off, feigning a smile as they exchange 'farewells' at the door. 

Dara feels a lump in and her heart feels heavy. 

06.

The date goes as expected. This man is more interested in talking about himself than learning about her. His ideas about relationships are typical. She can tell if they were to ever become serious he'd expect her to leave her group, be his wife, and pop out five or more children. 

She always wanted to have a family one day and yet the thought of spending her life with someone other than her group makes her feel sick. 

After dinner they go on a walk. They're in the middle of the city yet the roads are vacant and completely abandoned. 

The streets are dark but the stars in the sky illuminate beautifully. And all she can think about is how much Chaerin would love this. 

Her thoughts are broken when her date puts his arm around her. She tenses up at the contact. It's not unusual yet it feels strange. It's all so wrong.

He wraps his strong arms around her. He feels hard and not soft like Chaerin when they embrace. 

When he kisses her, Dara doesn't protest, instead her lips move along with his. The sharp prickle of his facial hair feels so rough on her skin. He's hard and sharp in all the wrong ways. 

She pushes away but he pulls her towards him again. He's bigger and stronger and she feels like a caged bird trapped in a feline's clutches. His mouth assaults her flesh and his teeth nibble painfully on her neck. 

She tries to pull away but he's not withdrawing. It isn't until his hands wander too close to her s does she become more forceful. Her knee comes up to his middle harshly and he gasps sharply in pain. 

Instinctively, she utters an apology. It's not her fault he started touching her without her permission yet she utters her apologies anyway. Without looking back, she runs home until her legs feel like jelly. 

This was a mistake, this was a mistake. She cries to herself in a mantra.

When she arrives home Chaerin is in her room, presumably asleep. Dara knows she shouldn't enter but she needs to. Needs to show Chaerin she's come back to her. She always will.

Dara knocks on the door. The blonde woman answers not long after, half asleep. Her hair is messy and her pajamas look way too big for her body. 

The instant Chaerin sees her, thoughk, her tired eyes become alert. Her hands examine her neck tenderly. Dark eyes meet dark eyes. No words have to be exchanged for there to be mutual understanding. Chaerin knows the date did not go well. 

The younger woman pulls her into a fierce hug. Her warmth envelops her and her scent smells like home.

It isn't until Dara feels the dampness of the Chaerin’s shirt on her face that she realizes it's from her own tears. 

07.

After a disastrous date she'd given up dating all together, her priority is to spend time with Chaerin. She's happy. There's not a day she doesn't smile in the younger's company. Maybe romantic love doesn't exist, but the love from their friendship fills her lungs with vitality.

08.

They've become inseparable. Not that they weren't before but things are different now. 

They spend nearly every waking moment together. Nights spent talking go far into the next morning. When she wakes up before sunrise, she realizes they've fallen asleep in the same bed for third time that week. 

Much like every time this happens, she admires the younger woman's sleeping face for a brief moment. She always looks peaceful and so calm when she sleeps. The heavy stress from the world doesn't weigh down on her shoulders.

Dara reaches over and brushes a lock of golden hair from Chaerin's face. A small smile stretches across her face and she lays her head on Chaerin's pillow, pressing their foreheads together. 

09.

It's at an event they both go to in support of Teddy that they find themselves in a sea of familiar faces. It’s one of the rare chances they get to enjoy all of their friends at once so the night is spent in everyone's company. 

They're both slightly intoxicated and end up leaning on each other most of the night. People have made remarks all night joking that the reason she bailed on Seungri's blind dates was because of Chaerin. Little do they know, they're not wrong.

She and Chaerin end up at a table alone at the back of the bar. The music is booming loudly through the speakers, yet between her and Chaerin, it feels like the world is soundless and at a still around them. 

Dara takes the younger woman's hand in hers and admires her chubby fingers. She's always adored them so and she jokes with Chae how her fingers were ways her favorite part of her. They're unique and cute much like her personality. 

The blonde laughs and a slight blush colors across her cheeks. Chaerin rests her head on Dara's shoulder, concealing her shy expression from view. Their hands interlock and they both stare at their hands joined together. 

They've been this close before yet it isn't until this moment that everything feels so right.

10.

Chaerin saved her life.

When the building was rumbling and rattling beneath her feet from the Earthquake in Japan. She thought she was going to die. It felt like the floors and walls were going to crumble from the shift of tectonic plates and cracking Earth. 

Chaerin was with all their loved ones at first. Really, she should have left her behind but against the violently shaking building, she climbed up several flights of stairs for her. For her.

She is crying when Chaerin finds her. Frozen in place. Yet as soon as the woman's soft words and warmth of her hands reach her, she knows she is going to live. 

Because of Chaerin she is going to live. And she would make sure she would. For her.

After the earthquake, Dara can't sleep without the younger woman. 

The first few nights they tie each others wrists with the belt of a bathrobe but it's not enough to make her feel safe.

After a nightmare, she wakes with her heart beating wildly against her chest and she's gasping for air. Instantly, Chaerin's at her side. She holds her tightly and whispers soothing words against her hair.

"You're okay, you're okay. You're safe with me."

She calms down, finally feeling safe. But still...there's this clamoring in her heart that as soon as she's left alone again, she'll be pulled to her death. 

Chaerin is about to go back to her bed but Dara grabs her wrist.

"Please..." She pleads, "Stay with me."

The blonde's face softens. The look in her eyes is tender.

"I will." Chaerin says. True to her promise, she lays in bed next to her. Wordlessly, their hands reach for each other's and their fingers entwine. The soothing presence is all Dara needs to finally fall asleep peacefully.

When Dara wakes the next morning her arm is draped around Chaerin's hip and her chest is pressed against her back. She’s holding the blonde firmly in her grasp.

Sensing she's awake, Chaerin turns to look at her. They're now face to face but on their own side of the bed. There's a warm smile adorning her features. 

"Good morning." Dara smiles.

"Did you sleep well?"

Dara stretches then lays her head on Chaerin's pillow.

"I did thanks to you."

11.

It's after Chaerin's first win for 'The Baddest Female' that things feel different. The blonde is on a high from the win of her first solo. She's ecstatic and full of energy. 

Back in their dressing room when they’re alone, the younger woman parades around excitedly. She recounts the feeling of winning and explains how if it wasn't for her members she would never be here. Dara smiles at her ‘Pudong.’ She feels just as excited she was there to witness Chaerin win, just as Chaerin feels to win.

The younger woman walks over to the 'CL' flag leaning up against the wall. The one Dara brought to wave on stage for her. Manicured fingers touch the fabric of the flag. Chaerin smiles softly. 

"I had no idea you were going to do that..."

Of course she would, Dara assures her. When wouldn't she proudly support her baby?

Chae walks toward her and wraps her arms around her tightly. "Thank you."

Dara's arms encircle the blonde. She feels warm and soft in her arms. Somehow... this feels nearly as good as Chaerin's win. 

She isn't sure how long they hold each other but it doesn't matter. The world stills around them. It's a strange feeling, Dara realizes, yet it all feels so familiar. 

"You always believed in me." Chaerin utters and her breath is warm as it feathers across Dara's skin.

The blonde slightly pulls her head back and presses their foreheads together. They're so physically close that their breaths mingle together. They've been this close before but for some reason Dara's heart is beating wildly in her chest. 

Chaerin's hand slides up Dara's back and cups her neck. They're closer now, so close Dara can nearly taste her lips on her own. 

There's a soft knock on the door of the dressing room. They pull apart. 

12.

Months pass and they're rehearsing for their single 'Missing You.' They never addressed what it was that  happened in the dressing room that day. The excitement from Chaerin's win got them both into high spirits. Dara thinks it was just in spur of the moment.

Dara finds she's quickly mistaken after rehearsal when she overhears Teddy compliment Chaerin's physicality. The man tells her how much she's grown up, how beautiful she's become and Jiyong who's with them agrees. He remarks that her new black hair suits her well. Chaerin blushes and laughs it off but Dara still feels a twinge in her chest. 

She wonders how they've both been blind for so long to not realize Chaerin's always been beautiful. She finds herself biting her lip a little too forcefully. 

The taste of iron is strong on her tongue.

13.

When she and Chaerin go on a trip to LA for one of Jeremy Scott's fashion shows, she doesn't think much of it. She and Chaerin have gone to events without Bom and Minji before. Though things are different this time. 

There's so many people at the after party, even American celebrities she admires. Chaerin is as hyper as usual even with little to drink. They're in good company though, so it's no wonder. 

Dara decides she needs to let go. Jeremy feeds her several martinis and after a while she loosens up. But after downing a couple of drinks and hours of dancing later, she's tired. The party hasn't quite died yet but she's ready to relax back at the hotel. 

When she looks for Chaerin, Dara notices she and Jeremy are chatting in the corner of the large room alone. She decides it's better not to intrude. After all, Jeremy doesn't get to see Chae as much as she does these days. Dara fiddles with the hem of her shirt awkwardly but it doesn't go unnoticed. 

Chaerin calls her over. There's a huge smile on hers and Jeremy's face. Dara isn't sure what’s going on in either of their minds and she tries not to dwell too much on what they might be thinking. 

She's about to sit next them but is surprised when Chaerin's fingers curl around her hips and pull her into her lap. 

Dara knows they're both drunk. 

She knows they've been close like this before. But now...

Dara realizes everything has changed. 

Jeremy remarks on how cute she is before he continues his conversation with Chaerin. As if Dara sitting in her lap with Chaerin's arms wrapped around her waist doesn't faze him. She then realizes that it doesn't. 

Jeremy invites them to stay to his place after the party. She and Chaerin decide to stay instead of returning to their hotel. She's quite glad they do. 
It's just them, Jeremy and his new boyfriend. 

They drink soda and talk about their evening. Eventually, Jeremy and his boyfriend are making out in front of them. It's almost like she and Chaerin aren't there. They're drunk and she gets it but Dara shifts in her own skin. She can't remember the last time she's kissed anyone like that. She realizes that she misses close contact and being so stupidly drunk that kissing in front of your friends is practically expected.

She's shaken out of her thoughts when she feels Chaerin's hand rest on her thigh. The younger's face is red from blushing. It amuses Dara how shy Chaerin is considering her stage persona is the complete opposite. 

The corners of Chaerin's mouth quirk up slightly. "This...this is so awkward."

Dara agrees. It is. But it's nothing, they realize, compared to when Jeremy's hands start roaming under his boyfriend's shirt and they clearly forget they're not alone in the room.

She and Chaerin run out of the room giggling. They wind up in Jeremy's backyard. Chaerin talks about wanting to go swimming and so she does. Fully clothed, the younger woman dives into the pool.

Dara wants to laugh but then ends up scolding her for jumping in without being properly dressed. The dark haired woman's own reply is splashing her with pool water. Dara's legs are wet and her shocked expression earns her howling laughter from Chaerin.

She removes her shoes and socks. She rolls her pants up to her knees and dips her feet into the pool. The water is warm and it feels good on her skin.

Chaerin swims over and crosses her arms over the edge of the pool. There's an edge in her eyes and a soft smile on her face. 

Maybe it's because she's intoxicated but Dara feels the urge the press her lips against Chaerin's. She bites her bottom lip, fighting the urge to... The urge to what? She asks herself. Then it occurs to her she wants to kiss Chaerin and not just a quick and friendly peck on the lips, but deep and passionate and- she forcefully stops her mind from spiraling further out of control. 

She massages her temples as if the act will clear the mere thoughts of wanting to kiss her best girl friend out of her head. It's clearly the alcohol talking. 

She loves her 'baby Rin' and she's always adored the younger woman. There's no way she would see her as anything more. They've been together far too long to feel anything more than close friends. It's just all those drinks she had meddling with her thoughts.

Chaerin reaches for her and Dara takes her hands in her own. Chaerin frowns, "I really wish I didn't jump in like this. Oh my god."

She laughs and helps the dark haired woman out of the water.

They run through the house, dripping wet,  hoping not to get caught by Jeremy.  It’s like two children not wanting to get in trouble with their mother. There's coming from somewhere in the house. Clearly, Jeremy and his boyfriend finally took their fun to another room. She thanks whatever gods are out there for that. 

"It's good he's busy now. He'd kill us if he saw us dripping on his wood floors," Chaerin chuckles.

Dara follows after her to their shared guest room. She doesn't know when or who decided they'd share a room in Jeremy's sizable condo. But they do. They always end up together somehow. It's been predetermined from the start. 

"I need a shower," Chaerin announces. She slips into the bathroom, tossing her wet clothes on the ground. There's a hard 'smack' as her drenched shirt and pants hit the tile floor. She stands in her mismatched bra and and Dara immediately looks away. Everything in the room comes to her sight except for Chaerin's curvy, almost body.

"I'll be quick." The younger woman says. 

Dara stares at the closed door before her. She's barefoot and the water from her clothes is soaking into Jeremy's white plush carpet. 

She sits onto the large king-sized bed they share and fiddles with her hands absent-mindedly. She tries to think about anything right now. She tries to forget that she wanted to kiss Chaerin back at the pool, tries to forget the curves of her body and the fact that she's showering just a few feet away...

It's not long before Chaerin comes out of the bathroom. She's wearing a white robe and her black hair is loose and wet.

It's instinct when Dara stands to her feet and walks over to Chaerin. Her hands grab the lapels of her robe and she carefully pulls the younger woman closer. Her lips crash against Chaerin's awkwardly. It's only when the younger woman kisses back do their lips and bodies meld together. 

The kiss is hungry and urgent. It's months of misunderstanding and finally realizing that only Lee Chaerin can complete her existence. It's the taste of longing and love.

And it's so damn brief.

Dara pulls away. "I'm so, so sorry." She apologizes but she still clutches onto Chaerin's robe for 'dear life.'

Chaerin's cheeks are tinged pink. She's misty eyed and her lips are red and pouting. Her hands are holding on tightly to Dara's waist.

"No... no. Please."

Dara closes the space between them. Her lips find Chaerin’s again and kiss her deeply. Her skilled tongue slides wetly against Chaerin's, arms encircling the younger's waist. 

She can't remember the last time she kissed someone or the last time she was disoriented with passion. She's never done this before. Well, she has, just not since she lived in the Phillipines. 

Her hands glide against white cotton of the bath robe. She keeps her hands grasping tightly around Chaerin's arms. She gently spins them around on her heel and backs Chaerin into the bed. 

Dara breaks their lips apart and peppers kisses along the column of Chaerin's neck. The younger woman whimpers softly at the contact. Seeing Chaerin splayed out vulnerably, and flushed, because of her, makes her feel right. 

And that's why this is all so wrong. But Dara can't convince herself to stop, can't make herself stop kissing Chaerin, or feeling the woman's curves through the cotton fabric. It doesn't help that the black haired woman is encouraging her, by keeping her arms linked tightly behind her neck.

It never goes further than this. Despite being inebriated and consumed with passion, Dara is alert enough to know they can't go further than this. No matter how badly she wants it to.

14.

The golden rays of the sun filter through the blinds. The streams of light feel warm on her face and it makes her feel sick. Dara's eyes open to find the room colored in pastel hues. The gold, orange, and pink light look anything but beautiful right now. She has the worst hangover.

Glancing over to her left, she sees a mop of jet black hair splayed over the pillow. Chaerin is sleeping peacefully. At least one of them is, she thinks. Her hangover coupled with the pressing memories from the day before is like a heavy weight on her chest.

Dara closes her eyes and tries to go back to sleep. She counts sheep but still can't fall back asleep. Her mind's eye plays the events from the night before on an endless loop. The drinks, the dancing, fun with Chaerin and Jeremy, the pool, and the kiss...the kisses. 

She covers her warm cheeks with the back of her forearm, marring her face from no one in particular. Last night with Chaerin... it was... Her thoughts trail off. She can't seem to make up any excuse for what happened. They both wanted that, each other. That's what makes all of this so hard. She can't blame her actions on being drunk.

A slight groan comes from Chaerin. Her eyes open and she's blinks away the weariness from eyes. She doesn't say anything, doesn't look at Dara. Instead she rolls over and grabs her phone to check the time. The younger woman sits up then and glances at Dara from her peripheral.

"Have you been up long?" Chaerin asks. Her voice sounds tired and low. 

"No. Just now." 

"Jeremy's going to expect us soon. Uh..." She gets out of bed and makes her way across the room. She's still wearing the robe from the night before. It makes Dara all the more aware of just how intimate they were.

"I'm going to change..." Chaerin walks off to the restroom, not sparing a second glance at Dara. She takes her clothes to the bathroom to change in there. 

She's being awkward. It makes Dara's stomach turn. The repercussions from last night are a lot bigger than she realized.

Without sparing another thought, Dara heads to the kitchen where she hears Jeremy's maid cooking breakfast. 

15.

There's two large stacks of pancakes and orange juice at the breakfast table. Dara hadn't realized how hungry she was until the sweet aroma tickled her senses.

She stacks four pancakes on her plate and smothers them in syrup. 

Eventually Jeremy comes from his room and joins her at the table. He's all smiles in his Moschino outfit. It's a new design he hasn't released to the public yet.

Anticipating conversation coming on she shoves a forkful of pancakes in and chews slowly.

"How did you sleep?" 

Dara chews even slower, swallows, takes a large gulp of orange juice, then swallows. Another sip, then swallows again.

"Fine" she doesn't want to be so obvious, so she changes the subject. "Thanks for last night, inviting me to your party and home. You've been really welcoming."

"That's what friends are for, right?"

She's always seen the man as a friend of Chaerin's before hers, but she suppose he isn't wrong. They are friends and friends help each other out. Yet it all feels strange somehow. He seems more part of Chaerin's world than her own and she feels like she's intruding.

"Sorry David and I got a little too touchy around you." He chuckles, "I imagine Chaerin was an uncomfortable mess."

Dara thinks about the younger woman's red face and she laughs at the thought. 

"You have no idea."

"I'm sure you had other ways to overcome that?" He asks with a raised brow. There are hidden connotations to his question and she looks nervously at her plate. She doesn't want to ask what he means but she has an idea that he knows something happened last night. It makes her all the more anxious.

She wants to remain unaffected by his suggestion but she can imagine her cheeks are tinged a shade of red. 

The man shrugs. "You don't have to spare any details, sweetie" he takes a sip of orange juice. "I know it's more complicated. Especially where you're from. But I love and support you both."

Dara stares at him with eyes wide like a doe. 

He clearly doesn't know what happened last night. He couldn't. But Chaerin has to have said something about the confusing times before that. 

Almost as if he reads her thoughts, he says, "Chaerin talks about you a lot. Always has. Whatever’s been going on...I think things on her side are a lot less complicated than you think. She really cares about you."

And while she's slightly embarrassed she's mostly relieved. Chaerin has told Jeremy about the whatever it was between them? So, maybe Chaerin isn't regretting the night before? Then maybe, maybe the night before wasn't a mistake at all?

"I care about her a lot too." She finally says.
He places his hand on hers. "I know you do. I'm here for you both, if you need anything."

Jeremy's only one person but one person's support is a strong start.

16.

After downing her breakfast, Dara goes back up to hers and Chaerin's shared room.

The younger woman is finishing her eye makeup when she enters. She's still quiet and keeps to herself. She is clearly trying to appear too distracted to notice she walked in. Dara knows better. 

She walks over to her and stares at the younger's reflection in the mirror. Their curious, wary eyes meet.

She doesn't know exactly why Chaerin is acting like this. But she thinks she might know. Speaking to Jeremy earlier, she suspects that maybe Chaerin is afraid that she is regretting last night. But she wanted this just as much as Chaerin did. Chaerin just doesn’t know that she does. 

But she does. So much.

Dara wraps her arms around Chaerin from behind. Her face comes to rest at her right shoulder, her arms wrapped tightly around her stomach. She closes her eyes and revels in the embrace, the warmth. The younger woman smells of soap and perfume. It's a smell she's associated with her for so long. It’s a smell that reminds her of home.

Chaerin is rigid and for a moment Dara’s afraid she misread the situation. Maybe she miscalculated, maybe she made a mistake.

She isn't able to doubt any further because Chaerin turns around then and wraps her arms around her.

They hold each other in an embrace unlike any other they've shared before. 

She looks up at Chaerin then. The younger's dark eyes are full of fear but they're also warm and tender and it's all Dara needs to seal their lips together.

The kiss is different than the one they shared the night before. It's slower but just as passionate and now they know they can't blame it on a drunken haze.

When they pull apart they share a look of understanding. They've always known each other so well, that some words never needed to be exchanged.

17.

A week after their trip to LA they're back in Seoul again. 

Things are mostly the same at work. They don't act any different and no one would have ever guess what transpired in LA.

But when they return to their dorm, everything is different.

Dara's lost count of all the times they've kissed and of all the surfaces of their dorm they've kissed on. Each time is just as breathtaking as the first. Each time has her desperate for more.

And every single time, Dara files the image of Chaerin's flushed face into her memory. It’s an image she never wants to forget.

18.

They're back in the studio filming the ‘Missing You' music video. She and her members all share laughs and even a cry but Dara finds herself feeling more than just happy and a little nostalgic at times

When it's time for Chaerin to film her scene, she's at a loss for words and even more at a loss of breath.

She enters the studio in a white robe and it would remind Dara of the time they shared their first kiss if it wasn't for the fierce expression on the woman's face. This is CL now and she's ready to film her scene beautifully. 

Of course she's not completely under her robe, she's wearing pasties that make her appear so.

Everyone on set is in awe when Chaerin poses. She plays her part so well, Dara can almost feel everyone fall in love with her.

Bom, who's standing right next to her says, "Wow. Chaerin-roo's so beautiful."

While Minzy cheers, "Unnie, fighting!"

It's then that Chaerin looks up at them. She smiles at their members. But the look she gives her is one of worry. It then occurs to her that Chaerin is worried because while both Bom and Minzy cheered her on she said nothing.

Dara gives her a reassuring smile and pats her hand against her chest, just over her heart. It's all the reassurance Chaerin needs to film her scene so fierce and beautifully.

19.

Back at their dorm Bom and Minji are also over. They're celebrating their successful music video shoot. 

They all are having drinks - well just she and Bom are. Chaerin and Minzy are drinking sodas out of cans. 

They're sitting in their living room, re-enacting funny film mishaps and re-telling inside jokes. Dara takes a step back and smiles at her friends. Bom and Minji have become sisters to her and Chaerin's become... well something else. She can hardly imagine what her life was like years ago, before these women came into her life and she wants to forget how life was without them.

She feels her eyes b with tears. Life as she knows it now is perfect. She never wants to forget this.

20.

The days fly pretty quickly. Before she knows it, she and Chaerin are back in LA. They find themselves in Jeremy's apartment the first day. 

Jeremy's still dating David. Dara finds she likes the man. He's funny and they always pair off whenever Jeremy and Chaerin decide they need to catch up on missed 'best friend' time.

When Jeremy and Chaerin are cooking in the kitchen, she and David are seated in the living room. They're looking at photos on his phone of his most recent trip with Jeremy to Italy. Dara is so in awe by the pictures she doesn't notice the hushed tones in the kitchen. David does, of course.

"They’re probably talking about you." 

Dara's eyes dart up at David, then to the kitchen, then back to David. "Me?"

The man nods. "They seem to always talk about you now-a-days."

Dara knows her cheeks are tinged pink. Does David know about her and Chaerin too? She doesn't doubt that Chaerin tells Jeremy about everything, so telling him about them, whatever they were, she could live with. But Jeremy telling David? It just made her realize how real this all was.

It's almost as if he can hear her inner thoughts and he speaks up, "Don't worry, I won't say anything."

"Thank you."

He nods kindly at her.

"I'm not really sure what's going on." She admits sheepishly.

David smiles at her with empathy. "Believe me, I understand. Jeremy says Korea is pretty...conservative. I know how tough it is here I can only imagine over there."

His words confuse her, however. "What do you mean?"

"Coming out."

Dara's eyes widen. "But I'm not..." She trails off. 

Before she can even finish her sentence, her mind is flooded with thoughts. Her childhood, her father taking advantage of her family, men in the industry taking advantage of her naivety, her ex-boyfriend, her confusing kiss with Katrina in the Phillipines, her ideal types, her failed dates, and finally Chaerin. 
She'd always had crushes on men but whenever it came to becoming more than that she was never interested beyond their physical appearance. Hell, even when she was younger she'd been fans of idols but it was fin.K.L that had made her actually think inappropriate thoughts. Being touched by a man made her feel uncomfortable and it wasn't until she kissed Chaerin did she ever understand what people meant by 'feeling sparks.' 

And it all hits her so hard. The realization that maybe she doesn't even know her real self. And she doesn't.

Dara's eyebrows furrow together. The only word she can seem to muster is, "Oh..."

"You didn't kn..." David looks at her with surprise. He smiles at her reassuringly. "Oh, Honey." He puts his arm around her. "It's surprising at first but it will get better."

It's at that moment Chaerin and Jeremy announce that breakfast is ready.

21.

When she and David join Chaerin and Jeremy at the table, she finds she's unable to speak. She's unable to look at either of them. Instead she's mulling over the revelation that she's never understood her own self. Or that maybe she always has but didn’t want to believe it.

She figured every girl looked at other females this same way. She figured all females were at least physically attracted to males but never quite felt ually attracted. Does Chaerin feel the same way?

She isn't sure but it all makes sense suddenly. When she kissed Katrina Halili, they passed it off as a joke. But she always knew that it felt different from anyone else she’s ever kissed. That was until she kissed Chaerin. Now everything falls into place in her mind.
If this is who she really is can she ever be herself back home? Will her friends and family accept her? Will Chaerin always be by her side?

"Dara?" Chaerin calls her. She looks up to find all eyes on her. "Are you okay?" 

"Yeah!" She says a little over enthusiastically. "Very okay and hungry." 

She knows they're not all convinced but luckily they pretend to be and change the subject.

22.

Dara's sitting on the king-sized bed in the guest bedroom of Jeremy's condo. She watches as Chaerin looks for clothes to wear at Jeremy's fashion show. Luckily, the younger woman is more focused on picking out yet another outfit than sensing Dara's inner turmoil.

It's not that Dara doesn't want to be this way, it's just she doesn't know what all will come from it. She can't help but wonder if Chaerin is the same way. Or is it Chaerin just younger and inexperienced? That thought makes her stomach turn suddenly. And she feels nauseous at the thought that whatever is going on between her and Chaerin will one day end. That one day she will find someone else to settle down with that isn't her. 

Chaerin holds up a dress in front of her. It's probably the 8th outfit she's tried on that morning. "What do you think about this?"

"Looks good" Dara replies. 

Chaerin bites her bottom lip as if she's thinking. “I'll go try it on” with that, the woman goes to the bathroom and shuts the door.

When she emerges she's wearing the dress. It hugs her curves in all the right places. All Dara can think is one word and it's the one she accidentally voices out loud.

"Beautiful..." 

Chaerin furrows her brows and pouts, ”You've said that about all the outfits I've tried on."

"I'll probably say that for every outfit too," Dara chuckles. 

"You don't have to lie..."

"I'm not lying though. I really do think you look beautiful in everything you tried on."

Chaerin's brows furrow further as her cheeks tinge a darker and darker shade of red. She turns on her heel and heads for the door. "I'll go ask Jeremy."

23.

When Chaerin returns she has her arms full of folded clothing. 

“Did he help you finally pick an outfit out for tonight?" 

"He did." She sets them down on the bed gently. She looks up at Dara and smiles warmly. "He also said it's a good thing you have a stylists because some of the outfits you said were 'beautiful' reminded him of outdated styles from the 80's."

Dara laughs. Jeremy isn't wrong about her styling choices, but she really did mean it when she said Chaerin looked beautiful in anything she wore.

"You know..." The younger starts, "Jeremy asked me if you were okay." 

Dara looks up at her while Chaerin looks at her calculatingly like she's gauging her reaction. "And well...are you? Okay, I mean..."

It isn't that Dara isn't okay. She is, really. It's just things between her and Chaerin are different now. She's different now. In a good way. And that's what scares her. When things are going good that means they have the potential to go bad.

"Because if this... us... is strange for you. I know it's not ideal..."

Dara cradles Chaerin's face in both hands. She kisses her on the lips softly. When she pulls away she says, "It is ideal. You're ideal."

Chaerin's hands hold onto her wrists, while her face is still cradled in Dara's hands. "What was wrong earlier? You seemed...out of it."

"I was but then I realized something."

"What?"

"I'm really happy I'm with you."

Chaerin laughs. "I never realized you could be so sappy." Dara feigns a pout. "But I'm really happy you're with me too."

24.

When they return to Seoul, things are back on a fast track. They're working on finishing the songs for their new album 'Crush'. 

Christmas is also around the corner and Dara has yet to buy gifts for her members. She has an idea of what to get Bom and Minji but now that things are different between her and Chaerin she suddenly loses every creative bone in her body.

One cold morning when they finally have a day off, she and Bom go out shopping for gifts. After several hours, when the sun is about to set, Dara realizes she's picked a gift for everyone but Chaerin. 

She's looked in just about every store imaginable and can't find anything. 

"Are you ready to go?" Bom asks her.

"I haven't found a gift for Chaerin." She frowns.

Bom taps a well manicured finger against her lips. She picks up a black leather purse with a gold chain strap from a shelf. "How about this?"

Dara studies the purse carefully.  It is a really pretty purse and she's sure Chaerin would love it, but it seems too impersonal. She wants to get Chaerin something but this doesn’t seem like that something.

"I don’t know..."

Bom shrugs. "Well, if not for Chaerin, you can get the purse for me!"

Dara snorts. Classic Bom. "Sure."

As they walk to the register Bom says, "You know if you can't find something to buy for her you can always make something for her."

She laughs but then realizes Bom is serious. Make something for Chaerin? Please. She's the least creative member of their group, least talented, least...well everything. She never shined as brightly as the others. She never would.

"There's nothing I can do that Chaerin can't already do ten times better." She smiles sadly. She feels pathetic but it's the truth. She's heard many times before. From their CEO, friends, even fans...

"There's lots you can do Chaerin-roo can't!"

"You flatter me."

At the register the woman rings up the purse and Dara feels her eyes nearly buldge out of her head when she hears the price. Bom laughs nervously and rubs the back of her head.

"You're so lucky I love you,” Dara grumbles as she hands the cashier her credit card.

25.

When Dara returns home, she finds she's all alone. The dorm is dark and empty. 

There's a note on the fridge from Chaerin that reads, "Visiting my family. Tried to text you but my phone died. -CL<3"

Dara leaves the note up on the fridge. She can't take it down for some reason. It had only been a day since she's last seen Chaerin but she misses her already. The note makes her feel closer to the younger woman somehow, so she leaves it remaining on the place her Pudong left it.

With all this extra alone time, she wraps up gifts, write cards, then takes a warm shower. She lays in bed in the quiet dorm and stares at the ceiling. Her mind keeps going back to a gift for Chaerin. Her Chaerin-roo could get just about her hands on anything fashion related, she could sing or rap or even have Jiyong and Youngbae do it for her if she wanted! Bom said there were things she could do that Chaerin couldn't but Dara's mind is blank.

It's at that moment Chaerin calls and she quickly picks the phone up. 

"Hey!"

"That was quick..." Chaerin says on the other line.

"I was playing solitaire on my phone and you interrupted the game!" She lies. Even though this was Chaerin and she was waiting for the call, she didn't want to seem too eager.

The woman laughs on the other end. "I can call back later if you want."

"No, no." She rolls over to her side and stares at the wall adorned with pictures of her members. Her eyes catch a particular picture of Chaerin she always loved. She's smiling in it so brightly. A smile that Chaerin rarely shares with anyone. What was best about this particular picture was the smile was only meant for her. "I want to talk to you."

"Good. I want to talk to you too."

"How's your family?"

"They're fine. They were asking why you didn't come with me. I told them you wanted to go Christmas shopping with Bom. They said it was probably to get me something."

"Well, they're not wrong..." 

"You know you don't have to get me anything, right?"

"I know I don't have to but I want to!" Not wanting to mull over the fact that even though she wants to get her a gift but failed so far, Dara changes the subject. "When are you coming home?"

Chaerin hums. "Mmmmm. Not sure yet. My parents want us to visit my grandma and Harin wants to shop for gifts too."

Dara sits up. It's only been a day but she already misses Chaerin. Is she getting too dependent? Too clingy? She's afraid of saying how she feels so she pushes it down. So far down she feels its heavy weight on her chest.

"Okay...well. Tell them I said 'hi.'"

"I will."

They're both quiet. The only thing either of them heard is the faint sound of their breathing. She knows they're both expecting to hear or say something. Finally, Dara speaks over the suffocating silence.

"I miss you."

It's then that Dara hears Chaerin's mother call for her. 

"Sorry. I gotta go."

26.

Dara is tuning her guitar. Trying to eat up the boredom and loneliness in the day. It's been three days since Chaerin was last home and two since they've talked on the phone. 

Dara always misses Chaerin when they're apart but the longing has grown more dreadful since they've shared their first kiss. Dara wonders why that is. Or has it always been this way but their first kiss made her aware of what's always been there?

She plucks a chord on her guitar then another. Then another. Before she knows it she's strumming effortlessly. The song mirrors the feelings in her heart. 

When the song comes to an end, she realizes she's wordlessly poured her feelings out for Chaerin. Everything she's always wanted to tell her, it's conveyed in the plucked chords. 

"If you can't find something to buy for her you can always make something for her." Bom's words replay in her mind.

And without realizing, she already did.

She replays the song effortlessly, over and over. And it's then that she realizes this song was one she'd written years ago. A love song she was writing for no one in particular back when she was a young girl living in the Philippines. This song was meant for a true love and her fingers played it instinctively. The heart knows what it wants. 

She'd written this song for Chaerin before she'd ever even met her.

27.

It's two days after Christmas and Chaerin finally comes home. She looks tired but happy and her hair is blonde again. Dara knows how much her family means to her so she feels ecstatic that Chaerin is so happy.

The blonde pulls her into a tight hug. The first words that rolls off her tongue are, "I've missed you too." 

It occurs to her that she's responding to Dara’s “I miss you” from their phone call the other day. It’s what she meant to say but couldn't.
They stand in the middle of their living room, holding each other for what seems like forever but at the same time it’s not long enough.

Chaerin pulls back slightly but only to press their lips together. Her hands feel warm on her cheeks and her lips soft and slightly damp. 

What catches Dara off guard is how much more bold Chaerin is being. Her hands tangle in her hair, keeping her face positioned against hers almost aggressively.

Chaerin's tongue slips past her lips, the taste of her is so heady Dara feels dizzy. One hand trails from Dara's face, outlining her curves, before it finally comes to rest on her lower back. The hand tangled in her hair pulls a little tighter, almost painfully, and it contrasts how gentle her lips feel against hers. It all feels so good. She whimpers in Chaerin's mouth, arching her body closer against hers.

The blonde pulls away, her hands dropping to her waist. Dara, not quite wanting the delicious sensations to end, instinctively moans akin to a protest. 

"Chaerin-ah..." Dara whispers, staring into the woman's dark chocolate eyes. Her pupils are dilated and darkened with desire. Eyes half lidded and her lips are rosy.

She smiles softly. "I've really missed you."

Dara's circles her arms around the woman and holds her tightly. It's been only days yet it feels like an eternity has passed since she's held her like this, since she's reveled in her warmth. She presses a kiss to Chaerin's exposed collarbone. Trailing kisses up the smooth column of her neck to her jaw. 

Chaerin walks her backwards and together lower onto their couch. The beautiful woman is on her knees and nudges Dara’s legs open, positioning herself between them. She lowers her head to seal their mouths together again. What Dara can’t believe more than anything is how open Chaerin is being. She’s initiated kisses before but never like this. 
She doesn't have much more time to think about it though, because soon Chaerin's hand moves under her shirt and gently caresses the soft flesh of her abs.

Dara circles her arms behind Chaerin's neck and pulls her closer. She captures the younger woman's lips this time, trying to regain control. She slides inside , tongue tracing straight teeth and the cavern of her soft mouth. 

Her hands glide across Chaerin's chest and kneads the soft feminine flesh through the fabric of her shirt. She elicits a husky moan from her. The sound sending shivers down her spine making her crave the feeling of the twin globes beneath her clothing.

And Dara needs to stop. Because she knows if she doesn't this will go further and further and no matter how badly her body craves Chaerin, she forcefully pulls herself away from the tantalizing kiss..

"Wow." Chaerin says breathlessly. She rolls over to the empty side of the couch. "I-wow...."
It’s a good thing she stopped too. Because she realizes that not only is Chaerin not quite ready for the next step but neither is she. As of now, things were perfect the way they were.
Dara laughs as she sits up. A teasing smirk stretches across her face. "I guess I'm going to have to send you away more often."

"Please don't." Chaerin kisses her.

And she never will.

TBC