I'm pathetic, am I? 

Staring at someone you love from a distance, constantly taking in the spikes thrown at your heart, your mind is telling you to stop but your heart is constantly pushing you to your limit. Lips pressed together tightly, the blood retreating from your lips, tears continued running down on your cheeks that came from your deeply sunken eyes that swelled up because of your non-stop crying. 

They say crying for your loved one who doesn't reciprocate your feelings are worthless. It's true, for some cases, but would you really cry for someone you don't love? Is there a rule that forbids you to cry? Crying is the vocalization of your feelings, it may be happy or sad. But in my situation, it always meant to be sad. 

Heartbreaks? Happens to me everytime. I can't help it, I get easily fooled because of stupid actions that showed love. Is it because I longed for love for a long time? Or is it because my mind is open to every romantic gestures that are available in the word? I have no idea. 

She ruined me,

No,

I ruined myself because of her.

Their atmosphere is filled with laughters and love, while mine displayed sorrows and longing for love. 

Call me desperate, but I waited for years. Even joined the idol life just to spend time with her. Did I mention that I sincerely thank my mom or dad's genes that I got monolids? Because I'm always introduced by her because I'm the only member who has monolids. Insides jumping around, heart fluttering like crazy, and butterflies crowded my stomach whenever she praises me in radio talks and interviews.

Expressing my dorky side just to get her attention, I even shared bedrooms with her but our conversations always get brushed off because of Tzuyu's requests.

I know it was so wrong hating my fellow member for no reason. 

My thoughts drifted away when I felt a light pat on my shoulders, I looked up and saw the same eyes I wished I can stare for eternity, the same lips I longed to kiss for years, and that mole that I wanted to take care of. And those shoulders- Oh God, her shoulders..

"Dahyun? Are you okay?"

I snapped from my thoughts and reality faced me, she was showing her face that was laced with concern and curiosity. I sighed heavily and slowly removed her arms from my shoulders. 

I began, "I-I'm fine, Chaeyoung. Don't worry about me."

Her eyebrows met and she scoffed, "How wouldn't I worry? You aren't leaving your room for days and you kept your distance from us, then you decided to come out just now? What would you think I think?! God, Dahyun! I'm not numb."

Her last word struck my soul, that word. That word that I hated, "Not numb? For 's sakes Chaeyoung! Don't you know what I'm feeling right now?!"

Rolling her eyes, she shouted, "Ofcourse! You're ing sad!"

Sad? Did she just say sad? Sad? I chuckled and soflty shook my head. I closed my eyes as tears are attempting to fall, but I failed. They inevitably fell, like I fell for her.

"Sad?" I chuckled again. "Sad? No! I'm ing depressed! My mind is messed up and I don't even know what to do anymore!"

She didn't reply, instead she opened her arms and lunged herself towards me, enveloping me in a tight and warm embrace. My arms automatically crept their way to her back and I tightened my hold on her, not wanting to let go.

"D-Dahyun, tell me what's bothering you.."

I shook my head and continued sobbing, her shirt is probably soaked from all the tears I've dispersed.

"Please, tell me."

I groaned, but because I was crying, it sounded more like a voiceless huff. "Fine."

I parted from the hug and took her hands, pulling her to where we first met, our friendship tree. I told her to sit beside the tree and she obliged. I sat beside her and cupped her cheeks, again, tears fell down. 

"Do you remember this?" She nodded. "This is the first time we met, it was  11  years ago." I chuckled at the memory and continued. "We were 6 that time. You were the best playmate I had and my bestfriend at the same time. You never failed to place a smile on my face when we played, and it all started when you saved me from that boy."

//Flashback//

A small girl was sitting infront of a boy, sobbing and hugging her knees while the boy continued ripping her doll apart and throwing hurtful words at her. He did not stop despite all the pleading the girl did. He still continued his merciless act. But he was stopped when a much shorter girl emerged behind the small girl. 

"You! Stop that or I'll kick your ! I'll tell your parents too!" That sent the boy running away. The shorter girl picked up the toy-which was now torn apart. She frowned when she saw how the toy is broken down but nonetheless she smiled and patted the small girl's shoulders.

The small girl flinced at the contact and the shorter girl just chuckled at the response, she patted again and said, "Hey, don't worry! He's gone now."

The small girl immediately looked up and saw the girl who saved her. She smiled but frowned when she saw her toy beated up. She hesitantly took it and cried.

"H-Hey?! What's wrong! I'm not gonna hurt you!"

"M-my toy.. it's b-broken!"

"Aish, no it's not! I'm going to fix it okay?"

"Y-you will?!

"Ofcourse! Why not?"

The small girl smiled and threw herself at the shorter girl. The shorter girl fell because of the sudden contact thus she fell together with the small girl.

"Aigoo.."

The small girl quickly stood up and offered a hand, the shorter girl didn't hesitate and accepted it. 

"What's your name?"

"D-Dahyun.."

"Dahyun? What a pretty name! Mine's Chaeyoung by the way.. Nice to meet you!"

"N-nice to meet you too.. Chaeyoung."

And that was the first time Dahyun felt the spark between them.

//End of flashback//

Chaeyoung chuckled at the memory, she joked, "You were a crying mess back then!"

"I'm still the crying mess you met years ago.."

Chaeyoung stopped and looked at the Dahyun, guilt in her eyes. Somehow she felt that she was the one who caused the depression of Dahyun.

"You're so numb.."

"What?"

"I love you.. do I have a chance?"

Dahyun stared at Chaeyoung's eyes and desperately grabbed her hand. Digging up answers to her insoluble question, she tightened her hold.

But Chaeyoung just stared at her, and she was about to open when someone interrupted.

"Chaeyoung unnie! Let's go! I have a suprise for you!"

Chaeyoung didn't hesitate and yanked her hand from Dahyun and stood up, walking towards Tzuyu who was waving her hand and smiling sweetly.

Chaeyoung never looked back,

Dahyun hoped she looked back.

But no, she just left her in that forsaken place that will haunt Dahyun's memory forever.

~