“Junghwan, the supervisor wants the report in by 2p.m.” Gongchan dropped the blue binder folder on his desk as he finishes his sentence.

Junghwan sighs as he took a glance at the binder folder and then back onto his computer screen. “This is the third report I need to submit by today. What is with the datelines! They probably think I’m too fat and wishes to starve me for lunch.”

The office was in a frantic as the phone kept ringing non stop. It is the month end and all sales managers needed to hand in their monthly report, but phone calls have been coming in non stop because of the advertisement that went out this morning. Junghwan’s breakfast and coffee was untouched on his desk, from the first phone call he picked up this morning, he didn’t have the chance to savor his sandwich.

“Thank you for calling J Travel, how can I assist you?” Junghwan picked up another phone call in the midst of doing his report, cursing the company secretly for not hiring more staffs to pick up the calls.

“Junghwan...” The other line spoke. His voice sounded so familiar. “Junghwan…” It was all the other person spoke. That guy on the line was near to bursting into tears.

Regardless of the amount of work he needed to do, Junghwan grabbed his briefcase and ran out of the office at the speed of light. “I’m heading for a meeting! Won’t be back for the day!” Junghwan ran off, not forgetting to shout over to the secretary.

++++++

He knows exactly where his childhood friend was, popping into a café nearby his residence. And sure enough, the younger boy was there sobbing.

“Sunwoo, what is up?” Junghwan greeted the barista with a nod and walked over to the seat beside Sunwoo. It is a place where they frequent with quiet ambience, nice baristas, aromatic coffee and the memories are what made them head back there again and again.

“So she was cheating on me… You were right all these while.” Sunwoo said between sobs, his hands covering his face as they rest on his thighs. Junghwan’s heart sank a little.

“Cheating WITH you,” Junghwan said inside his head. He had known that this day would come. But no matter how many times Junghwan warned Sunwoo about it, Sunwoo would brush it off and laughed at Junghwan for thinking too much.

Junghwan was in the office when he served a couple wanting to go on a honeymoon. And to his horror, that blissful woman getting married is Sunwoo’s girlfriend.

The girl and him has never met officially in real life, but Sunwoo shows him her pictures every other day, or on days when Sunwoo meets Junghwan for the first half of the day and the girlfriend the second, they would briefly greet each other and before parting. She probably didn’t recognize him with his specs on that day at the agency.

Sunwoo continued blabbering and sobbing about how she broke the news to him that she is getting married, with another guy, and that Sunwoo was just a pastime.

Junghwan clenched his fists as he listens attentively to the break up story. He was in a mood so punch someone. Junghwan was sure if he sees that lady outside right now, he would end up at the police station for assault.

Well, you see, Junghwan is gay. And he has been crushing on Sunwoo for the longest time ever, since middle school? Junghwan wasn’t sure himself. But he knows that Sunwoo takes a special place in his heart.

All these years as they continue to be best friend with each other, Junghwan has seen Sunwoo falling in and out of love. But he doesn’t have the courage to ever confess to Sunwoo that he likes him, afraid that he will lose this precious friend forever.

“Junghwan…” Sunwoo finally tried to get Junghwan’s attention after an hour of sobbing. “Do you think I can sleep at your house?” The older boy waited to Sunwoo to look up before he could answer.

“She told me that her fiancé will be helping to shift her things out of the house, so I am not allowed into the house until they are done with shifting.” Sunwoo looked up with his swollen eyes.

“Your eyes are so small I can’t even see it anymore. Stop crying!” Junghwan joked. “We will need to get some necessities and a mattress for you if you are sleeping over, you know how empty a working male’s house is.” Junghwan stood up slowly, tapping for Sunwoo to go too. “And some beer for you too.”

++++++

Like Sunwoo’s horrible heartbreak, the skies started pouring that night the moment they reached home. “Thank goodness we weren’t trapped in that rain.” Junghwan’s voice boomed through the living room. It was decorated with simple furniture like a khaki colored sofa, TV and a coffee table. A picture of the two graduation’s picture is hanging on the wall, brightening the dull white walls a little.

Sunwoo plopped into the sofa and made himself home. For him, the office wasn’t a second home, Junghwan’s house is. They have played at his house since young, even though they no longer gather at Junghwan’s house as often, it still feels like home.

“Sunwoo! Quit sitting there and help me get your stuffs in!” Junghwan nagged from the bedroom.

“Can’t you spare the heartbroken me?” Sunwoo retorted, still lazing on the sofa, flipping through the channels.

“While you get heartbroken, I could have my rice bowl broken tomorrow because I missed all my report datelines!” The older boy was wrestling with the newly bought mattress as he tried to fit the bed sheets on.

“Fine.” Sunwoo gave up, knowing Junghwan would continue nagging if he doesn’t do anything.

++++++

Dinner that night, they had Junghwan’s specialty, kimchi stew, and many cans of beer. The two boys talked and laughed about everything under the sun, like as if the heartbreak did not exist.

“Junghwan~” The older male knew that his friend had a little too much and his limit is almost there. “Junghwan, why must my love always be like that.” Tears started filling up Sunwoo’s eyes again as he grabbed open another can of beer.

Junghwan was not drunk but he didn’t have the energy to get up and stop Sunwoo from drinking another can. He himself was sleepy, head spinning.

Like a drama, Sunwoo’s cries slowly became hysterical laughter, whatever he was laughing at, Junghwan has no idea.

Junghwan was planning to leave his friend at the dining table and wobble his way to bed when Sunwoo started again. “Junghwan…”

“What?” Junghwan frowned. “If you are just calling my name for fun, I’m heading to bed.”

“Don’t go. Hear me out.” Trying to reach out for the older boy, Sunwoo still has his head on the table.

“You know…” Sunwoo breathed in a sharp breath and continued. “I have a first love that you never knew about.” By now, Junghwan was sitting on the floor, legs spread, waiting for Sunwoo to finish before he could pass out.

Sunwoo took another mouth of beer before speaking again. “I loved that person since Grade 5. I know you are curious.” He sent a cheeky smile to the guy on the floor. “You know that person inside out.”

“Just tell me who and let me go sleep.” Junghwan whined, kicking his legs a little.

“You.”

Silence followed that word that came out from Sunwoo’s mouth for about a minute before Junghwan snorted and got up, wobbling back to his room. “Not funny.” Junghwan said before he enters his room.

++++++

Junghwan woke up to a warmth from behind, he turned his head to see Sunwoo sleeping behind him on his bed. A trail of saliva could be felt on his back.

It was squeezy for two grown man to be sleeping on a single bed but Junghwan didn’t want the younger boy to move at all. He could feel Sunwoo’s arms tightly wrapped around his own waist.

“He probably needed some warmth. Don’t think too much Junghwan.” He mumbled to himself and coaxed himself back to sleep seeing that the sky is still dark, hoping that Sunwoo couldn’t feel his palpitating heartbeat.

++++++

“Hwan, Hwan-ah!” Sunwoo was near shouting.

Junghwan groggily opened his eyes to see Sunwoo’s face sticking less then 15cm away from his own. “Get up you pig! My arm is breaking.” Sunwoo’s face was displaying all sorts of painful expression, needing the older male to get up before he loses his arm.

“Not like it’s my fault your arm is underneath me!” The younger boy lifted up his arm slowly, feeling the blood rushing through the veins once again.

“Well, someone was having a nightmare and there’s absolute no way about waking you up. AND the only way I could make hush was hugging you. So much for being nice you doop!”

“You liar! I didn’t have any dreams last night!” Junghwan retorted and awkwardly waddle off the bed, hitting his head for even thinking that the hug meant something.

Junghwan called the office to take a day off in the office and promised to work from home, making sure he hands in the report by today while taking the time to accompany Sunwoo just in case he ends up doing something silly or faint after drinking too much.

Sunwoo plops down on the sofa with a soft thud and switched on the TV loud. Seeing Junghwan burying his head in his laptop, he felt selfish, but yet at the same time, he wanted Junghwan to look at him and him only.

After that confession yesterday, Sunwoo wasn’t sure how Junghwan felt. A part of him wondered if Junghwan remembered.

“Hwan…” Sunwoo hesitated, and waited for Junghwan to turn his head. No response.

“Junghwan…” He tried again. Other than his fingers, the older boy didn’t move an inch.

Now getting impatient, Sunwoo grabbed Junghwan’s shoulders and turned him around. “LEE JUNGHWAN!”

“For goodness sake WHAT!?” Junghwan was clearly irritated, as like when someone breaks your train of thoughts when you are trying to think of some important matters.

“Hwan, do you remember any of yesterday?” Sunwoo calmly let the words flow from his mouth.

“Cha Sunwoo, are you seriously asking me all these questions when I have 3 reports to submit by the end of today?” He looked right into Sunwoo’s eyes, giving him the killer stare.

“Well… I know this might not be the right time but Junghwan…” Sunwoo paused, shifting his gaze from Junghwan’s eyes to his fingers, fidgeting them.

Both male, though in a different perspective of the situation right now, are having their hearts in their throat. The hearts beating so fast they could get heart attack anytime soon.

“Hwan, if you heard what I said yesterday, I just want you to tell me if you feel the same…? Not to the extend of being your first love, but have you? I know it’s weird to feel that but I just want to know.” Sunwoo looked up from his fingers and back at Junghwan, speaking so quickly like a kid with stage fright.

Silence filled the small 1-room apartment, so quiet you could hear a pin drop.

Junghwan couldn’t believe his ears. Sunwoo wants a confirmation! But how embarrassing it is to tell Sunwoo that he has been in love with him since donkey years ago! Junghwan shifted a little on that cushion he was sitting on, and sat upright.

“Sunwoo…” He started slowly. Thousands of thoughts ran through his mind, some bashing him because he is being a coward right now for running away when Sunwoo is running towards him. Others telling him that this is not right and Sunwoo should find a normal girl to date because it won’t be worth it for Sunwoo to give his life like that to Junghwan.

“Tell me, why have you been dating girls then?” He blurted out suddenly amidst those thoughts, and then cursing on the inside. Why did he ask that?

Sunwoo, slightly taken aback, answered in his softest spoken voice, eyes wide open and round, looking back and forth between his feet and Junghwan. “I just thought if I date woman, I would forget those thoughts about wanting to be with you. I thought it could be a way to find myself…” His words lingered.

“Then what’s with those crying?” Junghwan making another sentence which he regretted. But he didn’t believe that the person that he loved all along likes him back, confessed to him and now wants his confirmation. Was he dreaming? Is this real?

Sunwoo was almost there, almost believing that Junghwan doesn’t feel the way he does about himself. It might just take another half a question to break him. Nonetheless, he answered Junghwan’s question, “I cry, not because of the heartbreak the girls gave, but because I find myself a failure for keeping a girl because of the way I care for you, the way I love you. Every breakup just reminds me that I can never put the desires for you at the back of my mind. I just can’t…” Tears slowly forming in his eyes, taunted by those thoughts again.

“Well, then what…” Sunwoo stood up suddenly, cutting Junghwan’s sentence.

“I get it now, you don’t feel the same, which is why you ask so many questions. I’m leaving, sorry for bothering you for the night.” Sunwoo grabbed his stuffs and opened the door. “I’m not coming back.”

Sunwoo picked up his pace, and eventually he started running, sprinting to the nearest alley, where he squatted and cried his heart out. Now it is over, Sunwoo just ruined his treasured friendship, he reprimanded himself for being too greedy, and now ending with nothing.

Just a while ago the sun was shining brightly, and suddenly, rain start pattering down the roofs and pedestrians’ head. While everyone headed for shelter, Sunwoo sat there, hoping the rain could wash all of these away.

Junghwan panicked, so much he couldn’t even get up. By the time he did, Sunwoo was nowhere in sight. He had followed chase but lost him on the streets.

“Why did he not listen finish?” Letting out a huge sigh, he walked back into his house. Now what has Junghwan done? He pushed Sunwoo away at the moment when he was supposed to pull Sunwoo closer. His footsteps heavy, heart heavier. Like the thunderstorm that rained over Sunwoo, it poured over Junghwan. The older boy is worried, Sunwoo doesn’t have an umbrella, and nowhere to head to.

Nothing came into his mind except Sunwoo, not even the reports that were due today. The hazel hair guy pulled out the beers he bought yesterday and starting taking them in one by one. No one else has ever been this close to Junghwan, yet, in just a few minutes, that closeness broke. As Junghwan spends the next few hours drowning in alcohol, the rain continues to pour. The TV that was switched on by Sunwoo continued booming at the back, but no contents went into Junghwan’s head.

“The city is having flashflood because heavy rain for the past few house has been too much for the drainage system to handle.” The newscaster reported over the TV. “The canals have overflowed and a guy believed to be in his twenties got swept away by the currents while trying to get out of the flood.” Junghwan bolted up.

“A guy believed to be in his twenties…” Junghwan repeated.

“A guy believed to be in his twenties.” He ran out of the house. Not caring whether he is sober enough to walk straight or whether the weather now needs an umbrella, he needs to make sure that he finds Sunwoo, at the same time hoping that the person washed away isn’t Sunwoo.

Clumsily wobbling on the streets without an umbrella, with the rain soaking himself wet, all Junghwan could think of was to look for Sunwoo. Thoughts of Sunwoo being in an accident or that the guy washed away could be Sunwoo made Junghwan fear, fear that he could never see his friend ever again.

Shouting at the top of his lungs, Junghwan ran aimlessly around his neighborhood, grabbing passerby to ask if they have seen Sunwoo around, but the damn thing is he can’t even remember what clothes he was wearing when he went out!

After running nearly 5 blocks down while not being sober enough to even not knock into a bin or the railings and still no sight of Sunwoo, the cold was unbearable. Autumn rain is no joke; it brings chills right to the bones. Junghwan decided that he could do with a rest and take a shelter at the playground opposite the road.

++++++

God knows how long have Junghwan been sitting there, waiting for the rain to get smaller. His body temperature dropping every moment, and he is trying to move his body to keep himself warm.

Junghwan curses the rain for coming at such an awesome time and not going away anytime soon when he heard someone plopped down the other side of the playground.

Turning back, he saw he drunkard lying on the slide, trying his very best to fumble his way up to get a shelter. The rain was so heavy Junghwan couldn’t make out the face of the other guy. Facing his front again, Junghwan wishes for the rain to stop.

“Ahhhh…..” Despite the pattering of the rain, Junghwan could clearly make out that the drunkard was crying, and his voice vaguely familiar.

“It’s over now… over now…” Words barely audible, Junghwan tried to climb a little closer.

To his somewhat pleasant surprise, that guy that he has been looking for is now in front of him, drunk, sobbing mindlessly, and homeless. Junghwan heart broke to more than a thousands times than what it was already. Seeing Sunwoo crying and hugging his knees to his chest, trying to keep out of the cold and having nowhere to go, and the reason for all these had to be he himself, Junghwan couldn’t bare seeing Sunwoo like that at all.

“Sun… Sunwoo-yah…” Junghwan voice cracked. Reaching his hand out for Sunwoo’s trembling shoulder.

“Sunwoo-yah. Forgive me…” He broke down too, forcing the words to come out of his mouth as he tries to breathe and cry at the same time.

Sunwoo looked up to see his favorite person right in front of him, as broken as himself. Without a second thought, Sunwoo grabbed Junghwan into a tight hug, comforting the older boy with his remaining body warmth and burning love.

Junghwan hugged back, wanting to seal all of Sunwoo’s broken pieces together. “I’m sorry Sunwoo.” His arms traced Sunwoo’s back.

“And I love you.”

The rain washes them sober, now fully enveloped in each other’s embrace, Sunwoo now knows why no one else worked.