It all started with a confession …

“Saranghae…” He said. His words lingered as I could only look at him without having the courage to show emotions. But God knew how my heart trembled by his words.

Six years, I had been waiting. We went our separate ways and yet somehow I was still there. Deep inside, there was still a room for him even though the one who was constantly there was Taek.

Two Weeks Later

“It wasn’t a dream, was it?” Taek asks me, a tear fell on his cheek. I was sitting across him in his room after he finished his baduk match. It was a coincidence that the cabin crews of my flight stayed at the same as him, and being the clumsy Deoksun, I was locked out of my own room.

That particular stupidity, apparently, caught me into this mess.

Confused, I answered, “No, it wasn’t.”

“Why did you tell that it was?” He pushed for more explanation. Something I could not do to him after all this time.

“Because it was very weird back then. We’re friends, aren’t we?” I said slowly, “I still feel weird now, actually.”

Next thing I knew, he was already standing in front of me, pushing himself forward and then his lips came. Our second kiss. This time, it was unexpected and I froze on my seat.

One second.

Two seconds.

Five seconds.

I gathered the courage to push him away from me. Without realising it, there was also a tear fell on my cheek. A tear of disbelieve, shock, and … disappointment?

“I’m sorry.” I told him. I could not see his face, but I believed he must have felt more disappointed that I do. “I’m sorry…”

“Why?” Taek asked. His trembling voice felt like a huge pang in my heart. I kind of saw this coming but I was in denial. I always convinced myself that what Taek and I had was the kind of love that siblings had. Probably better than No Eul and I. But never romantic.

I already knew what to tell him but the words were caught in me.

“It’s because of Jung Hwan, isn’t it?” He let out a bitter laugh. His tears were still apparent.

“I’m sorry..” I could not say anything else other than an apology. But then again, my inability to answer his question was enough confirmation. To Choi Taek, no other defeat felt as hurtful as losing a girl to your own best friend.

“It’s okay.” He grabbed my hand. He tried to calm me but somehow, I knew it was his effort to convince himself that everything was okay. “If it’s Jung Hwan then it’s okay.”

“I really am… sorry…” I braved myself to look Taek in the eye and conveyed my sincerest apology. Never once I felt more like a betrayer than today. This marked the day when my relationship with Taek changed, perhaps for the worse. The dynamic of the group would change and it was because of me.

I wished things were not like this.

But when you fell in love with your best friend, nothing would ever be the same.

One Month Later

I had been avoiding Jung Hwan for almost two months now. I got the feeling that he, too, avoids me. He usually visited his home for a few days every month. Now two months had passed and I hadn’t seen him. I was afraid that I might miss him when I am away flying off somewhere so I regularly asked No Eul whether Jung Hwan came back during the times I was away.

But he never did.

Until one Friday morning.

I was scheduled to fly to Jeju Island that morning and I was already late for my bus. As I ran to the door, Jung Hwan walked in through the gate with his crisp uniform. He did not bring his overnight bag with him which only meant that he would not stay long in his house.

I stopped, and he stopped. And both of us only stood there in front of each other like complete idiots.

“You’re going somewhere?” He asked me first. Again, with his nonchalant voice as if he did not care, while I knew for certain that he did. Very much.

“Jeju-do.”

“Okay..” He only nodded and walked past me, going to his own house.

I could still hear his footsteps behind me when I suddenly turned and called out his name.

“Kim Jung Hwan,” My voice stopped him. He did not turn to see me but he refrained from walking, “I’m going back tomorrow night. Don’t forget that.”

And with that, I left him standing alone on his porch. If he could make me feel miserable for six years, wondering about his feelings and longing for him to feel the same, then he should be able to wait for me.

He had to.

The Night After

Jung Hwan

The time was already 12:30 AM. One day had passed since the last time I saw Deok Sun. She told me that she’d come home tonight but it was already passed midnight and she hadn’t come home.

I peeked outside my window, and saw that thunders were already roaring in the sky. The rain would fall any minute now and Deok Sun still nowhere to be found. I thought about sending a message to her pager but hesitated. I felt that it was not my place to worry about her, although I constantly did.

At 1 AM, she still had not come home yet. I saw that the rain had fallen quite heavily outside and my worry increased. Did she bring an umbrella with her? Was she alright? Did something happen to her?

This just couldn’t do.

So I grabbed my jacket and an umbrella, and ran outside to the bus stop.

*

Deok Sun

Due to heavy rain in Jeju-do, the flight was delayed for hours. So when I arrived at Gimpo Airport, it was already 11PM. I wondered whether Jung Hwan was still home or perhaps, he already left to his base.

“Sung Deok Sun, let’s go and have a drink with us!” My sunbae, a senior flight attendant, asked me to join her. This kind of invitation was hard to refuse but I had to.

“I’m sorry, sunbae-nim. I don’t feel really well so I plan to rest at home because I have a schedule to fly to Beijing in two days.” I bowed in apology to her. Lies, I know. But there was nothing I could say other than pretending to be sick.

“Is that so?” She asked, “Okay, then. Rest well.”

After she left, I rushed to the bus stop which would take me to downtown Seoul so that I could get on another bus to my neighbourhood. I was just in time because not long after I boarded the bus, it went.

It would take an hour for this bus to reach downtown Seoul and another 30 minutes from Seoul to my house. If no trouble arose, I would arrive in Ssangmun-dong after midnight. Nervous, I looked outside the window only to see that the sky was dark and cloudy.

I crossed my finger inside my coat. A girl could only wish.

*

He wasn’t there.

I told myself as I saw the empty sidewalk where my bus stopped. The rain fell heavily outside, but only I knew that the rain in my heart fell harder. There goes a chance meeting with Jung Hwan. He already left, probably. And I would not know when he’d come back.

I sighed, disappointed on the fact that he did not wait for me. But more than that, I regretted that I missed yet another chance to tell him how I felt.

As the bus stopped, I realised that I, again, forgot to bring my umbrella. So I decided to run. I held my bag above my head and started running in the rain. My clothes were soaked and my hair bun was immediately ruined due to the heavy rain. Now I cursed myself for being clumsy and forgetful.

I fastened my steps and stopped by a sudden appearance at the corner of the alley.

It was Jung Hwan, apparently.

“Yah!” I shouted. “Why are you scaring me?!” I hit his arm with my bag, did not realise that he was already holding an umbrella above my head.

“You were the one who told me to wait for you! So I waited.” He shouted back, “Stop hitting me, it hurt!”

Only after he told me he was waiting that I stopped hitting him, “You were waiting?”

“I was.” He grabbed my hand and gave me the umbrella, “Next time, be precise and tell me what time you’d arrive.” Jung Hwan turned his back towards me and walked in the rain, leaving me speechless.

“Yah, Kim Jung Pal!” I shouted as I ran to him.

“What?”

“Next time, don’t try to be a hero and just use the umbrella together.” I told him as I walked closer to his side. Now, we were together under the same umbrella. “Hold it. It’s tiring holding it for you. You’re too tall for me.” I gave him the umbrella and walked by his side.

We walked without exchanging any more words. There was only the sound of our footsteps clashing with the rain. I glanced up at him as he was only looking straight ahead.

“Jung Hwan-ah…” I called his name.

“Hmm..” He hummed, without looking at me.

“Why now?”

“What do you mean?” He asked me back.

“Why did you confess now? After six years. I’m sure you already knew from back then that I liked you.”

I stopped walking as he did. He seemed hesitant to answer so I pushed him again, “Is it because of Taek?”

He was surprised to hear mention Taek’s name, “It’s not that simple.”

“I know it’s not.” Now I could hear myself raising my voice. “But you knew I liked you, right? You knew it. I tried hard to show it to you but you turned a blind eye and acted like nothing happened.”

“It wasn’t like that.”

“Then tell me. Tell me why did I have to long for you for six years? Why did I have to wait for you to fight for me?!” I could not help to let go of my frustration to him. I did not mean to be angry at Jung Hwan but the emotion I contained inside my heart just burst out. I wanted to let him know that if only he had the tiniest bit of courage to tell me something earlier, things would not be as awkward.

“Because as much as I love you, and as much as I want you to be mine, to hold your hand, to hug you, to hear your voice every night, I could not.” It was Jung Hwan’s turn to let go of his frustration. “Taek already lost his mother. I just couldn’t be that selfish to take you away from him.”

“Then what about me?” I looked Jung Hwan in the eyes, “What about my feelings? What about my heart? Have you ever thought about me at all? Do you think I’m just a heartless human being that you could pass to the next guy because you didn’t want to be selfish?”

“What are you talking about?!” He was now mad, “I saw the way you look at him and how you enjoyed spending time with him. Remember the night I told you I love you? I saw how you constantly glanced outside waiting for him. I’m not stupid and I’m certainly not blind.”

“I’ve loved you for six years, Sung Deok Sun. I tried to forget you but I failed. Even until today, I love you. But I know that due to my own hesitation and stupidity, I’ve lost you.” There was no fighting spirit in his tone. He really did let me go. No I wondered, would it be worth it?

I looked at him in a more frustration look, “And how could you come into that conclusion?”

“Because I came to the concert and I saw you and Taek together.”

So that was why.

“You know what, for someone who is so smart like you, you can be so stupid.”

“I know, and there was not a day that I did not regret it.”

As he said that, I tiptoed on my feet so that I could stand as tall as him and in seconds, I kissed his lips.

I could clearly see him shocked by my sudden kiss. He did not expect it and neither did I. But somebody should do it or Jung Hwan and I would always running in circles.

“Did you just kiss me?” Jung Hwan asked.

“I did.”

“Why?”

I held his face inside both of my hands like he did to me once before, after we went to the McDonalds six years ago, “With that smart head of yours, just think why I just kiss you.”

As I said that to him, I kissed him again. And I went inside.