Single Chapter: Every Single Day

“I'm thinkin' bout how
People fall in love in mysterious ways
Maybe just the touch of a hand
Me, I fall in love with you every single day
I just wanna tell you I am”

Thinking Out Loud – Ed Sheeran

He looked at his hands while playing some random notes in his guitar while humming random lyrics; he was trying to distract his mind from the person that was laughing at the other corner with their hyungs. He was trying his best to ignore that presence and actually work, but as always was in vain.

His eyes were wondering again in his direction, seeing how beautiful he seemed while smiling, how the sides of his mouth crumpled cutely, how his eyes twinkled with amusement, and how he would title his head before he would look into his direction and open an even wide smile. He couldn’t avoid his heart of racing in his chest, but he would just reply with a small smile, before he got back again to distract himself with a useless song that he was faking to compose, just to keep a safe distance.

Seungyoon didn’t know when his feelings for , his maknae, started; he didn’t know why of all people he would fall in love with Nam Taehyun. But he did, he fell deeply and completely by the younger one. But he knew this was wrong… Not because they were both males, he accepted that fact, love don’t choose genders, age, location, religion, or beliefs, love simply happen, and he was in peace with that. But it was wrong because he knew he would hurt Taehyun in the end, he knew he would hurt his others friends, he knew this could kill their dream… He knew that their society wasn’t prepared for them just yet.

But, still… He couldn’t avoid falling in love with him every single day, every single hour, every single minute. He was doomed, he was taken, he was lost, he was in love.

He was taken from his thoughts by that familiar presence, his nostrils were filled with that perfume that intoxicate him, Nam Taehyun’s perfume, and his heart reacted to all that. The hand with long fingers touched his arm, and he slowly turned his head to look at that beautiful face that visit him during his dreams.

“Hum?” he hummed, turning his eyes again to his guitar.

“Hyung, c’mon, you need to rest.” that wonderful voice filled his ears. “Come laugh a little with us, please?” he could hear the concern in the younger one voice.

“Sorry, I still have to finish it Taehyun-ah” he answered, still with his eyes glued on his hands. Lie, was a lie anyway.

He heard Taehyun sigh, and the younger one grabbed his arm.

“Hyung, if you force yourself too much, you won’t write anything you should… So rest a little, please?”

Seungyoon sighed too, and this time he lifted his head and looked into the maknae’s eyes. He could see the worry in that dark eyes, and so he just put his guitar in its case, giving in. He could see the smile the younger one gave to him, and he reciprocated it.

He followed Taehyun to where their other members were sitting; they all greeted him saying that he had finally joined them in their joke time; he just laughed at them, and sat down next to Mino, that patted his shoulder. Soon he was engaged in conversations and jokes with s, but his eyes still followed all of Taehyun’s movements, every detail, every expression, and every smile he threw at him.

Seungyoon was walking through the corridors of YG building, he had finished a meeting with Yang Hyun Suk regarding to some songs he had composed for WINNER and the president wanted him to redo. Indeed, he could see why YG wanted him to look into that songs again, he was so distracted that he couldn’t do it right.

He stopped in the middle of the corridor and rested his body on the wall, his hands in his head, pulling his hair. Those feelings were getting strong every day that passed. Every single day.

“Get a grip of yourself Seungyoon-ah” he muttered under his breath. He shut his eyes forcefully, but it didn’t help. The images of Taehyun flooded his mind, real and imaginary scenarios came along, and he couldn’t bear anymore. Those feelings of his were growing every day, were turning even more deep, and he was losing his mind over it.

He felt his knees giving up on supporting him; he let his body slide off on the wall. He had to be strong, he had to fight this craving to claim Taehyun as his, he had to control himself. He had to.

“Yoon? Are you okay?” he heard the gentle and manly voice of his sumbae, Taeyang.

Seungyoon opened his eyes, seeing the older one looking directly in his eyes, in a squatted position. Taeyang for some seconds could see the despair, longing and fear in the younger one eyes, but as quickly as he saw that feelings in Seungyoon eyes, they disappeared.

“I’m fine hyung” he said, while he lifted again, giving an assuring smile to Taeyang that was lifting too and looking at him with worried eyes. The younger one looked behind his sumbae and seeing some of the others members of BIGBANG, all of them looking at him with worried eyes. “I’m just tired, just it.” He blabbed, and right after he gave a small bow before walking out of there with uncertain steps, feeling the stares of the older males in his back.

Taeyang wanted to call him back, but Suengyoon practically run from them, that his words just stayed in his throat. He felt the hand of his best friend, G-Dragon, in his shoulder.

“He will come to you when he is ready, Bae.”

Taeyang sighed and shook his head.

“Yeah… Maybe you are right, Ji.”

They continued their way, but not before Taeyang look at where WINNER’s leader disappeared. He never saw that look in the younger one eyes, and he was wondering what had that power over the boy to make him that way.

After that day Seungyoon spent days and nights at the studio working in the songs again. He was avoiding at all costs the presence of s, because he knew he would be distracted again by the maknae. He didn’t sleep right, he didn’t eat right, he didn’t leave his position in that chair for almost a week. He pressed his hands in his face, trying to ease all the tiredness and pain; he left out a sigh before he decided he had enough, he had finally sent the songs to Yang Hyun Suk again, he just needed to wait the words coming from the boss.

He lifted from the chair and went to the corner where he had left the clothes he was using in that time he was in the studio, he looked into the small luggage for clean clothes to use, but he found none. He sighed again; he had to come back to the dorm the way he was. He looked into the table he was seated before, all that papers scattered over it, all that bags of delivered food, but at least he had finished. At least he thought he had.

He had decided he couldn’t fight his feelings, at least not in his songs; he could put every wish and fear in them, he could confess his love through those songs, and no one would ever know. And so he did. After all, he fell in love with him every single day.

Seungyoon picked up all his stuff that were around the studio and threw away all the garbage he produced all that time he locked himself in the studio. The moment he stepped outside it he his cellphone and received a lot of bips of missing calls and unread text messages. One name flashed through his screen.

Nam Taehyun

He ignored all of that, and made his way to the dorm, pushing the cap and sunglasses to avoid being seen. It couldn’t be necessary at that time of the morning, the sun was just dawning. He made his way as he always did when they were trainees, in the time they were filming WIN, and in the time they were filming WINNER TV.

And for the first time in months his mind was blank, he made his way without noticing, without thinking in nothing, and because of that he not even noticed that he had arrived in the dorm, he just did when he was climbing the stairs to their apartment. He pressed the key code and opened the door as soon he was accepted in, and closed it with care. All of the other people that lived there were sleeping.

But he was wrong, one of them was very much awake, and worried. The moment he put his foot in the living room he was attacked by long arms hugging him tight. And he knew very well who it was, that perfume didn’t lie.

“What you are doing awake Taehyun-ah?” he asked softly, trying to escape from that hug.

“I couldn’t sleep hyung. You have been there for so long; I was battling with myself if I should go there and drag you back home.” Taehyun answered, moving away a little of Seungyoon, looking into the other in the eyes.

Seungyoon had his eyes locked with the maknae, he saw the worry, the tiredness, the care, and he just give in again. He embraced the younger one and rested his head in his shoulder.

“I needed to do it…” he answered, with his voice muffled.

“You got us all worried, hyung.” Taehyung tightened even more his arms around the older one. “And you didn’t answer any of our calls, messages, anything, we were so worried.”

“Sorry” Was all Seungyoon could say, his heart was beating so loud, so fast, in his chest, and the smell of Taehyun was all he could think of. The smell of the love of his life. He sighed, and pushed himself from the comfortable position he was, looking again in Taehyun’s eyes. “Well… I have to take a bath to sleep… You should do the same, Nammie.” He said patting the younger’s head.

Taehyun smiled and nodded, before letting him go.

“Yes, you need… You stinks” he said, laughing at little, receiving a glare from Seungyoon.

“Next time don’t hug me then” Yoon said, before smiling playfully and finally making his way into his room. “See you tomorrow, Nammie, have a good night.” And I love you. He finished in his head.

“Good night hyung” answered Taehyun, for the first time in days he was feeling alright, everything was alright again.

A week had passed since that dawn, and he had finally received an answer from YG, and for Seungyoon surprise he had invited a lot of people to the meeting, including s and some members of IKON.

The smile in YG’s face was a bit odd, like he had won the world, when he called Yoon to sit beside him at the table in the meeting room. And for the first time in two weeks he saw Taeyang looking at him, he could see the worry in the older one eyes, and at the same time, pride.

“I imagine that you are confused why we have so many people here” Yang Hyun Suk started. And Seungyoon nodded. “Well… How can I say it…? The songs you sent to me, they are in another level.” He looked his boss, not knowing how to interpret it.

“What hyung is trying to say is that these songs, they are really good.” Tablo interfered. “You have already showed your talent over it, but these songs, are really in another level.”

The other producers in the room nodded in agreement.

“Is not exactly my style, but musically speaking, we have gold here. These songs show so much despair, love, care, wiliness, and so much other emotions that it impressed me.” G-Dragon spoke this time. “They are really deep.”

Yang Hyun Suk nodded at every word he heard, and Seungyoon felt flattered. He looked in direction of s; they all were smiling brightly at him.

“Are you in love?” Psy said his thoughts. Yoon snapped his head in direction of the older one, which was playfully smiling at him.

“Wh-What? No, I’m not.” He denied, shaking his head profusely. He didn’t notice the smile fading away from his maknae lips. 

“Yes, you are. This just confirmed everything I needed to know.” Psy tuned to speak laughing at little. This just confirmed Taeyang’s suspicions as well, at why he was so broken that time they found him in that corridor. “These songs are a confession, aren’t they?”

Seungyoon didn’t speak, and in a way or other he answered the question, some playful smiles could’ve seen around the table, except for one. Yang Hyun Suk patted Yoon’s shoulder, and even he was smiling playfully at the young artist.

“Whoever is your muse, don’t lose it, she gave you the key to the gold mine, Seungyoon. Keep it up.” Seungyoon just nodded, without lifting his head, and letting his bangs cover his eyes.

If they knew that his muse was just some steps from him, in that same room, looking at him with a fake smile, they wouldn’t be that happy. Or maybe they will still be happy, but he would never know, he wouldn’t let them know.

Seungyoon was looking at the computer screen in the studio again, his mind was blank. He couldn’t believe they all noticed the deep meaning behind his lyrics, but they did. All of them did. He pressed his face in his hands again, letting out a deep sigh. The problems of working with really talented people were they knew how to read between the lines.

He jumped in his chair when the door of the studio was shut a bit loud. He looked to the source, and saw an apologetic Taehyun looking at him, while he approached him, sitting in a chair next to Yoon.

“Your songs… They are really good.” Taehyun spoke, looking at his hands in his lap, they had listened the demos in the meeting. “The girl… She is lucky.”

“What you are talking about, Taehyun-ah?” Seungyoon asked.

“The girl you wrote these songs for, hyung.” He answered back.

Seungyoon felt the painful pang in his chest. He was wrong, that songs weren’t for any lucky girl, but for him, for the lucky him. But, well… He didn’t know that.

“I wish you can reach her with these words hyung, I’m sure she will match your feelings” Taehyun said, and gave at him a small smile; he was trying hard to not show the sadness inside him. Those songs his hyung wrote, secretly he wanted them to be for him, those song were so beautiful, so sincere, those songs just made him realize what he had been feeling for some time already.

Seungyoon sighed, and looked at his hands as well. Maybe he was being stupid for keeping all that, but was the right thing, wasn’t it? He wasn’t sure anymore.

“Your words were so sincere hyung, I want to say that if this was for me, I would never let you go hyung, never.” Taehyun said, letting a bit of his heart go with his words.

Yoon felt his heart race in his chest, and before he could stop himself, he heard him say the words that he would never regret of saying.

“Those were for you.”

Taehyun stopped in his tracks, his eye were round of how open they were, his heart was beating so fast, and he didn’t know yet, at the same peace as Yoon’s heart beating.

“Ex-Excuse me?”

Seungyoon had started, so he had to finish now. He gulped his fears, after all he had already declared his love for him for everyone to hear.

“Those songs, those words… Those confessions, they are for you.” He lifted his eyes, and locked them with the startled eyes of Taehyun. “I love you, Nammie. I love you deeply and desperately.” And for the first time in moths he felt at ease, he felt like the world had stepped out from his chest. His entire secret was out.

He knew he could lose or win at that time, but nothing of that mattered, he would cross that bridge when the time comes.

He was taken from his thoughts when he felt a body crash into his, and lips above his. He was surprised at first, but he soon was kissing Taehyun back. The kiss was desperate, full of love, longing, and fear, but was the best thing both had in such a long time. Seungyoon passed his tongue gently in Taehyun’s lips, and the younger one was happy in open it for him to explore his mouth, their tongues were exploring each other, knowing each other taste.

But soon, they needed air, and they separated their mouths, but Taehyun was still hugging Seungyoon tight, and Yoon was resting his forehead in Taehyun’s shoulder. Their breaths were irregular, and their hearts were beating as if they were one.

“I love you, Yoon, I love you so much.” Taehyun spoke, lifting Seungyoon face so he could look into the older one eyes. Seungyoon was smiling widely after he heard those words coming from the one he loves.

He knew the risks, he knew their future was uncertain, but now that he finally gave in to his feelings, to his maknae, he wouldn’t let it go. He would fight the world if it’s necessary, but he wouldn’t let his Nam Taehyun go.

“I’ll never let you go” he said. “I’ll fight the world for you, Nammie.” He continued with serious face, seeing the sparkle in that dark eyes he loved so much. “I’m sorry because I was so stupid, but now, Nammie… Nothing will stop me from loving you.”

“Hyung…” Taehyun said, trying his best to hold his happy tears, and lunched himself again into Seungyoon’s arms, almost making both of them fall from the chair.

They kissed again, smiling, oblivious of the three figures that were observing the two of them at the door. Mino and Seunghoon had playfull smiles in their lips, but they were happy for the two maknaes, and the elder hyung, Jinwoo, had his gentle smile in his lips. They would protect their maknaes, and they would cherish that relationship they knew was a perfect match.

Because they saw both Seungyoon and Taehyun fall in love every single day.

“That baby now (ooh)
Take me into your loving arms
Kiss me under the light of a thousand stars
Place your head on my beating heart
I'm thinking out loud
Maybe we found love right where we are”

Thinking Out Loud – Ed Sheeran

N/A: Well… He it is hahahaha It just get completely out of what I was imagining at first, but I liked it :D

I hope you liked as well, so please, let your comment and opinion bellow. I’ll really appreciate. And I confess too is my first time writing it a bit more angst… But is not quite a super angst, is just that Yoonie’s feelings were a bit angst for me xD

So… Comment, subscribe and upvote if you like, and even if you not liked it, please let your opinion here so I could see what I can develop for next time, and so… hehehe

Thank you for read it.

Love ya’ll

Nath :*