Hurt, was the first thing that entered Kyungsoo's head, as he caught a glimpse of Jongin smiling wide, his eyes crinkling at the sides, as Sehun's blonde head bobbed up and down, probably at some lame joke the blonde had made up.

Hurt, because Jongin never smiled like that at him.

Hurt, because it would never be for him.

Kyungsoo immediately looks away, forcing a smile, a futile attempt to make himself feel better.

'I didn't see anything, I didn't see anything, I didn't see anything.' It's become a mantra, to serve as a reminder to keep his hands off things that weren't, and couldn't be his.

Kyungsoo simply let the tears go, because he's so tired, of just waiting, hoping, because what's the point.

Jongin was happy. Sehun was happy. They were happy.

He misses how Jongin's hair would tickle his neck whenever he leaned too close trying to get a better view at Kyungsoo playing on his phone, he misses how Jongin would laugh heartily, choking on air. He misses Jongin.

It was a never-ending cycle of crying, missing and hoping.

"Oh yeah, Kyungsoo, I forgot to tell you," Jongin says, giving one of his toothy grins, as Kyungsoo tried to fight back a smile, because he just goes weak when Jongin does that.

"Sehun and I are going out."

With those words, Kyungsoo felt his world collapse before him, but there was nothing he could do, because he was the one who took the first step into setting up this time bomb.

He could only just smile.

"Really? Well, just remember not to it up."

Like I did, by letting you slip between my fingers.

The next few days were then a blur, Kyungsoo reasoning that school was getting tougher, Jongin getting preoccupied with his apparent love of his life.

Slowly, those days became weeks, and dragged on to months, and now, it was like they didn't know each other anymore.

And here Kyungsoo was, still hoping, waiting for Jongin to turn around and say "It was you all along," but instead he too has moved on from their friendship, slowly joining Sehun's own group of friends.

"A mess, that's what you are," Kyungsoo would whisper to himself, huddled by a blanket too large, covered by a gloom in the dark, as those long nights of over-thinking and self-loathing came to haunt him.

He would wake up and gaze at the mirror, the effects of those nights happening way more than they should have getting more and more obvious, yet their relationship has gotten so strained, that it was like Jongin threw Kyungsoo out of his life permanently, whenever they run into each other in the corridors they simply give each other a nod.

It amused Kyungsoo, how ironic and bittersweet their situation was, rerunning the episodes of their smaller selves hooking their pinkies together and Jongin beaming with the huge gap from his missing front teeth, "Best friends, forever!"

Sehun knew how close they were, Kyungsoo noticing the gazes sent at him at lunch, feeling a sense of guilt and pride that Sehun probably had, since he had the school's prettiest boy wrapped around his finger, while Do Kyungsoo, the small owlish boy Kim Jongin spent more than half of his life with, was completely out of the picture.

Maybe it was better off this way after all, since Kyungsoo doesn't know where he stands between the living and the dead.