To the one I love to call as ‘Beruang’.

Remembering the first time I saw you would make me laugh again and again.

I was waiting for Jaehyung to have his debut and suddenly your company came with that band concept, and boom! Day6. You were there, with Jaehyung and Brian, at the front part of the stage holding an acoustic guitar. I had my thoughts flew back to the past. Weren’t you the boy with such ‘different’ voice playing cajon? And turned out they found a drummer, so I guessed they made you to be guitarist instead. And you are the leader. This is the leader? I furrowed my brows whenever I watched you guys. I did not like you, for the strange vibes that I was feeling whenever you appeared. I thought of you as someone who tries so hard to lift up the mood, tries so hard to steal the attention, and is so hype about everything. But maybe I was mistaken. I only saw you once or twice. Maybe I should pay more attention to you.

Then I paid attention to you.

You are nice. You are caring. And you’re addicting.

And I did not know you are this addicting.

How your presence could actually brighten the atmosphere.

How your voice could actually bring out some laughter.

How your smile could actually lift up the moods. My moods.

And just when I know you are this addicting, I run out of you. And I found myself craving for you. Your presence. Your voice. Your smile.

I do not know that liking a person who does not update much in these millennia would be killing, not in a bad way though. While your band mates updates frequently, I have to feel enough with you rarely posting anything. Or sometimes, even I need to find you in other people posts. But the time I see something about you, it feels like I finally could breathe some fresher air. It is like, waiting for you sometimes bring some pain, but seeing you is the remedy.

People say you hide. People say you are not used to this kind of exposure, perhaps of being ‘celebrity’. And sometimes people make fun of your absence. While I am here thinking with thousands ‘maybe’.

Maybe you just do not like to post things.

Maybe you just love eating warm cookies without being bothered by online chaos.

Maybe you love that peace pace of your life, so you do not really like being online, which is good.

Maybe you are cycling too often instead.

Maybe you are composing songs most of the time.

Maybe you learn something besides music.

Maybe you are busy cleaning the mess the kids made.

Maybe you just do not want to miss anything that happens around you.

And I, and the rest of people who love you, just let it happens. I do not whine about you not posting anything, anymore. As long as you are happy with everything, I am content with it.

But I cannot help when this mind begins to wander. Like, what are you doing at this very moment? Have you done with practicing? Are you at dorm? Or are you at home? Yet I still hopelessly could not know where are you or what are you doing. And there are too many things I wonder about.

Without knowing, your absence gives me too much space for imagining things.

Because maybe you are not like what I imagine at all, but I still like to imagine about you.

Because maybe some of these imaginations are real, but I could never check them out.

Because maybe you are falling in love with someone, and that still draw a smile on me.

Because those maybes make you seemed to be a concept I could never unravel.

And without knowing, I grow fond of you.

I grow fond of you.

I grow fond of you that I start preparing everything about meeting you, in any ways. My heart is about to burst out every time I think about it. A simple yet complicated rendezvous, probably one breathtaking little rendezvous. It is not even a special rendezvous, because I would not be the only one meeting you. But still, I turn to be a bouncy ball whenever those thoughts come. It was 2 times. 2 times people tried to create chances for that breathtaking rendezvous I was telling you before. Those two failed. You should know how I was so excited about things that time. But when they told me it was canceled, I took my time to breathe.

I might never know when I will finally be able to catch you. Even without any chance of rendezvous, I up to this time deeply wish for a pinch of fortuity amidst me and you. For I believe in serendipity, if that little rendezvous is meant to be, they would bring you here for some reasons. And we would make our ways to each other. It should come easy when it’s time. And it would be a succinct, divine happiness for me.

  

To the one who makes my heart beats faster every now and then.

Did I tell you what I love about you?

I could write thousand things about you but human is not a list of things. But if I have to mention, the thing I love the most from you is your vibe.

That complicated vibe of yours. Father, older brother, younger brother, clingy kid next door, baby. Someone who leads and someone who needs protection at the same time. Someone who can be on his own but can be very talkative with others presence. Someone who will watch for others but being sloppy and careless sometimes. Someone who cares and someone who needs to be taken care of. Someone who is just happy. Someone who is concerned about things that happens around him. Someone who loves.

And with those vibes, I thought you would make a good company, a surprisingly decent company.

Did I tell you that I like your smiles?

The smile that sometimes looks like it comes out from a happy kid who gets his ice cream. The smile that sometimes looks like it comes out from a proud dad who knows his child start calling him ‘papa’. The smile that sometimes looks like it comes out from someone who is happy for everything that goes well. The smile that looks like it comes out from someone who amazed by other that can laugh on his dry joke-telling attempts. The smile that sometimes looks like it comes out from someone who falls in love.

Did I tell you that I love your laugh, your intonation when you are talking, your gaze, your voice? Did I tell you that I actually dislike your choice of color for your clothes? And I badly want to ask you why, or badly want to take all of your clothes in your wardrobe?

Did I tell you that I want to know every little detail about you: your habits, your thoughts, your ramblings?

Did I tell you that I actually hate this? Because never have I thought that my knees would be weakened whenever I hear your voice, your name, or your favorite songs. And never have I thought that I would be falling like this.

 

To the one who still loves to bounce like a super happy kid.

I am still not sure what I feel about you. I want you, maybe. I realize that I want you, but at the same time, I know that I do not need you. I do not need you as much as I want to be with you. Yet I am here growing fonder of you, wishing that I could meet you for once, probably to say ‘Hello’ and ‘Goodbye’. And when I could finally escape from this feeling, I wish I could meet you once again, to say ‘Hello’, ‘Thank You’, and ‘Goodbye’. But until that time comes, let me live this feeling up.

 

To the one whom I adore so much.

I hope you live the life you wanted to live in. I hope you always find strength in your surroundings, as a leader, as a singer, as a human. I hope God will always be nice to draw smile in your face. I wish you all the happiness that could ever happen to a human being to happen to you, and for all the best things to come ahead of your journey.

 

To Sungjin Park,

Happy birthday to you