White & Red

Description

Park Jimin, A plain and poor Mentor is tired of being bullied and mistreated.  one night at a party extravigant Police officer Jeon Jungkook was on break. He was tired of cases, he wanted to love someone. Jimin wanting a life greater, and Jungkook wanting a lower life, how could these two be able to become good friends and trust each other. And more now that Jungkook is Drunk and totally fallen for Park Jimin, how will he react when he hears Jimin telling him if he had plans for the night. But then realizing the true meaning behind the night. 

Foreword

"Jimin....Park JImin is my name" I answered as the stranger looked at me. His eyes looked warm. "My name is Jeon Jungkook." He said looking at me straight in the face. "Can I ask you something" I asked. "Sure thing" He answered still looking at me. "What are you doing tonight" I asked smiling. "Wow, you really are fast!" His answer confused me. "what?" I questioned. He started to get closer to me. "Well, I don't have much to do tonight." He said looking down. "Good, because I might need a little of your cooperation tonight."once the words were out of my mouth I started to feel happy inside.

*At Night.*

"Hi Jungkook!" I exclaimed as I let him in. "What do you want to do first?" he asked looking at me daringly. "Well, we can start off from the beginning." I said teasingly.

"All right, good for me." Jungkook said and started to lean on me. He pushed me to the wall. I was Confused. "What are you doing?"

THIS IS JIKOOK. I HOPE YOU LIKE IT!!! AND AS TO THE FOREWORD, NO IT'S NOT INNAPROPRIATE. IF YOU READ THE REAL THING THEN YOU WILL KNOW WHY JIMIN WAS CONFUSED. THIS IS MY FIRST EVER JIKOOK FANFICTION. I HOPE YOU ENJOY IT! COMMENT BELOW!!

Comments

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KimMinSo #1
I really thank all of your help!
I promise that the sequel will be MUCH MUCH better than this.
I'm sorry it came out so boring.
nachopapi
#2
Chapter 4: i liked the story and where you were going with it, but i think you could do a little revising and proofreading. but good job!
Kazuo_06 #3
Chapter 3: It was good, but it would be better if it was longer. Not the storyline itself, but on the length. You can at least dwell more on their insights, like what's on their mind. You can also incorporate a whole paragraph just to describe what one character is feeling or seeing right now. In that way, we readers can visualize the story even more. And yeah, like what I said, you could make a descriptive sentence about what your character(s) feel. In that way also, we can feel what they really feel.


And also do proofreading! :) a key to a good story is not just having a good storyline, its about the punctuation marks and proper caputalization. :)

There's still room for improvement but, nonetheless, it was a cute story!
FluffKin
#4
its kinda short and too quickly you know but good job
KimMinSo #5
Please tell me how you like this story!
I would really appreciate it!