Dread seeped into Baekhyun at the thought of going back to his old apartment to collect his things. In fact, he worried about today anxiously for the past two weeks. He could only go so long living off of Kyungsoo’s clothes before his best friend decided to killed him. The owl eyed male hated the smell Baekhyun left behind, the strong scent of his flowery cologne that seemed to surround him like a cloud.

Taking his stuff meant it was final, and he couldn’t bare to think of it actually being over. The first night he was so sure Chanyeol would call him to come back, but he didn’t. In fact he hoped everyday that his boyfriend, well ex-boyfriend now, would call him to say he didn’t mean it. Even today was a last chance for Chanyeol to take back his words. He prayed that he would take back his words.

But Baekhyun knew that they were over. He refused to admit it to himself out of fear, but he really did know the truth. Chanyeol was tired of him, of his nagging and roller coaster emotions.  He was tired of their boring . The taller never said those words, but Baekhyun knew that was why. Their relationship was going down hill for months. They held on for too long, and even with it being over, the petite male still couldn’t accept it. 

Chanyeol probably found someone better, someone who made him feel alive and happy, like Baekhyun used to. He most likely found someone who made him smile that stupid grin again. He missed that grin so much. Chanyeol didn’t give him that special smile anymore, not for a long time. He smiled now as if he was trying to show Baekhyun that everything was okay, but it looked off and forced. 

There used to be days in the beginning where Chanyeol smiled at him and Baekhyun felt like the full weight of the sun was coming down on him. He would smile back just as hard and bask in the warmth of love. They used to have a love everyone envied. That was long gone. Now people looked at them with pity and discomfort.

The funny thing about all of this was that Baekhyun never saw it coming. Their relationship was going to , but he never imagined Chanyeol breaking up with him. He always assumed he would be the one to do it. He thought Chanyeol loved him. Miserable as they were, Baekhyun really thought that they at least still loved each other. Obviously he was wrong, otherwise Chanyeol wouldn’t have broke it off.

That’s what brought him to this exact moment, standing outside his old front door with the chipped white paint, his knuckles clenched so tight they were white. His key was clutched tightly inside of one of those hands, but he was too scared to open the door. He was terrified Chanyeol would be home. The last thing he needed was to open up the door and turn into a crying mess in front of someone who didn’t want him anymore. He coordinated this trip so Chanyeol would be at work, but that still didn’t lessen his anxiety. As much as he wished for the apartment to be empty, he also hoped Chanyeol would be inside. The two conflicting sides of him were at war and it made his stomach ache with pain.

“You can do this Baekhyun,” He nodded his head and tried to build up his courage, “He’s not home, there’s nothing to worry about.” The pep talk gave him just enough strength to push the key into the lock and push the door open.

Stepping in, he took a moment for his eyes to adjust to the darkness. His hand shot out to smack the living room light switch on. Baekhyun blinked his eyes to see clearly and looked into the place he used to call home. Once he could see properly it came as no surprise to the short young man that everything looked the same. If fact it was even cleaner than before. Baekhyun knew that Chanyeol probably did it, he was a major stress cleaner. It used to drive Baekhyun mad back in college around finals time when Chanyeol would use his down time from studying to clean every inch of their apartment.

He slipped off his shoes and put them in their usual place by the door out of habit before he walked into the hallway. Getting out as quickly as possible should have been a priority, but Baekhyun took his time. The pictures in the hall were still there, every single one he put up himself to decorate the apartment with their love. Now all the pictures served as were a reminder of his pain.

His pale fingers touched the glass of one picture in particular. It was taken on a trip to Hawaii they went on for their four anniversary two years ago. They stood on the top of a cliff at sunset kissing, Baekhyun’s arm stretched out to capture the beautiful moment. Chanyeol’s overly sized hands were placed on both his cheeks, holding them so tenderly. The people in that photo looked absolutely in love. The way their lips molded together, both of their eyes closed as they lost themselves in that kiss. He could still feel it as if it happened yesterday.

Baekhyun took in a shaky breath before he forced himself to move on. He ached to take the picture with him, but doing so would only remind him of his heart break.

His hand wrapped around the cold doorknob to their room as he paused. Considering it being ten o’clock on a Thursday, Chanyeol would be at work until four at least. He had nothing to fear behind that door. He pushed it open holding his breath in.

Just as he thought, the room was empty of life. What he found though was worse than anything he could have imagined though. On the left side of the room, his side, a few boxes and two bags sat on the floor. He knew they were his things. Chanyeol packed his things knowing that Baekhyun would come back eventually for them. They were over. They were really over. He shouldn’t have been surprised, but it still brought tears to his eyes. The brunette tried to wipe them away quickly, but more soon followed. Once he started crying it was nearly impossible to stop.

On Chanyeol’s side everything looked the same. He still had that ridiculously old alarm clock shaped like a teddy bear Baekhyun got him in high school, and next to it sat a glass bowl with all of his ex-boyfriend’s rings and bracelets. Most people their age didn’t wear jewelry, but Chanyeol loved decking out his hands and wrists. Baekhyun fueled his love by buying him expensive pieces for birthdays, anniversaries, and holidays. All the jewelry in that bowl was probably something he had given Chanyeol.

The king sized bed was made up on his side, but on the other side Chanyeol hadn’t even bothered to make the bed when he got up. The blanket and sheet were pushed back. It was usually Baekhyun’s job to make the bed in the morning.

On the floor was a pair of boxers, a white vneck, and pj pants. The boxers were very obnoxious, a bright pink that Baekhyun made Chanyeol wear for a good laugh. The pj bottoms were black with red hearts all over. Baekhyun had white ones with hearts to match it. No matter where he looked, Baekhyun was overloaded with little memories of the past six years. Nothing of Chanyeol’s was free of Baekhyun, and nothing of Baekhyun’s were free of Chanyeol. He had so many things his ex-boyfriend had given him, like this stupid shirt that said ‘My boyfriend made me wear this’. They were both tied together in every way, yet Chanyeol was breaking those ties.

Baekhyun needed to load up his car, but he couldn’t think of that anymore.

He grabbed the vneck off of the floor and held it to his chest as the tears spilled. He sniffled and sobbed, a pain swelling in his chest. He sat on the bed and curled himself up in Chanyeol’s spot as he breathed in that heavenly smell, a smell that both excited him and made the pain worse.

Chanyeol always smelt like cinnamon and honey without trying. Baekhyun used to love burying his face into the crook of the taller’s neck and breathing in his sweet smell.

The sobs echoed loudly in the room as he held nothing back. The pain washed over him in waves, each stronger than the previous. He wanted to be surrounded by everything Chanyeol, by everything that reminded him of the person he loved most. It hurt so much, but he welcomed it. The past two weeks he pretended to be okay. He gave his friends a bright smile and brushed off his break up like it was nothing, but inside he was a wreck. He was a ticking time bomb, and right now he was going off.

“You know Baekhyun, your kind of an .” Chanyeol looked livid, like he was going to kill the short male any minute. His eyes were on fire in a way Baekhyun had never seen them before. He was used to the giant’s wide smile and easy going attitude, but this scary Chanyeol was a whole new side he’d never rarely glimpsed at before.

They stood inside of the empty choir room, Chanyeol towering over him. Baekhyun came in here to practice alone before the concert that night, something he was very stressed over, and he was startled when his best friend came barging in.

“You call me your best friend.” His voice was so low and painted with anger, “but if you truly cared about me, you would know what being called that does to me.”

Baekhyun’s eye brows knitted together in confusion, “Chanyeol what are you-“

“I’m not done.” He cut him off abruptly.

“all I’ve ever been to you is a best friend, a brother.” He scoffed, “But it hurts. Surely you know that,” Chanyeol paused to take a deep breath and try and calm himself a little, “I love you. Byun Baekhyun I love you, and not like a ing brother.”

He took a step closer to the short boy and placed his hands on both of Baekhyun’s cheeks. “So you must be an .” His voice came out soft, more tender than before. “If all this time you didn’t know how much I love you.”

Baekhyun was stunned into silence. He and Chanyeol had been best friends since elementary school, glued to the hip in everything they did. The only thing they didn’t do together was Baekhyun’s choir and Chanyeol’s band. They supported one another fiercely, always going to each others performances and cheering the loudest.

In all that time he never considered that Chanyeol had feelings for him. Baekhyun fell for Chanyeol when they were little and played house, Baekhyun the mom and Chanyeol the dad. He never even thought it possible for someone so perfect to love him back.

“Oh Channie.” His eyes welled up, a warm feeling spreading in his chest and reaching up to make his cheeks go bright red. “I never thought-“ He smiled and laughed while the happy tears fell.

He reached up and pulled the taller down until their faces were close, noses brushing together. “I love you too idiot.” Baekhyun smiled and pressed their lips together. He always imagined kissing Chanyeol, but he never expected the warmth and fire that broke out in him.

The two of them were both idiots. Everyone around them could see they loved each other except for them. Later they found out some of their friends even placed bets on who would confess first. True idiots.

The door to the bedroom slowly opened, drawing Baekhyun from his thoughts.

His heart jumped into his throat when He came into eye contact with Chanyeol. Both of them froze with an unsettling silence building in the air between them. Baekhyun was mortified that his ex-boyfriend found him in such a fragile state, hands wound tightly around Chanyeol’s shirt. He thought that the sight must have been pretty pathetic to the tall man. Without a word Baekhyun jumped up, breaking the spell, and wiped his eyes as quickly as possible. He wanted to face Chanyeol with strength and dignity, but that was all thrown out the window no matter how hard he tried.

“I-I didn’t think you’d be home.” He tried to make his voice sound even, but it came out raspy and choked, “I just came to get my things.” Baekhyun wiped away another stray tear and looked anywhere but at Chanyeol. He settled for staring at his feet, scared of crying more if he looked at the giant.

“I think I’ll just come back some other time, I’m running late for lunch with Kyungsoo anyway.” Baekhyun felt suffocated in that room, he couldn’t stay a moment longer. He tried to walk past Chanyeol in the doorway, but a hand grabbed his arm before he could even get into the hall. He stopped in his tracks and tried desperately to keep it together. “Please let go Chanyeol.” His lower lip quivered. More tears fell from his eyes.

He was pulled back against Chanyeol’s strong chest. Two arms wrapped around him tightly, keeping him pressed firmly to the taller.

“No.” That low voice whispered into his ear, “I…..just no.”

This was stupid. Chanyeol was making it harder for Baekhyun to let go. He was confusing him. He didn’t want Baekhyun, he was the one to break off their six years of hard work, yet here they were.

“Please Chanyeol,” He bit his lower lip to hold back a sob, “Please don’t make this harder for me.” He closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the other’s chest. Everything about the embrace screamed home. Baekhyun felt safe in these arms, he felt untouchable. He cried himself to sleep every night for the past two weeks, dreaming of these very arms wrapped securely around him. He and Chanyeol always slept tangled together, even on the nights they fought or were cross with each other. Baekhyun would be furious or upset, and yet Chanyeol would still pull him against his chest and wrap himself around the other securely. At the end of the day they always fell asleep together.

Chanyeol grabbed Baekhyun’s face in one of his hands and turned it so he could look up at him. Baekhyun never allowed himself to think how the taller must have felt. He was the one broken up with, yet there in Chanyeol’s eyes, those soft brown eyes he loved so much, he found heartbreak.

“Do you know why I broke up with you Baekhyun.” He mumbled softly.

The shorter had a number of ideas why, but he shook his head.

“Because I was tired of waiting for you to show emotion.” He chuckled lightly with tears in his eyes, “I waited for six months for you to show me you still felt something.” His thumb brushed lightly over Baekhyun’s cheek. He rubbed away the tears still flowing down the smaller's cheek while Chanyeol own tears fell.

Out of everything the shorter had thought of, he didn’t expect this. He never realized he was the one growing distant. It made sense to him though. Baekhyun went through his daily routine the past year without putting any effort into his life. He had a job, Chanyeol, and friends they went out with once a week, he had fallen into a comfortable and boring pattern. He let himself drown in the sorrow of being trapped in the same life every day with very little change or growth. Chanyeol didn’t grow bored with him, he grew bored with Chanyeol. Baekhyun stopped fighting, stopped trying at anything, and most of all he stopped showing Chanyeol how much he loved him. This was his fault, and he didn’t see that until now. He felt as if he could finally see after being blind for so long.

Baekhyun broke out into a loud sob, turning his body in Chanyeol's arms to bury his head into his ex-boyfriend’s chest. Pain and regret trembled through him in devestating waves. How could he have been so stupid? He held onto Chanyeol tightly, as if the other man would disappear if he let go. He was lucky enough to have someone so amazing like Chanyeol love him, and he didn't do anything to keep that love. “I’m so sorry.” He choked and let his tears soak into the front of his lover’s shirt. He didn’t even have to look up to know that Chanyeol was crying too.

The taller grabbed his face again and forced Baekhyun to look up at him. He wiped away the smaller's tears with his thumbs and cupped his cheeks. They gazed into each other's tear brimmed eyes and didn't move as minutes passed by. Those soft warm eyes looked down on Baekhyun in a way he didn't deserve, like the sun rose and set with him. He didn't deserve Chanyeol.

"I love you." The words left his lips before he could even think about them. Baekhyun's cheeks colored and he felt like high school student again who was too blind to see that the boy he loved had loved him right back. They will always be flawed human beings, but he hoped that they could be flawed together. "I'm sorry I've been distant, but I will always," He lifted his hands up to grab Chanyeol's face in his hands and bring it down gently to his level, until their noses were almost touching, "always love you. You're my everything Yeol." 

A smile lifted lightly on the taller's lips, but it held so much radiance. He pressed a small peck on the tip of Baekhyun's nose and then that smile grew even wider. "There will never be words enough to express how I feel about you Baekhyun, but love is the closest." He connected their lips in the sweetest of kisses, as soft as their first but with so much more meaning to it. So many words needed to be said, but that could wait until later. They had a lot of problems, things that needed to be sorted out before they could move on from this mess, but neither cared at the moment.

Their lips moved together in a kiss that held more words than anything they could have said.

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THANK YOU FOR READING~