also, im sorry for this im totally team #BaekhyunDeservesTheWorld

 1. Wave your hands and pretend it doesn’t hurt. Then, hope the waving will make the pain go away.

Baekhyun’s been in love with his best friend for the longest time—since he can remember, really.

They’d met in kindergarten, and yeah its cliché, but Chanyeol—a chubby kid wearing glasses at the time, with ears too big and gaudy for his face—had shooed away the boys bullying him on his first day at a school in Busan.

He’d been the person to hold out a hand for Baekhyun while flashing him a toothy smile brighter than the sun. He’d worried over the gash on Baekhyun’s knee, and had demanded that the teacher give him the Iron Man themed Band-Aid so he could, “Be little Baekhyunnie’s prince and fix him.”

He’d waited by Baekhyun’s side after school hours, swinging his legs beside the boy and asking random questions about him, until Mrs. Byun had showed up.

When his mom got out of the car and worried over her little son’s injuries, Chanyeol’s chest had puffed up in pride when Baekhyun had told his mother that he’d saved Baekhyun from meanies.

Mrs. Byun had ruffled Chanyeol’s hair, and the boy had told her, “I will always protect Baekhyunnie.”

Blushing, the Byun’s only son had run into the car as fast as he could. The thing he most remembers about that day is looking out the back window and seeing Chanyeol wave his stumpy, chubby arms around until the car was out of sight.

Baekhyun was seven, had an attachment to the colour green, and had just met the boy that was his beginning, and inevitably, his ending.

2. Say goodbye as if it’s a promise worth keeping and it doesn’t hurt at all. Then, hope you can say it enough to make yourself believe.

By middle school the two had become joined at the hip, and while Chanyeol had nearly finished shedding his baby fat, Baekhyun felt as if he’d just started losing his.

Sprouting up like a beanstalk, Chanyeol towered over him with long, awkward limbs and big hands, while Baekhyun remained short and stubby.

But Chanyeol had never left his side.

He’d stayed through all of the drama of Baekhyun coming out of the closet, through all of the nights he’d climbed into Chanyeol’s room through his window, and all of the messy food fights they’d gotten into.

He’d stayed for Baekhyun, who whispered his ear off during football games as they sat at the bleachers, and who accidentally burnt off half of Chanyeol’s hair with a Bunsen burner during science class.

Life was good. Excellent, even.

But it couldn’t stay good forever, no matter how much Baekhyun wished.

3. Turn around and pretend you don’t care—that you never did at all. Then, hope your steps will take you far enough that the pain won’t matter anymore.

They’d met Luhan in college, and where Baekhyun was loud and obnoxious, Luhan was quiet and soft-spoken. Where Baekhyun was sassy and brash, Luhan was innocent and wide-eyed.

Fresh out of the closet, Chanyeol had fallen in love. With his best friend.

Just not the right one.

He’d fallen in love with Luhan, whose eyes twinkled like the stars in the sky, and who’s lips smelled like overpriced cherry lip balm.

It wasn’t meant to be like this, Baekhyun rages one night, throwing things around their shared room, it wasn’t meant to end like this. It wasn’t meant to be Luhan.

Baekhyun had sat on the tiled floor of the bathroom until Chanyeol came home from his date, smiling like he’d just won the lottery, overpriced cherry lip balm smudged on the collar of his shirt, and Baekhyun felt like dying inside.

The man that he’d loved almost his entire life was happy with someone else. And that hurt to the core.

Because Luhan wasn’t there.

He didn’t grow up with Chanyeol, and he didn’t play knights and princesses with him. He didn’t pay for Chanyeol’s ice cream every day after school, and he certainly didn’t help him get the gum out of his hair when Jongin had accidentally dropped some in it.

He wasn’t there when Chanyeol won the award for highest attendance and best grades in high school. He wasn’t there to hold and cherish him when Chanyeol’s parents got a divorce and his sister moved out of state.

Thinking back, he wonders if the thought of dating him ever crossed Chanyeol’s mind—even once.

4. Do everything and pretend it’s good enough. Then, hope you can do it all fast enough, before you change your mind.

Groaning into his flute of champagne, Baekhyun feels stuffy in a suit and tie. He can’t help but wish it was all over faster—that he didn’t have to wait here, all dressed up and with a date who he honestly felt like ditching.

Glancing around, the red-head takes in the sight of white and light green tablecloths covering ten-seater tables, a bouquet of fresh daisies in the middle of each. He can’t help but approve of the arrangement and colours, because honestly he’d planned this wedding out in his dreams, same exact colours and everything.

Rolling his eyes, he takes another sip of champagne as he spots Kyungsoo making his way over, Jongin attached to his arm.

“What’s got your in a twist, Byun? Why can’t you even be happy at your own best friend’s wedding?”

Baekhyun holds himself back, taking deep breaths. After all these years he’d never once told anyone how he’d felt.

“Crabby as always, Soo. I’m surprised you didn’t bring Sehun,” the redhead replies calmly, watching as the man’s eyes light up.

“Sadly, we couldn’t bring him. Adults only and all that jazz. But you’re definitely coming to his birthday next week right?”

Baekhyun sighs, “Wouldn’t miss it for the world. The little squirt is turning 7, isn’t he? What an annoying age.”

Kyungsoo agrees. It’s the age that Baekhyun met Chanyeol and it’ll always be his favourite number.

“Oh, look. It’s Yeol,” Jongin pipes up, fiddling with the bottom of his tie, and Baekhyun has no time to see Kyungsoo slap his hand away, before his head whips around to catch sight of his best friend.

Baekhyun’s eyes roam over every inch of his body, and his best friend looks stunning in a white suit.

He wants to go up and hug him because Baekhyun hasn’t seen him in weeks, because he was always up to his neck in wedding preparations.

Chanyeol takes his place on the podium and Baekhyun can feel the sting in the back of his eyes already. No, he has to stay strong.

The wedding march starts to play and Baekhyun’s ears tune out the sound until it’s merely just white noise because all he can see is Chanyeol and he’s dreamt of this so many times it isn’t even ing funny anymore.

It’s only when Luhan comes into view in the same matching white suit that Baekhyun feels a hot, salty tear escape his eyes. It breaks the dam, and he hopes that Kyungsoo and Jongin think he’s crying from happiness, as he tries to wipe away the tears faster than they fall but it’s impossible.

The ceremony goes on as planned and Baekhyun still looks away when they kiss because out of everything today, that’s the last thing he wants to see.

He’s successfully stopped crying by the end of the first dance, and it’s only when Chanyeol walks up to him with a hand outstretched that Baekhyun remembers their first meeting.

The blonde pulls Baekhyun’s arm until they’re on the dancefloor, and the redhead doesn’t know where to put his hands so he just puts both of them on the man’s shoulders.

He feels his eyes stinging again when Chanyeol holds his waist. Of all the times, it had to be now.

Trying to distract himself, Baekhyun blurts out, “I’m moving tomorrow,” and Chanyeol pauses a beat before continuing.

“Awesome, I’ll help you unpack into your new place. The one you’re in now is a dump. I can’t believe I let you live there for so long.”

Laughing, Baekhyun adds, “To Europe.”

This time they really do pause. “Oh,” the blonde responds, eyebrows furrowed, “But what am I going to do without my best friend?”

You haven’t had your best friend for years, Chanyeol. Not since the first time you told him you’d fallen in love with someone else.

“You’ll manage,” Baekhyun whispers, throat constricting around the words, “You’ve got a husband now.”

Chanyeol hums and sighs, and they continue dancing.

Suddenly, Chanyeol laughs and mumbles, “How outrageous would it be if we were the ones who got married? Can you imagine that?”

Baekhyun’s knees nearly cave in.

“Huh,” he mumbles back, “That’s impossible.”

Truth was, he had imagined it.

He’d imagined it many times, just like they were right now, but instead of Chanyeol laughing, he was looking into Baekhyun’s eyes with the same look he’d had when he’s first seen him—all toothy smile, brighter than the sun.

“I guess I’d better hand you back to your husband then,” the redhead says, slowly retracting his hands until they lie limp by his side.

Chanyeol cackles, “I’m pretty sure all of the old ladies are going to snatch me up first,” as he glides away, blonde hair glistening.

Baekhyun sits back down and downs about three more flutes of champagne. He’s going to need them if he’s ever going to survive the entire night.

It is 3am when the wedding finally finishes, and Baekhyun’s about to walk off when Luhan stops him.

“I heard you’re going to Europe today, Baek,” he gasps, vibrating with excitement and pretty lips pulled up into a smile, the same overpriced cherry lip balm covering them.

“Yup,” he replies, and tries to get out of there before Chanyeol comes back because he really hates goodbyes.

He also doesn’t like the fact that if Chanyeol tells him to stay, he will.

The redhead almost makes it out, but he catches sight of the giant taking long strides over to the two of them. Of course.

Chanyeol bundles the both of them up into a hug, smiling, “Doesn’t it feel just like the old times? When it was just the three of us?”

“There was two before three,” Baekhyun feels like screaming but he laughs right along.

“We’d better let Baekhyun go then, his flight is in two hours,” Luhan smiles, taking a step back and turning to the redhead, “I hope you have a safe flight, and call us when you land.”

Baekhyun smiles back and promises to do just that.

It’s only when he turns to Chanyeol and the man’s crying does Baekhyun’s resolve crumble like dust. He looks exactly like he did the night he’d crawled into Baekhyun’s bed and told the boy his parents were splitting up.

Stepping forward and crushing the giant into a hug, Baekhyun holds back tears, “Oh c’mon, you’re such a big baby. Stop crying.”

“I’m going to miss you, Baek,” he mumbles, tears still running down his face, “But I guess this is goodbye for now. I’ll see you soon though, even if I have to fly there and kick your myself, I will.”

Baekhyun lets go and smiles back, waving and swallowing harshly. The scene of Chanyeol waving out the back window of his mother’s car flashes through his mind.

 “Goodbye.”

It sounds like all of the promises they’d ever broken. All of the fights they’d ever had, and all of the memories they’d ever made.

It sounds like seven-year-old Chanyeol waving through the back window of Mrs. Byun's car, chocolate ice cream stains down his shirt. It sounds like Baekhyun scolding Jongin for getting gum in his best friend's hair. It sounds like Baekhyun punching the bathroom mirror in anger, tears running down his face. It sounds like Chanyeol telling Baekhyun how he's going to propose. 

It sounds like a goodbye, but also, so much more than that.

It sounds like letting go.

5. You can’t. Not yet. So don’t.

inspired by a quote by Tumblr user: obviouslylost

im sorry once again, this doesn't even make sense wtf haha