In the beginning when I moved to Seoul, everything seemed to be so slow and peaceful, compared to the stress-filled job I had. stayed home, if not I would go on adventures. I always wanted to travel around the world and explore different cultures. I decided that I would start exploring the city. I mostly I would get in a random bus and ride from its' first stop to its' last. I enjoyed the scenery and the people that I saw. I have seen many elders still holding hands, smiling and laughing to each other. That was the love I wished to achieve with someone; to grow together, and still love each other after so many years. We would be all wrinkly, and we would have white hair but still give kisses to each other. Our grandchildren will nag us to buy them snacks and we would not be able to deny their requests. I would hate do die after my lover, but I would live on for my children, because no matter the time, there is always things to discover about life.

There were many moments when I felt like I found the right person to spend my life with, yet they have never looked at me the way I looked at them. My first major crush was the power forward of the basketball team in high school. I mean, who did not have a crush on him? Yet my feelings might have been slightly different than the admirations the others had for him. I worked as the manager of the team. I had to consult him a lot, since he was also the captain of the team. I had realized how responsible and how much sense of duty he had. I appreciated him at first, but slowly it turned to affection, because he noticed me. I had always been a hard working person. I would do more than necessary but not mention it nor expect anything in return. Yet, he always caught me doing extra work and he kept complimenting me. That went on for the three years of high school. Maybe at first he had feelings for me, but I know it turned out differently. That was at the end of the year, I did not want regrets, in fact I hated regrets. Thus, I asked him to stay after school on a Friday, two weeks before the graduating. I confessed. He was surprised and confused. He told me about how he treated me like a sister, since his friend, the center of the team, liked me. He totally thought I had feelings for him instead and that we would have ended up together. I cried so hard that night and eventually, that guy, the center of the team, had found me crying at school. He comforted me that night, but that did not make me fall for him, because I knew he only liked me for my looks and actually tried to get a move on me. It was a total turnoff. The last two weeks were horrible. I had to move on and just focus on my job as a manager. I did it, and it felt awful wearing a mask, but at least I moved on. I wish I had learned something from that crush, but I had to fall for again for someone else. I had a pretty decent love life, running after people or either asked out by other people, yet nothing ever worked out because they either did not like me or I did not like them. I guess that turned out for the best. All that love instead just made me love myself more.