Sungjong learned that he had a cancer that could threaten his life. But he never planned to let any of s knew about that. It was his fault for being so ignorant about his body. It was his fault for being so foolish in taking care of his own health. So he can’t let any of his hyungs worried about him. After all, he was the maknae who always be a hyung to his child-like hyungs. That’s was what he thought all this times. But it seemed that his illness didn’t leave him alone to live as peaceful as he wanted to. Being strong and pretending that nothing happened was really torturing. The symptoms kept on growing worst that made him almost gave up but his stubbornness and ego were holding him from revealing the truth to s. It was not like any of them noticed about the changes of their maknae. They concerned. They asked. But they swallowed all the excuses given and the time that always getting lesser and lesser to spend together made them always passed it forgotten. And the maknae was grateful enough that none of them made an action to drag his feet to the hospital or nagging him until his ears bleeding just to make sure he took his meds at the right time. Sungjong was living with easiness without s’ concern but the truth was, his illness never get any better to the day he was not woke up when myungsoo tried to get him off from his bed. Sungjong didn’t even reply to his call before he poked him to his shoulder but no reaction he got from the maknae. He called the other members just to find out that sungjong was having very high fever which none of them noticed it. They brought the maknae to the hospital with heart full of guilty for not taking a good care of their lovely maknae. But then the news coming out from the man with white robe in front of them blew them hard. None of them could care less if they had to cry their heart out. The things that they never could imagine before made them realised how useless and thoughtless they were all this times. Leaving their sick maknae suffering alone while they were enjoyed torturing him with all their childish acts. Their sick maknae who always did their orders without complaining, who listened very well to his hyungs’ words, who always be by their side when they having their hard times, who always be a good caretaker of them, was now on deathbed - struggling for more time and demanding for less suffers. Nothing more left other than crying and regretting their past moment which they didn’t spent together but they could never get it back. Even they had to kneel down in front of the cruellest times and begging their whole life so that they could have just a day to spend together. Sungjong was now on the verge of death-call and they could do nothing but waving a goodbye to him.

If I had to die, I’ll die alone. If I had to go, I’ll go quietly. If I had to leave, I’ll leave forever.

And now sungjong was leaving. Alone, and quietly. But he never gone because he’ll always be here – forever.

You’re gone, leaving us behind in the dark silent night with this cold heartless winter that can offer nothing but pains. And the fat crystal tears that only contains all the hurt and anger rolling down cruelly smearing the pale white cheeks of ours. By the time the sun wakes the earth up and the sky was brightly greets them, we’re still there staring at the moon that is still on the sky blurrily. Its shine fades by the brightest sunshine made it barely to be seen. But we know – just know – that the moon is still there. And so were you. We just know, hopefully, you’re still here with us forever. In the day and the night, in the winter and the summer. Even the calm brightest sunshine cannot hide your self neither the fluffy pure white clouds can make you disappear. Your presence, your existence and your being will always be here. With the melancholic chirps of birds that sound so mellow and romantic mesmerizing the one and only memory we had. And so the wind which whispering softly your nice sweet voice calling our name beautifully. We never thought that a just mere word that we can’t even say to each other could be very meaningful and could bring the happiness as wide as the sky and as deep as the sea to this as small as a  molecule of our heart. How big the meaning of a mere simple word of LOVE that we are longing so much to be heard and to be said that could demand so much effort from us. How can it be so difficult to utter such short lighter word that make us struggling every inch of our strength and energy just to spell those four alphabets. But, even we can say it now with every attempt that we could think of, even we can repeat it over and over until we drain ourselves out, you’re still gone anyhow. You’re still there. No matter how hard we try and try you will never come back. Cause you’re there – with the moon and the sun in the wide sky, with the wind that only brings your whispers, with the snow that showered us with our memories. And we just hope – desperately – please don’t disappear from there. Because you’re not here, at least you’re there so that we can always see each other in every second that was left. And now let us find the true happiness in this painful longing.