Woohyun haven’t always been a rebellious one, Chorong knows.

He used to give stray cats food to eat. He voluntarily walked his neighbour’s dog when he had the time. He would stop by the playground and give out free candies to the kids. And when he came across an elderly crossing the road, he’d hold their hand until they were safely across the street.

Woohyun haven’t always been the rebellious, difficult one – Chorong knows.

The first time she saw him placing a cigarette stick between his two lips was on the night of her 18^th birthday. He had been waiting for her outside her student’s house – casually leaning against a tree on one leg as he exhaled a puff of toxic air.

When did you start – she asked.

Not too long ago, came his short reply. He grinned like he had done something cool and Chorong couldn’t help noticing his slightly stained teeth. It had been awhile then, she realised but didn’t say anything else.

She never knew the reason why he had to start but she should’ve known then when he started keeping secrets from her – she had already lost her best friend.

Woohyun haven’t always been a rebellious, difficult, wild one – Chorong knows.

On her first day of college, she had been running late. She was rather frazzled, worried that she might miss out on any important announcements. Out of habit, she gave Woohyun a distressed call and after she almost broke down on the phone, he appeared in front of her house about ten minutes later.

Much to her surprise (and maybe dismay), he had come to save her day with a run-down-yet-still-somehow functioning motorbike which he had gotten from God knows where.

She didn’t even know when he had gotten his license.

Awesome huh – he beamed (that Chorong didn’t have the heart to tell him she hated it. She hated that it doesn’t make her feel safe when he sped her down all the way to college as she hung on to him for dear life – she hated that he didn’t make her feel safe anymore.)

Woohyun haven’t always been a rebellious, difficult, wild and dangerous one. Or at least Chorong thought she knew her best friend.

When he got arrested, Chorong had been home watching tv. She got a call from the prison about hours later – heart stopping momentarily when she heard his familiar’s voice from the other end, pleading for her to bail him out. She couldn’t comprehend her thoughts at all she grabbed her coat, her car keys and drove down to the station still all in a daze.

How long have you been selling them?

I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry Chorong. It shouldn’t have come to this.

What were you thinking? Were you that desperate for money? You could’ve come to me for help!

It’s not quite about the money. You don’t understand.

Then make me! Goddamn it Nam Woohyun. I think I haven’t understood you for awhile now.

Chorong, listen –

They found a man dead. Did you do it?

I-I don’t know. Maybe…I can’t –

I’m done, Woohyun. I am done.

But even when she said that, she knew she would never be done with him. How could she? Leave her one and only best friend in the lurch to fend for himself during the time he needed her the most. Even when she doesn’t recognise him any longer, even when she doesn’t understand his words or actions anymore – Chorong defended him.

Because even after all these time and the stranger he had become, she is still and will always be in love with him.

She did her best in the court room. She countered their accusations steadily (even though her heart was breaking into pieces with each passing second), she defended his actions blindly (although part of her believed that perhaps putting him away would do himself some good) and she lied for him when she told everyone in the room that Nam Woohyun is a good man who wouldn’t hurt a single soul, much less kill anyone (intentionally) – when he was already hurting her for many years long.

She didn’t free him but instead got his sentence reduced. As she stood by the door and watched them bring him into his cell, Chorong willed for herself not to cry – regretting the fact that she didn’t manage to save and help him sooner. Perhaps, this is all her fault. If she hadn’t ignore those signs (with hopes that he would somehow change someday), they’d probably be living in a big house together (maybe even with kids running around in the backyard) and she would always have his arms to come home to every night after work.

Chorong – he called out and she moved in closer to him for their temporary goodbyes. Or maybe permanent, she wasn’t sure yet.

I truly am sorry for everything. Despite everything that has happened, you were and still are the good part in my life – the only good part and I will always hold on to that.

She simply nodded, unable to utter a word.

Take care of yourself out there.

She gave him one last, long look before turning away and walked out, with the words chanting in her mind like a mantra.

She could’ve saved him. She could’ve saved him.