Chapter Four

“You mean… for these two weeks, you weren’t… you?” I asked.

Myungsoo shook his head.

“But… but you didn’t seem dangerous. You didn’t hurt me,” I protested. I didn’t want to believe him. I didn’t want to believe that this person who just… kissed me, wasn’t Myungsoo, but someone else. But… he was still Myungsoo. Right?

“I know. That’s why. Usually, I would have hurt someone by now,” He confessed.

“If… if your illness is so dangerous, why didn’t you tell me?”

“I thought… I thought he was gone. Ever since I went to see that psychiatrist, he never appeared again. But I think… I think because when I saw you get beaten up, it triggered something, and he came back,” He whispered, looking down at his hands.

“No wonder you acted different. It never dawned on me that you became… someone else,” I realised. I looked up at Myungsoo. “You have to see the doctor, Myungsoo,” I said softly.

He nodded. “I have to.”

I blinked at his response. “You’re not going to protest?”

“No. I don’t like this… other person. He’s dangerous. I’ve… I’ve always been ashamed that I would turn to this person,” He buried his face in his hands.

Seeing him like this,  I softened. I placed my arm around him, patting him. “It’s okay. It’s not your fault. Once you get checked, they can help you get better.”

After that, the adults had booked him an appointment to see his usual psychiatrist a few days later.

I couldn’t help but think about the past weeks when Myungsoo wasn’t ‘Myungsoo’.

He didn’t seem dangerous, he just seemed… needy. More hurt. Broken.

The man stepped out the stuffy hell hole, breathing in the fresh air. He had never felt more alive. Since his time in jail, he had repented, realised his mistakes. And he was going to make up his mistakes.

He knew he wouldn’t be forgiven; at least not easily. Even he wouldn’t forgive himself. But he was going to make up for his mistakes, even if it meant for a long time. Afterall, all he had was time on his hands.

He bought a basket of fruits, heading to the boy’s house. He was going to pay this boy a visit first. Then, he would find his son, and beg him for forgiveness, if he needs to. He knocked on the door once. Twice. There was no answer.

“Sir, are you looking for someone?” A lady who came out of the nearby house asked him. “That house has been empty for a few months now.”

The man blinked. “Oh, it has? Then do you perhaps know where they have shifted to?”

“The couple passed away a few months back. I heard the little boy had been sent to the Orphanage.”

The man was shocked. “They… they passed away? Then, do you know which orphanage the boy had been sent to?”

When the man reached the orphanage, he looked around him carefully. The place was old, and it looked like it hadn’t been cleaned in years.

“Sir, can I help you?” A lady came out of the orphanage. Her short curled hair blew in the breeze as she enquired.

“Umm… can I ask if there’s a boy called Lee Sungyeol here?” The man asked.

“Lee Sungyeol… yes,” She nodded after checking the name list. “Do you know him?”

“Well… you could say that. I would like to give this to him,” He told her, lifting the basket of fruits. “I owe him an apology. Oh- and if he agrees, I’d like to adopt him.”

I lay in my bed, thinking. Somehow, something seemed so familiar, so so familiar. 

I got up, slowly lifting my legs into my wheelchair. I decided to just delve myself into my homework, and forget other stuff. 

However, I couldn't seem to find one particular worksheet. 

I searched everywhere, but it was just gone. I sighed in relief when I saw something white under my bed. Myungsoo was bathing, and Hoya had extra school today- so I couldn't get help. So, I dragged my legs out of my wheelchair, helping myself onto the ground. 

There it was, my piece of worksheet under my bed. I ducked my head so I could see it, and I was literally lying on the ground, trying to retrieve it. 

That was when I saw something brown sticking out from under Myungsoo's bed. 

Tugging it out, it turned out to be an old, black hoodie. And somehow, that hoodie looked familiar. Noticing a blood stain on it, I frowned.

"Sungyeol! Are you okay?" Myungsoo rushed to my side when he saw me on the floor. 

"I'm fine- But Myungsoo, where did you get this hoodie...?" I lifted it up. 

"This? Oh, my mom gave it to me. Here, let's get you up," He helped me back into my wheelchair. 

A thought crossed my mind. But it couldn’t be… right? It couldn’t be. I shook the thought away.

“But…why is a bood stain on it?” I asked.

Myungsoo examined the hoodie closely, and he stared at the blood stain. “I-I don’t know. I haven’t worn this hoodie for a long time,” He said, frowning. He gulped.

 “But sometimes… when I become a different person, I would find myself in this hoodie when I woke up,” Myungsoo paused. “He… he must’ve hurt someone,” He whispered, turning to me.

It was my turn to gape at him. He hurt someone? In this hoodie?

"Myungsoo, wear this hoodie. And remove your glasses," I requested. 

The boy blinked at my request. "Why?"

"Just do it," I urged. 

"I... okay..." With that, he put the black hoodie on, taking off his glasses. 

I couldn't believe it. He looked so like him. Like L. 

I pulled the hood over his head tighter, covering his hair. My suspicions were right.

This boy was L.

It all made sense now. How L knew me, how he beat up those boys who bullied us... 

My face paled.

Myungsoo was L.

"You're... you're L," I finally said it. 

Myungsoo, however, looked at me weirdly. "What L?" 

"Oh, right. You were L when I told you about L," I squinted my eyes. 

It seemed so confusing, but it all the more made sense now. 

It was then that Miss Oh entered the room, informing me that a man wanted to talk to me.

"I'll tell you all about it later," I told the lost boy.

I came out of the room, to see a familiar looking man. I soon recognized him when he gave me the basket of fruits. His loathsome face, his repugnant voice. I was incensed by this man, who caused to me to lose my legs.

Even when I knew it wasn’t the man’s fault as it was an accident, I found it abhorrent to face him. Because it was easier to put the blame on him. It was easier to accept if the reason for my pain was found in him, even if it doesn’t solve anything.

He visited me when I was hospitalized, and back at our old home, hoping to earn our forgiveness. My mother had shoved his gifts in his face, telling him not show up infront of our faces again.

So, why was he showing up now? And, what was he saying? He wanted to adopt me?

I felt anger rise in me. “No,” I told him firmly. “I do not want to see your face again. Leave.”

The man’s face dropped significantly, but I ignored it. I wasn’t going to pity him.

It was then that Myungsoo came out from finishing his chore, and he dropped the clothes on the ground when he saw the man.

The man turned to the intruder, his eyes widened as he took in the boy.

Time seemed to freeze for the both of them as they stared at each other, both not daring to utter a word.

“Dad,” Myungsoo finally breathed, his voice shaking.

Sungjong kicked the chairs, but it didn’t scare the boys.

“We’re not going,” Sunggyu finished. “Please leave.”

“You guys are cowards,” Sungjong hissed. “You’re scared just because some boy our age attacked you?!”

“Shut up!” Woohyun growled, gripping Sungjong’s collar.

“That boy has knives. Even if he wants to kill us, I don’t want to go to jail for killing someone,” Dongwoo stated. He turned his focus back onto the game, moving his chess piece a few spaces forward. “Checkmate.”

“Stop playing your stupid game!” Sungjong shouted, pushing the pieces to the ground.

“I thought we were working together here! You said you wanted to get rid of Sungyeol,” Sungjong’s eyes narrowed.

“We were. But contract’s over. We just wanted to have our fun. We didn’t expect to be hospitalized,” Sunggyu hissed.

“Fine. I’ll get him myself then,” Sungjong growled. “You guys don’t deserve Soojung if you’re going to give up so easily.”

With that, he stomped off.

Myungsoo ran.

When he saw the familiar man, the man he hated for years, he ran as fast as he could.

I tried to chase after him, but my wheelchair didn’t go as fast as I wanted it to. “Myungsoo!” I called after him, but he didn’t turn around.

I continued to chase after him, hoping to find him at the park. 

But he wasn't there. 

Where did the boy go?

He really made me worry. 

Dad, Myungsoo had called that man.

So that man, who caused me to lose my legs... was Myungsoo's father. 

Despite despising that man... I hoped Myungsoo would make up with his father, whatever the reason for their fight is.

Suddenly, I heard footsteps walking towards me. I turned, but my expression hardened when I saw that it wasn't the boy I had expected.

It was Sungjong.

A menacing smile formed on his lips when he saw me. "Well, well. Look who's here," He snickered. 

"What do you want?" I frowned, pushing my wheelchair backwards.

The boy laughed. "You think you can try to escape? Of course not. I can just catch up with you." A smile curved up his lips as an idea formed in his head. He grabbed the handles at the back of my wheelchair. 

My eyes widened. "W-what are you doing?" 

He shrugged, starting to push me. "You'll see." Sungjong quickened his pace. I was shouting for him to stop, but he didn't. I hit his hands repeatedly, but that didn't stop him either. 

"Sungjong! Stop!" 

"Shut up," He hissed, only going faster.

I didn't know where he wasn't going, I was fearing my life.

We were getting further and further away from the orphanage, and I was shaking.

You might think, I could probably call for help- but the orphanage didn't let us have a phone. 

I didn't what to do, it was my first time going so far by 'myself'. 

We finally came to a halt, and I took in the surroundings- 

"Wondering where this place is? Well, I don't know either," Sungjong cackled. 

I was surrounded by trees, and trees, and- more trees. Only when Sungjong pushed me through the trees- that I realised we were at the beach.

The sky had darkened, and there was hardly anyone by the beach. 

"I can leave you here, and no one will see you," Sungjong whispered. "Soojung and I used to come here often in the past," He gave a soft smile, his gaze lost in another world. "But... you know what she said to me just a few days ago?" His smile had faltered, and his face contained no expression.

"She said, that all those times, she was just being nice to me so they could gain money from my dad. That all these time... she never liked me. At all." A tear had trailed down the boy's cheeks. 

"And that she liked you," His lips trembled, and tears soon blurred his vision. 

"I hate you." 

With that, Sungjong pushed me forward to the sea, giving me a hard push so that I toppled into the salt water. I coughed and spluttered, but as I opened my eyes, the salty sea entered my mouth, choking me.

All that I could think of then, was that I wasn't going to make it. I couldn't swim, let alone move my own damn legs.

I wasn't far from the shore, but it felt like I was drowning. My eyes stung from the sea water. I quickly shut my eyes tight, trying to crawl to the shore with my elbows. 

Myungsoo, save me. L, I willed. But it didn't happen like in the movies. Myungsoo didn't come.

I trashed about in the water, trying my best to ensure my head was out of the water. Every time my head managed to stick out of the roaring waves, I gulped in a deep breath.

After what seemed like an infinity, my arms finally reached the shore, and I in a deep breath. 

When I opened my eyes, I could make out a figure fishing out a lighter, and before I knew it, he had burned the wheelchair I had been sitting on moments ago. 

I watched, horrified as the wheelchair burst into flames, its cloth crumpling into dust. Then, the boy threw it into the sea, the fire gradually diminishing in the water. He looked around before sprinting away, the waves crashing against the shore the only source of noise as he left me alone in the darkness.