Title: Finding Our Light (2/2)

Pairing: Kaisoo (with very slight mention of Chanbaek)

Word length: 2792/4307

(a/n: sorry if i made any mistakes in the medical terms used here! the only source of information i had was google)

Everyone says it’s over, but I can’t stop
Is this sweat or tears, I can’t really tell 

“It seems that he has regained some brain activity,” the doctor states.

Jongin is sitting in a room with Kyungsoo’s parents and brother as they listen to Dr. Song talk about Kyungsoo’s current condition.

Apparently, miracles do happen as Kyungsoo, whom everyone had thought was better off dead, might finally be able to wake up.

When Jongin hears the news, he feels tears pooling in his eyes and he cannot help but let out a soft chuckle.

He might finally be able to see Kyungsoo again.

He enters the room with Kyungsoo’s family and stands by Mrs. Do’s side as she sits down and her son’s hand, tears gently streaming down her worn out face. Suddenly, she feels a bump on a finger and looks down. A ring greets her.

She gasps loudly and looks up at Jongin with watery eyes. Mr. Do and Seungsoo move closer to her to examine the ring.

“Jongin…?” Mrs. Do’s words trail off, her tone raised slightly at the end and her voice cracking. Jongin’s heart thumps against his ribcage.

“Mrs. Do, I just thought- I just wanted to say goodbye to him properly. I never thought he would- his finger would move. I’m so sorry Mrs. Do, I’m sorry Mr. Do, I’m sorry Seungsoo hyung, I’m sorry for not asking beforehand, I’m sorry for rushing into things,” Jongin answers gingerly, biting his lips until he can taste blood forming on his lips. He bows his head slightly, unable to face Kyungsoo’s family.

How could I not have consulted them over such an important matter?

Mrs. Do lets go of Kyungsoo’s hand and Jongin shuts his eyes, expecting to feel a stinging pain across his cheek and an earful from her. Instead, he feels cold fingers wrapping onto his shivering hand and he slowly opens both eyes, facing a smiling Mrs. Do.

“You don’t know how long we’ve waited for this Jongin,” she says. Mr. Do and Seungsoo nod in agreement, much to Jongin’s confusion.

“You’re not angry with me?” Jongin asks.

“Why would we be? Instead, we want to thank you for never leaving Kyungsoo’s side. Thank you for not giving up on my little brother, Jongin,” Seungsoo adds on, stepping forward and placing a hand on his shoulder.

“I… I’m speechless,” Jongin mumbles and a huge grin spreads across his face. He has never felt so relieved in his life.

“Please stop calling us Mr. and Mrs. Do, we’re family from now on,” Mr. Do speaks up and he presses his lips together in a small smile. Jongin can only smile like a fool as Mrs. Do and Seungsoo engulf him in a tight hug. Even the usually stoic Mr. Do joins in and pats him on the back.

The night is darkest before the dawn, and Jongin thinks he might be starting to see a ray of hope.

It is a chilly Wednesday afternoon when the closest of Jongin and Kyungsoo’s relatives and friends are gathered in the small ward. The snow outside has stopped and flowers have started to bloom.

Jongin is dressed in a suit and he is pacing outside the room, thinking of every possible distraction he can to calm his nerves.

It’s the 13th of January, a day after Kyungsoo’s birthday. Jongin had celebrated Kyungsoo’s 23rd birthday together with Kyungsoo’s closest friends, Chanyeol and Baekhyun. He was the one who blew out the candles on Kyungsoo’s favourite kind of cake and he was the one who made a wish on behalf of Kyungsoo.

Closing his eyes, he had only wished for one thing: Please wake up soon Kyungsoo.

It’s the 13th of January, one day before his own birthday and Jongin can’t wait to start a new chapter of his life.

He cannot wait for Kyungsoo to wake up so they can travel together again. The older boy had promised him on his previous birthday that they would go to the Maldives and watch the sunset from a yacht.

Kyungsoo loved watching sunsets, be it on top of concrete buildings or while digging his feet into soft sand. Jongin grew to appreciate sunsets as well, but nothing dazzles more than the smile on Kyungsoo’s face when he sees the amber sun fading into the horizon and disappearing from their sight.

It’s the 13th of January and Jongin is getting married to the love of his life.

Just when Jongin is about to throw up inside his mouth from the queasy feeling in his stomach, the doors to the room swing open, revealing his overenthusiastic sister and his father, who is smiling gently at him. He walks to his father’s side and they slowly enter the room.

Everything is perfect, exactly how Jongin thought it would be. Kyungsoo’s favourite song is playing softly in the background and as Jongin’s gaze falls upon his fiancé, he blinks rapidly to remind himself that this is not a dream.

Kyungsoo is dressed beautifully in a similar suit, his hair styled and combed into a side parting. He is propped up into a sitting position.

Jongin hears the guests audibly gasping as he makes his way towards Kyungsoo.

He can see his mother dabbing tears away with a handkerchief and Mrs. Do tightly hugging her husband. Seungsoo’s face lights up and he clutches the hand of his girlfriend tightly. Chanyeol and Baekhyun are standing next to each other, huge grins on their faces. He sees Chanyeol whispering something into Baekhyun’s ear, causing the shorter boy to blush furiously.

Finally, they arrive next to Kyungsoo and Jongin feels a squeeze on his shoulder. He turns to face his father and he mouths a few words.

“I’m so proud of you Jongin.”

Jongin smiles at his father gratefully and nods slightly. His father gives him one last glance before turning away and joining his mother, who is sobbing at the moment.

The wedding officiant, Jongin’s best friend Sehun, steps in front of the crowd and faces the couple before turning around to face the crowd.

“Thank you for attending Mr. Kim Jongin and Mr. Do Kyungsoo’s matrimony today. Before I proceed, may I ask if there are any objections?” Sehun addresses the guests. Jongin’s heart is about to leap out of his throat.

Everything happens in the blink of an eye and Jongin blurts out “I do” immediately when Sehun turns to face him. “Kyungsoo will definitely agree too,” Jongin says, earning a few laughs from the guests.

“You may now exchange the rings,” Sehun exclaims. Jongin gently picks up the ring which is sitting on the small pillow on Kyungsoo’s lap before slipping it into his ring finger, his own fingers trembling violently.

Someone places the other ring in between Kyungsoo’s fingers and fits it into Jongin’s ring finger. Jongin feels the cold metal against his ring and chokes back tears.

“I now pronounce you partners for life.”

The guests erupt into cheers. Jongin think he might actually start crying.

“You may now kiss the groom.”

He leans forward, his face looming closer and closer to Kyungsoo’s. He examines all of Kyungsoo’s features, from his long eyelashes to the tiny mole at the corner of his mouth. He presses their lips together and feels himself smiling into the kiss, a warm feeling spreading over his whole body.

Suddenly, Jongin tastes something salty and he frowns. He’s definitely not crying. He’s too happy to be crying. He opens his eyes and slowly pulls away, touching them.

They are dry, not a single hint of tears.

When he finally comprehends the situation, he almost falls back onto the floor. He looks at Kyungsoo.

Tears are rapidly pouring down his cheeks even though there are no hints of emotion on his face. A million questions explode in Jongin’s mind. He turns around. “Sehun, call the doctor. Now,” he orders in a monotone.

“Jongin, what’s wrong? Your face is as pale as a sheet,” Sehun’s eyes widen as he stares at the older boy.

“It’s Kyungsoo. He’s crying,” he announces. He’s not sure how he feels about this.

Jongin hears Mrs. Do scream and he wishes he can scream too.

The doctor and nurses leave the room. Jongin and the Do and Kim families rush to them.

“What happened?” Jongin demands.

Dr. Song smiles at them. “Good news. His brain activity shows that he might regain consciousness any time from now. Do stay by his side so that you will not miss the moment,” he replies calmly and walks off before Jongin is able to ask any more questions.

He sprints into the room and kneels beside Kyungsoo, wrapping Kyungsoo’s hand in his and showering kisses upon it.

“Wake up soon Kyungsoo. I can’t wait, I can’t ing wait,” Jongin whispers into their hands.

However, Kyungsoo’s eyes do not flutter open the next day and neither the day after. Days turn into a week, a week turns into 10 days and yet Jongin refuses to give up.

It has been 12 days since their wedding and Jongin returns to the hospital after a long day at work. He rests his head on Kyungsoo’s chest and feels it rise and fall. Before he realises it, he shuts his eyes and succumbs to fatigue, mumbling something along the lines of “Wake up, hyung” and “I want to see your eyes when I open mine”.

Jongin feels long, slender fingers combing through his hair and jerks awake. He blinks a few times to regain his senses and almost slaps the hand away, thinking it’s his mother who had come to visit and found him sleeping on his husband’s chest. “Mum, stop doing that, I’m not a child,” he grumbles sleepily.

A deep, amused laughter rings in his ears and Jongin shakes his head.

“I’m your mum now?”

The voice replays in his head as Jongin tries to process it. It’s a voice he hasn’t heard in half a year; a voice he misses too much.

Jongin shoots up and finds himself staring into familiar dark brown orbs. He pinches himself on the cheek and it hurts.

This is not a dream.

“K-Kyungsoo?” he stutters as he looks at his husband, who is smiling at him. “Hyung? It’s really you?” Jongin reaches out to grab Kyungsoo’s hand and squeezes it, never wanting to let go.

“It’s me, Kyungsoo. Why are you acting so strange? Why am I in a hospital?” Kyungsoo scans his surroundings and furrows his brows.

Jongin feels his heart sinking. “You don’t remember?” he asks.

Kyungsoo shakes his head. “All I remember is falling asleep and then waking up here. What’s wrong? Why are we wearing rings? Am I supposed to remember anything?” Panic rises in Kyungsoo’s voice with each question and Jongin’s mind starts spinning as well.

Jongin stands up and backs off slowly from Kyungsoo, “I’m going to get a doctor. Try to calm down okay?”

Jongin sprints to find Dr. Song, ignoring Kyungsoo’s calls for him. He is afraid of the explanation behind Kyungsoo’s behaviour, although he already has a gut feeling of what is going on.

Three days have passed since Kyungsoo woke up and Jongin has never stepped into his room once, choosing to focus on his work instead of thinking about how shattered he feels.

Kyungsoo is suffering from post-traumatic amnesia and Dr. Song said that he might have forgotten everything that happened recently.

When Dr. Song asked Kyungsoo about Jongin, Kyungsoo had said this.

“Jongin? He’s my friend.”

Jongin is scared. Even though Dr. Song reassured him that patients usually recover their memory in a month or so, Jongin is scared that Kyungsoo might forget; forget everything they are, forget everything they did, forget them.

He twists the ring around his finger and sinks his face into his palms. Don’t forget us, Kyungsoo.

Jongin walks into the room with a basket of Kyungsoo’s favourite fruits in the middle of the night and places it quietly on the bedside table. He just wants to see his favourite person in the world one more time before he moves on, forgets Kyungsoo before Kyungsoo forgets him.

When he turns to leave the room for good, there’s a tight grip on his wrist, forcing him to stop in his tracks and spin around. He feels the ring digging into his skin and he winces.

“Hey,” Kyungsoo greets, his voice weak and scratchy.

Jongin stays silent, unable to find the right words to say even though he wants to pull Kyungsoo into his arms and wrap them around his waist, tell him to forget everything. “You’re someone special to me right?” Uncertainty lingers in his voice, as if he’s trying to remember something, anything.

Jongin wants to shake his head and deny everything, but finds himself nodding softly, tears threatening to spill over his lashes.

Suddenly, Kyungsoo breaks out into a smile, the same smile that made Jongin’s heart race the first time they met.

Kyungsoo tells Jongin to sit down and Jongin’s mind is screaming for him to turn away.

He doesn’t remember, he doesn’t remember, he doesn’t remember. He doesn’t love you anymore.

His heart however, is making him gravitate towards the smiling boy and he sits down, his throat aching and his vision blurry.

“Tell me everything about us Jongin,” Kyungsoo prompts and smiles encouragingly at him. Jongin shuts his eyes and opens his mouth to speak.

The first time they met in Chanyeol’s tiny apartment, on Christmas Eve, Jongin had puked on Kyungsoo’s shirt but instead of screaming about how disgusting he was, Kyungsoo just smiled and helped him up when he collapsed on the floor. It was thanks to Kyungsoo that he was able to make it home in one piece, but Kyungsoo had taken one of his shirts.

They saw each other again at Jongin’s workplace, a small café. Kyungsoo immediately recognized him as ‘the guy who threw up on my only clean shirt’ and Jongin wanted to change that title immediately.

Their first date consisted of Jongin throwing bad pick-up lines at Kyungsoo every minute or so, and Kyungsoo still laughing and blushing at them. He also returned the shirt and when Jongin returns home and takes out the shirt, it smells of baby powder and lavender. It smells like Kyungsoo. He has never washed the shirt since that day.

They confessed to each other on a rainy day, under the rain, when none of them remembered to bring an umbrella with them and ended up huddling under a pavilion in the park.

He continues talking about their first kiss, the first time they made love, their first argument, the accident, everything about them. When Jongin starts on their wedding, he finally opens his eyes and stares straight into Kyungsoo.

“I thought of going to the Maldives for our honeymoon since you wanted to watch the sunset there, but I guess you don’t remember anymore.”

He feels hot tears coursing down his numb face and stops talking, letting quiet sobs take over instead. He feels Kyungsoo placing a hand on his knee and squeezing it in a comforting manner.

Everything is wrong. Kyungsoo and him are supposed to live happily ever after.

Suddenly, Jongin feels his head being tilted up and before he can protest, a pair of lips crash into his and he swallows back a yelp.

“Hyung, why-” he screeches.

“I like you,” Kyungsoo exclaims, his face flushing and his eyes wide.

“Wha-”

“I don’t remember everything, but I remember that I love you.”

Jongin lets out a choked sob and leans forward to hold Kyungsoo in his arms, digging his fingers into the fabric of Kyungsoo’s shirt and smiling while crying into his shoulder.

He feels so stupid for thinking of forgetting Kyungsoo.

He feels so stupid for thinking that Kyungsoo would forget them.

He feels so stupid for thinking that everything was going to be over.

He lets go of Kyungsoo when he feels breathless and sits back, closing his eyes and taking in deep breaths.

There is still one thing he needs to do.

“Hyung, give me your left hand,” Jongin utters. Kyungsoo obeys him and stretches out his hand, although he eyes him suspiciously.

The younger boy takes off the golden band on Kyungsoo’s ring finger and Kyungsoo lets his mouth fall open at the sudden action. “Jongin, what are you-”

“Will you marry me?” Jongin kneels on one knee and clutches the ring with both hands. Kyungsoo looks down at him and chuckles, realising what Jongin is trying to do.

“This is ridiculous. I confessed to you five minutes ago and you’re already proposing to me. I feel like I’m in a drama,” Kyungsoo says and shakes his head in disbelief.

“Yes or no?” Jongin urges impatiently.

“Do I love you?” Kyungsoo answers. 

- end -