A month to go before our first anniversary.

Is it a good thing or a bad thing, I’m not sure about it myself. Everyone around has been saying that marriage is a good thing. Don’t get me wrong, it is a good thing, but someone should at least spill me the reality that marriage is a gamble too, with happiness as the main prize. If only those Disney movies I’ve been watching since I was a kid has a pinch of reality in it.

Henry has been great. It’s just for the past few months he has been acting pretty weird. And me, being me, I decide to try and address it a few times but if he decides to keep it to himself, then I will stop bugging him for answers.

I respect people’s privacy. Even if he is my husband.

Maybe, it’s just me.

Mom told me that I should be a bit more dependent towards him. Guys need that kind of girl to fill in their ego. But, hey! I was born and raised to live and survive on my own, and I never knew that being a burden to you equals being charming. I am never good at being as adorable as Tiffany e.g.

I-  Oh. Wait.

“Hey, girlfriend!” Oh! It’s her.

“Hello, Devil.”

“Huh?”

“No. I was just thinking about you. It’s pretty impossible to reach you nowadays huh?”

“Sorry, Jess. I saw your miscall yesterday. Forgot to return the call though. Thankfully Taeyeon reminded me just now.”

“Hmph.”

“Don’t do that. You know I love you, right?

How’s my baby?”

I look down at my swollen belly and rubbing it.

“Well. Grown a lot. And moving a lot too. I think right now he might be sleeping.”

“Awwwwwwww~ I CAN’T WAIT! I’ll be his favorite aunt, for sure!”

I chortled, “You have to battle it out with Krystal though.”

I can’t help but to hear noises filling the background and ask about it.

“Oh. Our parents came today to talk about our wedding which will be soon.”

My heart wrenched a bit to that word.

“It’ll be in Cali?”

“Yeah. Can you come? You have to!”

I lift my feet just enough for me to see it over my belly.

“Looking at my swollen feet right now.

Less likely, Tiff. But I would surely come if the date falls after my labor.”

“Hmmmmm… I’ll discuss it with Taeyeon.”

It’s amazing how much people could change. Taeyeon used to be a nerd from our college. A quiet programmer girl that surprised our batch with her amazing voice at the very end of our college years. If I have a voice like that, I won’t wait 4 years into college to make my debut. Just saying. Now, she’s like super pretty and… well… I was a bit judgmental then. So…

But yeah…

“What’s with the sigh?” Tiffany asked.

“Huh? Oh no. Nothing. I was just thinking about how much we’ve grown up now. Our biggest problem used to be assignment deadlines and tests. Now, it’s a whole new level.”

“College life was pretty easy now as we look back, eh?”

I nod silently.

“How’s life treating you, babe?” she asks.

“It’s... okay.”

“I’ve known you for years now. Don’t make me ask twice.”

I sigh.

“I- I don’t know, honestly.”

“Why?”

“Henry. He has been weird these past few months.”

“How?”

“Ummm… I don’t know. He is no longer as playful as he used to. He has been avoiding me, or at least that is how I’m feeling. We rarely see each other because of his business trips and MY project visits. Now that I’m almost 6 months into my pregnancy, I’m even too tired to care for him.”

“Have you talked to him?”

“He has successfully avoided it so far. But I surely will.”

She stays quiet for awhile. Not knowing how to react I guess.

“Hey. Sorry for burdening you with this Tiff. Just ignore it k?”

“No! Urgh. You never burden me with anything! It’s just…”

“It hasn’t even been a year.” I complete her sentence.

“Exactly.

Now I’m contemplating my decision too.”

“Yah!” This woman. “Taeyeon is not Henry. And You are not me. Taeyeon is a girl, to make things more different.

Marriage is a good thing.” Oh look! It’s me, swallowing back my own words. “It’s not all good. But as long as you guys have each other. Life is definitely better with a trustworthy partner by your side.”

She chuckles. “Like you and me?”

I could just imagine her expression when she says that.

I just have to roll my eyes at her adorableness. Can I just take, like, 10% of it from her?

“Yeah, yeah. Like you and me…”

She giggles at my reluctance of acknowledging that I love her.

“I like it when you say sweet things like that.”

“I DIDN’T SAY ANYTHING. I just reply. Now shut up.”

The giggling resumes. And I can’t help but to smile.

Maybe I don’t say sweet things like other girls would. Maybe that’s why.

But I thought actions speak louder than words?

And suddenly I’m sighing again.

“Babe. Whatever it is, just know that I’m here for you okay? And now that Tae is here, you have two bestfriends!”

I smile again. “Thank you, Tiff. You know I-“

I heard someone fumbling with the door knob.

“Tiff, I call you later okay? Bye, love.”

She manages to throw in a bye before I put my phone away.

I look at Henry as he pushes open the door. His eyes meet mine and he just stares back at me before uttering out a “Hi.”

“Hi.”

He loosens his neck tie and throws it into the laundry bag.

“How’s your day?”

“Okay.” Still avoiding any serious eye contacts.

Usually I would wait after he got his shower and changed into more comfortable clothes but the tension between us just sends me to the edge.

“Henry.”

No reply.

“Henry.”

A short “Um?”

“Could you please look at me?”

Reluctantly enough, he did.

I wanted to stand up and walk to him but my feet are killing me.

“Are we okay?”

He looks at him with his mouth slightly opened, ready to answer but I cut his words off before they hurt me.

“Just tell me the truth. I’m not a little kid. You don’t have to lie to me.”

That made him to rethink of his answers.

He sighs.

“Honestly, Jessica,

I don’t know either.” He leaves his shirt half ed and ruffles his hair.

“What’s wrong with us?” I am trying so hard to control my voice so that it won’t crack while I’m trying to talk. I hate it when it does. “Is it me?”

He shakes his head, hanging it low.

He sighs again.

His hands are on his waists while he tilted his head back as if he is trying to prevent his tears from spilling out of his eyes.

“I don’t know, Jessica. Maybe it’s me.”

He’s sad as well. I can see it.

But something is wrong. We both know it. One of us has the reasons.

“Are you cheating on me?”

Relationship 101 : Never accuse your partner.

But right now, I can’t think of a better move.

Now he hangs his head low again, looking at the floor.

He shakes his head.

“Henry?”

I push myself off the seat and collect my steps towards him.

I stop in front of him and lift his head up with my hands cupping his cheeks. Like he used to love it.

“Henry?” I try to catch his eyes and soon enough, his watery eyes are looking into mine.

He is.

“Are you cheating on me?”

I wish I could somehow hide this scene away from our child but, I can’t.

“I’m sorry.”

I can hear my heart breaking in my chest. The sound is so loud that everything else goes into a mute. All I can hear was the sound of it beating and breaking.

How does it feel? I let my tears speak for me on that.

My hands leaves the warmth of his cheeks and my feet starts to step away from him.

“Jessica, I’m sorry.”

That is the only thing I heard. Whatever he was saying after, becomes a bunch of blur and buzz of indecipherable white noise. I felt his hands on the side of my arms, trying to hold me in place while I stare into a void of familiar scenes.

I regain few my thoughts to blurt out a “why?”.

He is crying too.

For any reason that I am not aware of. Why is he crying anyway, when it is me that he hurt?

“I don’t know. It was an accident. I'm sorry.”

He is hugging me. 

I just stand. Unmoving.

For me,

Cheating is never an accident.

It’s a conscious choice. A decision made.

But forgiving…

Help me with the storyline~~~

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