Jimin thought he'd be okay- if he dedicated himself to music, surrendered himself to dance, and pretended that everything was okay. Fake it till you make it right? But guess ing what? He was wrong. He's always wrong. Because right now, he's far from okay and, god, he feels like he's being suffocated from the pain. 

There was a time when he let his body be filled with happiness. A time when he was able to laugh freely, without regrets. A time when he was able to smile, a real smile, so big it covered half of his face and his eyes crinkling into little crescents- a time when he let happiness take over his body.

But right now?

It hurts.

He feels as if he's drowning around the people he cares about, but none of them notice- or even care enough to try and save him from this never ending agony.

Because that's all that ever happens.

He's always ignored. He's always brushed off. Who cared about what he had to say anyway? 

He's a up. 

The only person he could go to in his time of need is gone. 

Why? 

Because he's a up.

And it's his fault.

Everything is his fault. 

Everything is his fault nowadays.

It's his fault the love of his life left. It's his fault the people he cared about are leaving.

One by one.

Everything is his fault and maybe, just maybe, he deserved it. Maybe he deserved feeling lonely- feeling unwanted.

He loves it, actually. It's his drug. He loves being hurt. He loves it when his heart hurts so much, it feels like it's on fire. He loves when he's trembling in pain, his throat constricting, tears threatening to fall- but you know what? They don't. They don't fall. So he just lays here. Sad. Miserable, actually. Taking in everything he's done wrong and accepting that, yes, he deserves this. And maybe that's why it feels so good. He deserves this. 

He deserves being ignored. He deserves to be tossed to the side, so people can worry about him later. When they have time. When they feel like it. Who are they to care? He's a burden. He's a bother. He's no one significant to give a about. Why would they care? He's no one. A nobody. 

`I deserve this,’ Jimin mutters to himself, one last time as he finally falls asleep, with a sadistic smile plastered on his face and lonely tears fleeting from his closed eyes.

Happiness is only temporary, but he sure does wish it wasn't.