Growing up isn't easy

Wish the time would hurry by

“BamBam!” Jimin’s cry rings out in the still winter air.

BamBam turns around just in time to see pink cheeks and tussled hair before he’s bowled over, his feet slipping on the icy pavement.

“! Hey, careful, you nearly killed me,” he sputters as he desperately tries to find his footing.

“Tch, I see you haven’t forgotten to swear in Korean,” Jimin scoffs, rolling her eyes.

“I learned from the master,” BamBam winks.

Jimin’s lips go pale as she presses them together, but it’s only so long before she dissolves into laughter, her arms still looped around BamBam’s neck. As she laughs the flush in her cheeks darkens to a shade that uncannily matches the red of her lip gloss. The jade green mascara on her eyelids and the think line of kohl around her eyes frame her chocolate brown eyes as they sparkle with mirth. Jimin has changed with time, but that feisty tomboy who used to kick the football at his head is still there under the makeup.

“Awww, I’m glad you came back, I really have missed you,” Jimin chuckles, lightly punching BamBam’s shoulder.

BamBam catches her retreating hand by the wrist and pulls her into his arms for a hug. “Me too,” he smiles.

“So, I see puberty has finally made you into a proper girl,” BamBam smirks from behind his menu. “,” he hisses, hunching over the table as a sharp pain ripples up his leg from his shin.

“Watch yourself, snake boy. As you have now experienced first-hand, heels can do a lot more damage than trainers,” Jimin says sweetly, twirling her finger around a lock of her hair.

“Noted,” BamBam mumbles as he rubs his aching shin.

“Do you miss home already?” Jimin asks as she looks around the Thai restaurant.

“Not exactly,” Bambam replies as he looks through the menu. “I still haven’t given up on making you recognise the greatness that is Thai food.”

“Oh my God, seriously?” Jimin rolls her eyes so hard, the whites show for several seconds.

“You just haven’t tried the right thing yet,” BamBam nods in determination.

“Okay, fine, I’ll play, but this is your last chance. And you even got to pick the restaurant this time, so no whining when you fail. Deal?”

BamBam holds out his hand. Jimin takes it and gives it a firm pump. She lets go of his hand, but BamBam holds onto hers for a second longer, marvelling at the softness of her skin.

“Yeah, deal.”

 BamBam turns back to the menu, discretely sniffing his hand as the scent of strawberries wafts to his nose.

“Good evening, may I take your order?” the waitress asks in Korean, her notepad in hand.

“Yes, thanks,” BamBam replies in Thai.

The waitress relaxes slightly, a smile flitting across her face. “What would you like?” she replies in Thai.

“I’d like khao soi to start with, followed by som tam and laap.”

“That’s eaten by hand, is your girlfriend alright with that?” the waitress blinks, glanicng at Jimin.

“Oh, no, that was just for me,” BamBam laughs, glancing at Jimin who is looking between him and the waitress in equal parts interest and confusion. “For her, bring some tom yam kung and khao phat. If she doesn't like it, I’ll have to call you back again and if she does like it, well, I’ll still have to call you back for seconds,” he chuckles.

“Your soups will be out soon,” the waitress smiles, collecting their menus before she disappears into the kitchen.

“I really should have made you teach me more Thai,” Jimin hums thoughtfully. “I only remember the greetings, colours, and words like ‘alright’ and ‘good’,” she frowns.

“It’s never too late to learn,” BamBam shrugs.

“That time when she looked at me, I feel like I heard the word she used before.”

“Uh, yeah, probably. It was—She asked if my friend would like what I had picked,” BamBam sputters out.

“Ahhh,” Jimin nods. “Hello, my name is Jimin, BamBam’s girlfriend,” she says in awkwardly accented Thai. “That’s the only full sentence I can say after ten years of knowing you,” she pouts.

BamBam coughs, his eyes flitting around the restaurant. “Well, your English still wipes the floor with mine, so we’re even.”

“I told you, Thai food is the best in the world,” BamBam says smugly as they exit the restaurant.

“Don’t get carried away,” Jimin rolls her eyes, lightly shoving BamBam’s shoulder.

“You finished your meal, had seconds, and still kept sneaking food from my plates, don’t think I didn’t notice that.” He pokes her cheek with his index finger.

Jimin slaps his hands away. “I was practically starving, I would’ve eaten almost anything,” she sniffs.

“Are you on another diet?” BamBam frowns.

Jimin’s shoulders go rigid and her steps slow down. BamBam takes a step away from her and pre-emptively raises his hands in defence.

“I wasn’t having a go at you, I swear. I don’t believe in diets, but it’s your business.”

Jimin shrugs, her face blank. “Auditions were on just before you came back. The company thought it might help. It didn’t.”

Just two years ago, BamBam would’ve brazenly declared that Jimin was too good for their musicals anyway and that the scouts were deaf and blind, but now he sees the shaking of Jimin’s hands, the way she’s chewing on the inside of her cheek, and he knows she’s never been the indestructible wall that she tried to pretend to be. Jimin is and always has been a girl—a soft-hearted girl who is incredibly conscious of her body because other people have never hesitated to point out its supposed deficiencies.

BamBam steps forward, closing the distance between them, and lays his hands on Jimin’s shoulders.

“You’re an immensely talented singer and a very pretty girl. Just because you don’t look exactly the way they think a pretty girl should look doesn’t mean you’re ugly, okay?” He her hair. “And hell, even if you were ugly, you can still sing better than most people on earth, which is the most important for a singer, yeah?”

Jimin snorts even as she nods. BamBam flashes her an overly cheesy grin and thumbs-up. Jimin shakes her head, her shoulders trembling until a fully-formed laugh escapes her lips.

“I see that puberty has made you even more like maize fondue.”

“Meaning?” BamBam asks, though he hasn’t forgotten the punchline.

“Cheesy and corny as !” Jimin slaps his shoulder.

BamBam grabs her around the waist and hoists her up before he spins her around.

“What the , dude?! My dress is lifting, put me down!” Jimin squeals into BamBam’s ear.

His arms are starting to strain and he fears slipping and sending them both crashing to the ground, so BamBam lowers her to the ground, but he keeps his arounds around her and continues to twirl her around.

“And to think you loved to brag about your dancing skills,” Jimin chuckles as they nearly bump into a middle aged woman carrying several heavy-looking shopping bags.

“Baby, dancing with me is an experience,” BamBam croons in his deepest baritone.

Jimin’s peals of laughter ring out and echo in the stillness of the night.

Will I ever learn to fly

“It goes to show that every cloud really does have a silver lining. Not having a musical to take up all your time means you can actually enjoy university life like a normal student and we can start in the same term.”

“Yeah, I guess so,” Jimin says vaguely picking at the cuticle of her thumb.

“What do you mean you guess so? It’ll be you and me and Yugyeom and Yerin: the dream team reunited,” BamBam grins.

Jimin just hums, continuing to fiddle with her fingers.

“What happened?” BamBam frowns.

“It’s…I can’t say.”

“You can’t say?”

“I’m kind of sworn to secrecy,” Jimin bites her lip.

“Even from me?”

“From everyone,” Jimin says reluctantly, “but probably especially you.”

“Well, why? Does, does it have something to do with Yerin and Yugyeom?”

Jimin nods.

“Did they have a huge fight?”

Jimin shakes her head.

“Are they breaking up?”

Jimin visibly pauses, not indicating a positive or negative. BamBam raises his eyebrows in question. Jimin chews on her lips for a long moment before she lets her head drop, sighing loudly. At this point, BamBam is more than a little worried. He’s about to ask another question, when Jimin tugs his head down to her level and cups her hands around his ear. Her warm breath tickling his ear as her perfume tickles his nose distracts him for a second, but when he pays attention to the words coming out of , his jaw drops.

“She’s—!”

“I told you, secrecy!”

“I wasn’t gonna—I’m just—That’s…Wow…” BamBam stumbles over to a bench and drops down.

“Yeah,” Jimin sighs deeply.

“And you’re—well, and me now—the only one who knows?”

“For the time being, at least.”

“Well, .”

Jimin sits next to him on the bench. “Indeed.”

“Do you want some carp bread?”

Jimin turns to BamBam, her manicured eyebrow cocked in disbelief.

“Let’s just pretend to be nine again for a moment, living our simple, uncomplicated nine-year-old lives.”

“Yeah, alright,” Jimin nods.

BamBam gets up from the bench and holds out his hand to Jimin to help her to her feet. They haven’t noticed a carp bread stand since they left the park where they met, but the stands are littered all over the city, so they just start walking. It’s only five o’clock, but the sky is already nearly pitch black, making it seem later than it already is. They manage to find a stand and get a bag of five breads when the first white flakes start to drift down from the sky, blanketing the ground.

“Snow, it’s been a while,” BamBam mumbles around a mouthful of hot pastry and red bean paste.

“Do you remember your first winter here?” Jimin turns to him.

“Yes,” BamBam grunts.

“You were so excited to see snow that you spent entire days just rolling around in it, but you weren’t used to the temperature change so you got sick as a dog, like, three times in two months.”

“Flu shots are bull, it didn’t help at all,” BamBam grumbles before swallowing the other half of his bread.

Jimin laughs lightly, the sound as delicate as the snowflakes swirling around them. “You just hadn’t built up immunity yet, you were a lot better the next winter.”

“Only got sick twice,” BamBam grins sarcastically.

“And with no fever,” Jimin flashes a thumbs-up.

“The only thing that hit me harder than the snow frenzy was spring fever afterwards. I practically started skipping down the street when it warmed up and the flowers started blooming again,” BamBam shakes his head at his younger self.

“You don’t fully appreciate the loveliness of spring and the warmth of summer without having experienced the cold severity of winter.”

“Oh, deep, are those lyrics from a new song?”

“Shut up,” Jimin breaks off a piece of her bread and lobs it at BamBam’s head.

“Hey, I paid good money for that!”

“Two thousand won, really quite the bank breaker,” Jimin sticks out her tongue.

“Well, we can’t all be burgeoning popstars with deep pockets.”

“Alright, I’m sorry I callously wasted your money by throwing perfectly good food,” Jimin says seriously.

BamBam immediately goes on guard, but Jimin just takes another bite of her bread, walking ahead of him. After a moment’s hesitation, BamBam follows. They stop at the end of the street, waiting for the signal to change, when Jimin pops the rest of the bread in and scoops up a handful of snow from the top of an old letter box.

“Gah!” BamBam cries out, his body seizing up as the snow slips down his back.

“I said I was sorry.”

“If everything were to end in an apolgy, there would be no need for the police,” BamBam sniffs.

“The police? Oh, stop overreacting, your coat will be fine,” Jimin rolls her eyes. “What kind of lousy winter jacket can’t take a little snow?”

“It’s dry-clean only, Jimin,” BamBam grumbles.

Jimin just scoffs and rolls her eyes. BamBam steps closer to her side—quickly takes a deep breath—and slings her arm around her waist.

“Well, aside from ruining my dry-clean only jacket, I must say that enjoyed our little date.”

“Yeah, it was fun,” Jimin smiles, her eyes shining in the dark.

BamBam returns the smile. “I’m still unpacking, but we should go out again before classes start. How about Thursday?”

“Hmm, sorry, Thursday’s not good for me. I’ve got other plans,” Jimin giggles, tucking a stray lock of hair behind her ear.

“Plans?” BamBam blinks.

“Yeah, with, with my boyfriend,” Jimin mumbles the last word, but it echoes in BamBam’s ears like cannonfire.

“Boyfriend?” He stops in his tracks. “You have a boyfriend?”

“Yes. Is that so hard to believe?” The gleam in Jimin’s eyes takes on a hard edge, her voice dropping low and becoming clipped.

“No. No, no, that’s not it at all,” BamBam shakes his head. “I’m just…surprised since you never mentioned him before. Like, at all.” He steps away and puts his hands in his pockets.

“I hadn’t mentioned him yet because we haven’t been dating long, not even a hundred days yet,” Jimin shrugs. “It’s all still a whole new world to me.”

“Who is it? Anyone I know?” BamBam can’t help but ask.

“Promise not to laugh?” Jimin holds up her pinkie finger.

BamBam links his pinkie finger with hers and presses their thumbs together.

“Do you remember Youngjae from the year ahead of us in middle school?”

“Hmm, Youngjae…Choi Youngjae?” BamBam stumbles back in disbelief. “You mean the guy you practically stalked and bullied because he was ‘too awkward’ or ‘too nerdy’ or ‘too quiet’ or ‘laughed too weird’ or whatever jumped into your head any given day? That Choi Youngjae?”

“Yeah,” Jimin says sheepishly.

BamBam blinks. In retrospect, he probably shouldn’t be too surprised. Youngjae didn’t have the easy likeability and charisma that Jackson possessed in spades, and Jimin’s treatment of him was considerably more aggressive than she ever was with Jackson, but BamBam can now see that Jimin wanted the same thing from Youngjae in middle school that she did from Jackson in high school—his attention.

“How the hell did that happen?”

“He’s in the same agency as me now, he joined about a year ago. Our paths didn’t really cross until we got put together for a collaboration stage at a family concert a few months ago, partially because I felt ashamed and kept my distance,” Jimin says with a cringe. “I expected him to hate me or at least be wary of me, but he was respectful to me as a hoobae and considerate to me as an oppa. I was…caught off guard,” Jimin stares off into the night, her eyes taking on a dreamy quality.

“Right.” BamBam looks away.

“He’s since come out of his shell, but is still a bit awkward. It’s an endearing sort of awkward, though,” Jimin giggles.

“Cool,” BamBam nods.

“He’s an amazing singer and he’s been a great soundboard for lyrics that I’ve been working on for if and when I get a solo debut.”

“Great.”

“These last few weeks, he’s been my lifeline. I haven’t told him about Yerin—”

It’s probably pathetic, but BamBam feels a quick rush of smugness at this one thing he has over Youngjae.

“—but I’m able to relax and not kill myself with worry when I’m with him.”

“Well, he sounds like a catch. I’m happy for you,” BamBam says, not entirely sure if he’s telling the truth or just wants her to shut up about him.

“Thank you,” Jimin grins. “So, are you seeing anyone?” She steps up to him and nudges his side with her elbow.

“No,” he shakes his head.

“Today really was fun, thanks for lifting my spirits. And remember, if you tell anyone about Yerin, especially Yugyeom, I will come to your dorm and gut you with a butter knife,” Jimin chirps.

“I definitely won’t,” BamBam nods, crossing his arms over his torso.

“Alright, later, snake boy,” Jimin waves before she enters the grand entrance of her apartment building.

“Later,” BamBam waves back.

After she disappears inside he heaves a deep sigh that makes the air in front of his face go white. As he turns and walks away from the building, he fishes his mobile out of his pocket and brings up Yugyeom’s number. The phone rings before BamBam can hit the call button.

“Yugyeom, hey, I was literally just about to call you.”

“Yerin’s pregnant.”

BamBam stops in his track. “Oh…wow, dude.”

“She just told me today.”

“I see,” BamBam nods. “So…how do you feel about it?”

“I don’t know, honestly. I feel so many different things all at the same time. I’m terrified and excited and anxious and stunned and—I feel like I could run a mile in minute, but I’d be throwing up the entire time.”

“Ewww.”

It starts off as a chuckle and morphs into a giggle until soon the both of them are practically braying with laughter. It’s not even that funny, but BamBam can’t stop himself as he bends over in the street, gasping and shaking as he leans on a light post, his neck straining to keep his phone cradled to his ear. In his mind’s eyes, he can clearly see Yugyeom in a similar state, probably hanging off the edge of his bed.

Eventually, the laughter peters off and the line goes quiet, their breathing and the ambient background noises the only sound passing through it.

“So, you’re going to be a father?” BamBam finally speaks up, his voice slightly rough.

“Looks so, yeah.”

“Let’s meet up, I’ll buy you a drink,” BamBam offers as he pushes off the light post and brushes snow off his clothes. “Seems like an appropriate occasion for our first drink.”

“Our first legal drink, you mean,” Yugyeom snorts.

“Damn, the kid isn’t even out yet and you’ve already gone all responsible dad on me.”

“Dad…Oh, God, BamBam,” Yugyeom starts to hyperventilate. “I’m scared again. What if I completely mess this up?”

“Let me tell you something that my mother told my older sister when she was pregnant: no parent knows what the hell they’re doing the first time around and everyone messes up. Just love the kid and make sure you’re always acting in their best interests and you’ll be fine, even with the inevitable ups.”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right,” Yugyeom says, sounding calmer.

“Plus, Yerin—and her family—won’t let you be a up.”

“That is very true,” Yugyeom laughs.

“Come on, get your shoes and your coat on. I’m heading over to your place to pick you up.”

“’Kay, see you in a bit.”

BamBam hangs up and slips his phone back in his pocket. His mind is whirling with a storm of thoughts and him eager to drink them into submission. To think just a few hours ago he was picturing himself strolling into university with Jimin on his arm, the both of them heading off to parties with Yugyeom and Yerin, the four of them revelling in their burgeoning adulthood together. The latest turn of events are so absurd that BamBam could laugh or cry—or both.

Still, he has to admit that while things are not as amazing as he thought they would be, they’re not as terrible as they could be. He didn’t lose Jimin, he never had her to begin with, and if any couple can navigate a young, unplanned pregnancy it’s Yugyeom and Yerin. University won’t be anything like how he imagined it, but maybe it can still be great.

“To growing up,” BamBam mimes a toast at Jimin’s apartment building before he turns and heads off to Yugyeom’s house.

Growing up isn't easy

Doesn't anyone know why