Mino still feel uneasy everytime he face the younger boy.He didnt had the courage to face him.A cowards indeed. He said in his mind.

“How am i supposed to face him after the kiss, after i figured out that “i love him”?”He said as he ran a finger trough his hair. The stupid blush invaded his cheeks.

Everytime he’d been forced to face Taehyun, he’ll be trying so hard to avoid him. If he meets him on his way to the kitchen, he would be avoiding eye contaced and pretend that Taehyun wasnt there. And everytime Taehyun wanted to talked, he just answer it with a simple reply that lead to end the talked. If it just the two of them, he try to ignore him by purposely wearing his headphone the whole time. But everytime Taehyun didnt aware of him, he keep staring at him,he keep admiring him from a far. It actually very hard for him to ignore the younger boy.  .

Taehyun aware that he’ve been ignore by him. Everytime mino try to avoiding him, he feel like someone just punch his chest, its painful, he clenched his hands, trying to not be affected by that acted he’s taking a deep breath everytime mino’s ignore him. He felt the unfairness, mino just kissed him without permission and now what? He ignore him?

“Hyung you’re so not fair” he said in his heart. But eventho he want to hate him he just cant.

“Im so stupid” he said, the tears it already fall without him realize it.

Loving someone is a really difficult thing.Loving someone is also never being able to hate a person. Eventho they endlessly cause you pain,making you want endlessly want to hate them but you cant. Loving someone isnt hating them,but its not being able to hate them.-Reply 1988

It had been a few weeks since they started to ignore each other.Mino started to hang out with his friends more, he thought it could make him feel better. Just forget what the stupid things he did to the younger boy,he cant control his mind. He started hang out with his friend at the bar they used to came in gangnam neighborhood. They would spent the night there until dawn. Mino would came to the doorm half high half sober. And Taehyun would keep waiting him to go home, he keep staring at the door, until he feel asleep with his room door opened. And mino would come and just rush to his room.  But until the exact 1 month after mino had been avoiding him he just couldnt take it any more , he promised himself we would talk to him tonight no matter what. he doesnt even care about the kissed anymore. He just feel lonely, feel betrayed, feel the unfariness, he need to know why, and he wanted a justice to his feeling.

------

9 pm on saturday

“im home” taehyun said.

“Oo taehyun-ah welcome home.”Jinwo said while caressing their  5 pets.

Taehyun walked towards polly and lift him to his laps. “Polly didnt you had to say greeting when ur dad come”. Suddenly he looked at mino’s room, the door its opened and it feels like no one had touch the bed since a week ago. He feel the anxiety hit him again.

“Did he drunk again tonight. Whats wrong with him.No taehyun you shouldnt be worried about him, yes thats right i didnt care, he’s a twenty three years old boy afterall what should i be worried about a young adult man,but mino hyung really couldnt even remember anything when he’s drunk, what if.. what if somehting bad happen?” he said in his heart.

“Hyung do you see mino hyung?”

“No,i havent seen him since i wake up, lately mino had been busy with his friend, idk what they’re doing, did you receive his text ?”

“No im not, should i text him then?”

“Mm, ask him when will he come home, its already late.”

When he about to text him, they hear the door opened.

“Im home,” mino said.

“Aa! soju nemse, are you drink again? Whats wrong with you mino-yaaa?jinwo said annoyed.

“Its a party hyung, itsnt right if we dont drink.” Mino said while walking straight to his room.

“Wait hyung, can i talked to you for a minute” taehyun said hesitantly. He could felt his heart pounding so hard. He really tring so hard to finally asked him to talked with just the two of them alone.

“Im sorry taehyun-ah im so tired today, maybe tommorow okay?”he said while he closed the door.

“but hyung wait....”

Mino closed the door. He trew his jacket to his left side. He lay down to his bed, he rest his hand on his eyes.

“Im sorry taehyun-ah im sorry..”

------

And then it keep happen, Mino still choose to be a coward to him. Until... Taehyun couldnt take it anymore and walked towards mino’s room angrily. He opened mino’s room without hesitation.

“Hyung seriously we need to talked....” he froze on the spot. This is not he situation that he’ve been imagine a few minutes ago.

He found mino’s lying soundly on the bed.

“He’s still sleeping?”Then he slowly closed the door behind him. His eyes still fixed on a man in that bed. The man who make a mess of him.The man who consume his mind this past few weeks. One day he want to give him a go,another day it demanded.  

“You’re crazy” he said in his mind. He shake his head and laughing over his own though.Then he look at him again. He had his hair covering half of his eyes. Taehyun found it so attractive, he just looks like a pure 5 years old boy. He looks like a puppy. The anger suddenly dissapear. Now he just feel the need to make the boy to feel comfortable on his sleep, the other things could wait.

He walked closer towards the bed. He took a pillow and a blanket covering mino with it. And then he sit beside him.His eyes still resist to move on from mino’s face.He keep staring at him. He looked at mino’s eyelashes, and trying hard to restrain himslef not to kiss him. Her eyes move up and down until it fixed on mino’s lips. He lean closer to mino’s lips, he could feel their breath now, but he ended up kissing mino forehead.

“Hyung did you hate me? Why are you avoiding me? Am i do something wrong to you?”

And then he slowly lay his body beside mino,he missed the boy, he missed the times they used to had. Then he place his hand on his face and used it as a pillow.

“Hyung about the kissed, its okay for me, im not going to quoestioning about it, okay? im okay now,dont feel bother about it anymore.So please, can we back as we used to be,i missed you,i feel lonely at night thinking about what we usually do at the studio, im happy with you hyung, just as we use to be. Im not demanding much, just dont avoid me. Mm?”

Then he touched mino cheek,while keep looking at him,like it was going to be the last time he saw him. And slowly he feel his eyes so heavy and slowly fall asleep. With his hand still on mino’s face.

Slowly, mino opened his eyes, he looked at the fragile boy infront of him, his pale skin and his red cheek.It make him lose his mind.He moved his position to face the ceiling while namtae still sleeping beside him. He scratched his hair in frustation. He really didnt know what to do. He’s trying his hardest to restrain himself to not lose his control, he wants to kiss him again. He slowly got up. But then taehyun opened his eyes,still half asleep he try to talked something.

“Hyung” he said.

Mino startled, then he pat taehyun head ”sshh shh sleep taehyunaah”

“Where are you going?” taehyun said hazily.he didnt realise he sleep talking now.

“Im not going anywhere,i just feel so thirsty,go back to sleep okay”

When mino want to move, he feel taehyun hand grab his wrist, “Hyung dont go,dont leave me alone again, mm?”

Mino could feel his heart slam againts his chest, he feel the electricity in taehyun touch,then he lean closer to taehyun.

“Im not going anywhere,im here, okay? now go to sleep. I’ll promise i’ll be back again“ while he pat taehyun head.

“You promise me okay? I dont want to be alone again” 

“I promise” 

“Okay” Taehyun said while smiling with his eyes half closed.He slowly release his grips on mino’s hands.Then slowly taehyun feel asleep again.

Mino carefully got up from the bed. Then he walked to the door. Resisting the desire to keep in bed with Taehyun.

“This isnt right mino, you shouldnt do this, get a hold of yourself man” he said. He know he loved him so much, But did he feel the same? Did taehyun feel the same way? He didnt want to destroy everything just because he cant restrain himself towards him.

 “The heart has its reasons of which reason knows not.” Maybe what we all need is a bit more of “crazy” and less of that logical thinking and self-restraint.