It was quite windy that evening when I was on my way home from my workplace, probably because it would rain soon. I looked at the dark sky when it’s only 4 pm; the sky has been feeling like how I would feel lately, made me think of him even more than I already am. Every step of my way, there’s not a second I wouldn’t think of him. I would say 90% of my head is perfectly filled with our memories, and the other 10% would just be me thinking of what I did wrong for our relationship to vanish just like that.

“Here you go, dear… Do be careful not to be in the rain on your way home.”, I smiled to the lady in her 40’s as a response to her usual rainy day advise.

After work, I would stop by her shop to get foods that my mother would ask her to give to me, so it’s easier for her not to get out of the house and getting it herself. I don’t mind, because her store isn’t that far away from my workplace either.

“Will you be alright? Do you need a ride?”, she asked me with her voice raised a little bit louder due to the wind that was getting stronger.

“It’s fine, I’ll catch a cab on the corner of the street, don’t worry… Get back inside, your customers are waiting for you.”, I replied and waved to her before I run to get myself a ride home.

I managed to get one, but my attention was diverted to somewhere else when the taxi was on its way approaching me.

Honk. Honk.

“Are you getting in, miss?”, The driver politely asked me, but i can feel like my soul is leaving my body. So i froze.

“I’m terribly sorry but can you perhaps give me a minute? Just a minute, I’m sorry…”, Just as I was about to step forward, I somehow managed a force to pull myself back and get inside the cab as fast as my brain telling me to go away, making the taxi driver flustered from the sound of his taxi’s door suddenly being slammed a little too strong,

“I told you, we’re done.”,

“What do you mean?”, I almost fall on my knees, but he’s probably fooling around like he always does when his mind is out of his head.

“I mean, I had enough of you.”,

“What did I do?”, I slowly got closer to him.

“Everything!”, His sudden outburst made me dropped my heart to the floor.

“Everything?”,

“Yes, everything! I am sick of you being so selfish, I am sick that you always wanted your way and I am sick to you who always have your pride up first before anything, before me!”,

“Why aren’t you telling me this sooner! Before you suddenly breaking out like this… We could work things out, I can change that…”,

“You just don’t get it, I don’t want you anymore!”,

“What?”,

“I-Don’t. Want-You. Any-more…”,

“But w-why…?”,

“We just don’t go well with each other lately…”,

“But wh-why?”,

“Stop asking me why and try to ask yourself for a change. Maybe then you’ll get your answer. But for sure, I’m done!”,

“I thought you needed a minute…”, He was obviously still shocked with the stunt I did.

“I was wrong… I don’t need it, anymore.”, I whispered those words to myself, I apologize to him once again and tell him the address to my home. Shutting down in the backseat of his car all the way to my house made him questioned my behavior.

“Are you sure you're okay, miss? You looked pale...”,

“I’m fine… I’m sorry again for the door, I hope I didn't break it or anything.”,

“That door survived a couple’s fight and you wouldn’t be first to 'break' it...”, when he realized he was actually giggling to himself, he continued, “The door can be fixed, don’t worry about it. You can just worry about your condition, you look like you could use some sugar to stay alive.”,

He is right though, the door can be fixed, but my heart right now… who knows how long do I need to heal it?

I lend him the money for the cab and went inside the house only to find my mother’s nagging on my older brother in the kitchen. I could hear my mother’s voice throughout the hall. My brother was dodging mother’s spatula that was hitting him over and over again. I wonder what he did this time…

“I guess no one bothers to notice that I’m home…”, as soon as I said that, I received a short kiss from my brother along with a little thank you he get to whisper to me, before making an escape to his room at the end of the hall.

“Finally… A daughter I can count on not to make me dropped on my knees, I swear I ought to kick your brother’s—“,

“Calm down, mom…”, I put down the groceries that was given by the lady at the store earlier, “Now tell me what happened…”,

I’m already used to this… Mother’s complaining about my brother… My brother is definitely not a reckless person, he is clearly brighter than me, his grades are much better than mine in our school days. He already got himself a career, one that would guarantee to make a good living.

There’s this one thing that made our mother got really upset with him.

“He didn’t come to the date he promised me last night… My friend kept calling me, asking me for you brother’s whereabouts! Oh my dear, I’m going to get a headache… If he keeps doing this when i will ever get any grandchilds!”,

"Ouch, mom? I'm right here. And I'm also still your daughter, no?",

"Oh you know what i mean, sweetheart. I'm just really worried about your brother not getting himself someone to take care of him.", She sat down and took a sip of water from the glass, "And not to mentioned my guilt over my friends, you do know this is not his first time, right? I have more than ten friends whose daughters I've suggested and all of them, ended like today.",

She kept telling me how embarrassed she was to her friend and feels sorry towards her daughter for making her wait for him for 4 straight hours. I was surprised she would wait that long, even I wouldn't wait that long.

Wrong. I was reminded again why I was still single for over 2 years now.

I guess that girl must’ve known my brother, and really did expect him to be there as promised since my brother is known for his loving attitude and not to mention Mr. Nice guy here is also good with not breaking anyone’s heart; and I mean anyone. I can imagine her disappointment. I can say my brother is quite famous with the girls during school days. She must’ve been one of them… So there's no surprise there.

“Do you want me to talk to him?”, I was about to set my foot towards my brother’s room.

“It’s okay… Let me deal with him later.”, Mother sighed, shaking her head sideways, thinking of my brother’s luck with having a girlfriend, or even getting married at his age.

“I pretty sure he’s not going to face you at dinner…”, I walked away from the kitchen, slowly heading to the staircase.

“He will be hungry and until then, he can try avoiding me as long as he can…”, She evilly giggled at the thought.

I cracked into a small smile as I bring myself to walk up on the stairs straight to my bedroom where I could hear music’s were played, and I could tell right away that as soon as I turned the knob on my door, meeting the eyes of my cousin’s, HyunSeung, who caught my first gaze when I stepped in.

“Mihyun’s here!”, He greeted cheerfully, lowering the volume of the music that he and his girlfriend, who happens to be my bestie, were listening to.

“Hey, you two… My mom didn’t mention you guys were here…”, I wasn’t that thrilled the fact that they’re here tonight where I wished I could be wrapped in my blankets and be alone.

“It’s okay, GiKwang seems like he deserves to be chewed out by your mother anyway…”, HyunAh hopped off from my bed and give me a teddy bear hug from my back when I turned to close my door back and hang my stuffs, “We thought you’d want to hang tonight with us at the cinema, what do you think?”, She clings herself on my arms.

“No…”, Of course I would reject the offer right away, “I think I’m going to stay on my bed tonight, I’m so tired… I had so much work to do to prepare for tomorrow…”, I tried to give them excuses, to which they replied with chuckles and yawns. So much for understanding.

“Mi, you’re going out tonight. You need to breathe out from this- dungeon.”, HyunSeung joined his girl clinging himself on my other arm.

“My bedroom is not a dungeon—“,

“Then what do you call a place where you locked yourself up for hours…”, HyunAh backed up her boyfriend.

“Not to mention the busted lights that couldn’t be switched on and these tightly closed windows…”, HyunSeung continued.

“And it feels like there’s no life at all living in this room apart from you who is barely alive…”, HyunAh babbled.

“No one should be in this kind of environment… You need to take a breather outside and… you know… move on.”, HyunSeung point out his last words slower.

And that’s when it hits me. Maybe they’re right. Maybe I should get out more and… get along with whatever it is that I’m trying to deal with… There’s nothing to be scared of. Absolutely nothing…

“So what do you think? Do you want something horror or an action movie?”, HyunSeung began his suggestion when we first arrived at the cinema, making his girl showed a little pout at his options, obviously not liking them both at all.

“Babe… I thought we were going to watch the one with the-“, HyunAh was about to complain some more, i kinda know which movie she was talking about, cause she has been reminding him for the past month earlier before it even came out on the theater.

“Sweetheart, I don’t think Mihyun is going to stay for something like that… Besides, I don’t want her to feel left out surrounded with the lovey dovey act.”, HyunSeung was being nice, but I think I should leave them tonight with their movie plans.

“It’s okay guys. I’ll just be on the other side of the street in that bookstore to buy something to read while waiting for you both to finish the movie… I’ll be fine alone, don’t worry about me. You’ll know where to find me when you’re done.”, As always...

“Promise us you won’t go home alone? At least, not without us… We’re the one who got you out; I think it’s only fair if we get you back home safely… Okay?”, HyunSeung asked one last time, just to make sure of my safety.

I nodded several times in return and leave them to carry out their plans for the night. Not that far apart from the theater, few walks ahead down the street I can easily find my favorite spot to hang around this busy neighborhood. My laptop and my small notebook would always be carried here and there when I'm going out of the house. My attention is now on the flashing lights from the city lights in every corner of the tall buildings, all so sparkly and colorful, this view would be nice if I have someone to enjoy it with. But is it just me or the wind this night has grown colder by the minute? I'm only wearing two layered clothing, colored in black.

Hmp. One glance, I'd be looking like someone's shadow.

“I’m done!”,

“I’ve had enough.”,

“Just stop.”,

“I-Don’t. Want-You. Any-more.”,

Again, those memories are coming back to me. Like heavy dark clouds that seemed to never want to stop showering the earth with it's raindrop. These kind of memories that has the ability to kill any emotions I could feel in a matter of milliseconds… I’m haunted by my own memories; memories of him, memories with him and memories of me and him.

But why…

“Why are you here alone?”,

“Huh?”, I turned around to that voice, only to have my heartbeat beating to an end, slowly.

Why tonight... became the night...

“Why don’t you join them?”,

That I've been waiting for too long...

“I saw