“Jinyoung, have you seen Coco?”

Jinyoung looked up from the movie script he was reading on his bed to gaze at Jackson, who was standing by the sliding door to his room, his posture casual as he leant onto the frame of the door, but his expression worried.

“I haven't, my door has been closed. Isn't she in her pen?”

Jinyoung and Jackson were the only ones residing at their dorm currently, so they were tasked with taking care of the Maltese dog of the group, Coco. Coco was on paper Mark’s and Youngjae’s dog, but the whole group took care of her whenever they were at the dorms. The others were currently away, spending time with their family and friends or whatever they had chosen to do with the two days vacation JYPE had given them right before Christmas and the Gayos. Jackson didn’t have time to go to Hong Kong to see his parents since he still had some of his own variety schedules, but he said it was fine as he had just had the possibility to see his parents during the MAMA’s in Hong Kong. Jinyoung had gone up to visit his family briefly, but since his siblings were busy with school and his parents had to work as there wasn’t any real holiday going on, he came back to the dorms after having dinner with his family. To Jackson he explained that he was only going to be a bother to his parents as they would feel guilty having him alone at home during the day. Jinyoung did need some peace and quiet since he needed to study the script of the movie he had just been cast in, but his parents wouldn’t like him working at home, so Jinyoung had found it easier to just return to the dorms.

Another reason was that Jinyoung knew how lonely Jackson got when he was left to his own devices, so he returned to the dorms to keep the same-age boy company. Jinyoung didn’t mention this reason to Jackson though, knowing that the other boy didn’t want his pity.

“I checked from her pen, she isn’t there. She must be somewhere in the dorm though. Help me find her?”

There was no need for Jackson to get help from Jinyoung to find their dorm puppy, there really weren't many places she could successfully hide in, and Jinyoung was sure she'd come running if she heard the rustling of the dog food bag. This was just Jackson, finding an excuse to get Jinyoung away from his reading, to spend some time with him instead.

“Fine, I'll come.” Jinyoung knew all that, and he still stood no chance to refuse.

It was difficult for Jinyoung to think clearly when he was alone with Jackson. It was almost impossible to tell the other boy no.

Jinyoung hated that.

He had always prided himself on being a rational person who thought things through, considered the different aspects and acted based on the observations and conclusions. It was rare that anyone got him so overwhelmed with emotions that he'd act on impulse. Jaebum had been the first to ever manage that. The duo had at first despised each other, but as they worked and matured together, they learned to use their different standpoints as their strength, testing their ideas in each other's eyes and formulating solutions that worked from both of the angles for the benefit of them, and later on, their group.

Jackson was… another thing.

They had never despised one another. They were the same age, so there wasn't the same competing position as with Jaebum. They were in a group of seven, and that was a far easier setting than debuting in a duo.

But because of first impressions Jinyoung had ignored Jackson when they were trainees. Jinyoung had thought the outspoken, outgoing boy arrogant, and because Jackson knew so little of dancing, rapping and singing before starting as a trainee, Jinyoung had underestimated him. He definitely hadn't expected ending up in the same group as the Hong Kongese boy, especially after having already debuted before. But when they were put into the same group and Jinyoung finally let himself to get to know the boy, he learned to see him for the deep and profound person he was.

They had grown to be quite close, actually. On the surface it seemed like they clashed a lot, but they really brought the best out of each other. They understood each other’s weaknesses and issues, pushed each other to do their best, and helped each other see that they were actually quite good in things they were not that confident about. Jinyoung and Jackson talked a lot in depth about difficult subjects, and they confided in one another.

But Jackson also brought out the worst in Jinyoung. He had a way of getting under Jinyoung’s skin without even trying sometimes, making the singer snap and display behaviour he really thought he would be mature enough to avoid by now. Jinyoung just reacted more strongly to the things Jackson said, and because the rapper was the kind of  person who was very straightforward in his words, not hesitating to say things that many others would have considered to be too bold or thoughtless, Jinyoung snapped at him a lot.

Jinyoung hated it. It was just like when Jackson spoke, Jinyoung’s brain forgot to turn on the rationality filter that would have told him to take what the Hong Kongese boy said with a pinch of salt.

And when Jinyoung snapped or got angry, he wasn’t good at making it all better. At all. He held grudges and it took serious effort to get him to admit he had been wrong, not to even mention apologizing for any of it. It was a stark contrast to usual arguments in the group, where Jinyoung kept his cool and would act as a mediator to get all parties to listen to what the others were saying and to see the issue also from their point of view. Jinyoung felt ashamed of snapping so often at his friend, but whenever he tried to apologize, Jackson would end up saying something that made him angry again, and the cycle continued.

After the last time Jinyoung had resolved to try and avoid situations where he might snap at Jackson. It was a shame, since that meant avoiding being alone with just the two of them, and that meant the end of their in-depth conversations. Jinyoung missed his friend and those conversations, but he thought the sacrifice would be worth it, if Jinyoung spent this time trying to figure out what his problem with Jackson was, so that they could be all better once he dealt with his issues.

Avoiding being alone with Jackson hadn’t really helped though. Jinyoung had still managed to let some of his bad behaviour slip on broadcasts, getting annoyed at Jackson over nothing and bringing up old issues that were starting to look really stupid now that fans had seen them argue about the same things for months.

So he had come to the conclusion that it was a moot point trying to avoid being alone with Jackson, and had come to the dorms earlier to be a friend when Jackson needed company. Jinyoung didn’t really know what to do about his inability to keep his cool and his good sense in Jackson’s company, other than to just try harder to think before he reacted in a negative way to something relatively innocent that Jackson would say.

Easier said than done. Jackson got Jinyoung worked up like no one else. It was like he felt everything in the extreme when it was concerning Jackson - both the good and the bad things. When everything was well, Jinyoung would feel happy for the other more than he would have thought he could feel. He was so proud when Jackson achieved more and more with his career, and wanted to help and support the other in any way he could. And in their private lives, Jinyoung was more content in Jackson’s company than anywhere else. Jackson’s friendly touch brought Jinyoung more comfort that any amount of reassuring words.

But when it was bad, it was awful. Jinyoung knew he was a jealous person - he had always been, within his family, among groups of friends, with the girlfriends he had had. But the jealousy he felt for Jackson topped all those. Jinyoung tried to ignore it, as it was in completely irrational proportions. They were a group of seven, of course Jackson was friendly with the others, and Jackson was an idol, he had an image to upkeep in the public. Jinyoung didn’t know what exactly triggered the jealousness - he seemed just fine with Jackson hanging with the others most of the time, like he should be. Jinyoung wanted to spend time in the company of the other members too, enjoying his quiet moments with Mark and his banter with Jaebum. It was just that sometimes, something Jackson said or did made Jinyoung’s chest clench, and if there was in that moment a chance to snap at the other boy, he would.

It was so exhausting. The sheer strength of everything Jackson made him feel tired Jinyoung out. He knew that to actually solve whatever issues he had with Jackson, he would have to figure out how to stop reacting so strongly to everything Jackson did. But it wasn’t a thing he could just turn off. He wasn’t really sure he even wanted to - the flutter of happiness he felt when leaning on Jackson’s chest seemed worth the stab of hurt he felt when Jackson ignored him to be with someone else.

Jinyoung knew he wasn’t being entirely honest to himself about the situation, but if he admitted to ignoring implications, it wasn’t really denial, right?

***