title: 2/5 ;; The title is really cliché - I actually searched it on AFF and dozens of stories with the same title came out. The title wouldn't really catch my eye next to other titles, either. However, the title does really fit with the story, so kudos to you for that.

appearance: 7/10 ;; The poster was so-so, but the background wasn't the best, with the dark colors (and there is a very visible watermark). All in all, it leaves a bad impression on the viewer.  Also, don't color-code or make each dialogue in different colors. It's distracting and makes your story look really unprofessional. 

foreword&description: 5/10 ;; The whole thing looks messy and disorganized. It's hard to read because everything is so colorful and highlighted and everything. The color-coding makes me confused, and there isn't even a use for the color-coding because, well, it's not color-coded with a character. I couldn't tell which character was speaking and I was left to guess everything. Also, you don't have to capitalize everything in the description, it makes me shout in my head LOL. Seriously though, everything just distracted me and turned me off from this story.  However, I do learn what I need to learn about the story (though the foreword was on the long side).

plot&originality: 6/15 ;; Basically, the whole plot was cliché. She suddenly got this heart cancer out of nowhere and I was rolling my eyes at the screen... There were many parts that I didn't understand, either. Why was Ryeowook ignoring her again? I didn't find the explanation anywhere on the story.... was it just because of work?  I liked the ending, though - it made the ending easiser to bear. ^^

characterization: 4/10 ;; There was little to no characterization. I didn't understand the characters at all. Why did Ryeowook do that? Why? Part of the reason I felt the characterization was so bad was because I couldn't tell which character was talking. When Si Eun died and Ryeowook was crying, I didn't' feel anything; I didn't feel like I knew the characters at all. 

spelling&grammar: 11/15 ;; English isn't your first language, so I didn't go very hard on you. However, every time you have dialogue, remember to put who said it! It makes readers very uncertain when they see dialogue and it doesn't even mention the speaker. Remember to capitalize every first word of each sentence, including the words inside dialogue. Put apostrophes in the right place. Don't make sentences run-on, it makes everything feel very rushed and messy. There couldn't have been more than 5 periods (.) in the entire story - you need to work on that! 

writing style: 6/15 ;; I really (sorry to say this) dislike your writing style. It looks unprofessional (as I mentioned earlier), and the colors look really confusing. There is too much unnecessary dialogue; I wanted to skip over everything. 

overall notes ;; Frankly, I didn't really enjoy this story. It was extremely, EXTREMELY cliché. I was expecting her to die - isn't that what always happens in these types of stories? All the colors really turned me off. 

TOTAL: 41/80 ;; 51%

thanks paintedwings @ a thousand paper cranes

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