I still remember the day when I got a call from the CEO. He said he needs to see me right at that moment. I was watching a video of Junhyung oppa singing. It was beautiful just like in the past. I have no idea why he hid such a talented voice of his all this years. And yes, I had a crush on him. Just like a typical fangirl, I always made sure I know his latest update.

Hearing that a representative from Cube is searching for me, I can’t help but made my way to the office. Why would they want to see me? I haven’t even keeping contact with either 4Minute or BEAST nowadays. Upon arriving, the atmosphere told me it’s something big.

“We hope you can be Junhyung’s girlfriend,” the Cube representative finish his words with something I could never imagine happening.

I was reckless. My fangirl side did a biased decision without thinking. I simply accepted the proposal just like that. Now, it just hurts me. Badly.

A few hours after the meeting, my phone rang.

“Hara-ah, thanks for accepting me,” Junhyung’s husky voice coming from the other side.

“Sure, oppa. I didn’t know you are interested in me,” I gave him a joking laugh.

“Aha, I’m great at hiding my feeling isn’t it?”

Indeed, he really is.

Despite his busy schedule due to BEAST’s upcoming comeback, he doesn’t forget to call me now and then. He even sang me a snip bit of their new song. After our schedule for the day ended, he drove his car to our dorm and took me for a walk. That was the night. The night which forced us to make a decision.

“A paparazzi caught you guys,” the words slashed through my heart.

“It’s better to reveal the truth before the fans making their own conclusion,” Manager oppa gave a suggestion.

I was afraid. I was afraid on how our fans would react. I was afraid on breaking their hearts. And most importantly, I was afraid on how my family and my members would feel. I hid it because of my selfishness. I was just thinking about how happy I am able to date my long-time crush, Yong Junhyung.

“I think we need to reveal it now,” He said the same thing.

“Is it okay for you? I don’t want to get in the way of BEAST’s album promotion,”

“I know they will understand. Same goes to our fans,”

“Oppa, you will protect me right?”

“Don’t worry, I’ll be by your side.”

Our relationship news has quiet down a few weeks later. BEAST also got many 1^st places in music shows. I can’t be more proud of my boyfriend’s group. They are the most understanding members alongside my group members. Neither of them said anything against us.  A song called “Freeze” in their song was composed personally by Junhyung and people have been saying it was written for me. I found it cute that he didn’t say anything about that.

One month later, I started to notice something. Something that have been said around between the fans. I heard I was being used to cover up the forbidden relationship between Junhyung and his fellow member, Hyunseung. I found it ridiculous at first. It must be just some delusional shippers spreading false rumor. But I when I thought back, Junhyung have been calling me less and less those days. Even at one point, we didn’t talk for more than four days. I saw all those so-called ‘JunSeung’ photos and started to feel jealous. Junhyung never did those to me. He never whispers so close. He never hugs me. The most he did was hold my hands. And the most disappointing, he never give me the warm and loving smile that he did to Hyunseung. I can’t help but to think the fans might be telling the truth.

In the middle of my deep thoughts, I received a text message. My face lit up at the name of the sender. “Nae sarang” (My love).

My love: I want to meet you tonight. The usual place at 11?

Goo Hara: Alright. I'm still in the middle of my schedule so I might be late.

After so long, he finally got the time to meet me. That night, I can’t sit still on the chair in the live radio studio as I can’t wait to see him. I throw away all those thought about JunSeung or whatsoever and ended the radio interview with a big grin on my face.

He took me to the same convenience store as on our first date. We walked holding hands though the same route. We sat on the same bench. But this time, with a different type of conversation. Let’s have a beautiful relationship changed to let’s break up. Happy laughs changed to watery eyes. The tight grip between two hands changed to an awkward space.

The fans’ guess was right. Even though he didn’t left me any explanation, I saw a photo of them together on the back sit of his car. That was enough for me to catch the situation. He can’t go on with this relationship. He doesn’t want to hurt his real lover anymore.

I cried so much that my members don’t dare to say anything. It won’t hurt that much if he wasn’t my crush. It won’t hurt that much if he told me in the first place I was a cover up. It won’t hurt that much if he left me for a…girl.