Breathe

Break Your Walls Down

  Krystal glances around the vicinity, unsure of what she should do next.

  To make matters worse, her sister wasn't here, and neither was he.

  Great.

  She remained silent as she was ushered into a nearby room and made to sit on a nearby chair. Next to her was her senior Changmin of DBSK, who was flipping through a set of scores identical to hers. The only difference was that while her score was neat with small Korean characters written under each Japanese character, his was littered with scribbles of Hangeul and scrawls of notes along the borders of the score. Glancing back down at her score, she felt as though she hadn't put as much effort as Changmin had to prepare for the song. Feeling her cheeks colour a little, she fished a pencil out of her bag and went through each line meticulously, wondering if she would have difficulty.

  Changmin chose to glance up at the moment and offered her a smile, one that she shyly returned. "I haven't actually worked with you before on any song. You excited?"

  "I guess so."

  "Why so reluctant?"

  "Well Changmin sunbae has such a big and powerful voice, and well, I'm not exactly Luna unnie. I don't think I'm going to do the song and you justice. At all."

  "Oh but come on!" Changmin grinned at her encouragingly. "You're Jessica's little sister! I'm sure you're better than you think you are!"

  There it was again.

  Krystal closed her eyes and mentally tried to calm herself. When she opened them again, Changmin could see a smile painted on Krystal's lips. But there was something different in her eyes.

  "Yeah, I'm her little sister." Krystal felt hollow. "I'm sure I'll do wonderful."

 

@_@

 

  She did small bows numerous times around the studio, before finally leaving the moment recording was over. The recording went horrible, and she couldn't stick around longer to take a look at Changmin's disappointed face.

  Or at least she thought Changmin was disappointed. Who woudn't be? Even the talent scout who had scouted her all those years ago would be disappointed. She had heard the D5 delivered by Taeyeon sunbae and Zhang Li Yin sunbae, and they were flawlessly done. Hers paled in comparison. She has heard a small clip of the decided recording on run, and it was so...her.

  Weak and childish sounding. It was her trademark sound. A sound that she couldn't and would never be able to change, no matter how many times she wished. If she were allowed, she would delete all the recordings she had done and pull in Luna to sing the parts. That's what all the fans would want anyway. Luna was a great singer. She didn't deserve this spot in SM the Ballad, which was only for the best vocalists in each group.

  Glancing down at the scores in her hand she heaved a sigh. Her schedule for the rest of the day was over, which was a relief. She could now mentally prepare for the next day's recording activities. Which reminded her, she had no idea who she would be singing it with. All that Krystal was informed of was that she would be singing two duets, the first being the Japanese version of the lead track which she would sing with Changmin of DBSK.

  As if hearing her thoughts, her phone in her pocket vibrated, informing her of an incoming message. Unlocking it, Krystal was surprised to see a message from her manager. Clicking on it to read the message, Krystal felt her blood run cold at the contents of the message.

  "Soojung-ah, I've just received a message from the management. You'll be singing your other duet with Chen of EXO. Remember to be at the recording studio by 1pm tomorrow for your recording."

  ...why?

  It wasn't him, but why a member of EXO? There were so many male SMTown members in SM the Ballad. Why Chen of EXO?

 

@_@

 

  Regardless of her wishes and thoughts, Krystal found herself outside the recording studio at 12.30pm waiting.

  To add on to her worry from yesterday, she remembered that Chen, like Changmin, was a powerful singer. How was she even going to look on par with Changmin and Chen as her duet partners? She could almost see all the comments about her performance: "Krystal has nothing on Chen. No chemistry with Changmin oppa. Taeyeon and Zhang Li Yin are so much better than her. Why is Luna not singing for f(x)?"

  Krystal would have added on more to her comments, had she not been shocked by a sudden blow of air to her ear. She gave a squeal of surprise at the sensation and quickly spun round to catch the culprit.

  A head of brown hair, with matching brown eyes alight with mischief came into her sight. An elfish grin with high cheekbones completed the look.

  Chen of EXO had arrived.

  Krystal immediately froze in her actions, not knowing how to react. Chen however, was the first to break the awkwardness. "Hey Electric Girl, how's it going?"

  Immediately, Krystal unfroze and scowled. Chen had been calling her Electric Girl ever since they first met. He had bowed to the entire f(x) before springing up eagerly, claiming he was a fan and that his favourite song was Electric Shock. He then proceeded to call her Electric Girl, all respect for a sunbae having flown out the window in his excitement.

  Song Qian and Jinri had thought he was cute, but Krystal recalled looking at him with distaste. Chen was too slack for her. She preferred someone more serious, like him. But here she was, stuck with the member of EXO she disliked the most.

  Chen's voice broke her out of her thoughts: "-ctric Girl? You there?"

  "What do you want, Chen-ssi?" Krystal asked, feeling annoyed. This guy was seriously getting on her nerves.

  "I just wanted to know if you were ready for our duet? And Electric Girl, I thought I told you to call me Jongdae. Nobody else calls me Chen offstage, you're the only exception."

  "Well I barely know you, so I think sticking to stage names is a better idea. And I'm fine, I've sang a few albums. I think I can handle one tiny duet." Krystal did not mean to come off as snobbish, but Chen was seriously getting on her nerves.

  "But this is different, Electric Girl!" Chen exclaimed. "Your duets were with Luna sunbae and Amber sunbae. This is a love song, you're doing a duet with a guy. The feeling involved in singing this is different."

  Krystal remained silent, hoping Chen would just shut up eventually before going off.

  Next to her, Jongdae quietened for a while to think. He hated playing dirty and dragging people's relationships into situations like this, but there was no other way to get to Krystal at the moment.

  He decided to try though. "Look, I know you like him. But he's with someone else now, so why don't you just let-"

  Jongdae knew though, that he had crossed the line when Krystal immediately turned to him. Even though she was still composed like normal, he could see the light flush on her skin and the hidden misery in her eyes.

  "Thank you, Chen-ssi." she hissed. "I knew that you would love to gloat about what I would never have. Especially since he is your bandmate. I'm sure somebody else would appreciate your jokes, as you would call them. I for one, don't. So just please leave me alone and go find someone else to pick on."

  Before the tears spilled out of her eyes, Krystal turned and ran off, ignoring the voice of Chen calling out her name.

 

@_@

 

  Krystal later appeared in the recording studio, bowing and apologizing to all the staff there for being late. When she bowed to Chen she made sure to avoid his eyes, before making her way over to a chair to wait for her turn to record.

  Avoiding Chen was inevitable though.

  An hour into the recording session, the director got Krystal to ready herself in front of the mic. What he said next shocked her.

  "I want to record you guys singing the chorus together. And all of the harmonization."

  "But don't we usually record them separately? Isn't that easier?" Krystal implored, her eyes widening.

  "It is, but I want to capture the real chemistry between a couple. A young couple who just broke up, is finding love, and finds each other again. That's why I specifically requested the both of you for this song. The both of you are the youngest members in the group. And who else better than Krystal Jung, the well-acclaimed actress and Chen, the newbie in the scene and the definition of young love?"

  Krystal wanted to cry out in frustration. She couldn't do this. She so couldn't do this. She just had a fight with the guy and now they wanted her to pretend that they were once in love.

  And she wanted to strangle Chen when she heard him agree to the director's request. What was that guy thinking? Correction: Did that guy even think?

  Focus Soojung, she told herself. The faster you do this the faster you can leave and never see this guy ever again.

  And the recording started. And was stopped. And was started again. This went on for a few more times, with Krystal feeling worse than the last. No names were mentioned, but she knew that it was her fault every time the recording was abruptly halted. The director would always say that he was not feeling anything between them. As much as she would like to say it was Chen's fault, she could see that the guy was definitely trying. Trying to initiate eye contact throughout the recording of their harmonies. But she was stubborn. And she did not want to look at him.

  As they were stopped once again for what felt like the hundredth time, Krystal couldn't take it anymore. She didn't care if it was an act of unprofessionalism, but she couldn't stay in this room any longer and face all those disappointed faces.

  Muttering an apology, she turned and fled the room.

 

@_@

 

  On bad days at work, Krystal would trudge over to SNSD's dorm and get comforted by her sister. Then they would pig out on ice cream and she would stay over with her sister, waking up to find herself in a pink-covered room. Courtesy of Tiffany.

  But now Jessica wasn't in Korea. So she headed over to her best, non-f(x) friend. Feeling miserable and lousy, she pressed the doorbell. The door was soon flung open by a laughing Chanyeol and Baekhyun, the latter nearly toppling over her.

  "Oh hi Krystal!" Baekhyun chirped, as Chanyeol caught him around the waist and pulled him up. "Looking for Jongin?"

  Krystal gave a small smile as she nodded. Baekhyun and Chanyeol, although not her favourite people (too noisy), could definitely always put anybody in a better mood. And they were dating. Jinri had always said that if the couple had kids, they'd be a loud and boisterous family.

  Baekhyun then hollered: "Jongin! Get your down here! Krystal's looking for you!"

  "See you later Krystal," Chanyeol grinned before he hoisted Baekhyun up and made off with him to another part of the dorms. A second later, a tan figure ambled out from a nearby room, yawning as he made his way to her.

  She chuckled as Jongin blinked a couple of times at her, sleep clouding his eyes. Then a smile slowly stretched along his face as his eyes twinkled in recognition.

  "Soojung?" he asked, hardly daring to believe who he was seeing.

  "The one and only," she grinned, before spreading her arms open to give her best friend a warm hug.

  Once separated from the friendly hug, Jongin asked: "What brings you here? You hardly drop by anymore."

  Inside, Krystal winced a little. It was true. Ever since it happened, she refrained herself from dropping by, afraid of hurting herself further. In turn, she had unknowingly abandoned her best friend (sort of) along the way. "Is Kyungsoo Oppa around?" she answered in return.

  "No, he went out to do some recording. I'll tell him that you dropped by."

  "Okay," she smiled. "I guess we can use your room."

  "Sure." Jongin replied, turning around to lead the way.

  As they entered his room, Krystal pulled a face as she gingerly stepped over a lone tee discarded on the floor. Noticing her reaction, Jongin chuckled: "Sorry for the mess."

  "It's okay," she squeaked, trying not to cringe too much on her quest to the bedroom's only chair.

  Once they were both settled down, Jongin broke the ice by asking: "So what's up? Why the sudden appearance after a month?"

  Krystal pursed her lips before replying: "I just had a ty day at work. I was recording for SM the Ballad and I just couldn't do it. I even ran out halfway whle recording."

  "Hang on a moment," Jongin furrowed his brows. "Jongdae Hyung went out to record for SM the Ballad too. By any chance, were you recording with him?"

  "Yeah," Krystal admitted. "We were in the middle of recording for a duet before I ran out."

  "But why, Soojung. Why exactly did you run out?"

  She remained silent for a while, before answering: "I had a small argument with him prior to the recording. And then the director wanted to record our harmonies at the same time. I just...I just couldn't stand it and left halfway"

  Jongin gave her an unreadable look, before saying: "Look Soojung, I know you don't like him. But Jongdae Hyung means well. And Baekhyun Hyung and Kyungsoo Hyung are good singers, I'm even Kyungsoo Hyung's biggest fan. But Jongdae Hyung has a way with complementing his partners whenever he sings duets. Kyungsoo Hyung told me that he thinks that's the reason why Jongdae Hyung was selected out of the three of them, because there's bound to be a lot of duet work."

  "Chin up Soojung," he added. "You're a capable singer in your own right. The company wouldn't have purely selected you out of biasness. You have your talent in your own way, and the only one the company is biased to is me."

  "Oh hush," Krystal said, brushing aside the last parts of Jongin's words. "You're a splendid dancer with a matching attitude. You deserve all that attention."

  "But not everybody sees it that way."

  Memories of comforting Jongin over hateful and judgmental comments came back to her. "Well, that makes the two of us." she mumbled. "Besides, Kyungsoo Oppa and the others see it too. You're not alone in this, Jongin."

  "Thanks Soojung."

  "What are friends for?"

 

@_@

 

  Krystal hissed in frustration as she tried and failed, once again, to smoothen out her high notes. After that comfort session with Jongin from the day before, she had headed over to a practice room once breakfast was over to try and get some practice done. Her singing however, seemed to deprove from yesterday.

  She groaned, certain that she was going to make a bigger fool out of herself than yesterday. As soon as she had got back to the f(x) dorms, she had called up the director to apologize for the stunt she had pulled. The director seemed stern at first but then relented, saying that it was okay so long as she got the breather she needed.

  And here she was, trying to make up for lost time. Krystal felt like crying, because she still wasn't doing it no matter how hard she tried. She really was undeserving of being in SM the Ballad. Trying one last time to do that small vocal run in her falsetto, she cringed at the brokenness in her attempted legato. That whole scene from yesterday was just going to repeat itself again, and it'd all be her fault.

  Just as Krystal was about to have a mini panic attack, the door to the practice room creaked open. In a flash her eyes landed on the intruder, and she could have positively cried after seeing who it was. Krystal turned her face to the wall so as to hide her misery-filled face from Chen. Hearing the footsteps stop behind, Krystal asked tiredly: "What do you want now?"

  "Am I really such a bad guy? So bad that you always have to fight and argue with me whenever we see each other?"

  At that moment, Krystal could have sworn she heard a heart breaking a little somewhere. Looking up cautiously, she found herself staring in the face of a saddened Chen.

  "I...I honestly don't know. Are you?"

  Silence followed her words, before Chen carried on. "Look, I know that he unknowingly broke your heart-"

  Krystal immediately interrupted him: "No. Just no Chen. You can talk about anything else but that."

  "I insist. If I don't get it over with now, I never will. And neither will you."

  "Please-"

  "I understand that Do Kyungsoo chose your best friend Kim Jongin over you. I also know that they both didn't realize that you were in love with Kyungsoo. You also hate how people expect so much from you because Jessica's your older sister. As much as you love her, you can't help but feel frustrated about it. But really, none of this should be stopping you. You're a great addition to SM the Ballad and it's not like you can't sing, so why let all these external factors affect your singing?"

  Jongdae paused for a while to wipe off the tears running down Krystal's face, who was so stunned by everything that she hadn't even noticed herself crying. After wiping away her tears, Jongdae held her face steady in his hands: "You're your own person Soojung, don't let anything make you less than what you are."

  Krystal tried to process everything. Firstly, her nemesis was actually trying to make her feel better, and was even being encouraging. Secondly, he had gotten all her problems down perfectly.

  Chen was actually being really sweet.

  With that thought in mind, something inside her snapped and she leant forward to hug Chen. He didn't even protest, wrapping his arms around her tightly. This carried on for a while, until Krystal deemed herself comforted enough to face Chen. She slowly prised herself out of his hug, wiping her tears away. "Thanks." she mumbled to the person in front of her.

  Chen grinned at her: "Anytime."

 

@_@

 

  Krystal ended the recording with a small smile on her face. After her meltdown to Chen, she had felt tons better and had felt relaxed enough to sing decently. Really, who knew that Chen could be so different from his annoying joking self? As she gathered her things into her bag and got ready to leave, she felt a small tap on her shoulder.

  Chen was standing behind her when she turned around. "Um if you'd like, we can meet before the recording tomorrow to practice a little." he said bashfully, scratching his head a little.

  Krystal tried not to stare obsessively into his dark eyes (cause there was really something enchanting and magnetizing about them). "Sure, I'll see you at 12pm in the practice room then."

  As if on cue, Chen's smile lit up and he positively beamed at her: "Great! See you soon then, Electric Girl."

  Surprisingly, Krystal didn't try to skewer him alive when she heard the nickname. A warm feeling filled her stomach as she smiled back in response.

 

@_@

 

  "And then Tiff decided to use up my entire bottle of pink nail polish and didn't even bother to tell me. Seriously, you'd think I'd know by now."

  "Mm." was the only reply Krystal gave back to her sister, who was be the curses of being Tiffany's roommate.

  Krystal loves Jessica, but there are times when her sister's grumbles were really unappealing to enjoy. Tiffany always took everyone's nail polish whenever hers were used up. But only the pink ones of course. Tiffany even took Jinri's once while she was in f(x)'s dorm.

  Jessica frowned at her younger sister. The latter seemed really distracted ever since she came in for a sleepover, which was quite unlike her. The elder decided to give the younger a small poke, and succeeded in jerking Krystal alert with that sharp poke. "What do you want?" Krystal scowled at the jab.

  "You seem distracted. Penny for your thoughts?"

  Growing up in America, it was a small English phrase that the sisters liked using on each other. Now living in a different country, that familiar phrase brought about a sense of solidarity and comfort.

  She would trust her sister.

  Taking a deep breath, Krystal confessed: "I may have a small crush on Jongdae."

  It was a decision to start calling Chen by his real name after Krystal had realized the deep sense of comfort it gave her. Jongdae really was an extraordinary man.

  Jessica glanced at Krystal's slightly coloured face, before smiling warmly: " I think that's great, if he treats you well. Besides, I also think it's high time you got over Kyungsoo."

  Just then, Taeyeon walked in. "Hey babe," she said, going up to Jessica and giving her a back hug. "Supper's ready."

  Jessica nuzzled back into Taeyeon's neck with a small giggle. "I know, just listening to my little sister confessing her crush on Jongdae. "

  At that, Taeyeon's head snapped up. "Are you serious?"

  When Krystal nodded, Taeyeon let out a happy sigh. "He'll be so stoked. Kid's been crushing on you for a long time already."

  Now it was Krystal's turn to be shocked. "Say what?"

  "I think half the company already knows about it." Tiffany supplied, poking her head through the door. "Dae has the hugest crush on you since forever. He just isn't very smooth with words sometimes."

  "He's visited us a few times before wanting to know more about you." Jessica grinned. "His crush on you is just so cute!'

  "You may think that you're the only one suffering from unrequited love Soojung-ah, but Dae has been going through the exact same thing with you." Taeyeon finished, now nuzzling her nose into Jessica's neck.

  "Krystal absorbed all this news with stunned silence. Jongdae likes her? No wonder he knew so much about her. Wincing as she thought how Jongdae must've felt seeing her pine after his bandmate, she felt a tiny bit flustered.

  Jongdae liked her. And she liked him back!

  "So whatcha gonna do about it now?" Taeyeon questioned, looking at Krystal's face.

  "I'll handle everything, Taeyeon unnie." Krystal replied with a soft smile on her face. "Let's get supper first though, I'm starving."

 

@_@

 

  Krystal kept everything to herself first. She wanted to notice Jongdae's behaviour to her. The recording session got better, and she started to have more fun with each session. After recordings, Jongdae would ask if she wanted to have dinner and she'd coolly accept, picking up her coat and following him out.

  Jongdae was a perfect gentleman.

  He'd hold open the doors for her and pull out her. While waiting for their dinners, he'd make light and interesting conversation with her. She was thoroughly entertained by him through dinner, and felt sad when the food was finished.

  Jongdae then paid for their meal, before walking her back to the f(x) dorm and bading her farewell with a grin.

  Jongdae is really sweet. She decided.

  But before she knew it, her time with Jongdae drew to a close. The showcase edged upon them, and soon Krystal found herself standing backstage with Jongdae.

  This would be the last time she saw him for a while. No more dinner outings. No more extra singing practice. No more spontaeneous coffee trips. No more soulful dark eyes upon her while she was sipping her cocoa.

  No more Jongdae.

  Once the duet was over, she'd miss all of that and more. Life without Jongdae seemed so dull and empty all of a sudden. Granted, there would still be her sister and the rest of Girls' Generation and f(x), but Jongdae's charm was needed to brighten up her day.

  She watched as Jongdae went up the stage twice: Once to perform with Zhang Li Yin, the second time to sing with Jonghyun. Soon she'd be up with him and then she'd be gripping for the sands of time, doing her utmost to keep Jongdae by her side.

  Jongdae was soon standing next to her and she gulped, her chest feeling hollow once again. Were the people she loved truly not able to remain by her side?

  A sudden press of lips to her left cheek drew her out of her bubble of worry, and she was then pulled into a very familiar embrace. As she relaxed into those familiar arms, a voice spoke into her ear: "Don't worry, I'm not going anywhere. We can talk about this later during dinner. But I promise, I won't be going anywhere."

  He squeezed her tighter in his arms, a way of assuring her.

  And Krystal?

  She just smiled. Maybe things won't be as bad as they seem.

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Comments

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kellymika #1
Chapter 1: All these gay couples only krystal and jongdae are straight. HAHAHAHAHAHA
knytvsprncss #2
Chapter 1: "and the only one the company is biased to is me."
Psh hahahahahaha
knytvsprncss #3
Bruh. Where's my story.