"Mr. Oh, Mr. Oh, do you hear me? Are you concious?"

 

The first thing he heard was a girl's voice. Oh Sehun tries to open his heavy eyes, it feels like he just woke up from a very long dream. He blinks once. Two times. Three times. He wakes up.

Oh Sehun just woke up from a coma and he can't remember anything.

 

"Mr. Oh Sehun?"

 

Sehun blinks once again as he mutters weakly. "I'm.. Who's Oh Sehun?"

 

Several weeks later

 

Oh Sehun has been in a deep coma for seven months, or at least that's what people told him. Seven months ago, he was in a big car crash, but no one told him what exactly happened. The doctors, his family and relations, they try to help Sehun to remember what happened but it's all useless. Oh Sehun feels empty more than anyone. And when he arrived at his home, he can't find anything to help him either.

Photographs, notebooks, all stuffs that owned by him, it all seem unfamiliar.

Well, amnesia , and more than anything he's tired of himself. He's tired for blaming himself for not remembering anything. Everytime he tries to, his head hurts.

 

 

 

 

 

"Man, it's okay if you don't remember me. We've been bestfriend since forever so just loosen up." Somebody who claimed himself as Kim Jongin, Sehun's childhood bestfriend is now sitting in front of him.

"T-thank you." Sehun replies, it feels awkward for both of them. Jongin hates to admit that he doesn't know the Oh Sehun who is facing him right now. Awkward and silent Oh Sehun is totally different with someone who used to always brighten up his day. But the most important thing is, he finally wakes up, right? 

"Is there.. Anything you can tell me about my past? Before the car crash happened?" Sehun speaks up for the first time.

So Jongin tells him everything.

Or at least Sehun thinks it is everything, but it's not.

 

Sehun feels something is missing, but he can't find out.

 

 

 

"That night at the car crash.." Sehun mutters, "Was I alone?"

"Of course you were, dear. How many times should I tell you?" His mother laughes at his question, but Sehun isn't quite sure if it's the truth. Even if his own mother who tells him so, it's difficult to trust anyone especially when he can't remember anything. Well, what can guarantee him that there's nothing hidden by everyone? Nothing, except his memories come back.

 

 

 

 

"Murderer."

 

Sehun is sure that's what's he heard when he walks on his school coridor. Not by only one person, but almost all eyes are on him. "Murderer" what is that supposed to mean?

"Hey, maknae! We've been looking for you!" Chanyeol, the tall guy who claimed himself as his bestfriend too, calls him. By the time Chanyeol walks towards him, everyone stop looking. Too many things that confuse Sehun at this school.

"Haven't feel familiar yet?" Chanyeol put his arms around Sehun's shoulder as if he does it everytime.

Ignoring Chanyeol's question, Sehun murmurs, "They called me murderer."

Chanyeol laughes, but it sounds weird. "What, you think they would call you that?"

"Is it true?" Sehun asks. "That I'm.. A murderer?"

"Sehunah--"

"Hyung." Sehun cuts. "I can't trust anyone, not even my mom. Everyone is hiding something from me."

"Hey, it's just--"

"Just my feeling? Fine, but what if this feeling keeps frustrating me?" Sehun exclaims, his voice is indeed full of frustration. "I'm.. I'm going to find out myself."

 

And Sehun leaves Chanyeol stood still at his place.

 

 

 

 

Snow.

 

Sehun hasn't seen one since he wakes up, and he's amazed when the first snow finally falls. He keeps walking down the street, following his own footstep without knowing where he's going. Somehow, he ends up at an unfamiliar coffee shop at the corner of the street. He takes a seat near window, and it feels like he has done the same thing before.

"Oh, you're finally here" An ahjumma smiles at him, as if she knows him. Or indeed they knew each other before? Did he come to this place often before? "My my, It's been a while, young man. I thought you're moving somewhere."

"Uhm.. Yes, I guess."

"Where's that girl?"

Sehun blinks once. "Girl?"

"You know, the pretty girl with long hair who usually comes here with you." The ahjumma continues. "Oh, no way, have you two broke up?"

"Uhm, I--"

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't remind you of her. Hot chocolate like usual, right? I always remember your favorite order, young man."

 

 

Sehun can't think of anything. His head hurts again. Snow.. A coffee shop.. Seat near window.. Hot chocolate.. A girl.. It all feels unfamiliar and familiar at the same time. Moreover, who's this 'girl' that the ahjumma mentioned before? No one ever mentions that he actually dated someone. Once again, his head hurts and some random conversation comes into his head.

 

"Sehunah, I love you. Let's stay together like this for a long time, promise?"

"Promise."

 

"Young man, young man, are you okay?"

Sehun gasps as he hears the ahjumma called him, and the conversation stops. It's not a random converstation, it's part of his memory. It's conversation between him and whoever the girl is. The most important thing is, Sehun has to find her.

Sehun stands up and quickly excuse himself to the ahjumma. He already found the missing piece of his memories. He just has to collect all of them to create a complete puzzle.

 

 

 

 

 

"Murderer."

Sehun hears that word once again, this time with a slap on his face. A hard one. It was a peaceful lunch at the cafetaria, but then a random girl comes up and pour a cold water on Sehun's head. Plus a hard slap.

"Hey, what do you think you are you doing?" Jongin quickly cover Sehun. "Sehun, are you okay?"

"Y-yeah." Sehun replies, although his cheek actually hurts.

"This brat, he killed my sister." The girl in front of him tries hard to hold his tears. "And now he pretends that he doesn't know anything?"

"Hey, stop--"

"Oh Sehun, you have to take the responsibility." She continues. "BRING MY SISTER BACK!"

"STOP IT, Soo Yeon!" Chanyeol stops her. "Do you think your sister will be happy if you're being like this?! Sehun just woke up from his coma, and he's still recovering from his amnesia, that's why he doesn't know!"

The girl who was called Soo Yeon gasps. "A-amnesia?"

"Your sister." Sehun cuts. "Did I.. Really kill her?"

Soo Yeon doesn't answer, she cries harder instead.

"Answer me." Sehun mutters. He looks at Chanyeol. "Hyung, answer me, did I really kill her sister?"

Chanyeol doesn't answer him either.

"Jonginah.." Sehun calls his bestfriend. "Is it true?"

Jongin doesn't look him at the eyes. "I'm- I'm sorry, Sehun."

 

 

 

 

"I'm sorry for earlier."

Sehun looks up and found Soo Yeon, or the girl who slaps him earlier, now sitting next to him at the school's backyard. It feels cold because of winter, but comforting at the same time.

"I didn't know you had amnesia." The girl continues. "And whatever I said earlier.. I didn't meant it. I'm sorry."

"It's okay." Sehun replies calmly, "But.. Can I ask you a favor?"

Soo Yeon looks at him with her big eyes. A girl with long hair and big eyes, somehow Sehun feels familiar with it.

"Tell me about your sister."

 

 

 

 

Kim Soo Young. 

Second year at high school, smart, and dancing is her passion.

Oh Sehun first met her at the school's theatre club two years ago when she was dancing Swan Lake, and that's when Sehun thought she's beautiful. He fell in love. He confessed to her the next semester and she accepted it.

 

"My sister and I are too different, except the face." Soo Yeon explains. "People often misunderstood us as twins, although we have two years age different."

"So.. She looks exactly like you?" Sehun asks, then stares at her, making the girl in front of him blushes.

"N-not exactly, but a little--Hey, stop staring!"

Sehun smiles, and Soo Yeon can't deny that it melts her heart too. Did eonni's heart feel like this everytime she saw that guy? Soo Yeon, you're crazy.

"I'm just curious how did my girlfriend look like." Sehun continues. "No one told me about her."

"You loved her." Soo Yeon adds. "A lot."

"I know."

"You know?"

"I can feel it." Sehun says. "That's why I feel something's missing when no one ever mentioned about.. Your sister."

"I guess.. They don't want to hurt you."

"But I did kill her, right?" Sehun speaks, his voice was shaking. He almost cry.

"No--I didn't meant what I said before, it's just--"

"Just what?"

"It's just.." She pauses. "She was with you at the night of the car crash." 

Sehun knows what Soo Yeon will said next. "And she died at the car crash, instead of me. Am I right?" 

"Oh Sehun--"

"I'm sorry." Sehun tears stream down his face, his voice are shaking hard. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for killing your sister, for being a bad boyfriend, for not protecting her.. And for being alive instead of her. I'm sorry."

Sehun rarely cries, but once he does, it's because it's too hurt for him to hold it. Soo Yeon can't hold her tears either.

 

"I wish eonni was here to tell you it's okay."

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sehun doesn't know what happens after that day.

He found himself searching for that girl, Kim Soo Yeon at school. Meeting that girl somehow gives him a weird feeling that heals him. Looking at Soo Yeon reminds him of a happy, relieve feeling that heals him alot. Sehun keeps meeting her the next day, the next two days, and he can't even count anymore. Kim Soo Yeon is a healer, he thinks at first, but then he stops after he keeps getting memories in his dream.

Memories about Soo Young.

 

 

"It's snowing." Soo Young muttered, she leaned closer and clinged on Sehun's arms. "Ah, this feels so good."

Sehun just smiled at his lover. "You like snow that much, huh?"

"Mm-hm. I love watching snow, it's white and pure.. Somehow it makes me feel warm."

"Next year, let's go together." Sehun said. "Let's go somewhere which full of snow. Just both of us."

"Sehunah.."

"I'll take you there and we'll have fun." He added, "I promise."

Soo Young smiled and leaned herself closer to kiss Sehun. "Sehunah, I love you. Let's stay together like this for a long time, promise?"

"Promise." Sehun kissed her back, and that was the first and the last time they kissed in the snow.

 

The next year, Sehun couldn't keep any of his promises because he was in coma, and Soo Young never woke up.

 

 

"So another memory came back?" Jongin asks.

Sehun nods. "I guess.. But all of them are about Soo Young. Eversince I met her sister, I keep getting my memories in my dream. Maybe because she resembles her sister so much."

"Maybe you should stop meeting Kim Soo Yeon."

"Why?"

"Man, you gotta move on. If meeting her keeps reminding you of your dead girlfr--I mean Soo Young, it'll be more difficult for you." Jongin says. "Do you think I don't know that you start crying by yourself nowadays? You keep blaming yourself for that accident--"

"I miss her." Sehun cuts.

"What?"

"I miss Soo Young." He sighs. "I have no idea that missing her would be this painful."

"Sehun.."

"I miss her so damn much." Sehun's voice starts shaking. "After my memories about her came back, I really want to meet her again. I still love her, Jongin--" 

"I know."

"--And I can't look at Soo Yeon without thinking of her. That's why I think by meeting up with her sister it'll heal me a little, but it's painful to see that face even more.. Jonginah, what should I do?" Sehun messes his hair frustratedly.

"Tell her." Jongin replies. "Tell Soo Yeon that you won't meet her anymore."

 

Sehun is not sure.

Sehun is not sure whether he can stop meeting his healer, and he's not sure what he feels towards his girlfriend's sister. Whether it's just a warm feeling because she heals him, or it's the same feeling he feels towards Soo Young before. Sehun might fall in love, but he denies it.

 

 

 

 

 

"Do you hate me?"

Soo Yeon blinks at Sehun's words. "What do you mean?"

"Just be honest." Sehun continues. "For that accident, you hate me or not?"

She sighs. "Well.. How can I not?" 

Sehun feels pain in his heart, but that girl quickly smile. A smile that heals him. "But that's not the point, right? There's no use to blame you anymore. No matter what, eonni still won't come back."

"Do you miss her?"

"You still need to ask?"

"Me too."

Soo Yeon smiles. "It hurts, right?"

"I guess." But your face keep reminds me of her.

"Thank you, Oh Sehun." Soo Yeon blurts out.

"For what?"

"For being her last love. You're lucky."

"I know."

 

They stare at each other for a long time, and when the snow falls, Sehun doesn't know what pulls him, but that time, Soo Yeon looks really beautiful. He leans closer towards her, closer, until Soo Yeon closes her eyes. Just when their lips are about to touch, Soo Yeon opens her eyes.

"This is wrong." She cuts.

"I'm sorr-"

"No, it's my fault."  Soo Yeon bits her lips. "I shouldn't forgive you. I shouldn't let you come. I shouldn't--"

"Soo Yeon--"

"--I shouldn't let myself fall for you." She cries. 

"Soo Yeon, I.."

"I'm not my sister." She says with shaking voice. "So whatever you're thinking, please stop. I'm not her."

"It's not like that."

"Then why would you kiss me?" Soo Yeon smiles bitterly. "Do you think I'll believe it if you suddenly confess to me?"

 

Sehun sighs. He loves her. He can't deny that at first he still thinks of his girlfriend, but this girl, who stands in front of him now, is the one who makes him fall in love at the end. But if he keeps his ego, it'll be painful for both of them. And for Soo Young.

 

So at the end he mutters, "Let's stop meeting like this."

 

 

 

 

 

Kim Soo Young

8th of September 1994 - 19th April 2010

 

 

 

"It's been five years, right? How are you, eonni?"

 

The grave was quiet and there's only the sound of spring breeze. Winter has passed, so did she move on from her past.

"I met him, eonni." Soo Yeon says as she put white roses on her sister's grave. "I met that person you loved so much."

She tries hard to smile, but talking about Sehun will only remind her of her own feelings and that day. The snow, the failed kiss, and goodbye. "He's indeed charming. I always curious what kind of person he is, and I understand why you loved him." Because I did too.

"I.. I'm sorry, for feeling what I shouldn't felt." Soo Yeon continues. "I didn't mean to steal him from you--"

"Who said you could steal me from Soo Young?"

Soo Yeon recognizes Sehun's deep voice. Her heart still beats so fast, but the feelings are gone. She smiles. "It's been a while, right?"

"My memories come back." Sehun says as he cringed down next to her. "Completely."

"Really?"

"Yeah." Sehun nods, he's not sure to tell her what he wants to say next, but he decides to keep telling her. "Congratulations on your engagement with Jongin."

"Thank you." Soo Yeon smiles. "You too, just propose your girlfriend already."

"Hey, do you think it's that easy?"

She laughes. "Well, my eonni will be happy knowing you're finally moving on."

"Thanks." He replies. Looking at Soo Yeon still reminds her of Soo Young. It'll always be, but at least it's not that painful anymore. Because both of them are moving on from that winter. The winter which met both of them and confuse them between past memories and feelings. Although at the end they realized that the feelings are real, they're moving on.

 

 

The next winter, everything won't be the same again, but the memories always stay with them.