Translation of apology lyrics was taken from Kpopviral

I’m always at different places

Every night with my friends

I’m out all night

My phone’s flipped over but on it is

Your one last

Missed call

A week had passed since Howon and Sungjong’s last meeting. Since then, Sungjong never tried to contact Howon anymore, while Howon on the other hand had been busy with all the gang works.  Negotiating, fighting, negotiating, fighting, that was what Howon basically did every day and night with his gang.

Today especially had been a rough day. The gang that Woollim had been trying to negotiate with, Bangtan, made it hard for them to reach an agreement. The so called negotiation ended up being a fist-fight between the members instead.

Luckily, none of Howon's gang member was heavily injured. Sure, there were bruises here and there, but it was pretty normal. The fist-fight somehow ended when Bangtan decided to retreat. They were probably scared we would annihilate them completely, that was what Howon thought at the other gang's sudden withdrawal from the fight.

Howon and his friends came back to their base later at night. It was around 2 AM, and the first thing Howon did as soon as they arrived was checking his phone that he had left when they were out for negotiation- he and the other members always did that when they're out for fight and negotiation.

He flipped his phone open only to find one missed call from Sungjong around 9 PM, not too long after the negotiation between the two gangs started.

Not again, Howon thought.

The male honestly thought that the younger had given up on him, that he finally realized that Howon was not worth it, and he should move on with his life and find someone better for him.

Already feeling exhausted because of what happened today, Howon decided to brush any thought about Sungjong off and immediately went to sleep on one of the uncomfortable couches in the base.

For some reason, today the radio’s playing

The songs we enjoyed together

As if I‘m a sinner I just run away

And yet again, you yell at me to go away

You mean to me

What I mean to you and...

Together baby, there is nothing we won't do 

Cause if I got you, I don't need money,

I don't need cars....

Howon woke up to a sound of a familiar, old song. He grunted as he opened his eyes, ruffling his own messy hair as he sat up and looked for the source of the sound.

It's Sungyeol again- with Dongwoo this time. For reasons Howon did not even want to know, the two had the old unused radio in the base so early in the morning—alright, not that early, 8 AM, but it’s still pretty early for Howon- and somehow the radio station just had to play that one song. That one song which Howon and Sungjong used to listen together, and as cheesy as it sounded, they even used to sing it to each other.

Howon did not take any time to get off the couch and switch the radio off, earning protest from the two playful members of the gang.

"Yah! Lee Howon! Why you-" Sungyeol immediately made a move to switch the radio on again, and Howon could not help but frown as the radio blasted off the familiar song one more time.

"Howon-ah, do not ruin the fun..." Howon could see Dongwoo forming a pout, just for a few seconds, before the older grinned again as Sungyeol had switched the radio back on.

Feeling irritated yet not in the mood to argue with those two, Howon ended up walking out of the base, despite still feeling sleepy. Well, it's not like he could sleep with that song being played on the radio and those two being very noisy. Just when Howon thought he could have a bit of rest in front of the base, he heard rushing footsteps approaching him, and a few seconds later, Sungyeol appeared holding Howon’s cellphone, fear and panic were apparent on his face. Howon was about to scold Sungyeol until the other male began talking.

“Howon… your boyfriend!” he quickly handed him his phone, and Howon wished that he was having a nightmare instead of facing reality as he was greeted by the sight on his phone screen.

A barely conscious Sungjong, tied up on the ground, crimson red of blood was seen drenching across his face.

It took every bit of Howon’s self-control not to just scream furiously at the phone and run away to find Sungjong.

His Sungjong.

The view on the screen suddenly changed from Sungjong to a man whom Howon thought was not known- until Howon took a closer look to the man’s face “Yo, Lee Howon.”

It was Joonam, the leader of Bangtan.

“What are you doing with him? No- why him?” Howon tried to keep his calm as he spoke, but the way his fingers were curled into a fist was enough to tell the others that he was far from being calm. By now, the other members of Woollim had gathered in front of the base, wondering whether it had something to do with the agreement that had not been able to be reached by the two parties

And their assumption turned out to be true.

A mocking laughter from Joonam could be heard from the screen before he answered his question.

“You know all those ‘agreement’ we’ve been try to reach would not give anything but benefits for your own, buddies” he emitted a cackle before he continued his words “so I thought I could play around with this little boyfriend of Howon-ssi, so we could reach at least an agreement that could be beneficial for both of us… right, Lee Howon-ssi?” Joonam’s tone was nothing but mockery.

That was when Howon lost his patience.

“ you!” he screamed onto the screen. “He has nothing to do this! He- He is no longer my boyfriend! We broke up!” Howon knew that his words were far from being reasonable and would not make Bangtan let Sungjong go, but he could not think straight at that moment.

“That is not my business” Joonam was seen shrugging before he pulled Sungjong by the hair. Howon and the others could hear the male cried out in pain as he was being dragged off the ground and shown on the screen once again.

“Howon hyung….” Sungjong whimpered weakly, his head was tilted to the side as he seemed to use every ounce of strength he had to utter Howon’s name. Blood continued running across his forehead to his face, staining the male’s cheek before flowing down to his neck and so on. A sight that made Howon even more furious than he already was.

“Jongie! Wait, alright? I will save you soon, I promise I will-“  Howon was not given the chance to finish his words as Joonam was seen throwing the boy onto the ground, earning a loud, painful cry from Sungjong.

And that was it. Howon did not even bother to talk to Joonam anymore as he ran his way out to the street, sprinting as fast as he could to the enemy’s base.

And I hope I’m just one of the many people in your life

That comes and goes

I hope that as the tears and cherry blossoms fall

There will be new life sprouting from them and

I hope our memories are short and beautiful

Just like the sunset, and I hope

All of these things are able to

Push at your slender back with good nature

Even though you still haven’t been able to take your feet off the ground

Chaos.

It was the appropriate word to describe the situation as the two gangs clashed.

Howon had reached Bangtan’s base to the sight of blood-covered Sungjong, lying unconscious on the ground, the sight made the male lost his mind and started beating out whoever got in his way.

Saving Sungjong was the only thing in Howon mind that moment.

Even though Howon was one of the strongest fighters in his gang, a bunch of people- probably around 10 guys versus one was simply not even. He would have ended up dying had his gang members not come to his rescue just in time.

No more words exchanged between the gangs, no more negotiation was necessary, just beat the opponent up, both sides silently agreed that this was what should had been done since the beginning.

But the collision between the two gangs was stopped as the sound of police siren was heard.

With his friend, Woohyun’s and Woollim leader, Sunggyu’s assistance, Howon managed to escape with Sungjong, Dongwoo also accompanying him.  Howon held the unconscious male’s figure tight in his arm as he and Dongwoo made their escape from Bangtan’s base, mentally thanking Sunggyu and his other members for their ‘sacrifice’.

Please, please be alright, please stay alive.

That was Howon’s only wish as he and Dongwoo made their way to the nearest hospital, Dongwoo driving the car he had brought when they went to Bangtan’s base.

And Howon could not stop blaming himself.

This should not have happened

He has nothing to do with this.

Just… why….

This probably would not have happened if he were not with me

I had failed to keep our promise. If I fail to protect you as well…… I won’t be able to live…. So please….

Unknowingly, tears had stained Howon’s cheek as he continued to hold the unconscious male’s figure firmly.

After a pretty short drive that felt like hours for Howon, they finally arrived at the hospital. Sungjong was soon brought to the operating room. Judging from the injury, the doctor told Howon that there was high possibility for the male to suffer from brain concussion.

The hospital also managed to contact Sungjong’s family, and a hit in his face was the first thing Howon received as soon as Sungjong’s parents reached the hospital. Neither of them, especially Sungjong’s dad ever liked him. They thought Howon was nothing but a bad influence for their admirable son, thus the two had dated secretly.

Not that it mattered anymore to Howon now.

Howon thought it would be better for Sungjong’s dad to just beat him up, curse and scream at him, never allow him to meet his son again, move Sungjong overseas after he recovered, anything that would keep Sungjong away from him- from the man who had failed him in many things.

Unfortunately for Howon, Sungjong’s dad did not manage to go further as Dongwoo and other people in front of the operating room stopped the male’s action. Howon found himself slumped against the wall in front of the operating room as soon as the people managed to get Sungjong’s dad away from him. He could hear the sound of Sungjong’s mom sobbing as she anxiously waited for his son to come out from the operating room.

“Don’t be too hard on yourself, Howon-ah” he felt a gentle pat on his shoulder. He was met with Dongwoo’s assuring expression as he glanced up.

“How cannot I….? It’s my fault…”, Howon muttered almost inaudibly, earning a frown from Dongwoo.

“Hey…” the older male crouched down next to his friend, giving him another pat on his shoulder, “No one knew they would use such a dirty way to get to us. Then again, involving other gang’s members’ acquaintance that have nothing to do with the gang’s business had never been our method.” Dongwoo heaved a sigh after he finished his words. What he said was true, what Bangtan did was dirty and had never been done by any member of Woollim.

Howon did not get to reply to the older as he saw the door of the operating room out was opened, revealing the doctor who performed Sungjong’s surgery. Howon immediately got up from his spot and made his way towards the male.

“How is he?! H-he is okay, right….?” This time, Howon did not manage to get a reply from the doctor as Sungjong’s dad harshly pushed him to the side, giving Howon a ‘you do not have any right to know about it’ look.

The doctor’s explanation about Sungjong’s situation to both Sungjong’s parents and Howon had probably been the best choice for the two young men.

Sorry, sorry

I’m sorry I couldn’t protect you. I hope you’ll be well

Sorry, sorry I hope you forget me as well

Although it hurts

That promise we made to be together forever

No longer exists

I’m sorry I couldn’t keep it

I’m sorry I couldn’t protect you

I’m sorry that I’m not enough

That until the very end I only show you such a small part of me yeah

“Who…. are you…...?” was the first words Sungjong uttered as soon as he saw Howon. The eyes that used to look at Howon as if he was the only man in this world, now were looking at him as if he was some stranger.

Right, he was a stranger for Sungjong.

After receiving a permission from Sungjong’s mother- who had also managed to calm her husband’s anger, Howon was allowed to enter Sungjong’s treatment room.

Sungjong’s parents had spent some time in his room before Howon came in. And Sungjong did remember them.

Sungjong remembered who his father was.

Sungjong remembered who his mother was.

Sungjong remembered his own name.

Sungjong remembered his own job.

But not Howon.

Partial Memory Loss, that was what the doctor had explained. It was something that had been caused by trauma, and the cause of along with anything that was related to the trauma itself mostly would be forgotten by those who suffer with it.

Serves me right, Howon thought. He did not even bother to answer Sungjong’s question and just looked at him with sad gaze until Sungjong called him.

But it was not the usual ‘Howon Hyung’. Not the usual cheerful voice that would call his name as it were the best name in the world.

“Excuse me, sir…?” Sungjong started hesitantly, “Do I know you?”

Yes, you know me, Howon mentally said.

I am someone whom you used to love so much.

I am someone who had failed to keep our promise and failed to protect you as well.

I am someone whom you should forget…

“No…...” Howon finally began speaking out. “You don’t know me; I just happen to pass by your room.” His answer earned a confused look from Sungjong.

“Is that so? And why did you decide to come here? Do you have anything to do with me?” the younger male asked Howon, seeming to be curious of ‘the stranger’.

“No…” it took Howon a couple of seconds to continue his words. “It’s just… I thought you looked like someone I knew….” Even at this time, Howon did not have any other choice but to utter yet another lies.

Sungjong blinked his eyes upon hearing his ex-lover’s words “And who that someone might be?”

Silence filled the room, Howon found it getting hard to breath, it felt like he was going to break down soon.

But he could not.

“He was…. The person I treasured more than anyone else…. The person whom I cherished so much, the one I promised to always be together with…. “, he took a deep breath before he could continue his words, “The one…. I loved… and still love until now….”

Sungjong was about to say something, but Howon cut him off.

“But he is gone.” Howon’s tone was full of sorrow, even Sungjong who thought of him as a stranger thought the sadness was apparent in his words.

“Ah…. I am sorry to hear that….” Sungjong looked at him sympathetically, almost apologetically. If only he knew who the person Howon talking about was.

But Howon did not manage to respond, his next action surprised Sungjong instead.

Howon had unconsciously let tears flow down from his eyes.

He silently cried in front of his beloved.

Sungjong, who thought Howon was crying because he remembered his long-gone lover, reached Howon’s hand, hold it tenderly, and gave it a gentle squeeze.

Even when Sungjong forgot, even until the end, Sungjong was still so gentle towards him.

Please forgive me, for not being able to fill you up

I hope you meet someone

That’s better than me, kinder than me

Six months had passed since the incident. Howon had been living his ‘normal’ life; fighting, negotiating, fighting, negotiating, just like always.

No more burden on my shoulder, that was the lie Howon kept telling to himself when he found himself begin missing Sungjong, a lie to make himself feel better.

Howon had not seen Sungjong ever since the male walked out from Sungjong’s treatment room. Howon could only hope that Sungjong had recovered, that he was also living his life, happily, without any little piece of memories about Howon left. Howon also hoped that he had met someone better, someone who would keep his promise to Sungjong no matter what, someone who could protect him better than Howon did.

Christmas was coming in a few weeks, and Howon could not help but recall how they were still together last year. They managed to celebrate it together every year since they started dating. The two usually would exchange gifts, but then Howon remembered how he had failed to give Sungjong any last year, since he was very busy with his gang works.

It was a free day for Howon. He finally got some break for a week after working his work for the gang almost all the time. He decided to stroll around the city, alone. As he walked by the street, he heard a familiar voice.

The familiar voice he did not even know he missed. Only that it was not calling for his name.

“Myungsoo hyung! You should not have taken my picture like that!”

He saw Sungjong standing across the street, walking together with a guy, which Howon assumed as ‘Myungsoo hyung’. He looked fine and healthy, no sign of sickness nor pain in his expression. Sungjong’s cheerful smile could be seen as he crossed the street with the guy. The guy whom Sungjong called as ‘Myungsoo’ wrapped his arm around the other male almost protectively as they walked together.

And Howon only stood still even when Sungjong and Myungsoo were coming near to him.

Seconds passed, and the two had walked past Howon. Sungjong was too busy whining at Myungsoo and trying to grab the camera that the other male was holding to notice Howon’s sad eyes which were fixed at him.

Yeah, it was better for Sungjong to be this way.

It was better for Sungjong to forget.

It was better so he would not get hurt anymore.

It was better so Howon would not hurt him anymore.

“I’m sorry”, Howon muttered the words inaudibly as he took a last glance of Sungjong’s distant back.

A/N : thank you for subscribing! Comments and critics would be very much appreciated! I apologize for grammar mistakes