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Everyone time to time will start to drown in own thoughts, it's escape from reality and it suits me. After hard trainings, performances, acting and photoshooting I likes to steal some free time and I just stand at the window and I am watching what is going on out there behind the glass. Sometimes I catch myself looking into space and my thoughts wander in different directions. Whether it concerns parents and brother or group and work in general. I always have to think about. But there is one thought that haunts me more and more often.
It isn't long time since Chanyeol of EXO flooded my mailbox with links to the variety of fanfictions. Most of them immediately went to trash because slash isn't for me. Really, fanservice on stage is only show for our fans, otherwise we aren't quite close with each other. It's wonderfully seen when we are traveling somewhere out of Korea. If we aren't controlled by manager or bodyguards all of us are on different places sometimes together but only exceptionally.I am thinking more and more about finding girlfriend. But... It's really difficult to find one who wouldn't know who I am. Fans out of the question, at least not these Korean. They are weird for me to stard anything with them. Usually this though ended with depression that my love life hasn't absolute chance to develop, and that I should be rather gay. They have more simple life, thay usually fall in love with someone with whome they are always and there isn't danger that it would come out on public when nobody boast homouality publicly. If we ignore all foreign celebrities.
Being famous is . Not only I have problem with start talking to a girl but also even be close to her. It can't do, at least not with manager and bodyguards around. Really... This life . For the next life I note that I don't parade throught the streets when there is recruiting for the talent agencies.
Was I interested recently in some girl? When I am thinking about it, not at all. Actually, yes, one yes, but her disadvantage is that her is a fan of our group. But if she weren't, so I would hardly even noticed her and I ber that she wouldn't noticed me.The biggest joke on this is that I have not talked to her, we had not come into closer contact than a few steps, I do not know the sound of her voice, let alone that I knew the name. Ah the paradox.I have money, fame, beauty but not love. Love is something I just don't get. I don't mean love of fans, I've it and I am properly enjoy it, but I mean love between two people, clean feeling. I will probably never have it.
Just like now, I am waiting for my tea which Jonghyun had bring. He is probably again with thoughts around the girls. Girl's aren't problem for him. As them are falling to his legs. Oh, now I look like a dog in the manger, but I can't help it. This is perhaps the only thing for which we all yearn. Oh, and then for personal privacy, which somehow doesn't go at all. Fortunately, it's not such an extreme as those corny realityshow like BigBrother.With cameras in dorm I am compared only if they are there for a moment and because of interview.
I would rather to not live in Korea. But where would I live so? From all countries which we visited, I liked a lot, but there is one that goes over others. It's probably because of fackt that while we paraded around the city for several days we come across the fans minimally, I suppose then they are scattered throughout the country. It seems to me that there be peaceful.But who knows what it's like for real. The manager and bodyguards didn't lost sight of us and the places we visited... most of them are turistic attractions and around them everything looks optimistic. We could live in that country, all, I mean SHINee. The agency could arrange to planned our schedule in way that we can also deal with it in other country.
The fact that they sent us to this country suggest they have plans here. I mean agency. They probably wouldn't sent us to the coutry without potential.Music in the streets, it lives there. People there have a heap of talent, but have nowhere to sell it. Will the agency open branch office here or not? Recruiting of the local talents wouldn't be bad. However, even they don't know what it means to subscribe into our agency. Years of training without statut to any program, then assigned to the project and if the project is succesful there is debut and after it the roundabout everything. Photographing recording, concerts, films, series ... A minimum of sleep. We are not longer threatened by that, but I don't envy EXO or Red Velvet. Although these girls... Well apparently, don't caught public. I wouldn't be surprised if they suddenly disappeared for a few years and then appeared with comeback and better songs.

"Here's the tea," Jonghyun disturb me from thinking.

"Thanks," I devote him smile and then again stare out the window.

Today I was strangely not worked ot for depressinon, but how much I liked living somewhere where I have a bit of their privacy. And Jonghyun finally brought me the tea, so he must be refrined by Jinki who is doing revise of Jonghyun's writing scripts. Jonghyun is planning to publish another book about us. I taste my tea and curving my face.

"YOU BASTARD, YOU DIDN'T ADD THE SUGAR!"

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Hi everyone it's my first and my own translated fanfiction. I hope I didn't to so many grammar mistakes. And I hope you enjoyed this.