There are days when he can't stop himself from remembering. Days where I'll find him in the bathroom, fully clothed, standing in the shower stall with the cold water on. His fists clenched so tight, they almost blend with the white ceramic walls of our shared bathroom. His eyes always half open even when the water would trickle into his sockets, as if he's afraid of what he'll see if he closes them.

On these rare days, I don't try to coerce him to come with me to watch a movie or to double date with Yeol and Yeon-Doo to get jajangmyun. Instead, I'd close the shower water and take his clenched fists in mine, rubbing them with my fingers cause they'd be so cold, so very cold. Looking up into his eyes, he'd stare blankly into mine with those red-rimmed eyes; either from the water burning his sockets or his own tears, I never ask. Pulling him to sit on the toilet seat, I help him undress out of his soaked clothes and warm him up with the extra towels I keep near the heater (you know, just in case).

Once he's in comfortable pyjamas, I'd quietly lead him to our couple seat before grabbing all the essentials for the remainder of the night. Extra blankets, pillows, hot chocolate and gummy bears.

Once we're both tucked in our little blanket nest, he'd lie across my lap, face against my stomach with his arms wrapped so tightly around my torso; not to tight to hurt me but tight enough to disable me from moving. As if I'd leave him when he's in this state.

On these days, all I can do is his head and tell him stories. I'd talk of anything and everything I can think of. I'd talk till we both fall asleep and I'd wake up with my voice hoarse from overuse.

There are days when he is at his lowest. Those are the days I talk of the brave red gummy bear who, despite everything life hurled at him, managed to still wake up the next day regardless.