Final

words count: 5.1k

warning: character death, cursing.

The winter felt nothing but cold to him. His heart, it felt colder than his body's temperature. The pain in his heart, it pained him more than the wound on his finger. The tears streaming down his face, it fell faster than how his blood took to drip down the wooden floor. His heart felt emptier than the room he was in.

The cold was slowly creeping on his skin again as he only had a loose shirt and a thin layer of cardigan donned on himself but it never bothered him as his attention was only on one thing— the white door of the emergency room.

His eyes followed every movement of the figures that entered and dashed out of the room but none of the one he waited for came out and greeted him with the same sweet smile he had always showered Jongin with. The smile that he looked up for everyday and the same smile that he had broken. It had been three hours, three hours of his wait but the person with the smile that always managed to comfort him never appeared.

He digged his nails in his thigh as he waited and waited. The pain in his thigh felt nothing as the pain he was feeling in his heart. It hurt him a lot, he had made the smile disappeared out of his sight, he made the only one that trusted and loved him walked away out from his life.

He raked his fingers through his hair, the gels that he had on his hair earlier stuck on his bloodied finger, bringing him a stinging pain. He sighed out of frustration as he dropped his palm back on his thigh, the wait was killing him.

As if on cue, as if the doctor understood him, a man dressed in white came out, pulling off his mask as he walked toward Jongin, a frown plastered on his face. He kept on staring at Jongin's face, as if he felt guilty.

Jongin shook his head. "It wasn't what I was thinking right?"

The doctor only grimaced before grabbing his shoulder, giving his shoulder a squeeze. "I'm sorry."

"No." Jongin muttered, shaking his head in disbelief. He smiled, the end of his lips tugging, chuckling at the same time. He almost sounded like someone who had lost his sanity. "No— this isn't April fool and I have no time for a joke like this!" He yelled at the doctor as he batted the hand on his shoulder. "Give me— Sehun." He muttered through his gritted teeth, glowering at the doctor.

"I'm sorry son." Was the only words the doctor muttered as he turned his back to the nurse behind him. He sighed. "Oh Sehun, time of death, 12.00 a.m., 10th December 2015."

Jongin grabbed the doctor's collar, slamming the doctor on the wall behind them. "No! You are lying! My Sehun is still alive, he is behind the door waiting for me!" He pushed the doctor on the wall roughly. "Give him back to me!"

The doctor just kept on sighing as he grabbed a hold of Jongin's arms, he loosened Jongin's grip on his collar before dropping the hands down. "I wish I was lying, but I'm really sorry."

"No." Jongin just shook his head, the tears oozing out of his eyes again. He clutched both sides of his head, still shaking his head. "No, Sehun no." He chanted out, still in disblief.

The doctor patted his shoulder. "He won't be happy to see you in this condition. Stop crying." He muttered before smiling, walking away as he did so.

When Jongin was left alone he slumped his body down the wall, burying his face in his palms as he let his tears and wail be his company for the night instead of Sehun's warmth and soothing voice as his company.

"Jongin you have to eat."

Jongin blocked Junmyeon's voice from reaching his ears, he didn't even want to hear the sound of his boyfriend's killer. Junmyeon was the reason he lost Sehun, Junmyeon was the cause of Sehun's death. He killed Sehun, he made Jongin lost the only one he treasured and loved in the world. He didn't even want the other near him.

Junmyeon sighed for the nth times as he dropped the bowl he was holding earlier on the coffee table in front of Jongin. "You have to eat, Sehun wouldn't want to see you this way, he wanted you to move on and continue on your life not cry over his death."

Jongin kicked the table in front of him, making the bowl of soup on it scattered down the carpet. He turned to glare to Junmyeon who was staring at him with a shocked expression. "You—" He pointed toward Junmyeon. "—you are the cause of his death, you took him away from me, you, you are a murderer."

Junmyeon held himself from bursting out in front of his younger brother, controlling his anger that was waiting to fire out. "You clearly knew it wasn't my fault." He spoke calmly.

Jongin scoffed, a sarcastic chuckle followed along. "Wasn't your fault?" He just shook his head, smirking as he did so. "Then whose fault? Mine?"

Junmyeon sighed. "Jongin it was nobody's faul—"

"It has to be someone's fault." Jongin added as he didn't let the elder finish his words. "It is either you or me."

"Jongin it wasn't any of us!"

Jongin stood from the chair he was sitting on, he brought his palms to push Junmyeon's chest and watched as the other stumbled down the floor. "It was, it was one of us. It had to be either you or me, it was one of us!" He yelled, his voice cracked in the middle of his words. "It had to be us, one of us." He mumbled, his eyes welling with tears again.

Junmyeon rise from the floor slowly, stretching his arms to reach for his brother. "Listen to me, it wasn't our fault. None of us, okay?"

"You dont understand!" Jongin yelled out, punching the wall next to him, his sight had been blocked by the tears and his heart pained just by the thought of Sehun again. "It was— it was my fault. I made him leave, if he stayed here I would still manage to see him, I still could touch and hug him as usual." He dropped himself down the floor, his knees reaching the floor first as he buried his face in his palms. "It was my fault."

"Jongin." Junmyeon sighed at his younger's brother condition as he crouched down in front of the other. "It wasn't your fault it was just a big misunderstanding and you can't control yourself from being mad, it was a normal thing Jongin." He reached for Jongin's hair, brushing the other's hair softly. "Everything will go fine."

Jongin lifted his head from his palm, glaring at his elder brother as he swayed the hand on his hair off him. "It won't go fine, nothing would be fine without Sehun." He pushed Junmyeon once again.

"Jongin listen to me." Junmyeon spoke again as he corrected his position on the floor. "This is no use, you have to eventually—"

Jongin cut him off again. "Get out." He muttered, teeth gritting.

"Jongin—"

"I said get out!" He yelled once again, glaring daggers toward Junmyeon who was eyeing him with sympathy.

"I can help you, we will help you." Junmyeon stood on his feet, eyeing his brother that was still on the floor. He pitied the other.

"I don't need your ing help, I don't need anything related to you so just get the out from here! I don't want to see you here!" He cried out, hanging his head low as he let his tears dropped down the carpet. "I need him, I don't need any of you. If you can give him back then meet me but if you can't, just get the out."

Junmyeon sighed again, he knew he couldn't do anything to help the other. He had no idea how to bring the old Jongin back unless he had Sehun with him. He chuckled, he wished he could do that. "I'm sorry Jongin, I wished I didn't let him drive that night." He apologized before strutting out of the room, shutting the door close.

Jongin clenched his fists, his tears continued to stream down his face as he clenched his eyes shut.

"Why did I let you go?" He asked himself.

Jongin paced in the room, an irritated frown on his face. He couldn't believe the sight he just saw, he couldn't believe his own eyes, the most important he couldn't believe Sehun. He kicked his phone on the carpet, letting it flew to the wall. The imagine of Sehun and Chanyeol together still lingered in his mind and it pissed him even more the more he thought of it.

" you Oh Sehun." He cursed under his breath as he flopped down on the dining chair, kicking the leg of the dining table as he dropped himself down. "I hate you so ing much." He added, messing with his hair as he cursed Sehun in his mind.

It was the day of their 1 year anniversary together and instead of being rewarded with a hug and kiss, he was rewarded with a picture of Sehun hugging and kissing Chanyeol. He loved his life so ing much.

Of course, he had prepared a lot for their 1st anniversary, he prepared from cake to gift just for Sehun and in the end what did Sehun reward him with? A ing heartache. Being cheated on their 1st anniversary was the painful moment for Jongin, he had never thought of Sehun for someone that would cheat on his own boyfriend till he saw the freaking picture that he received from an anonymous, he was pretty sure the anonymous must be one of Sehun's fan that saw Sehun on the street.

He clenched his fists as he dropped his face down the table. It frustrated him a lot, furthermore when there wasn't even a sight of Sehun knocking at his apartment's door, it proved him more than Sehun was indeed with someone else and not him.

He was going to rise from the chair he was sitting on to throw out the food on his table when Sehun suddenly barged from his door, panting heavily as he shut the door behind him. Sehun threw him a faint smile as he settled himself on the chair across Jongin, placing his gift on the table.

"Have you waited long?" Sehun asked sweetly as he took the coat he was wearing on the chair next to him. "I'm sorry for being late."

Jongin forced a smile on his face. "I don't mind, was just wondering what was it that made you busy till you forget about me." He spoke sarcastically as he reached for the box Sehun just placed on the table.

"It was nothing." Sehun replied back as he leaned on the chair.

"Nothing?" Jongin tilted his head, smiling unbelievably as he dropped the box next to him. "Are you sure it was nothing?" He asked again.

Sehun heaved a sigh. "Jongin, it was nothing."

"Nothing, really?" Jongin just shook his head before getting off the chair as he walked to his phone, grabbing it from the floor before sauntering back to Sehun. He clicked on the message containing Sehun's picture before shoving it to the man. "That was nothing?" He snorted.

Sehun eyed the picture in his hand, sighing as he dropped the phone down. "You believed that person?" He asked, sounding a bit disappointed.

But Jongin didn't care about the tone of Sehun's voice as he was filled with rage. "The prove was clearly in front of me how do you expect for me to not believe that person? You can't make up excuses anymore or what?" He spat out angrily.

"Jongin." Sehun called softly as he rose from the chair, reaching for Jongin's arms but Jongin pulled away immediately, backing away from Sehun. "Look Jongin, this is just a misunderstanding."

"How was this a misunderstanding? I saw the proof Hun. It was there."

Sehun reached for Jongin's hand once again, grabbing it gently and clasped on it tightly when he managed to grab Jongin's hand. "Just believe me, that was just a misunderstanding. I only think of you."

Jongin wriggled his hand out of Sehun's grip, backing away from Sehun once again. Pushing Sehun back when Sehun tried to step closer toward him. "If you ever thought of me you would not have kissed Park Chanyeol, I knew his ing crush on you!" He yelled. "I can't believe you finally fell for his temptation."

Sehun nibbled on his lips, holding himself from sighing again. "Jongin listen to me okay? I have never wanted to kiss him and no I didn't fall for his temptation okay? I felt nothing toward him, nothing." He tried to assure Jongin as he took a step closer again.

"No, step back." Jongin warned. "I didn't believe you. Then why did you kiss him? Was it one of your misunderstanding too?" He rolled his eyes.

"I didn't kiss him on purpose, I have never intended to kiss him in public and I have never thought of it even once." Sehun stretched his arm to Jongin, telling the other to hold it. "Come here, let's clear this misunderstanding."

Jongin shook his head, he was thick headed. "I believed none."

"Jongin please." Sehun sighed, pleading for Jongin to come to him. "It is our first anniversary and I didn't want it to end this way."

Jongin glared at Sehun. "That's the thing, it is our first anniversary but why did you decided to kiss someone that wasn't me on our first anniversary? There are other time but why— why today Oh Sehun?"

Sehun raked his fingers through his hair, huffing out a breathy sigh out of frustration. "I didn't do that on purpose Jongin, I wasn't that jerk." He wanted to hold and embrace Jongin in his arms but Jongin suddenly felt so far from him.

"As much as I want to deny that, you are really that kind of jerk." Jongin snorted as he dashed to the dining table back, bumping his shoulder on Sehun's before taking the gift from Sehun that he had placed down the floor. He threw the gift toward Sehun, he didn't even flinch when the box hit Sehun and the sound of crack could be heard.

"Get lost." Jongin muttered as he turned his back from Sehun.

"Jongin stop." Sehun called out, grabbing his shoulder to stop him before turning him to face the other. "It can't end like this."

Jongin batted the hand on his shoulder. "But this is how I want it to end."

"Jongin listen, everything that you saw it was just a misunderstanding, Chanyeol was the one who suddenly kissed me. We were supposed to part ways but he pulled me back and kissed me. I didn't expect for someone to take picture and I didn't even like this kiss! Not even a bit." He breathed heavily as he took Jongin's hand. "There is only you."

"There is—" Jongin turned to Sehun, chuckle escaped his mouth as he pulled his hand from Sehun's grip. "—only me? This is the same thing you said to me before Sehun. The same thing you said when we first dated. Only me, huh?" He just chuckled, tears b in his eyes. "Then, why were you and him?"

"I didn't intend to do it!" Sehun yelled, a bit frustrated. "It was a misunderstand, I was with him because I need someone to choose this gift for you together! I didn't even—"

"No." Jongin spoke, silencing Sehun. "Enough, just please leave me."

"Jongin." Sehun sighed, he didn't want to leave till they fix their problem.

"For now, please."

Sehun shook his head, reaching for Jongin's hand that was shaking on his side but the other pulled his hand away, further from Sehun. "Please, let's settle this first."

"Just go!" Jongin yelled once again as he pushed Sehun roughly, he let the other stumbled down the floor. "Go and leave. I hate you!"

Sehun's eyes felt warm and before he could the tears in his eyes, it had fallen down his cheeks. He tried to wipe the tears away but it kept on streaming down his face, in the end he just got back on his feet. He stared into Jongin's eyes, the other was holding hatred and disappointment toward and he felt guilty for breaking Jongin.

"I'm sorry." He muttered slowly, his voice croaked. "I will go." He walked to the entrance door but not before glancing at Jongin who was still keeping his gaze on him. "Take care." He muttered again, forcing a smile on his face. "I love you." He confessed to the other who had no reaction before turning his back on the other, walking out of the door.

Jongin watched as the the door closed slowly as the tears streamed down his face. He slid down the wall behind him, letting his head fell back on the wall. What had he just done?

"You are late."

Jongin huffed as he crossed his arms on his shoulder, glaring at his partner that just came. He eyed Sehun who was panting heavily, holding on the strap on a small decorated bag. He had been waiting for the other almost an hour and he was going to storm home because the cold was slowly killing him but luckily Sehun arrived on time before he could walk away.

"Sorry I had to send Vivi to the vet." Sehun draped his arm on Jongin's waist, pulling the other close toward him before leaving a small peck on Jongin's lips. He smiled seeing the other grinning at his slight peck. "Did you wait for too long?"

"You guess?" He leaned his head on Sehun's chest, enjoying the warmth coming from the other. The cold suddenly disappeared as the Sehun's warmth took over his body.

Sehun chuckled before lifting the bag he was holding earlier, showing it to Jongin. "That's why I brought you a gift."

Jongin glanced toward Sehun, sparing a look before taking the bag in Sehun's grip. "What was this?" He asked as he checked the bag. He pulled out the box that was placed in the bag, a red wrapper wrapped around the box. He shook the box, hearing sound like something that came from glasses.

"Try checking it."

Sehun said as he took Jongin's hand, pulling him to the cafe that was nearby them, afraid that Jongin would caught cold. They chose the seat next to the window so they could watch the scenery outside of the cafe. Sehun smiled at Jongin as he told Jongin to open up the gift.

"This better be worth it."

Jongin teased as he pulled the wrapper off before shoving the wrapper inside in the decorated bag. He turned back to the box, pulling the lid open as he checked the object in the box. He furrowed his eyebrow once he saw the object in it, pulling it out as he gave Sehun a look.

"A snow globe?" He asked, a bit puzzled as he saw the snow globe.

Sehun smiled as he watched the expression plastered on Jongin's face. "It wasn't just an ordinary snow globe, if you look carefully into the snow globe you could see two figures in it." He told Jongin as he pointed to the figures in the snow globe.

Jongin threw Sehun a weird look before turning back to the snow globe, inspecting the figures clearly. He could see two figures in it, one donned in a white shirt and jeans while the other was wearing a pyjama, looking a bit sleepy since he was rubbing his eyes in the snow globe. He raised his eyebrow, it looked like the same scene when Sehun confessed to him.

"What was this?"

Sehun chuckled. "The same scene as to when I confessed to you. I had this special made."

"Huh?" Jongin blinked his eyes. "Why?"

Sehun took a hold of Jongin's hand that was on the table as he intertwined their fingers together. "I want this to be a thing, on our first year anniversary I would give you a snow globe of our first date and on our second year I will give you the snow globe of our first year anniversary, it will continue just that way." He squeezed Jongin's hand. "I want you to have a memory of us through this snow globe."

"That is so cheesy." Jongin chuckled.

"Well because, I only have you and there is only you in my world."

Jongin leaned his back on the headboard of his bed, the room suddenly felt dull as he stepped in it. It felt too empty even with the light decoration that he prepared for their anniversary. He wanted to chuckle as how he tried his best to give them the best celebration for their anniversary but instead he was rewarded with a heartbreak. It felt too funny for him.

He glanced to the box that he was holding in his palm. He knew what was inside the box. It was another memory that Sehun had left for him. He glanced to his bedside table, meeting the snow globe that Sehun had gifted him on their first date. The day of their confession.

He sighed before turning back to the box in his grasp, tearing the wrapper harshly as he threw it aside. He heaved a sigh once again when he pulled the lid open and as he expected, he saw a snow globe in it, along with a letter attached to it. He set the snow globe aside on his bed, choosing the letter first. The tears brimmed in his eyes once again.

Dear my Kim Kai, Kim Jongin, lover and soulmate for life.

Happy 1st anniversary to both of us. How did you manage to handle me for the whole year? I questioned that everyday, but I was glad you stayed by my side, never leaving it not even once. This letter would just be about how much I love you and how much I wanted to you to be here till my last breath. (Cheesy isn't it?) But that was just how I was my dear boyfriend and you knew that well!

I was glad I confessed to you that day, although you came out wearing a pyjama and even yelled at me for disturbing you on 7'o clock in the morning, I felt so glad I did that. What madee happier was how you accepted me, even with your stink breath that almost killed me, I accepted first kiss you gave me.

I could never ask for someone better than you. Someone who would company me through my thick and thin. Someone who sacrificed himself just to take care of me when I was sick and was during my whiniest time. Someone who would run to the bubble tea store nearby just to buy me chocolate bubble tea to comfort me when we had a fight and someone who would pepper me with kisses, hugs and love despite me being a jerk most of the time.

I love you, till my last breath. I will always love you and once again, happy first anniversary and let's stay till infinite amount of years.

The tears that Jongin had been holding dropped down on the letter. "What have I done?" He asked himself. Why did he let his anger took over him? Why didn't he just listen to his explanation, why did he have to block his ears and stay thick headed.

He settled the letter down before taking the snow globe next to him, eyeing the figures in it and it only made him sadder. As Sehun had promised, it was really the scene of their first date in the globe. Sehun's hand draped on his waist as he had his head leaning on Sehun's chest. The snow falling as smiles were plastered on both of their faces.

He shook his head, regretting his choice for kicking Sehun out. He knew that all of it was just a misunderstanding but he was too stubborn to listen and give Sehun another chance.

He climbed off the bed, rushing to the living room as he took back his phone that was on the dining table. He dialed Sehun's number, pressing it to his ear as he waited for the other line to pick it up. But even after few beep, Sehun didn't pick up.

"Please pick this call up Sehun, please." He pleaded as he tapped his foot on the floor. But none answered.

" this." He cursed as he shoved the phone in his jeans, rushing to his bedroom to take his coat before donning it on himself. He rushed back to the living room and took his car keys that he hung on the wall before running back to the entrace door.

But once he pulled the door open, he was greeted with a police officer instead. He furrowed his eyebrow at the police. "Yes?" He asked, he really need to walk past the officer but it seemed as the other won't let him pass.

"Kim Jongin?" The officer asked.

"Yes me?"

The officer sighed. "This is about Mr. Oh Sehun."

Jongin's hand suddenly shook in fear. "What about him?"

"He is—" The officer tried to not frown. "Involved in a car accident. We really need your help to confirm it was him."

And Jongin broke down.

Jongin sat on the bench in front of their favorite cafe, the cafe where they used to go for their dates. Jongin chuckled, used to go. He clenched his fists, sighing as he looked at the road in front of him. The pavement had been hidden by the snow meanwhile the road remained clean.

The cars dashing past him— the people that walked past him, not forgetting to throw him a glance as he eyed him curiously. He ignored all of it as he kept his gaze on the road in front of him. The road seemed to catch his interest, the road that brought Sehun to death.

He chuckled, it was his fault. The road took Sehun's life away because he knew the misery Sehun was feeling, the misery that was caused by him. He was the one who brought Sehun to death, he made Sehun drove in the thick storm, he made Sehun lost control, he made Sehun's eyes filled with tears, he was the cause of everything.

If only, if only he ignored his phone that day, if only he followed Sehun along when Sehun invited him out on that day maybe none of this would have happened. Maybe he would have Sehun in his arms by that time.

He rose from the bench, legs a bit wobbly as he walked close to the road. His feet remained on the pavement as he eyed the other side of the road, his eyes stopping on a figure there. He squinted his eyes and when he managed to see the other clearly, he widened his eyes.

"Sehun." He gasped. It was really indeed Sehun, wearing a smile on his face as he waved to Jongin. It was like he was inviting Jongin to come closer to him. "Sehun!" He yelled as he ran across the long road, he ran and ran not thinking about the trunk of the lorry that was coming toward his eyes.

Suddenly, Sehun disappeared from his sight. Making him stop on his track, on the middle of the road. His hand that was once waving back to Sehun dropped to his side. "Sehun." He called out, Sehun couldn't disappear yet.

The sound of honk made him glance to his side and his eyes widened when he saw a trunk driving toward his way. Before he could do anything, everything fell blank and he fell conscious.

"Jongin, Jongin wake up."

Jongin slowly opened his eyes to the sound of his name being chanted. He felt weak all of sudden but there was no pain, he just felt weak. As he opened his eyes, he was blinded by the sudden bright lighting around the room. Everything in the room was bright and white.

He tried to sit up on the bed he was on but fell back when his body felt too weak to even move. He clutched his head, the dizziness taking over him. He just wanted to go back to sleep.

"Jongin." A soft voice called him.

Jongin could hear the voice beside him, it sounded sweet and pure in his ears. Just like how Sehun sounded like. He wanted to chuckle at how even time like this, he could only think of Sehun. It was like in his mind, there was only Sehun.

"Jongin, aren't you looking at me?"

That made Jongin's trace of thought stopped. The voice, it was really familiar. He glanced to his side and the sight in front of him made his gasp. He shook his head, thinking it was just a part of his imagination as he sat up on the bed abruptly, bringing his knees to his chest as he leaned on the wall behind him.

Sehun smiled as he stretched his arm to Jongin. "It is really me Jongin, it is me." He said softly before grasping on Jongin's hand and locking their fingers together. "Did you miss me?"

"Se— Sehun?" Jongin called out, his eyes felt teary once again. "It is really you?"

"It's me, your Sehun." Sehun chuckled as he flopped down next to Jongin on the bed, he brought his other hand to caress Jongin's hair. "Don't be afraid."

"It's really you." Jongin called out as he brought Sehun into his arms, enveloping the other into a hug. He rested his head on the crook of Sehun's neck as he let himself fell into a sobbing mess again. "Why did you leave me? I missed you so much." He cried out.

Sehun chuckled, rubbing Jongin's back as he tried to soothe the other down. "I'm here now Jongin, here for you. Nothing will ever manage to separate us again." He muttered as he grabbed Jongin's shoulder, pulling the other off him as he stared into Jongin's eyes. "Not even death."

"Not even death?" Jongin hiccuped as Sehun pulled him back to his chest, his head resting on Sehun's chest, hearing the thumping sound of Sehun's heartbeat.

"Nothing, even death." Sehun replied as he rested his head on Jongin's head, pecking the other's head at the same time.

That was enough for Jongin that time. "Nothing." He mumbled before closing his eyes.

Thank you for reading this till the end. I'm sorry that it doesn't make sense because when have I ever write something that make sense, jk. But really thank you. This was inspired by exo's sing for you MV, thank for the amount of the angst <333 jk but hope you enjoyed this story~ or short drabble. Leave comment and upvote if you like it ><