'Kyungsoo! Wait!'

He doesn't want to look but he has no choice, it's like his body has a mind of it's own that every time the boy called after him, he'd turn around with a grin threatening to split his face in half and he couldn't care less. He's in love with him, he knew that everyone that he's loved, or claimed to have loved has left him and his heart to fend for themselves, his heart still hasn't completely healed but something about the boy just won't leave him alone, theres a magnetic force to him that pulls him in every time, his smiles, his laughter, his beautiful tanned skin, his arms, that he wants to wrap around himself, his slender neck, that he wants to nuzzle against, his smell, his oh so addicting smell, he'd stop himself when he was trying to reach out for him, he could only ever last for two days without him, he's be craving his touch, his body, his warmth, his everything, Kai has him wrapped around his finger and he knew it, his weaknesses, he would use them against him, to get what he wanted and Kyungsoo would let him, he couldn't bring himself to care, as long as he gets to have him all to himself, he doesn't need more, no love.

'Soo? Are you listening to me?'

He is snapped out of his trance with a clueless Kai staring into his face, his caramel brown eyes wide and confused and he looks beautiful, I'm entranced.

'You look out of it, you've been staring into space all day today, come on soo let's get you home,'

He's pulled by his arm and into the boy's side, Kyungsoo wraps his arms around Kai's waist, his face buried into his school shirt, Kai smells like musk, the detergent that Kyungsoo uses to wash his clothes and just Kai, he smells like Kai, himself, that intoxicating smell that kills his rationality and self control and leaves him at the boy's mercy every time.

By the time he's back to the world, they're already sat at the back of the bus, Kai has his head on Kyungsoo's shoulder and he looks like he's sleeping, my baby must be tired from all the dancing at school, Kyungsoo thinks, his hand reaches out to tuck a piece of his night black locks behind his ear, he stares into his face and he can't control himself, he leans in, his lips lightly touch hthe boy's slightly chapped ones and he feels him stir against him, Kyungsoo pulls back quick and acts like he wasn't just observing the boy's sleeping face and tried to steal a kiss, even when he isn't allowed, they're only allowed to and not kiss, that's what Kai tells him, and you can't fall in love, absolutely not.

.

If Kai ever knew what scenarios went through his head in the span of a day every time the boy passed him by in the hallways, he'd report him to the police, he'd beat him to a plup, spit in his face, call him names and even then he wouldn't hate him, I'm twisted, I know.

Gee what the heck was that, the voice tells him and he frowns, it's not my fault, he mumbles to himself, head down, eyes in his lunchbox and on his kimchi jjigae, he isn't hungry but he can't throw it away, it's food, it shouldn't be wasted, Kyungsoo thinks.

The cafeteria is bustling with students in yellows and whites and blacks, he's alone at the table situated at the far corner where no one comes and he's relieved, he doesn't like people anyway, they scare him and give him anxiety except for one person, he doesn't hate the anxiety Kai gives him at all, it's not pleasant but it's not bad either, if that makes sense, he can tolerate the churning of his guts when he sees that face, the crazy beating of his heart in his neck, it would be nice if I could give him an ounce of the same feeling.

"Kai!"

he flinches but doesn't look up, his gaze remains on the unmoving kimchi stew, he kind of wants to throw up with his gut twisting right now, the effect he has on me and he hasn't even caught a glimpse of his glorious appearance for today, he wants to but his body won't move, it's like he's scared Kai will catch his stare and he'd be in jail for being a creeper for the rest of his life.

The bell rings after what feels like eternity to him, he sighs and looks into his kimchi stew for one last time, as if apologising to it for not eating it today, he snaps his lunchbox close and stuffs it into it's case, his legs feel wobbly as he gets up and walk out the almost deserted cafeteria, it emptied just as fast as it filled earlier. His head is still in the clouds when he collides into something or someone and falls on his , hard, serves you right, the voice grumbles, you, he snaps right back at it, he swore he could almost hear them smirk before he looked up, his eyes wide, the person must be thinking I'm insane for talking to myself, too late, he hears, it's the last person he wants to see right now, the pain in his back long forgotten. His breath hitches and the anxiety, the churning of his organs, everything comes back and he thinks he might as well faint, then and there but he doesn't, the boy stares right back at him, just like how he did back there, then his lips twist into a scowl, as if displeased and he suddenly feels trapped, legs unmoving even when he tries so hard, it's like his limbs are cemented to the concrete, then those eyes narrow at him, judging, like he's waiting for Kyungsoo to explain but his mouth opens and closes but words cease to escape.

"Are you mute? Or blind, maybe? Can't look at where you're going?"

His lower lip trembles, eyes darting down to stare into his lap and he musters up the strength to shake his head so he wouldn't get the wrong idea, this is probably going to be the last time I see him this and this close and he feels lightheaded, at least he wouldn't have to know about my feelings, my obsession with him, he wouldn't judge, he wouldn't hate me.

"Gee, what a creep,"

It's loud enough for him to hear and he thinks it was intended to be, his eyes sting but his gaze remains fixed on his lap, he hear his footsteps walk away from where he lays sprawled, lunchbox at his side and it looks like it took the fall pretty hard because the concrete is painted red in its contents, the kimchi stew that he didn't want to throw away, the food, is wasted. All of it.