Chanyeol’s POV

There is deep silence between us. While most of the time, I would be able to make some jokes and cheer up the atmosphere, but I couldn’t this time, and I don’t know why. It seems like I can’t turn on my joker button, at least for this moment.

I turn and look at you. You are looking out at the window, watching the scenery. Your expression is blank and hard. It’s difficult to guess. And suddenly I noticed that your black waist long hair is no longer there. You have had it cut! You look totally different from before with short hair, you look even younger and cute with it, or it is just me that feel that way, I wonder.

“Why do you look at me like that?” I shift my eyes away from you once you noticed me staring at you. I clear my throat and try to act as nothing had happened. I look out of the window and ignore your question. My heart ache seeing you acted as everything is fine.

If it wasn’t Xiumin, I won’t have known that you are leaving today.

“Hey, aren’t you going to send your girlfriend off? If I’m not wrong, I thought I saw her check out from the hotel this morning.” I was totally dumbfounded hearing what Xiumin told me. Question after question came into my mind. I have no answer for each of that. And I have no idea on how Xiumin would know you are my girlfriend.

Why are you leaving today? Why so sudden? Didn’t you say your flight back to Malaysia is on Saturday? Why didn’t inform me about your departure? Is something happened to you or back in Malaysia that you need to rush back? Why didn’t you give me a call or message telling me you are leaving? Why you keep quiet and chose to leave alone? Why? There are so many why that I feel my mind is jammed to think logically.

Baekhyun stood and blocked my way when I went to get the car. “Stop it, Chanyeol! Just let her go. Why must you care for her when she has made up her mind to leave alone without informing you? Why don’t you understand now the fact that she doesn’t love you! If she does love you, surely she won’t leave you this way.”

I guess it was the first time I got mad at Baekhyun. I have always had my emotion in check, but not this time. I have had enough of his nonsense. “Just leave me alone! Why must you stop me from sending her off? Since I followed your advice that day, I passed my days feeling bad and sorry for her. Deep in my heart, it hurts. I miss her very much, seriously. For the past two days, I feel uneasy as she has stopped sending me message and calling me! Do you know how worry I’m for her? I can’t forgive myself for treating her this way. Can you imagine being in a foreign country, alone? Do you know how it feels? And every day, all I could do was to pray that she will be safe and everything is fine.” Only at that very moment I realized, how important of you to me. Getting to know that you are leaving made my heart ache, to a point I could hardly breathe.

I drove like a mad man while searching for you. I went to search every possible place you may go, but I got nothing. I pray to god, please let me see you for the last time before you go. I really want to see you and have you by my side. I miss your laughter, your sweet voice and most of all I miss you every second. I felt insecure without your call and message. I needed you desperately.

When I noticed the familiar gray shawl, I knew I had found you. You were wondering alone and sight-seeing. At that second, I was glad I made it before you go. I wanted to rush to you and hug you, but there were so many people that I canceled off my plan. I simply parked aside and signaled you to my car.

“Oh, how do you that I’m here?” You were surprised to see me, but you didn’t reject my invitation to send you to the airport.

I smiled and said, “I have an appointment in this area, but it is done. And I’m just as surprise as you are seeing you here.” I lied. I have no courage to tell you the truth that I was searching high and low for you.

“Okay.” That was the last word you said.

Throughout the journey to the airport, I have so many things to ask but I remained silent. Other than having EXO’s songs as the background, both of us remain silent. When the sign showing the airport is near, I take up my courage and ask, “Why are you leaving so sudden? Aren’t your flight should be Saturday?”

You answered me without looking into my eyes, “I guess it’s time for me to go. I’ve had my answer. And I think it’s the best for the both of us as well. I do not wish to disturb you. I’ll continue to pray for your success in the days to come and I wish you good luck for your enlistment. Don’t worry about me, I’m seriously okay.”

I could sense you are disappointed with me, as I’m disappointed with myself as well. I know your heart must be bleeding, mine is no different from you. Seeing you trying your best to act as if nothing had happened between the two of us, trying your best to hide your true feeling from me, I feel terribly sad and hurt. I wanted to hold your hand for the first time, but you managed to avoid my hand.

“Thank you for sending me here. You needn’t wait till I’m off. You must go now or you will be late for your next appointment. I know how to take care of myself. I’ll message you once I landed there. Till then, do keep in touch!” you waved and smiled before you walked into the terminal.

Watching you going, I have an urge to chase after you. But, I didn’t do so. There is something behind my mind stopping me from going to stop you.

I sit in my car recalling our memories. I wonder I’m doing the right thing all this while. Getting to know you is a gift from god, in which I’m really grateful for. Getting to be your friend is my pleasure. Getting to see you in person is what I’ve been dreaming for. No, you didn’t disappoint me with your look. Even though you might not be as pretty as the girls here, but you are as natural as you are. You didn’t pretend to be somebody you are not. Yes, you might be a shorty as Baekhyun said, but you are elegant enough in my eyes. I just love you the way you are.

Is my decision correct? This question keeps on popping up in my head. If I love you like the way you love me, why didn’t I stop you from going? Why didn’t I hold on tight to you from the beginning? Is the rule of forbidding having a relationship that important? Is my career that important? I wonder should I hold on to all my principles now, or should I make some exemption for you?

When I notice an airplane in the air, I know for instant, I’m too late to hold you back. And for the first time of my life, I cry as a man. My heart is in pain. There is no word to describe it, honestly.

~                               ~                               ~

Hahaha.

I burst into laughter when I re-read our conversation. The more I asked, the more I found you interesting. A pat on my head made me jumped on feet. I looked up and saw Baekhyun with his funny face. He put aside his iPad on the coffee table, sat himself next to me and covered my laptop screen with his head. I know he was poking his nose at my privacy again. With little force, I pushed his head away and I said jokingly, “Hey, Byunbyun you’re blocking my view?” Beakhyun ignored me and continued to view our conversation.

“Who is this 9394DOKAI?” Baekhyun asked curiously with his focus still on the screen. Looking at his facial expression, I could easily guess that questions like who is this 9394DOKAI? He/should it be a she, must be a fan of our Jongin and Kyungsoo. And where did I get to know such a fan. Without waiting for him to ask those questions, “She is just a friend of mine. We got to know each other through this site called Asianfanfics.” slipped out of my mouth as smooth as the soft tofu.

Baekhyun looked at me for a few second, scanning my eyes, looking for any suspicious sign. I just smiled at his action. Suddenly, he closed the laptop and took it away from me. I had no chance to protest at all when he sat face to face with me. “Let’s be frank at each other, brother. Tell me who is this 9394DOKAI and since when the both of you became friends?”

I laughed a little hearing his question. “Come on, Byunbyun, don’t be so serious. It’s just a ‘friend’ of mine. And she will never imagine and get to know who is she chatting with as I faked all my particulars.” I purposely stressed on the word friend to show Baekhyun that I was not joking. Slowly I pushed him away from me and lied down on the sofa waiting for his reaction.

Baekhyun raised his eyebrows. I knew he must be feeling suspicious at my answer. Being a persistent person in nature, I knew he would ask until he get all what he wanted, if not he would not be the Byun Baekhyun I knew!

“But your face showed it all! You can’t lie to me, don’t you know?” he asked befor throwing a cushion at my direction. I managed to catch it before my face got hit. “Okay. 9394DOKAI is just her username. Her real name is Han Min Young. She is a year younger than me. She said she is a Malaysian. She is a VIP with G-Dragon as her ultimate crush. And yes, she is a EXO-L as well with our beloved Kyungsoo as her love. Is there anything that I’ve missed out?” I briefed him a little about you since he showed so much interest on you.

Baekhyun nodded his head while digesting all the information I gave to him. Judging from his look, I could read that this question appeared in his mind, how could she be a VIP and EXO-L at the same time. As usual, I didn’t give him a chance to open his mouth and ask me, I answered it straight away, “I had once asked to choose between EXO and BigBang. But she said she couldn’t decide because both are like mother and father to her, inseparatable. And I guess I can understand that. It is just like asking me to choose between Galbi and Tonkatsu! And honestly, I’m a fanboy of BigBang as well. So, it’s no big deal of that.”

“What about you then, Park Chanyeol? You haven’t answered my questions, the 5W and 1H.”

I giggled a little before I replied, “Me? What do you want to know about me, Byunbyun? Don’t you know all my secrets since we’re roommate and buddies?” I threw him a funny look, teasing him for asking such a question. I looked up to find him with his sour face, I knew he must be very annoyed with me and looked like he had got mad at me. I sighed, it’s time to raise the white flag and tell him everything.

“Alright, I’ll reveal from A to Z.” I gave up. I knew I would never win over him when he had started to show me his dissatisfaction. “You know my hobby of googling everything about EXO and me in the net, right? And it was during one of my search that I stumbled upon her through a fanfics named ‘EXO Read Fanfiction!’ written by TMR Lover on Asianfanfics. Okay, I saw her comment on the chapter about us. I reply her and that was how I get notice of her. I searched through her profile to find her a writer as well. But I was not her character. Most of the time, Kyungsoo and G-Dragon were her choice.” I paused for a while waiting for Baekhyun’s reaction. Since he was all ear and remained silent, so I continued.

“She sent me a friend request in which I accepted. I lied about everything in my profile. I even told her that I was a female, currently in England. She believed ev