Days go by and nothing has changed.

I felt the chilly wind tickle my neck as I gazed upon the murky pond. I threw some bread crumbs on the ground but not a single duck approached me. I watched the ducks pecked at the bread crumbs from the young couple on the other side of the pond. From the corner of my eyes I could see their Cheshire smile and their crescent moon eyes. Their infectious laughter drilled in my ears. Their happiness was beaming under the radiant sun. They stole the happiness which I yearned for. I couldn’t stand it anymore. I thrashed my unwanted bread crusts vehemently before letting a frustrated roar. People started whispered amongst themselves. The birds flocked and the squirrels dashed back into the bushes. Everyone glared at as if I was an enraged caged lion.

I felt my human side being slowly devoured. Behind this human mask is a corpse- a corpse decaying…

They just don't understand what I'm going through. They can't hear the incoherent beating of my heart. They can't feel the emptiness inside of me.

Time slowed down on purpose. Every second feels like an hour. What do I have to do to pass the time? I have no motives and goals, just unfulfilled promises. My feet are concreted on the wrong unwilling to move. My body slumped against the park bench as if I carried a hiking backpack. This sullen feeling was glued inside of me. I don’t want to do anything but stare into the bottom pits of darkness.

Why is it so painful to even look at the natural scenery? 

Why is it so hard to pass the time?

Why is it so hard to move on?

Everything around me reminded me of you. I couldn’t stop thinking about you. You were all I got.

I remembered it so vividly, the way you covered mouth when you laugh, the way you my newly dyed hair and squeezed my arm when you were cold….

I missed running my fingers down your golden locks, caressed your smooth skin, staring into your dark orbs. I miss Lee Chaerin.  I felt my shoulders tense as these memories kept gushing like a waterfall.

I'm so sorry for everything.

I wished I paid attention to you more, listened attentively to your stories and cherished every single moment we had.

Regrets and guilt scarred me.

I was on the verge of tears. I tried my best to hold them but as soon as I start picturing you it explodes like a volcano. 

It