Part of me wished this was all just a sick and twisted nightmare, but the other part knew that was utter bull. As I stared into the gaping black holes where its eyes should be, I had no damn clue if I was even going to make it out of here alive. How I even ended up in this predicament is beyond me, but I knew if I didn’t think quick; I was going to be eaten whole by this big bad wolf. The creature snarled and advanced towards me, it’s jagged and yellowed teeth dripping blood and saliva dribbling down its muzzle, mingling with the dirt in its black, matted fur.

I was frozen in place and it was getting harder to breathe the closer it got. I could smell its god awful breath and I would’ve puked right then and there if it weren’t for my throat constricting as if there were hands wrapped around it in an attempt to choke the life out of me. Tears welled in my eyes as I forced air into my lung, choking and coughing as the constricting only continued to get tighter, my neck threatening to snap under the pressure at any given moment. If I wasn’t worried enough about the lack of oxygen to my brain, I had to deal with Red Riding Hood’s cracked out pet wolf wanting to taste my blood.

Whatever happened next was all a big blur. One moment I’m losing consciousness from lack of air, about to get eaten by Frankenstein’s wolf and the next moment I’m gasping intensely as oxygen is rushing into my lungs with such ferocity that it physically hurts and the wolf is nowhere in sight. “What the hell is going on…?” I rasped out, frantically looking around at my surroundings, but I couldn’t see a damn thing. It were as if I was looking through an unfocused camera lense.

“What’s going on is you’re waking your up and getting out of here before you get yourself killed.” My head snapped up at the voice and I continued my blurry search, but found there to be nothing that could have even been vaguely considered a person from which the voice could have come from. “Wake. Up.” The voice was directly in my ear and it made me jump so violently that everything went black and that’s when I sat up in my bed, gasping and panting as I desperately looked around in my darkened bedroom. Needless to say sleep was not an easy feat to accomplish after a dream like that.

Hakyeon’s eyes drooped heavily for what felt like the millionth time as he sat at that desk, pencil in hand and a stack of papers covered in scribbled handwriting sitting in front of him; mocking him. He blinked himself awake and shook his head, trying to rid himself of the sleep. “No… No… I need to get this done.. I have to--” his chant to the walls was interrupted by a sharp yawn that drew his body closer to sleep. “--finish this story.” He dropped the pencil and rubbed both hands down his face in misery, glancing at the tall cup of coffee that sat half empty beside him. “You’ve failed me” he laughed dryly at himself for talking to a coffee cup in his empty bedroom at three in the morning.

    “Maybe if I just…” He trailed off as his eyes started drooping once more. For a moment, Hakyeon could feel his body relaxing into its default resting mode, but he abruptly shocked his body back into attention as he stood from his desk chair. “No, no, no. No, can’t sleep. I can just.. I…” Hakyeon stopped his spew of random denial as he glanced to the side where the full body length mirror taunted him. In its reflective surface, Hakyeon could see the dark circles beneath his eyes worsening and he sighed softly, looking away from his reflection in annoyance. “I’m fine.” He repeated this once, twice, three times now; he had to make himself believe these words.

A soft buzzing pulled Hakyeon out of his mantra and he noticed his cell phone was lit up, “Hyukkie” was displayed across the screen and he sighed a bit in relief as he swiped the screen to the right to answer the call.

“Hyung! What have I told you about being awake until this hour?” The soft, authoritative voice of his youngest friend let Hakyeon focus on something other than himself. “Yah, you’re the one who called me at three in the morning. And respect your elders!” Hakyeon heard the soft chuckle on the other end of the line before his friend spoke once more. “Mianhae, Hyung. I just called because… well… I know that you haven’t really been sleeping well…” Hyuk’s voice trailed a bit and Hakyeon took in a sharp breath as this topic was something he’d hope could be avoided.

“... I just wanted to see if you were awake. Hyung, it’s been three months since you’ve slept more than two hours a night, I’m just worried about you right now and I want to make sure you’re at least taking care of yourself… I know I can’t be there to help you like before, but that doesn’t mean I can let you fall apart again.” Hakyeon hadn’t realized there were tears falling down his cheeks at his best friends words. “Hyung, I need to go. I love you, always. You’re my brother and if you need me, I’m just a phone call away. Try to get some sleep.” And with that, the phone call ended. Hakyeon slowly pulled the phone away from his ear with a trembling hand, dropping it onto the carpeted floor. He brought his hands up to cover his face as he broke down, barely containing his hiccuped sobs.

He moved himself to flop back into the desk chair he had previously been sat at, laying his head down on the table as he let out the pent up frustration and sadness. He missed his best friend, he missed how his life was, he missed everyone, and most of all; he missed the comforts of sleep.

It had been nearly a half an hour of sporadic outbursts of different emotions from crying, to screaming, to even laughing at the ridiculousness of the whole situation. He was crying because he missed somebody, he was screaming because he knew his life was ed up, but he couldn’t do anything to fix it, and he was laughing because he knew he’s done this to himself; he knows that he can’t blame a single other soul but himself for how he’s turned out.

That doesn’t make it easier, though. He wished he could put the blame on somebody, anybody, other than himself. Maybe then he could sleep. Maybe then he could breathe normally. Maybe then he could have his life back. But that’s not how life works. That’s not how things are allowed to be in Cha Hakyeon’s life.

Early morning light spilled through the curtains that had been pushed aside. Hakyeon still sat at his desk, eyes burning with need to be closed for more than a few seconds. It wasn’t like he didn’t want to sleep, he just couldn’t.

The young writer stood from his chair, wincing at how stiff his joints had become. “Aish… At least I finished the first chapter of my book.” He rubbed at the back of his head as he shuffled towards the bathroom to shower. It was almost a habit by now that he would blatantly ignore the bathroom mirror that showed him just how messed up he’d become.

As he undressed, Hakyeon hummed a quiet tune to ease his tense muscles. Everything ached as he removed his clothing and it made it ten times harder to drag himself into the shower where he immediately the cold water to wake himself up for the day.

“Eat, try not to puke it up, clean the house, buy groceries, continue writing…” He listed off what he needed to do for that day, rationalizing that he had to continue about a normal day as if he hadn’t mentally broke down because he heard his best friend’s voice. The writer stood underneath the close to freezing water, letting it shock his body into alertness so as to allow him to function for at least a few hours.

The hardest part of it all was pushing himself to leave the shower after he begrudgingly turned the water off. All was silent in the bathroom and Hakyeon began humming the same soft tune to drown out the silence of his empty home. Since Hyuk had left, Hakyeon’s home didn’t feel like a home anymore and he was still adjusting to the shock of it all. Whether it had only been a few months, it still felt like it had been years without the younger male.

The writer sighed as he tore open the shower curtain and stepped out, gripping onto the white towel that hung on the metal bar. He stared at the fabric for a moment, looking at each strand that was held tightly together. “Yah, towel, how could you have your life together better than me?” A laugh burst out unexpectedly and he quickly went the rubbing the towel through his wet hair.

“You’re losing it, Cha Hakyeon. Normal people don’t talk to themselves in the bathroom.” While it did reign true, it was clear that Hakyeon was not normal in any sense of the word.

All would be fine, he just had to make it through the day like he always did.