Right after the summer break, I was told that my parents would send me to overseas to further my studies.

When they broke out the news to me, I didn't know how to feel. All along, I have never dreamed about the opportunity to further my studies abroad. Slowly, emotions and feelings caught back to me. I was overwhelmed! Excited about the fact that I was going abroad for my studies, to be able to see new things and experience the new culture. I packed my belongings.

To make it short, everything happened in a blink of an eye. A few months ago, I was slowly packing my belongings and now, here I am already starting my first year of studies. 

Of course, I should work hard, I should put more effort in and I should show my parents that I was worthy to them. I wanted to show them how well I can do and perform, but on the other hand, I was unconsciously sacrificing my happiness. 

All along, I wanted my parents to feel proud of me. It made me feel worthy and loved. As I begin my first semester, I worked hard. Up to the fact that, I was beginning to feel suffocated and stress. I didn't know what to do. I was alone.

Loneliness made me feel terrible. I was alone in a foriegn land, with no one to open up to. I couldn't trust the new friends I made because I only trust people whom I've known for a long time. I felt utterly depressed once more. I wanted to talk to someone.

Thus, I rang up my high school friends whom I feel like they are important in my life. I wanted to talk it out.

As I stared blankly into the night sky, gazing at the stars, the dial tone seemed like there was no end. Probably they might be busy, I don't know.

So, I waited for them to text back. But there was no replies.

Even though there were replies, those replies which came are similar. One word "BUSY".

For the first time as a student in my life, I felt lost as I couldn't keep up with the university syllabus as it was too different than my high school and the gap there was large.

Looking at the replies, I know that I should be a considerate friend and not disturb them in their busy times. But somehow, ugly thoughts came up to me. No one ever cared for me. Not even a single soul. When I needed them most, they ignored as much as they possibly can do. Then, I realised that I was a loner with no friends I could rely on. I've never felt like this back then in school. 

The feeling was new to me, it was stabbing me right in the heart.

I hated everyone, until the anger slowly turned into tears, rolling down my cheeks like a stream. 

I was sick of my life. I was really sick. I didn't want to live this kind of life anymore. 

I didn't want to be the good girl in daddy and mommy's eyes. I didn't want to be the friend who would catch you when you fall. I started to change once more.

To be truthful, I felt there will be no one who would be there for you when you always needed them most. Those are useless quotes. I told myself to FACE THE REALITY.

I got a grip of myself. Even though how much I cried alone, how much I suffer from all the depression, I will not talk about it to anyone.

Because I know that in this world, no one truly cares about other people's problems, let alone listen to it with their ears and heart. It would be just a waste of time.

This is when I decided to shut the second door of my life, the door to friendships.