"So I wore a "friend" mask, hiding my true feelings when I'm next to you." - Beautiful, BTS

Namjoon took a deep breath as he walked into Jin's room. It was now or never. 

Jin was lying on his bed, fiddling with something on a piece of string around his neck. He looked up when Namjoon walked in, hiding the object under his shirt collar.

“Sorry, I forgot to knock.” Namjoon said, mentally hitting himself.

“No, it’s okay. Come in,” Jin said. He smiled warmly, and Namjoon felt a blush rising in his cheeks. He forced it down. Everything had to go perfectly; Jin couldn’t know about his feelings until he said them.

“So,” Namjoon said, then cleared his throat. Today was just not his day. Maybe you should back out, whispered a voice in his head. Tell him another day. Or better yet, don’t tell him!

No! Namjoon said. I can do this!

“Yes..?” Jin said.

“I was just wondering how your meeting with Yoongi went.”

Jin paused for a second, as if trying for words. He tasted every syllable as he said, “It was…nice.”

Namjoon picked up on it immediately. “How did it go?”

Jin sighed. “I’m not sure I should talk about it. With anyone.” He stopped when he saw Namjoon’s expression. “I mean, I can talk with you, but with this…”

He stopped again. “You’re not going to let me drop this, will you?”

When Namjoon shook his head, Jin sighed. “Fine. But you have to promise not to tell any of yours or my friends. You can’t tell anyone. At all. Ever.”

Namjoon nodded firmly. “I promise.”

Jin stared at him for a moment, as if looking for any indication that Namjoon might be lying. Then he leaned back to fall on his bed. “Yoongi and I started dating today.”

Namjoon felt a pressure in his throat, a build behind his eyes. He couldn’t breathe. Could feel the tears beginning to well up in his eyes.

Jin looked at him as if afraid of his reaction. “Well?”

Deep breath.

Namjoon forced a smile. It felt so fake, he felt as if Jin would be able to tell immediately. “That’s great! I didn’t know you two liked each other!”

Jin let out a sigh of relief. “I’m so glad you’re not horrified that I’m gay or anything. Since we’re roommates, I was afraid you’d leave and spread rumors or something. I knew someone sort of like that. I haven’t told anyone, but I always liked Yoongi. I thought he was straight, though. Sorry, I’m rambling. I’m just so glad you’re not ashamed of me!”

Namjoon smiled bitterly. “How could I ever be ashamed of you?”

Jin looked dreamily up at the ceiling. “Except for my parents, everything is great now. I have a wonderful boyfriend, a great roommate, who is also a great friend…”

Namjoon listened tentatively, smiling and nodding no matter how much it hurt.

I’m just a friend to him. But I love him so much.