ILLUMINE

To give light to. To illuminate.

This was written for WINderland's WINNER fanfic exchange this holiday season.

Prompt #: 40
Author: @elitejean (twitter) / kwuintessence (AFF) 
Pairing: Seungyoon/Jinwoo
Length: 5917 Words.
Rating: PG-13 IMO.
** Warning: Has long strange sentences along with weird comma placements and odd semi-colon usage. I abused the word ‘fireworks’. Seungyoon gets found by Jinwoo here instead of the other way around.
** Summary: Um, WINNER in Japan. Jinwoo and Seungyoon watching fireworks. Jinwoo taking matters in his own hands and Seungyoon just not quite getting it. Candied apples are mentioned and there’s a little bit of TaeHoon too! And did I mention fireworks?
** Author's Note: I tried. To those of you that decide to read this, I hope you enjoy it!

Somewhere in JAPAN, Autumn 2015

Seungyoon roused some time in the middle of the night. Due to a slight miscommunication between their Korean staff and the inn’s Japanese staff, there was a screw up in their accommodations thus, leaving their five-member group with two rooms to share instead of the usual three. He didn’t think he’d have a chance during this tour but it seemed like the heavens have decided to side with him tonight, enabling him to win a game of ‘rock, paper, scissor’ that ultimately decided his fate.

Looking over at the bed across his, he caught sight of their eldest member - the star of his 3AM thoughts - curled up under his blanket, fast asleep. His dark disheveled hair gleaming under the only source of light in their shared room, the moon. Its soft silvery light contrasted beautifully against the pale perfection of Jinwoo’s skin, making him appear even more unworldly in Seungyoon’s eyes.

He leaves his bed carefully and gingerly crouches down on Jinwoo’s bedside, his hand gently reaching out to brush the locks of hair that partially hid Jinwoo’s angelic features. Seungyoon’s lips formed a soft smile as he silently admired the sleeping young man before him. Jinwoo always looked so serene like this, so delicate, so terribly appealing. He is once again reminded of just how bad he wanted him, ridiculously yearning all these years for Jinwoo to maybe feel even a little something for him that went beyond friendship and brotherhood.

But it’s too far-fetched, a wish like that.

Utterly foolish.

Yet Seungyoon couldn’t stop hoping.

In the same way that he couldn’t stop his heart from feeling. Slipping slowly, suffocating, drowning - almost as if Jinwoo is right under his skin constantly searing him.

Seungyoon took a deep breath and exhaled, he knows well enough that he can’t have him yet at the same time he’s aware that he couldn’t get enough of him either. That’s why he’s here again in the middle of the night, just like many other nights prior, quietly watching  Jinwoo sleep and taking in as much of him as he can take. He gently dragged his fingertips down the side of Jinwoo’s face, his thumb lightly brushing against Jinwoo’s lips. Closing his eyes, he tried to preserve this tiny moment between them in his memory.

“What are you dreaming about?” He uttered into the silent darkness, appreciating the way Jinwoo’s lashes gracefully rested on the skin under his eyes.

“Do you ever dream of me?” Jinwoo’s lashes fluttered lightly and Seungyoon held his breath.

Seconds later Jinwoo released a soft sigh before settling down again. Seungyoon softly chuckled, learning by now that Jinwoo was more calm and receptive like this. He sat on the edge of Jinwoo’s bed, gently coaxing the elder to lie on his back. Seungyoon hums in approval as Jinwoo turns, unconsciously opening himself to him. He’s incredibly gorgeous, he really is, and Seungyoon couldn’t help but ache for him with every fiber of his being. Jinwoo’s hair fan around him like a dark halo, his lips enticingly parted.

“What do I do, hyung?” Seungyoon murmured, leaning down and resting his head on Jinwoo’s chest, reveling in his warmth and in his strong steady heartbeat. His fingers drew patterns over clothed skin, just above Jinwoo’s heart. “...when I don’t want anyone else. Just you.”

17 Hours Later.

Seungyoon has spent the last five minutes watching Taehyun unnaturally fidget while Jinwoo and Seunghoon immersed themselves in a few rounds of ‘ring toss’. Growing curious and concerned, he decided to leave Jinwoo’s side for a bit and sidled towards their maknae.

“Are you alright?” He asked, giving Taehyun’s shoulder a subdued squeeze. “Need to use the restroom?”

Taehyun turned towards him, his face crinkling in displeasure, “Please don’t talk to me right now. I feel like I’m going to throw up.”

“Now is not the time for you to act tough.” Seungyoon deadpanned having grown accustomed to Taehyun’s quirks. A deep sigh unconsciously escaped him as he caught sight of Seunghoon with his arm around Jinwoo, whispering something.

They were too close for his liking and just watching them flirt annoyed him.

“Let’s go.” He offered, turning away from the sight of their eldest members getting cozy.

“I’m not going.” Taehyun insisted. “Please, hyung. Really, just leave me alone.”

“Taehyun says he doesn’t need to go.” Mino butts in, clapping Seungyoon’s back and startling him. “You know how he is, just let him be.”

Seungyoon turned to face him, momentarily wondering about what the rapper had been up to. Showing himself only now after disappearing on them for a quite some time. Seeing Mino shove a chopstick-full of yakisoba noodles in his mouth seconds later finally gave Seungyoon answers.

They are currently at the temple grounds. After hearing from the inn staff about tonight’s town festivities yesterday (during check-in), the five of them immediately decided to check it out once they were freed from their responsibilities as performers. Now that time has finally come! They finished their final show in that city earlier that day and tonight is their last night there (in Japan), tomorrow they head back home (to Korea).

Checking out the event was a no-brainer, especially after Seungyoon saw Jinwoo’s eyes light up at the mere mention of fireworks. Seungyoon easily gave in, turning off the bulb in his head and only focusing on the drumming that started in his heart as his gaze lingered on their oblivious eldest.

“Ya! I can’t believe you’re eating again.” Seunghoon came over and slung an arm around Mino this time, shaking the younger rapper a bit. “Give me some!”

Mino nods, his mouth bursting. Picking up some noodles with his chopsticks, he fed them to Seunghoon. “How about you, hyung?” Mino asked, chopsticks at the ready, turning towards Jinwoo.

Their eldest shook his head, a small smile on his lips. “I’m good, you three eat up.” Shifting his attention towards their youngest, he asked, “Taehyunnie, wanna go with me to the restroom?” Seungyoon silently watches Jinwoo reach out for Taehyun’s elbow and pull him along.

“I asked him first.” Seungyoon mumbled as Seunghoon forced some noodles in his mouth.

“There’s nothing you can do.” Mino chuckled. “Our Taehyun likes Jinwoo-hyung the most and Jinwoo-hyung’s favorite is Taehyun.”

“Those two won’t be back for a while, the lines are long.” Seunghoon said between mouthfuls of yakisoba. “I saw a shooting game over there earlier, wanna play while we wait?”

Seungyoon trailed behind the two animated rappers as they made their way to the stall Seunghoon mentioned. Every now and then he would glance down at his phone to check if Jinwoo called or sent him a message, despite the fact that he had it on maximum volume. Jinwoo was with Taehyun so Seungyoon wasn’t particularly worried, had their eldest been alone then it would have been an entirely different story.

All around them people were in high-spirits. Shouting, smiling, laughing, running around - a jumble of mixed jubilant sounds, pulsating colors, nummy scents. Passing by a stall that sold hand-dipped candied apples, Seungyoon paused briefly, Jinwoo’s face flashing in his mind. The elder was extremely fond of the fruit. Even going as far as telling Seungyoon more than once about the delightful ‘crunch at first bite’ followed by the sweet (or sour, depending on the variety) rush of flavor in his mouth that he just couldn’t get enough of.

Moving closer to the stall, he took a widely smiling picture of himself in front of the sticky sweet treat and sent it to Jinwoo. A fond smile remained plastered on his face as he read the accompanying message he typed out.

               Hyung, I found your beloved apples!

               Don’t they look pretty? Of course, not as pretty as you.

               I’ll buy you one later so hurry back to me, ok?

“Ya! Kang Seungyoon!” Seungyoon looked up from his phone and at Seunghoon, blinking a few times. He smiled out of habit and the elder narrowed his eyes.

“Did you even hear what I just said?! Just what are you grinning about anyway?”

Seunghoon tried to take his phone away from him but didn’t succeed, thank God. He had a lot of things stored in it that really shouldn’t be seen by anyone else, particularly the multitude of secretly taken pictures and video clips of *cough* Jinwoo *cough* he has stored in his gallery.

“I said...” Seunghoon started again, staring at him intently. “...Taehyun isn’t feeling well. I’m going to take him back to the inn.”

“And Jinwoo-hyung?” Seungyoon asked, growing perplexed.

“That’s the thing. Taehyun said they got separated but...”

Seungyoon couldn’t comprehend anything else that the older boy said after that. His mind remained focused on one thing, Jinwoo. His legs moved on their own before his head can even process the action, body charging forward, determined.

“Seungyoon! Seungyoon!” Seunghoon called after him.

“That idiot!” Seunghoon fumed, his grip on his phone tightening. Clicking his tongue, he lifted the device back to his ear and spoke, “Taehyun, stay where you are. I’ll be there in five minutes.”

He glanced towards the direction Seungyoon had taken in his haste, “Tell Jinwoo-hyung that Seungyoon is coming for him.”

Seungyoon tried calling Jinwoo but his call did not go through. Knowing their eldest best, Seungyoon surmised that his phone is most definitely dead by now. He recalled how absorbed the elder was with a game he was playing on his phone on their way there, saying something about leveling up and acquiring a fancy weapon that none of them can properly pronounce.

The next few minutes passed by in a blur as Seungyoon scanned the overwhelming crowd before him in search of a dark haired pretty boy with twinkling doe eyes. Jinwoo, despite being older than him was far too kind and is too naive for his age and his own good. He sweated at the idea of Jinwoo being led away by strange people towards somewhere dark and inconspicuous.

A growing tightness formed in his chest and his lungs started to burn, despite that Seungyoon still ran on. The sounds, the smell, the sights - bumping into people he doesn’t know, the strangled whistling sound of his breathing, his heart thumping in a maddening rhythm.

And then he’s falling.

Seungyoon’s knee hit the ground first; the rough texture of it tore his jeans and scraped his palm.

“Jinwoo-hyung...” his voice cracks in disappointment. “...where the hell are you?!”

His hand begins to sting as his frustration leaked its way out of the corner of himself where he keeps it carefully stored. Everything is spinning and there are too many different faces staring down at him, but not of the one he wanted to see the most.

“Seungyoonie?!”

This voice, reaching so deeply inside him, making a mess of everything.

“Seungyoonie...”

The voice sounded a bit lower this time, a bit closer. Seungyoon lifted his head and looked back over his shoulder.

Jinwoo reaches for him in a second, splaying a hand over his cheek before pulling him up against him and wrapping both arms around him tightly. Solace floods his being as the elder’s soft cheek press against his. Seungyoon does as he has always done and with his body burning for Jinwoo’s touch he meets him halfway and holds on.

Moments later, Seungyoon pulled away - just enough for him to cup Jinwoo’s face and lose himself in his eyes. His ‘hundred stars shooting through the night’ is back in his arms and right now that’s all that matters. Sighing in relief, he rested his forehead against Jinwoo’s and drew him closer, not caring one bit that people are staring at them and whispering, his eyes sliding shut.

Just for a moment, just for a bit.

God, please let me have this. Let me have him.

Somehow they managed to end up alone at the one place Seungyoon was dreading earlier, somewhere dark and inconspicuous - and in this case it was the back of the main temple, the two of them sat side by side on the hardwood veranda.

“I'm sorry.” Jinwoo begins and Seungyoon already knows where this is going, having had this conversation with him one too many times. He stares down at his torn jeans then at his mismatched sneakers waiting for Jinwoo’s usual set of words to follow but they don’t come this time.

“Seungyoonie.” Jinwoo faintly calls; Seungyoon turns his head and meets his gaze.

At times like this he couldn’t help but feel exposed and vulnerable. He invariably shudders when Jinwoo repeats his name and moves towards him. They’ve been together so long that Seungyoon knows just by the tone of his voice exactly what Jinwoo wants and he gives in each and every time.

Because it’s Jinwoo.

Because he might not have the chance next time.

He is the ‘Seungyoon’ that Jinwoo needs him to be.

Maybe because he’s easy, convenient.