Taekwoon tipped his head back at Wonshik's gentle pull, letting the other man pepper kisses along the column of his throat. He hummed in tender pleasure, soaking up all of the affection he had to give. 

"You're so beautiful, Taekwoonie." Wonshik hummed, reconnecting their lips. "I love you so much."

A shy smile passed his lips and his hands reached out to run through Wonshik's hair. "I love you too."

"Would you like to continue this inside?" Wonshik breathed, settling his forehead on Taekwoon's shoulder. "I mean, I don't mind, but we're kinda pressed against my car right now."

Oh. That's right. Taekwoon had forgotten. He found this happening too often were Wonshik was concerned. Whenever Wonshik was around, all of his concentration switched to his lover, his heart picked up and his body seemed magnatized to him. 

Wonshik's hands slid down his arms to his , gently squeezing. He winked. "C'mon. Let's go inside."

Taekwoon's blood ran cold. 

Wonshik had told Taekwoon to go into the bedroom and that he would follow shortly. Which was good, because Taekwoon needed a moment. 

Oh no. Oh, oh no.

He sat down on the bed, taking deep breaths. That feeling was back again.

Damnit! I'm already strange enough being gay, what else have you levied against me?

He wanted to cry. Images flashed through his mind of all the times he'd seen Wonshik in states of undress. He remembered the aesthetic pleasure he felt at seeing his lover's toned form exposed, but none of that heat that Wonshik whispered into his ear when they were kissing. That rush of need never hit him like it did Wonshik.

Maybe I can delay him again. He sighed. Our last practise was a week ago and we don't have another one for two days. We don't have anywhere to be, anywhere to go. I don't.

Panic welled in his chest again and he fought it down. This was not the time to lose himself. 

Can I call Hakyeon? No, I need a reason for him to come back here and he'll take at least an hour. Hongbin? Right, press junket in China. Sanghyuk? Jaehwan? No, they're with Hongbin. Damnit.

He started looking around the room for something, anything, that could get him out of this one more time. 

No, no, no! His heart squeezed inside his chest. No.

"Taekwoon?"

He snapped around, hands falling in front of him to work against each other awkwardly. He was startled and he knew he looked it. He could feel the panic on his face and Wonshik was anything but blind. 

He stopped himself from flinching when Wonshik cupped his cheek. "Are you okay?"

He nodded mutely, a confusing need for Wonshik's comfort and assurance split against the need to run as far away as possible. "I'm fine." He managed. 

"If you're not ready, that's okay. I know you weren't with anyone else."

I don't want it ever. But you've been after me for three months.

"Do you want to?"

Wonshik shook his head. "What I want doesn't really matter right now."

He swallowed. "It does matter. I want what you want."

I can't lose you. I love you so much. My heart stutters at the mention of your name.

Wonshik didn't look wholly convinced, So he rested his hands on his bare chest. "I want what you want. I want to make you happy."

Wonshik's thicker hands covered his and pressed the lighter ones into his chest. "If you, at any time, don't want to continue or go any farther, just tell me. I'll stop, okay? I don't want you to feel forced into this."

"You don't have to talk to me like I'm a girl, Wonshik." His words had no bite. They were a balm on his soul, Wonshik himself telling him that he had permission to call it off. 

I want to show you how much I love you. That I want you around as much as you do me. I don't want to be weird. I want you.

He was guided back to the bed, Wonshik's body pressed close, the beginnings of an pressed into his thigh. 

"You're beautiful." Wonshik whispered, head dipped to mouth along the smooth neck visible. "I want to see you."

He nodded, stepping back and letting Wonshik pull his baggy shirt over his head, letting him dip even further down to kiss across his collarbones, to on his s. A shiver raced up his spine made of pure revulsion. 

No! Listen to me, you need to do this! What kind of a lover are you if you can't even bring yourself to consumate that love? Everything in relationships is give and take. He's given you more than enough time. You're going to lose him if you keep avoiding him like this.

Wonshik was kneeling in front of him now, kissing along his stomach and continuing south.

Don't vomit. Whatever you do, don't vomit. There's no recovery from that one. 

Wonshik gently peeled away his pants only to find him less than aroused. 

Oh no. I'm supposed to be . . . I should have thought! I could have taken pills! Stupid!

Wonshik looked up at him. He frowned for a moment before over Taekwoon's hip. "Don't worry. It's not abnormal for someone to be nervous enough to get rid of it the first time. I certainly was. I'll just have to learn you, is all."

That's not even-

Don't say a bloody word! He wants me and he needs me. I said I would. Oh, is my vision blurring?

Tenderly, Wonshik guided him back onto the bed. He fell back onto his , catching himself on his elbows as Wonshik leant over him. Their lips met in an equally tender kiss.

"Neither of us are very good with emotions, but if something is really brothering you, tell me, okay, Woonie?"

He heard Wonshik's belt come undone.

No, no, what are you doing?! You said-

He hiccuped a sob into their kiss and scrambled back further onto the bed, pulling his knees up to his chest, trying to collapse as much of himself away as possible. 

Wonshik wasted no time, gingerly wrapping his arms around Taekwoon's shoulders and pulling his shaking body against his own in a tender hug. "Oh, Woonie."

"I'm-m sorry." Taekwoon curled tighter in on himself. 

He's going to leave me now. I can't go through with it. Can't even fake it like he deserves. I'm such a horrible waste for him, such a burden.

"No, no, baby. Don't apologize. Tell me what I did wrong."

"Nothing." He choked out, the words feeling like betrayal. "You didn't do anything wrong."

For a long time, all Wonshik did was up and down his back, his body a comforting warmth, the kisses dotted along his shoulders a reassurance. Eventually, Taekwoon calmed down enough to speak properly. 

"Wonshik, I-"

"Shh." Wonshik squeezed him briefly before standing.

"No, don't leave me-"

Wonshik paused at his closet door and smiled. "I'm getting you a blanket, Woonie. Then there's somethings I have to get."

He pulled out a thick white blanket, fluffy and cottony soft, and wrapped it tightly and securely around Taekwoon, makign sure to cover as much skin as the blanket would comfortably allow. He sent one more reassuring smile Taekwoon's way before he left the room. 

Sitting on the endtable next to the bed was the small bottle of lube that Wonshik had brought in with him. As if in terror of the unmoving object, Taekwoon cowered further within the blankets. 

I've lost him. He's never going to understand. He's going to leave me. I shouldn't have let it come this far. I knew something was wrong. I-

Wonshik bumped the door open once more with his hip, his pants done up and a half-zipped sweater covering his chest and arms. Over one arm he had a fluffy white robe and was carrying two boxes of cookies and a LIFE box. 

"What are you doing?" Taekwoon questioned, voice almost a whisper with meekness. 

"I'm making you comfortable." Wonshik smiled. "The coffee isn't ready yet, but I thought we could eat anyway."

Taekwoon looked down but nodded. "And the boardgame?"

"I've got you for the night and I figured you'd want a way to pass the time."

As Wonshik set up the board, Taekwoon felt his heart clench again. "I'm sorry."

"You don't have to be sorry, babe."

"No, I-"

"You don't hav-"

"I don't ever want to have !" Taekwoon's voice broke and new tears fell. 

"Oh."

Look what you've done! You bloody freak! Now he'll never want you again! What about your career? You work with this man! What-

Wonshik wrapped him again in a very secure hug, resting his head on Taekwoon's shoulder. "Why didn't you just tell me you are aual?"

He sniffed and wiped his eyes. "Aual?"

Wonshik turned his head and his jaw dropped. "You genuinely don't knwow aht I mean, do you?"

He shook his head. 

"Auals are people, men and women, who don't want . They have an aversion to it where most people want to have . I think you might be aual."

"That sounds like how I feel." The words slipped from his mouth befoer he could stop them.

Wonshik kissed his forehead. "That settles that, then."

"But . . . Don't you want ?"

He squeezed the bundled man tighter. "Of course I do. Almost all people do. But I'd rather go without than force it on you and lose you. You mean more to me than twenty minutes of pleasure ever could."

Taekwoon ducked his head, but he was smiling. 

"So, would you rather the maple cookies or the chocolate ones? Oh, and what colour car do you want to be?" Wonshik smiled before it abruptly dropped. "Crap! YOu set up the board and I'll go see if I can save the coffee."

Taekwoon couldn't help but giggle as Wonshik dashed from the room.