“Why can’t we just tell them?” Chanyeol finds Kyungsoo after school in the music room, practicing the piano for an upcoming recital. Kyungsoo begins absentmindedly grazing his fingers against the smooth keys, unsure on how to answer Chanyeol’s question. He knew they’d be having this conversation at one point, but he didn’t think it’d be this soon. They’ve been keeping their relationship hidden for over five months now, Kyungsoo expected Chanyeol to break at their one year mark. Chanyeol leans over and takes Kyungsoo’s hand in his, rubbing gently against the latter’s knuckles in a way to comfort him. Kyungsoo begins staring off into the floor, his mind rattling with different scenarios on how this could end up going.

“I’m just not ready,” Kyungsoo softly says, his eyes trailing up to meet with Chanyeol’s. Kyungsoo’s never been the type to show off his affection to others, or even give much affection to others so easily. Chanyeol, on the other hand, showed as much affection to a person as a dog would to their owner. It’s cute, Kyungsoo will admit, whenever Chanyeol would hold him in his arms and hum a short song as the two of them drifted off to sleep on stressful weekends and workdays. But those are times when they’re alone, with no one to watch or judge them. Kyungsoo would be lying if he said that he was ready to move forward with Chanyeol.

“What are you so afraid of?” Chanyeol tries to sound calm, but Kyungsoo can still hear the low trails of annoyance coming from his voice. Kyungsoo diverts his attention back to the piano, moving his hand slightly away from Chanyeol’s, but he suddenly stops, feeling Chanyeol’s grip around his hand tighten. Kyungsoo doesn’t like it when Chanyeol acts this way –taking matters into his own hands and acting as if he was the only one who showed affection in their relationship. “Don’t you love me?” Chanyeol suddenly asks which makes Kyungsoo’s whole body stiffen. The sudden carelessness of Chanyeol’s choice of words makes Kyungsoo shift in his seat. “Kyungsoo?” Chanyeol tries to get Kyungsoo to look up at him, but Kyungsoo’s eyes are glued to the floor, his mind going wild with different emotions.

“Love is too strong of a word for me to just throw out there, Chanyeol.” Kyungsoo manages to slowly move his hand away from Chanyeol's and down to his lap. “Please understand.” Kyungsoo tries to reason with the older. A feeling of guilt fills up in his chest as his eyes begin to water. “Let’s just wait–”

“I’m tired of waiting!” Chanyeol starts getting annoyed, upset even, as he pulls his hair back, refraining from sounding too harsh. Chanyeol then makes his way over to Kyungsoo’s side at the piano, his arms wrapping around the younger in a gentle embrace. “I want to show you off to everyone. To show everyone just how much you mean to me and how much I love you.” Chanyeol nuzzles his head between Kyungsoo’s right shoulder and neck. “I want to show them that you’re mine and only mine.” Chanyeol continues and tightens his embrace around Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo would be a liar if he said he’s fine with the amount of affection Chanyeol is giving him at the moment, but a bad one at it since his first instinct is to take one of Chanyeol’s hands in his own and locking their fingers together.

“Chanyeol,” Kyungsoo begins, but the words trail out of his mind, leaving him speechless and lost in his thoughts. He wants to be able to go out on dates with Chanyeol to the park, the cafe, or even the library. But the uneasy and tight feeling that builds up in his chest whenever he even holds Chanyeol’s hand in public makes it impossible for Kyungsoo to do so. It’s not like he doesn’t like being shown off, or any of the loving gestures that Chanyeol gives him, but even Kyungsoo can’t explain why he feels that way. “I just can’t,” Kyungsoo nearly whispers, his hands growing sweaty as he tightens his grip on Chanyeol’s hand. The fear of losing Chanyeol due to his own actions and emotions fills Kyungsoo with despair. He doesn’t want to lose Chanyeol. Not now, not ever.

“Then what can you do, Kyungsoo?” Chanyeol doesn’t mean it in a way to downgrade the younger, but Kyungsoo still feels as though he’s the useless one in their relationship. A few tears make their way down Kyungsoo’s cheeks and Chanyeol quickly reaches over to wipe them away. “I want us to be together for a long time, Kyungsoo, so please… for me?” Chanyeol sounds sincere, desperate, and maybe even hurt. Kyungsoo doesn’t realize it until Chanyeol moves away from him, but he’s shaking his head in response to Chanyeol’s plead.

He feels as though they’re moving too fast, too early. Five months, not even half of a year, and Chanyeol’s already throwing around precious phrases like I love you and you’re mine into their relationship. Kyungsoo can’t find it in himself to repeat the same phrases to Chanyeol just yet. But that doesn’t mean he doesn’t care for Chanyeol which is what Kyungsoo feels the older is blind to. He cares for Chanyeol as much as an owner would towards their dog. He makes sure Chanyeol is doing well, eating well, and sleeping well every day and makes sure to treat the older as best as he can when he feels the slightest bit down. Chanyeol’s equation consists of himself showing most the affection and Kyungsoo refusing to let everyone see just how special their relationship is. No where does Chanyeol consider how Kyungsoo feels, which is why the younger can’t seem to utter such precious words to him.

“Chanyeol, I care about you a lot more than you probably think, but I just can’t bring it in myself to advance in our relationship at such a sudden time,” Kyungsoo tries to explain to Chanyeol, but the older still seems to ignore him.

“I think we need a break,” Chanyeol’s voice slightly cracks at his sudden suggestion. Kyungsoo’s chest tightens as tears continue to stream down his cheeks.

“You don’t mean that, Chanyeol,” Kyungsoo nearly whispers as he slowly begins shaking his head, refusing to let Chanyeol go so easily. “You can’t expect me to be on board with every little thing you do–”

“I know that,” Chanyeol interrupts, getting up from his seat next to Kyungsoo. “Which is why I feel like we need some time apart; to think about whether or not you really want to make things better for this relationship.”

“A relationship doesn’t just consist of one person, Chanyeol!” Kyungsoo lets his emotions take over him as he slams his hands onto the piano, several notes playing at once, and startles Chanyeol. The older then looks down at the younger with tears b the edges of his own eyes, trying his best to keep them from escaping.

“Then I guess we were never in one to begin with.”