It was hard waking up that morning. It was always hard waking up in the mornings, but it was this morning in particular that seemed to be a malicious beast. His room felt too large and cold to handle, the emptiness echoing off of itself as the small slithering rays of sunlight dared to touch the empty space next to him. It was only in those few rays of sunlight that the room held any light, darkness creeping in from every direction. The world was attempting to illuminate his loneliness, to show him how broken his heart was, as if he somehow did not already know.

He was broken, in body and mind as he reluctantly pushed himself into a sitting position. It was hard to force himself to do anything else, his eyes focused on his silk sheets and heavy comforter. But even those items were cold without someone to share them with, his heavy mind wandering to Jongin for what felt like the millionth time just that morning. He could not rid himself of the pain, of his guilt, or his love. Try as he might, a little voice would always remain in the back of his mind, telling him what wonders and opportunities he had thrown away. It would always tell him how horribly he had failed.

That little voice would only ever speak of Jongin now, naming him a fool, a coward for not fighting for him. But how could Yixing possibly fight for a man that he did not know? How could Yixing trust this man, if he couldn’t even trust himself?

“You truly are a fool.” Yixing mumbled the words, his eyes finding the warm rays of sunshine that illuminated the emptiness of his oversized bed. Closing his eyes, he let his hand wander into its warm and brave breams; he imagined it was Jongin’s warmth. Slowly laying as to not disturb his wondrous day dream, he took a breath before wondering what it would be like to have that man next to him. He had never once had Jongin in his bed, but he could picture it as if it were an everyday occurrence.

Jongin would already be awake, staring at him as if that would somehow get Yixing to wake up faster, but it would never work. He would always wake up in his own time, met with the sunlight sitting snuggly in every precious feature of Jongin’s face, illuminating his smile. He could see it now, even the dust that floated calmly through the sunlight would look beautiful around him. The world lit up around that smile, his room bright with happiness as the two of them embraced. Yet, when he opened his eyes, he was met with nothing but darkness; even the sunlight had slunk away. He was alone in his lonely heart, again.

Resiting the tremble that wanted to touch his lip and chin, he rolled away from the emptiness and let his feet land on the cold floors. It was just the harsh feeling of reality that he needed, feeling the cold spike through his toes, up his ankles and resting in his legs. Releasing a sigh, he half expected to see his own breath with how cold he felt. But nothing showed, his eyes resting heavily on his scarily white feet.

It was hard pushing himself off of the bed, but he did it none the less. What was worse was getting dressed, his sluggish and reluctant body finding itself in front of his ash finished floor mirror. His eyes found the gold lacings that delicately swirled and adorned the dark wood. The contrast of light and dark swirled in their respective patterns, careful not to disturb each other, though working in perfect harmony. They were the perfect couple, respectful of each other despite being so different, working in a way Yixing never could. . He respected the beauty of the mirror; however, in that moment he could not help but to hate it.

Tearing his eyes away from the harmonizing couple of gold and ash wood, his eyes found his disheveled appearance. His normally pristine hair was ruffled a million different ways, sticking up as if to make sure Yixing was aware of their defiance towards a proper appearance. But it wasn’t just his hair that had rejected his prefered image, his abnormally pale face joined in on the rebellion with its disturbingly bright bruises and red swelled cuts. No matter his efforts, his lips remained flat lined, his eyes dead to the thought of happiness and expression.

‘Why do I have to feel this way? What the hell is even going on? I’m so confused.’ He was consumed with his feelings of guilt and heartbreak, his body drooped in reflection of this. The mirror truly did not lie, he was as broken as he looked. However, he pushed himself away from his shattered image and straightened his shoulders. He did not feel as though he had the power to carry through another day with his heartbreak, especially on his second day of being sober. He had already started going through the pains of withdrawal, his body shaking in ways he could not control, his head throbbed with what felt like a hundred headaches as his stomach revolted against the very idea of existing. But he would not drink, no matter how his body screamed at him to. If not for himself and his liver, then for Jongin. He wanted to a better man, despite it being too late to try. But perhaps his anxieties, pains, and thoughts of better things were all merely a side affect of his withdrawal symptoms.

Without having realized it, he had dressed himself in a pair of black slacks and a black silk shirt. His fingers trailed down the softness of the shirt, clumsily bumping over the buttons as he looked down at it. It reminded him of Jongin’s iconic shirt, though his buttons were an opaque white while Yixing’s were a pure black. Still though, in running his hand across the length of his own shirt, he somehow felt closer to him. But in true nature to how he wore the shirt, Yixing ed the first button and rolled up his sleeves to his elbows. The style truly was a tad bit weird compared to Yixing’s normal nature. However, he stuck with it, secretly hoping and dreading that Jongin would notice his new style.

With a pair of socks in hand, he made his way out of his bedroom, greeted by the rather loud sounds of activity in the kitchen. Jongin always made the meals, since the first day he started this strange job; it was nice to see that despite all of their problems, that would not change. Making his way through the living room and into the dining room, he stopped in surprise to find that it was set; with two place settings. The two never ate together, often eating at different locations in the apartment. Though sometimes Jongin would occasionally throw something at Yixing, be it words or various bits of food.

Jongin came bursting out of the kitchen, almost as if he had some sixth sense to detect that Yixing had finally emerged from his room. The two stared at each other, tense and hesitant in every way possible. It had only been last night that they had confessed their feelings to one another while simultaneously expressing their lack of ability to be with one another. They both hurt, mentally and physically.

Yixing’s eyes found Jongin’s pummeled face, fresh bruises and cuts swelled angrily on his pale face. He could almost wince at the sight, only for the fact that he had been the one to cause such pain to a man that meant so much to him. He opened his mouth to speak, but Jongin was quick to cut him off. Raising a hand. Yixing watched as he ground his teeth, pointing to a chair.

“Sit.” Yixing immediately complied, stumbling a little in his hurry, feeling quite awkward. He did not take orders from anyone, and yet, he was nearly tripping over his own feet to follow this man’s words. They had not known each other long and it was hard to think about when they had started feelings things for each other as it seemed so sudden. Everything had moved so quickly, leaving Yixing a little breathless and confused as he sat in sudden thought.

“We need to talk” Jongin suddenly spoke, seeming to forget entirely about breakfast as he pulled out the chair in front of Yixing and sat down. Those words nearly gave Yixing an aneurysm, his heart rate jumping as his eyes focused on the table mat in front of him.

“About?” He breathed out, his stomach repeatedly turning over as his mind panicked. There were far too many things that they had to talk about, Yixing only feeling as though all these conversation would end horribly. What if he was quitting? What if he is actually the killer? What if he says he was lying about last night? ‘What if he doesn’t love me at all?’ The thought popped obnoxiously into his mind, leaving him a little breathless as he quickly looked up to Jongin, hoping desperately that it wasn’t true. He did not know if he could handle that, despite their inabilities to be together.

“You.” Jongin’s responses were curt and short, leaving Yixing with far more anxiety than his already weak body could handle. He began to fidget and glance at his expensive collections of alcohols, desperate for just one drink. ‘I could handle just one, right? I can have just one, I don’t have to drink any others. I just need one.’ His mind reasoned with itself, swallowing as he was suddenly thirsty.

“What about me?” He looked back to Jongin, swallowing again as he pulled his hands off of the tablet, fidgeting with them as he resisted the thought of alcohol. It was in that one moment that every bad thing he has ever done came back yet again to haunt, even moments when he was a small child.

“You remember that file you gave me a little while back? The mission you sent me on?” Jongin crossed his arms, raising the eyebrow of his rather swollen face. Yixing let out a queasy sigh before nodding. He knew what was coming.

“You’ve killed people, innocent people. You’re more of a monster than I thought.” Yixing flinched at the words before furrowing his brows angrily, his stance gaining some of its normal anger and authority back.

“I did what I had to do. If you really looked into that file, you’d know why I had to.”

“So you’d sacrifice other lives, kill other people, just to save your two brothers? What makes them so much more important?” Jongin asked the hard questions, leaving Yixing with the moral battles he’s had for years. They had gone missing shortly after his position as head of the family had been taken, his two baby brothers, still so sweet and innocent. Gone.

“You act as though you are innocent yourself.” Yixing snapped back, ignoring his questions as he crossed his own arms, glowering at Jongin. Who was he to judge him? His brothers were all he had in this world, they were his beacons, his hope of a better future. And yet, they were taken from him and for four years now, he suffered, chained to the whims of an unknown blackmailer.

“I was paid to kill people that deserved their untimely deaths, they were in no way innocent.” Jongin replied just as angrily, the tension between the two men increasingly rapidly. The air was beginning to thicken and spark, as common when the two begin speak to one another.

“Don’t you think that I already feel guilty enough about it all? I’ve been drinking my guilt away for years, trying not to feel anything. It hurts, it hurts so much, especially knowing that it may have all been for nothing!” Yixing bellowed, stretching and clenching his fingers repeatedly as he huffed, his entire body alive with anxiety and adrenaline. He would not lie, he did kill people, be it by his father’s orders or by the orders of his blackmailer. He does what he must.

“Then why aren’t you drinking now? Why weren’t you drinking yesterday?” Jongin uncrossed his arms, the chair falling backwards from the force of his quick movements. He was gone before Yixing could comprehend what happened, but he returned just as swiftly. In his hands he carried two bottles of rather expensive whisky and wine. Slamming them down on the table, he flinched, though his eyes would not leave his oh so desired poisons.  “Why don’t you just go back to the piece of a man you used to be?” Jongin bellowed, shoving the bottles at him as he stood with eyes blazing.

“Because I’m trying to be a better man, I’m trying to do things right for you!” Yixing was furious now, slamming his hands down on the table repeatedly before standing himself. “I’ve been disobeying every law we have, I’ve been ignoring everything just to be a better man!” He huffed repeatedly, his entire body shaking as he picked up one of the bottles and threw it against a far wall. It took all of his strength to do so, resisting looking at the other from fear that he would not be able to throw this one; he was scared he would drown himself in it instead.

“Oh, so you’re saying you’re trying to do better? Like you did right by that girl? You remember, the one that died?” Jongin practically screamed, Yixing having to resist the urge to pull out his own hair as he grabbed the soft locks rather painfully. He was so confused, so angry, and yet hurting all in the same moment. Everything was too much, and yet, he had to let it all go. Huffing, he released his grip on his hair and ran his hands through it, putting it back in order before glowering at him again. Destroying himself would do nothing to help his case.  

“I tried so hard to keep her alive! If she had stayed here, she still would have died! My family would have killed her, it is the code, the law! Actually, they would have made me do it!” Yixing paused in his manic, foam inducing rants to take in a breath, “Actually, they probably would have made me do it! But I didn’t kill her, I sent her home because I thought she would have a better chance if she left!” He finally finished, surprised to find that he had somehow found his way around the table, standing in front of a somewhat shocked Jongin. He did not seem angry anymore, his shoulders slumping as his eyes went wide. Sadness and regret entered his face, his eyes traveling to look at Yixing’s own bruises and cuts before he let out a rather pitiful sound.

“I didn’t even think of that,” he trailed off softly, his voice but a mere whisper as he looked down, “you’re really trying to change? You’re really not the same man anymore?” Jongin suddenly asked quietly, the tone of the room changing so fast that Yixing did not have time to prepare himself. He was still seething, his frustration still gnawing hungrily at his lungs. But he too dropped his shoulders, wiping his bottom lip of the blood that had started running due to his split lip.

“I was never really the man everyone saw,” he paused, his eyes cautiously slipping to the bottle of whisky that had been carelessly toppled on the table, “what everyone saw, and what even I saw for a while, was the drunken state of a puppet who had lost his way. But I’m not lost anymore and I won’t let anyone control me.” Yixing whispered, only doing so in hopes that his anger would not enter his voice, though he could feel it slowly slipping away when Jongin’s chin tightened, his bottom lip trembling for a mere moment.

“How can I trust that?” He whispered in return, Yixing looking up to the ceiling before letting out a breath, his frustration attempting to crawl out of him, clawing at his chest as if it could somehow tear its way out. He was so frustrated that he refused to trust him, though, he understood why. Yixing would not trust himself either if he was in Jongin’s position.

“What can I do that will allow you to trust me?” He looked back down at Jongin, almost pleading as he grabbed his shoulders. His hands had somehow traveled to Jongin’s neck before Yixing found himself holding his face in his hands. It was warm and soft, despite the bruises and cuts. He was just happy that Jongin did not push him away, raising a hand to touch one of Yixing’s.

“We need to talk.” Jongin spoke simply, his eyes flicking down to Yixing’s lips, who could not resist a small smile at the fact that for once it was not him who had to resist the other’s lips. But Yixing still rose an eyebrow, confusion slowly replacing his frustrations. It was as if touching him was all he needed to calm down, his anxieties and angers completely dissipating as they shared breaths.

“Aren’t we talking now?” Yixing chuckled slightly, feeling his shoulders loosen, Jongin smiling slightly in return. They were a rollercoaster, constantly traveling at high speeds as their emotions threw them up, down, left and right. It was hard to keep up with, and yet, Yixing was okay with the sudden calm that struck them both.

“No, I mean, about our pasts, our secrets, and,” he paused, his eyes fully trained on Yixing’s lips as he spoke, his own lips quivering, “the future.” He finished, his eyes never left Yixing’s lips, the air changing yet again to something a little hotter. Yixing swallowed, taking a breath, Jongin becoming the new poison to resist.

“Alright, I’ll do anything it takes.” But those words did not receive the relieved and happy expression that Yixing had been expecting, instead it brought sadness and worry to Jongin’s face. He rose an eyebrow, suddenly feeling concerned.

“Yixing, I have something I need to tell you, about why I really got hired here.” He spoke softly, his voice trembling with regret and sadness. Yixing could almost swear he was about to cry, but neither of them got the chance to further express their emotions or words, the sounds of the elevator blatantly obvious. Taking a step back, they both composed themselves, waiting to see who would enter.

It was Yixing’s ‘brother’, a man he had not seen for a while, given his missions to China. However, he looked about as dopey and dimwitted as ever, a goofy grin on his face as he stumbled into the room. He was most likely drunk, but the difference between him and Yixing was that his brother could not handle his liquor, as made obvious by his stumbling gait.

“This had better be important.” Yixing snapped, but he did not have enough anger in him at that moment to really muster up his normal intimidating presence.

“It is, we’ve caught a StreetKings rat!” He cheered, Yixing’s eyebrows raising as he quickly looked down to the surprised Jongin. This was great news, their efforts to discover the identity of the StreetKings boss may all be for something today. “We will be waiting for you downstairs!” He cheered as he exited as quickly as he had come in, a small burp echoing out of the elevator as the doors shut. ‘Dimwit.’

“Can this wait until we get back?” Yixing asked, suddenly desperate to interrogate the rat. Jongin looked almost relieved to not have to talk in that moment, though he nodded with nervous reluctance. Something was eating at him as he took a step back from Yixing, though he did not have the thought process to ask about it. It would all be uncovered in due time.

Yixing smiled and began gathering his things, suddenly the shattered bottle of wine, the angry arguments, and his physical ailments meant nothing. They were about to discover something big.

“Yixing,” Jongin called out to him, capturing his attention once more, “I need you to know that I love you, I don’t know why or how, but I do. No matter what happens or what anyone tells you, remember that. Please.”   

“So you want to tell me why you both are beat to hell and back? Like, bro, you look like you’ve been hit by a truck.” His dimwit brother laughed, Yixing having to resist the urge to push the other over as they made their way through the warehouse large hallways. The ceiling felt like a million years away, the hanging lamps feeling like stars in the distance.

“That’s none of your business.” Yixing replied simply, wishing that his brother would fall over the railing and leave him alone as he cast a curious glance down to the first floor. For good. But of course, one could not simply get rid of the dimwit, as he was seemingly unshakable.

“Trouble in paradise?” He suddenly asked, catching Yixing off guard.

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” Yixing whirled around on him, his brother stumbling from shock, though his goofy grin remained. He put his hands up in the air, making a soft ‘whoa’ sound as if he were cooing at a spooked horse.

“Geez, chill out. I wasn’t suggesting you guys were together or anything. I just meant that you seem to have more problems with him around than you did before he was hired.” He had spoken out of turn, leaving Yixing seething as he turned and began walking once again. He had been terrified that his brother had discovered he and Jongin’s strange relationship. His family could not know about his uality, especially as he himself, did not know his uality. His life had always been centered around women, especially women that lasted only a singular night. And then Jongin comes around and screws that up, leaving him confused and scared.

“Shut up.” He growled before two of his soldiers opened up a door, allowing him access to the rat. But he stopped just short of going in, looking around. “I want everyone who is not my bodyguard and my cousin to leave the room, now.” He barked, a few soldiers scurrying from the room as he entered. A man sat tied to a chair, rather cruelly so, his face still bleeding and swelling from a fresh beating. He looked a lot like him and Jongin in that moment.

“Let’s make this quick and easy, boy,” Yixing paused to roll up his sleeves, “who is your boss?” He got straight to the point not for the sake of his impatience, though it did play a key role, but for the sake of Jongin who stood behind him. He did not want to have to hurt him, he did not want to get the information out of him anyway that he could. He wanted to so desperately prove he could be a better person. Even if it meant being a better person to his enemies. ‘But not that good of a person though, let’s be honest’. He thought to his inner self, even the small voice in the back of his mind agreed.

But it was made increasingly hard when he leaned down to place his hands on the armrests of the chair just to have the man spit in his face. His eye stung a little as he pushed himself from the chair, wiping the rat’s vile secretion from his face, resisting the urge to backhand that overly cocky grin from his face.

“Let’s get something straight right now, you little rat. I have absolutely no patience today, So let’s just cut to the chase.” Yixing took a breath, returning to his previous position with furthered aggressions. the man could spit in his face, curse, and say what he will. Nothing would change the outcome of this situation.

I’m not saying , so you may as well just kill me now.” The cocky man muttered, his eyebrows rising in a look of cocky aggression. He truly was testing Yixing’s limits, feelings his face go blank as he stared. He was not necessarily thinking of what to say, but what he should not say. Regardless, he figured it would do no good, either way.

“Well, looks like you’re out of luck then. I’ve made it a habit of mine not to kill, I’d really rather just torture for as long as it takes. Even if I have to lock you in my apartment.” Yixing shrugged, pushing off of the chair so hard that it rocked, a momentary look of fear of falling flickering across the man’s face before returning to what Yixing would assume to be ‘normal’. He opened his mouth to speak but Yixing simply held up a finger, the man falling silent as he held the finger to his lips. He shushed softly before beginning in his pacing, his finger still held to his lips in contemplation.

“Sir, I could help you move him back to the apartment.” Jongin suddenly spoke, Yixing turning his back to the restrained man to raise an eyebrow. He was perhaps a little confused, his hand falling from his mouth as he contemplated why Jongin would help him with the torture.

As if he could read his mind, or simply predict his questions, Jongin approached Yixing with a rather professional nature. It was strange seeing him act in such a manner, Yixing so used to seeing him in a rather childish manner.

“Do what you have to do, Yixing. Don’t prevent yourself from getting the truth out of him for me. Lives are at stake. Kill him if you have to.” He murmured before dropping a deep bow to him, turning on heel to return to his previous position. But he did not do so without casting a rather awkward look at the restrained man behind Yixing, leaving him a little nervous. However, without being given the chance to reply to Jongin, he was forced to focus on other things. He turned back to his prey.

“Well, that just made things easier. I don’t know for how long I will have to keep you though,” he paused to begin his pacings again, “Could be a day, it could be weeks, perhaps months. Who knows.” He sighed almost dreamily, cocking his head to the side, spinning on his heels to face the man.

“I highly doubt you’d be able to keep me that long, my family would find me.” He sneered, the bobbing of his head as he spoke reminding Yixing briefly of a chicken. But he simply smacked his lips in order to avoid laughter, feigning a sarcastic acceptance as he nodded.

“Yes, you’re right. Because they have every reason to send a rescue mission for one little soldier trapped in the headquarters of a powerful boss and his entire family. Nevermind the hundreds of soldiers swarming the complex and patrolling the territories. They’ll certainly come and get you back.” Yixing smiled sarcastically, enjoying the swarm of realization and uncertainty swamp the man’s face. He let out a soft chuckle, his normally flat lined lips pulling at a grin. “But I am willing to cut you a deal.”

“What kind of deal?” The question was asked hesitantly and without much hope.

“You tell me the name of your boss, and I’ll let you go.” Yixing found his way back in front of the chair, standing with arms crossed.

“Oh, what a nice deal. So you’re going to free me, but I’ll still die anyways for betraying my family. No thanks, I’d rather die here honorably and loyally than slaughtered like a pig.” He continued to sneer, despite the bleak situation; Yixing’s frustrations were slowly tickling at his spine again.

“Well, you’d be killed more like a rat. But none the less, there will be no honor in any of your possible death scenes.” Yixing smiled, shrugging as he adjusted his sleeves. His eyes found the ceiling when the man did not reply, his face turning to stone as he stared straight a head. Sighing, he shook his head. For all he knew, this very man could be the murderer of his men. Or perhaps he knew the name of the murderer. He needed answers and he needed them now.

“Look, my men are dying left and right by the hand of someone and I am inclined to say it is you and let them do to you as they ing please. But I am not in the mood to gamble with anymore lives.” He bellowed, his anger and frustrations getting the better of him as kicked the man’s chair. It rocked rather precariously, the man’s eyes widening as he shifted, attempting to get the chair back on all four legs. “Speak!” Yixing yelled for the last time when he still did not speak, determining that his impatience really would get the better of him and he would let his men have their way with the man.

“Why don’t you ask your stone faced bodyguard over there, huh? Trust me, he knows a lot more than I do, I see him talking to the boss frequently.” Swallowing, he turned for face Jongin for a moment. He looked rather petrified, his arms falling from behind his back to his side. He shook his head, opening his mouth to speak, though nothing came out. Yixing turned back around, he had seen what he had needed. Taking a breath, he contained his heartbreak, his mind whispering his betrayals. His chest hurt, leaving him breathless and expressionless as he focused his attentions back to the man.

“What my bodyguard knows is irrelevant, he’s worked for many people. Of course he would know more about a lot of things, but I don’t care what he knows, I want to know what you know.” Yixing barked, his shoulders heaving under the force of his voice, resisting the urge to flinch himself when it seemingly echoed throughout the room.

“Like I said, take it up with the bodyguard. He’s such a traitor I’m sure he would have no quarrels spilling everything he knows.” Yixing nodded slowly, his bottom lip in contemplation. Raising his hand, he brought the back of it across the man’s face, leaving his own hand and arm ringing with pain. It did not stop there, Yixing further taking his betrayed feelings out on the man by kicking his chair over. But, it wasn’t good enough. Whipping around, he met the eyes of his rather awkward looking brother, who immediately stepped forward as if he were summoned.

“Tell everyone that he was the killer, let the men have him.” Yixing flung his hand in the air, a gesture expressing his disinterest in the outcome of the man’s fate as he exited the room. His brother nearly jumped out of his way, stuttering in reluctance to speak. That was the first time in a long time.

“But we don’t have all the information we need from him!” He could hear his brother finally call, but he had no regards for the his dilemma. It was for him to solve, Yixing’s mind was in other places. Right now, he was left with a mind that sluggishly refused to function. Jongin? A traitor? A rat? It simply wasn’t possible, his mind attempting reasoning with itself as he charged down a flight of stairs that seemed to quake in his presence. ‘Has Jongin been playing me this entire time? Was he going to kill me?’

“Yixing, wait!” Jongin called from behind, though, he did not stop. Yixing did not know how to handle what he had been told, he did not know how to comprehend the situation. Was the man lying, or was Jongin really a traitor? Did he know that he was meeting with the boss of the StreetKings? Does he have business on the side? His mind fired off a million questions at once, but it soon shut down after as if it had been crashed by the sudden stream of thought inducing emotions. His mind was fried.

“Please, wait!” Jongin called again, but Yixing failed to stop his feet yet again, stopping only when he had burst free from the building. Whirling around on his heels, his breathing was significantly heavier than the surprised Jongin who stopped just short of running into him. His eyes were wide, his eyebrows furrowed into a look of sorrow as his lips quivered in a pleading ‘o’ shape. “Y-Yixing-” He began to speak, but Yixing was quick to cut him off. He did not deserve to speak.

“Get in the car, now!” He bellowed, snapping his fingers as he pointed at the black car, Jongin immediately doing as he was told. Taking a moment, his hands found his face as his shoulders slumped in on themselves, Yixing resisting the urge to bellow and fall prey to the weakness in his knees. This was not a movie, this was not some dramatic scene as a beautiful sunny day comes to a horrible end. This was his life, and he could not so easily break down.

However, just the same, he could not let himself be so easily fooled. Dropping his hands from his face, he looked up, his eyes finding the blinding light of the sun and heavenly blue skies it swam in. Even the clouds looks happy and bright, leaving Yixing with a feeling of distrust and confusion. He didn’t know what was up or down in that moment, he had been fooled by Jongin. The man was so much like the sky, a beautiful entity that could leave you breathless one moment, than cold and in the rain the next. He didn’t know what to think, or even where to begin.

Turning, he faced the car, catching the scared face of Jongin peering through the window; however, with a jolt, he was gone. Yixing’s eyes focused instead on the windows of the care now. Its tinted windows looked appealing in the sense of security and solace, a place where secrets could not disturb him and could not escape. It felt like it would be safe. But as his feet carried him closer, he did not feel safe as he opened the door. He felt the weight of the world pulling him down in, crushing him as he put on his seatbelt. And yet, his mind could still think of nothing, it was in a deep haze that blocked the process informations or thought. But as he turned to look out the window beside him, sitting next to the quiet Jongin, whose hands lay balled in his lap, one thought made it through the barrier of fog.

‘Did he ever even really love me?’

“Yixing, I swear, you need-” Jongin finally dared to speak, as they entered the apartment, which seemed eerie and cold. But perhaps that was just Yixing as he cut the man off, resisting throwing his removed shoes at the man.

“Don’t you dare tell me what I need.” He breathed, his voice quivering with anger as his shoulders shook, his eyes hurting from the glower he gave the flinching Jongin. Throwing his shoes down, he stormed into the room, stopping short of leaving the dining room before turning back around. His eyes flicking across the two table place settings still sitting on the deep wood of the table. Swallowing, he decided that instead of a conversation that they had promised one another, he would get something else.

“But you have to know that-” Again, not a single chance to speak was given.

“Shut up.” He grunted, Yixing’s feet moving before his mind could tell him otherwise, Jongin taking a few hesitant steps back as he was charged. But Yixing had no intentions of hurting him, much, his hand findings its way to his hair. Jerking his head closer, the wince that slithered from Jongin’s tense lips only added fuel to his fires of anger and desire. His other hand found the man’s waist, pulling him closer, shoving their hips together. It wasn’t long before Yixing’s lips found Jongin’s, though, he stopped just short of kissing. They began breathing in each other’s air, leaving Yixing dizzy with arousal and anger. He was going to have just one night were things made sense, where he could relieve his ual frustrations and think past his feelings of love and confusion. He wanted one night with Jongin, before everything possibly came crumbling down.

“I swear...” Jongin breathed, however, his words trailed off as his eyes slid down to Yixing’s lips. He was glad that no more words were spoken, that neither could muster up conversation in that moment. This time, it was Yixing’s turn to make the man confused and yearn for something that seemed so impossible to have. He traced his tongue around the outline of Jongin’s lips, the man shivering in response. And yet, he still did not initiate a kiss. He had no intentions of kissing the man, not yet.

Drunk off of each other’s breaths, his lips abandoned Jongin’s and found his neck instead. Kissing down the length of his white skin, the hand that had rested on his waist found the buttons of Jongin’s shirt. ing only three of them, exposing a portion of his chest, Yixing’s his teeth gently nipped at each of his collarbones. The other’s chest stuttered a little, his breathing halted by a swallow, though he made no sound. Yixing soon found the hollow of the man’s neck, dipping between his collarbones before trailing his tongue up to Jongin’s adams apple. it into his mouth, he let a soft sound, letting it vibrate through his neck. Releasing his adams apple, Yixing’s hand pulled Jongin’s head back, exposing more of his neck to play with.

But he soon released Jongin’s hair, grabbing his chin instead to pull him in closer; their shared breaths were intoxicating. Brushing his lips across the jittering white skin of Jongin’s jaw, his teeth pulled on his earlobe before letting his tongue slowly trace the shell of his ear before dipping in. Yixing could feel hands splay out onto his back, digging into his skin through his shirt. The hot pool of fire in his groin grew increasingly more intense when his hand traveled between Jongin’s thighs, grazing past both of the bulges that had sprung in their pants. But he was quick to pull his hand away, both his hands instead feeling up the soft silk that resided on Jongin’s chest before resting on his shoulders.

”No more talking, no more excuses,” Yixing paused as he whispered into Jongin’s ear, releasing him from his grasp before gesturing to his bedroom, “Just get your in my bed.” He didn’t exactly know what he was doing, given his lack of experience with a male, but he was sure as how going to find out, even if it took the rest of the day and night.

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...Well you see, about that cliffhanger… -yawns- See, I was so tired when I wrote it, I just decided to cut it off and save it for the next chapter~. Just kidding (Though, I really was tired as flip), but we do have a nice little Rated M chapter coming next KaiLay. So fair warning.

Either way, kind of a chaotic chapter and my brain isn’t working too well (AKA, I'm a pretty bad author atm, OOPS xD ), BUT, I still hope you enjoyed the chapter and will keep reading! I hope to be posting again very soon.

Hope you lovelies are stress free, see you again soon~.

Note, let me know if I should mark this as Rated M? I personally don't find the end rated M, but who knows. So uh.

~SnobbyCoffeeAsian