I can hear the heartbreaking screams of a child, the desperation of pain and a lonely heart. Her sobbing so loud, so filled with fear that my chest caved in on itself; her pain is my pain. She wants me, her tiny hands reaching out in such a manner that only the cruelest of person could resist reaching for her. But no matter how long or how fast I my hands out to her, her brilliance always winks out of existence; disappearing from my reality. Society, a cruel egocentric monster with a deep prejudice against me, stole her away from me.  

I was no mother, I would never have been and have no desire to be such a person. But I am her father. Though we share neither blood nor heritage, culture nor experience,we share nothing from the physical world; we do share a soul. A soul desperate to be given something we've never been given before.  

A chance.  

So I will fight the immortality of society, I will defeat the unfair battle I have been into; no matter the odds against me. If I must, I was run for days, search for hours, I will rip my hands apart tearing away at the earth in search. If only, it would mean to take my child into my arms, to take her home. I will give her a chance in this world. I will give her love in a place where all she has known is hate. I will give her a dream, a purpose to live for in this world. I will do anything for my daughter, until the very day death opens his arms to meet like old friends. Only then, will I abandon my daughter. I am a good father, something society will never know.  

So to you, cruel beast, I say this. Give me back my child.   

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I apologize, there is nothing we can offer for the two of you." Though the words made an effort to apologize, it was all a façade. Remorse nor respect carried in their destructive tone, creating a feeling of slime and rejection on his skin. Those words dripped slowly with venom that he simply was not ready to be injected with, it was something he despised to hear; he didn’t know if he could take those words again. Disgust, the only tone that ever implied he was a monster not worthy of life. There was nothing he could do but to grind his teeth and move on.  

"Why not, if I may ask?" The blonde who stood next to him boomed, his voice deep and cold. He was angry.  

"Sir, you simply cannot raise a child." The woman said very simply, her words repeating what she had implied earlier; there was more venom. She was a viper with her eyes unblinking and steady, her poison working fast to his heart. His body couldn’t fight the lethal injection, the fast paced beating that fluttered with panic in his chest was silenced to absolute nothing. The absence of its thrum felt painful, his lungs wailing in misery as they too, gave up. His ears went deaf to the world around him, which had begun to spin in a tipping and crumbling pattern. ‘I think I'm dying, I'm falling apart’. A small, seemingly insignificant voice whispered inside him, so silent it could barely be detected- as if it were hiding. Perhaps it was his heart, hiding from the venom of the viper before him.  

"You still refuse to answer why. Tell me, now." But just as the snake refused to concede to him, there was still a force greater than her. The blonde held the power, his position on the food chain thoroughly secured by the stare he had locked the vile creature with. He had chained her down and with nowhere to go, she was truly at his mercy.  

"I would like not to say… Sir." Her voice had begun to crack, crumbling away to reveal the petrified mouse she truly was. Her beady eyes locked in a silent, but all telling stare with a predator. He could only imagine what she felt, the suffocating feeling of the black pitted eyes boring down at her. The feeling of confinement, the inability to hide or run. Her heart must be daring to quit, just like his had as it still lay at the bottom of chest- dead.  

"Say. It." His voice had lowered significantly, every word spat at her laced with threat and the tone of death. He didn't see any way for this young female mouse, with her brown doe like eyes,  to escape. But he already knew that the blonde man was fighting a pointless battle, simply letting his anger get the better of him. They’d been through this before, agency after agency. ‘Please just stop..’ He wasn’t sure where the thought came from, but he knew what it meant.

"You don't understand, we just can't." Her breath came in short gulps followed by her squeaky words, her chest rising and falling irregularly as her eyes darted anywhere but at the blonde's. The mouse was looking to escape, to hide in her hole once more. But who would be faster?  

He hadn't heard the words that the blonde predator spoke after that, his ears completely dead to the spiteful world around him. With these thoughts, he could no longer look. His eyes fell to the floor, his head heavy with despair. He knew what she would say, they both knew. He was unable to comprehend why the blonde man next to him would want her to say it, it was the fourth time it would be said to them. He could only feel the words that he spoke, growling and loud, much like the bark of a giant beast. They rumbled through his chest, jump starting his heart and lungs once again with a deep gasp of pain. He hadn't realized for just how long, he'd been holding his breath.  

"A gay couple cannot raise a child!" His ears were not deaf to that and with eyes dim at the edges, he met her eyes once more. She was no scared mouse to him, to him, she was still the viper that was stealing his life from him. The cruel beast had appeared before him once again, claiming to be the so called protector of society. "This is South Korea, not America. You cannot be so sinful in this country as you could there. Now please leave, this the first and final time I will ask." The mouse had dared to squeak in bravery, but her daring escape from the predator had all but failed. The blonde predator had snatched her up with his gaze, an unforgiving grasp, as he went in for the kill.  

"The world is changing, it is time you get with the changes or you'll be left behind. you may even just find that with all your ignorance and hate, you'll end up on the wrong end of a certain someone's favor." A hand clasped around his, tight and powerful; he hoped it was pulling him to safety. He was torn from the dumbfounded mouse's gaze, his eyes falling to the floor once more as he let the predator drag him away. The walk in front of them to the establishment's doors seemed far too long and treacherous, his legs feeling as though they would give out simply from the defeat of his heart.  

"You're both going to go to hell." And with this, the guiding force that had been leading him to safety, stopped. The mouse had dared to defy the predator, who had been so generous as to let her live; it was a generosity that he did not see happening again. The entire world around them as silent as his heart, everything was waiting to see what the sinful couple would do next; even time itself, it would seem. They had already been so disrespectful, what else would they dare?  

"I'll see you there, ." And with that, he was being lead to freedom once more. The walk no longer seemed so long, having made it outside in what felt like a mere step. But he knew that it had been longer than that, tears rolling down his cheeks as if they'd been there for much longer. Who knows, maybe they'd been there all along.  

They'd walked a good distance away from the nice looking building, entering an almost park like area next to it. It was secluded and quiet, but he still didn't feel safe there. It was far too open and nice, he felt he didn't deserve it. He simply wanted to wrap himself tightly in a blanket and find the smallest space he could crawl his pathetic self into, to hide there until his last moments.

“Tao." He barely heard him, his eyes still on the ground, having barely just noticed that they'd stopped. He was concentrating hard on the cracks of the ground, following their shadowed crevasses; even going as far as to note how the sun hit each area. He didn't want to face the reality of his situation anymore, simply hoping that if he refused to look, it would go away. "Tao, look at me. I need to tell you something." Ripping his eyes from the cracks on the ground, he felt physically strained to meet the warm brown eyes of the blonde before him.  

"Sehun, I'm not in the mood.. I just want to go home." He whispered, almost flinching from the dead tone in his voice, wishing that he could muster up a smile. But upon looking into the sympathetic and gentle eyes, much different then before, he could do no such thing. There was no way that he could live his dream, not with this man. But without him, there would be no dream. So what was he to do?

"Stop it." The words were simple and somewhat harsh, though gentle and caring in their own strange way. "I can see it on your face, you're questioning everything again and that look is coming back. You're not going to fall into depression again. I won't allow it. Please." With a  tremble and a soft tone, the last word was spoken as a plea. An almost desperate and scared sound, much like that of a child.  

"I just want a child, Sehun.." Zitao dared to breathe out, his eyes still overflowing as his chest began to shake. As much as he wanted to deny it, there was no possible way that he ever could. He would never have a child, and this broke his heart a million different ways. "I just want a little boy.." He stuttered out, feeling compelled to run to the car in fear of someone seeing him act in such a pathetic manner; though the only person around was a woman with a small child.  

"And we will get a little boy, our very own child." Sehun's voice was full of hope and a smile appeared on that brilliantly sculpted face, the light catching every one of his delicate features. His hands came to rest gently on Zitao's shoulders, his eyes sliding away from the man's hopeful ones, hoping to distract himself by staring at the child and woman. His words were useless, and felt like no more than a lie. "Even if I have to fly all around the world, we will have the child we've always wanted." He kept talking, though Zitao wasn't listening anymore. He was too busy feeling envious of the child and the mother, though he wasn't sure why upon closer inspection.

The child looked to be petrified, refusing to come anywhere near the mother, a tiny fist clenched over her silent mouth. Her big eyes were squinted in fear, almost as if she were too scared to close her eyes, but equally as scared of keeping them open. But the mother looked to be doing nothing wrong, her eyes sad and furrowed, hands reaching out for the child in a desperate attempt to help. But the child would not come near her, simply running around a potted tree on short legs.  

Zitao could tell that Sehun was still speaking, but there was little to no chance that he was listening anymore. His eyes could only look towards the mother and daughter, so close, and yet so far. His eyes met continuously with the mother's almost as if she wanted to get their attention, but too scared to call them over. He began to wonder if she was even the child's mother, they were obviously very different. The child, with her long, almost curly black hair and deep green eyes; were intensely different from her mother. Their skin tones were in deep contrast, a slight tan belonging to the mother while the child's was a bright pale, milky and smooth. She wasn't even Asian, as far as Zitao could tell.  

"Tao, are you listening?" Snapped back into his own reality, the reality where children of any variation did not exist. That mother and whatever she choose to do, was of no concern to him. The reality he was stuck in, was to stand there outside of another adoption agency, without a hope.  

"What?" He raised his eyebrows, not sure of when his eyes had stopped leaking droplets of his own despair. But he was happy that they had, finally able to see a little more clearly as he met the brown eyes of Sehun.  

"You haven't even been listening..." Zitao gave a half hearted smile, cheeky and guilty. He didn't want to fall back into his depressed state either, it had been a dark and lonely place. He was doing all that he could, but the small voice inside him still whispered.  

"No, sorry. I got distracted." Zitao mumbled quietly, his voice having gained just a small droplet of life again. Though he felt it was insignificant, like a mere drop in the desert; it  would never bring relief to the harsh climate. He could only stand to hope that the one droplet was an indication of a storm soon to come, to turn his desert into a lush, wet, forest.  

"More like avoiding, I'd say." Sehun smiled, a look that Zitao felt fit him much better than the deadly predator from before. That earned a smile from his as well, eventually, the both of them able to breathe. The days have been hard, having been to three adoption agencies in the week. Every place turned them down.  

"Excuse me, do you remember me?" A soft, feminine voice caused Zitao's ear to twitch, his head turning in reaction to find the owner of such a delicate voice. It sounded familiar, though not quite so much as to say that he had heard it more than once. Blinking, he stumbled forward in surprise to see that it was the mother. His first reaction, a feeling of panic, was to look for the child. Though, he didn't have to search far, the little girl with a clenched fist still stood behind the potted tree. Her eyes met Zitao's, and neither of them flinched, he himself felt a little mesmerized.  

"I'm sorry..." Zitao could hear Sehun speak next to him, finally tearing his eyes away from the girl all alone, to see the man shaking his head. "I do not remember you." Zitao felt as though he did remember the woman where Sehun did not, but he could not place it. He had seen her recently, but that was as far as his memory would allow him to go back.  

"Ah.. I guess you wouldn't." A delicate smile, soft and a little nervous appeared on her face. Her eyes were kind and hopeful, full of life and love. Something Zitao envied, once more. He couldn't help but to let his eyes leave the mother once again as she began to speak, his eyes meeting the girl's again. ‘Why does she just stand there? What is wrong with her?’ Zitao's mind took him away, having almost completely forgotten about the woman and Sehun. "I was the woman that tried to help you the other day."  

That was enough to get Zitao's attention, having to fight back a scoff of disbelief. No one ever tried to legitimately help them, if they ever did, it was to try and convert them back to their 'proper' selves. To save them from sin.  

"Help us?" Zitao rose his eyebrows at the woman, ripping his eyes away from her daughter. "How did you try to help us?" He questioned rather venomously, remembering the woman's eyes now. She worked for the second adoption agency that they had visited, she had approached them as they were leaving. But seeing as how he had been such a mess from rejection, he had simply raced past the woman- afraid of her harsh words.  

"I tried offering you a child, remember?" She whispered, her nervous eyes darting around as if she felt someone was watching her. It was then that Zitao realized that if what she was saying was true, she could very well be putting her job at risk. "She's over there.." The woman gestured to the scared child who still stood staring from behind the potted plant. ‘So she isn't the mother… The child has no mother.’ The thought occurred to him, though he had no way of interpreting the feelings behind them. He was unsure on how he felt about it, his chest overflowing with a mixture that just tangled around his lungs and heart.  

"I'm sorry, but we wanted a boy." Sehun finally spoke up, Zitao's ears still tuned into the conversation while his eyes would not leave the girl. He couldn't help but remember that they did indeed, desperately, want a boy. But upon seeing the girl, seeing her eyes just bore into his, he couldn't help but feel he would be willing to give up on having a boy.  

"Please, will you just listen to me for a moment?" The woman sounded desperate enough that Zitao looked, but not before he saw the little girl run a little closer. She was scared to be completely alone, Zitao able to recognize that easily. She was close enough that within maybe about ten steps, he could be at her side. But he chose to instead stay put; nervous that the child would be scared off. "Will you listen to what I have to say?" She asked, her eyes meeting with both Sehun's and Zitao's, though Sehun looked reluctant to listen as he crossed his arms.  

"How old is she?" Zitao suddenly found himself asking, not even realizing that his brain had suddenly thought up a hundred questions without his permission. And worse? His mouth was eager to spill them all. "She isn't Korean, what language does she speak? Where does she come from? Why is she in the system?" Zitao finally had to bring a hand up to cover his mouth, his eyes slipping to Sehun as if he had just betrayed the man. But upon meeting his eyes, the man only looked confused, his eyebrows closely knitted together.  

The woman turned towards him quicker than he thought the small framed person could, her eyes locking onto him, Zitao now feeling like a target.  

"She is about two years old, she will be three years old in 3 months. But as far as we know, she speaks both Korean and English since she was born here.. But..." The woman trailed off, turning to look at the child with saddened eyes. The child immediately flinched but ran a little closer to them, choosing to hide behind a larger tree to watch. "She is terrified of women, it was nearly impossible for me to get her here." She turned around to look at Zitao again, who was beyond confused now.  

"Why is she scared of women?" Zitao asked, crossing his arms in concern. ‘I don't mind…’ He suddenly found himself thinking, his eyes jotting around guiltily at the thought. Sehun still had his heart set on a boy, but Zitao? He wasn't so sure. A child was practically being handed to them, and she spoke to him. He was enchanted by her tiny hands, green eyes, and delicate features.  

"To put it shortly.." The woman trailed off and took a breath, looking as if the words were making her physically ill. "Her mother and father both worked in Korea, though were Americans. Her mother was unstable and from what we can tell, abusive. According to her medical records, she was a paranoid schizophrenic. She was in intense therapy and seemed to be recovering, but her father didn’t want to raise the child in that environment. So he tried to take her, but..." The woman looked quite pale, swallowing harshly as she shook her head.  

"But..?" Zitao dared to encourage her to go on, his voice soft and curious. Though with a sense of dread and despair, he was sure he already knew what the end result was.  

"The mother killed him, she had apparently snapped. But the mother wrote a suicide note after and immediately killed herself, admitting to the murder and that she was doing this in a moment of clarity." The woman finished in a rush, exhaling deeply, her shoulders shaking slightly as if the story had taken all her energy and happiness; leaving her cold and dead. Zitao swallowed harshly, unable to help but to see an image of the terrified little girl left in the middle of a gory scene, alone and scared.  

"Her story is really sad, and I am sorry to hear that." Sehun took a moment to start, glancing at Zitao before taking a step closer, touching his hand gently. "But I don't think that we can take her, it seems a little risky, considering her mother’s psychological background." He trailed off, Zitao's eyes sliding to the man with a feeling he thought he'd never feel towards the man- irritation.  

"Why? Just because her mother was unstable doesn’t mean she will be, and besides having full access to the medical records of both parents is like hitting the jackpot. " Zitao declared, blinking with a small sense of defiance, unable to stop the small trembling feeling of irritation in his hands. Sehun looked a little confused by Zitao's sudden change in mood, his annoyance growing even more when Sehun naturally appeared to make an assumption he knew too well. It's the medication, he knew the man’s thoughts. But this time, it wasn’t the medicine.

"Tao, listen... We're already going to have enough trouble raising a child, simply because of our situation. No one is going to look fondly upon a child with gay parents, let alone a child that belongs to gay parents who isn't even Korean. We can't put that child through any more trouble than she is already going to get in her life." Sehun seemed to ramble on with his explanation, Zitao merely clenching his jaw and letting out a huff.  

"So you admit she is going to have trouble in her life? And you're willing to let her suffer alone?" Zitao barked in response, his arms unfolding to rest on his hips, his lips twisting into an irritated and daring expression. He was testing Sehun, daring him to argue with him.  

"She isn't going to suffer alone. Look how cute she is, someone is bound to adopt her." Sehun tried to point out, his logic crumbling under Zitao's gaze. Logic wasn't going to matter to him here, not now.  

"If I may say something...", the woman spoke up, a small hand raising in the air as if to wave it at the two seemingly arguing men, "Korean families have a hard time adopting a child too far away from their family line, adoption of a random child is hard. But it is going to be even harder for this child, simply because she isn't Korean. If any of us were to guess, even my co-workers? We'd say she's never going to get adopted." Her tone was soft and almost whispered, Zitao unable but to listen to the plea in her tone. He was falling for her words, and the little girl so close to them.  

"Then why would you offer her to us? If she has such a low chance of getting adopted? Why waste your time?" Sehun the woman, his time quite snappish, Zitao only able to assume from the fact that she had just made his argument null and void.  

"Because I believe everyone deserves a chance, she deserves to find a good family, just like you two deserve to raise one. She had a wonderful and kind father, she simply had the misfortune of a horrible mother. She deserves a second chance." The woman whispered, taking her own step back from the blonde man. And with those words, Zitao finally was able to sort through the tangled mixture of emotions that resided in his chest. Hope, compassion, and the desperate need to save someone like no one had saved him.  

Even Sehun seemed stunned and a little touched by her words, a swallow forcing its way down his finely chiseled neck. Zitao couldn't help his quickening heartbeat at the thought that the man would concede, the child so close he could almost touch her.  

"All you have to do is sign, and I'll do the rest." The woman's soft whisper forced a shuddering breath out of Zitao, his irritation dissolving into a feeling of hope as he watched Sehun. She had pulled a black, thick folder from her bag. It was so close Zitao could almost feel the paper sliding across his fingers with a shudder.

The man said nothing, his lips twisting into a look of both irritation and contemplation. And for the first time, the blonde's eyes met the small girl's green glowing ones; so wide, so big, so full of promise. Zitao could never be sure what the two of them had shared in those few moments, seeming to have an unspoken conversation with their eyes. But Sehun dared to walk closer to the small girl, who stood at knee height.  

Zitao braved to leave the woman and follow Sehun, his heart pounding at the promise of this child, such a strange feeling compared to the dead, weightless feeling that had been haunting him for so long. He could barely breathe as they both stood in front of the little girl, her tiny and scared fist still clenched by ; clinging to the tree as if it would save her from any harm. Without a single cue or even a question of what to do, the couple knelt in front of the child.  

Zitao pictured it almost like a movie as he smiled at the little girl, he could see it now. She was like a beautiful flower, a stubborn one at that. But with the right care, a strong dedication, and all the love in the world; she would bloom to be the best of them all. All she needed was a place to grow, something they could give her.  

Sehun stood, a deep sigh of contemplation slipping out between gently parted lips. Zitao could tell he almost had the man, his belly flipping with excitement at the thought. His breathing hitched simply from his excitement, desperately trying to contain his reactions in fear that he was getting too hopeful. But when the man only kept staring at the girl, he returned his attention to her as well.  

Reaching his hand out to her, he was happy to see she didn't flinch. But that feeling of happiness swiftly melted away into a feeling of disappointment when the girl ignored his outstretched hand and instead, rand to the blonde man. He felt as though someone had thrown a bucket of water on him, unable to help but feel a little put out. The man hadn't even wanted the girl, and yet, she still ran to him; her small arms wrapped around his leg and chin resting on his knee.   

But in that same moment, it warmed his heart to see that girl fit so well to his leg, and his face made it all the better. His eyebrows rose higher than Zitao had seen them before, his face both shocked and terrified as his entire body beside the leg the girl clung to, leaned back. It was almost as if he wished to pry the girl from his leg, his hands flung up in the air; confused and helpless. Zitao was unable to hold back a chuckle as he stood, giving Sehun a rather cheeky smile.  

"I want to take her home, Sehun. It feels right." The moment he spoke the words, they became final and complete for him. Any feelings doubt he had in moments before, had been completely eradicated.  

And with a nod, Zitao could practically hear the future sounds of pen scribbling on paper. A signature, that's all it would take, and Sehun had agreed. Zitao had his child, and he refused to let that small voice get any word in. He was going to be happy, he just knew it.  

So why did he still feel so uneasy?  

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It was supposed to be a bit confusing, to be honest. I hope it was an enjoyable chapter still at least.   

I apologize in advance for any errors, I had to type this on my phone and one could imagine the trouble I had from that. Please let me know if you find any mistakes! I'd love to fix them!  

I hope you guys look forward to the next chapter, and feel free to comment or ask any questions you'd like. cx  

~SnobbyCoffeeAsian