"Why are you never serious?" I screamed, not caring how my throat scratched and how my voice was already shaking. It felt good to scream. But no, no.. I can't cry now, I don't want to cry, please don't let me cry, not now. 
"I am," He replied, not louder than how he normally does, running his hand through his hair exasperatedly, "Baby I'm sorry.." 

Tell me, baby, tell me slowly
All the things you couldn't show me
Tell me one more time before I leave

In the past I would have felt something in my chest, a tug, a pull, anything, whenever he said sorry. Maybe I've heard it too many times, because it didn't have the same effect this time on me. 
Jiwon took a step nearer towards me while I sat down on the bed. 
"Oh yes, you are, only in your work. You were never serious about us, it was always about your career, your dream, not us, not me," Tears blurred my vision before I knew it as I finally said these words, even though I didn't want to admit it, I knew it was true. 
"Why do you even bother, Jiwon? You never have enough time for us, even if you did, you'd rather stay in that studio all day, I know, Jiwon, I know," I buried my wet face in my hands, looking at him hurts. Since he was always stupidly smiling, I've never seen him look at me this way, with so much pain, anger, regret and guilt, and that is because he knows that everything I'm saying is true. 

I learned your way, I learned so slowly
Take another shot, but you'll miss me

"Just tell me what you want so I can stop waiting and you can stop making excuses, I'm tired if you aren't, Jiwon.." I looked up at him and he finally spoke. 
"I am sorry. You are right, I neglected you, I focused more on practicing than us. But believe me, I am serious about us. I want us, I want you."
I felt the mattress sink as he sat down beside me. 
"I love you the most," My heart wrenched, my stomach flipped. It's the same words again. It felt painful as I hear those words leave his mouth.

When you say you love me, baby
Let me see your face

I lifted my face and turned to look at Jiwon. 
Painfulness never looked that good on anyone. How his eyebrows slightly furrowed, how the tears in his eyes seem to just make his eyes sparkle more, how his gaze at me was, he really is beautiful. 

Now I see you never knew me
Look at you, you look right through me
Tell me one more time before I go

Salty tears starting flowing down harder than ever. Because within all that beauty, I see no traces of love. He just said he loves me the most, but his eyes looked empty and blank, staring right through me. Why is there pain on his face when he's loving me? 
"You're the only one, believe me," I can't, Jiwon.. Not anymore, not again, I'm tired of your empty words. 

I don't believe you when you
Say you love me most
And when you tell me I'm the only one

His hands slowly came to hold my face, "I want you," As much as it hurts to listen to him telling me these lies, I couldn't bring myself to tell him to stop. I'm trapped by this beautiful man infront of me, I can't get out, or I don't want to. Why can't the things he say be true or at least convincing? 

And I can't feel you when you're
Touchin' me and tellin' me
That this time you want all of me

His thumb slowly wiped away my tears but fresh tears continued flowing. He leaned in slowly while keeping his eyes on me, until our nose touched and they shifted to my lips. I didn't ask him to stop, I couldn't. Now his luscious lips are on mine, I closed my eyes. This is what I've wanted for days, but not this anymore. I can't feel Jiwon. This is different.
I used to felt like my heart was going to explode because it was so full, my stomach would be filled with not what seemed like butterflies but an entire zoo, my head would feel so giddy and all that when Jiwon kissed me, and my hands would automatically bury themselves in his soft hair as I craved for more, pulling him closer. 

And I can't feel you when you're
Kissin' me and tellin' me

I feel his lips now, and only that. There was no Jiwon, no full heart, no zoo in my stomach, no giddiness in my head, just a pair of lips on mine. 
Just as his large hands started moving down my back, I pulled away.
"I can't do this anymore.."
"What do you mean?" 
"There is no love, Jiwon," His hands left me. 

And you won't hear me when I'm
Tellin' you it's all or nothin'

"I love you, I want you," Again. 
"You don't.. Baby please, just realise it, that'll be so much easier for both of us,"
He continued staring at me with the same empty eyes. I couldn't take it anymore, I stood up. Jiwon's hand shot up to grab hold of my wrist. 
"I said I'll never leave you, why are you leaving me?" He looked up at me. You already left..

And when you say you'll never leave me
Know that it's all in vain

"I love you, but you don't feel the same anymore, I don't wanna continue like this."

All or nothin', baby please
Let go of me, let go of me

I looked at Jiwon one last time. 
His soft black hair that fell over his eyes was now messy because of how much he had ran his hands through it, his beautiful eyes that would disappear whenever he smiled at me, his straight sharp nose that I loved running my finger across whenever I watched him sleep, his plump lips that made me feel so good physically and verbally, saying all the same things he said tonight but with love, his cheeks that I loved to kiss and his lethal jawline that my tongue had traced so many times. 
I love him so much, that's why I don't want this anymore, I confirmed once again as I looked back into his eyes.
"Baby please, let go of me." 
And he did. Jiwon let go of his grip on my wrist, allowing me to walk out of this room where we shared so much laughter, tears, joy, sweat, love. 

And these memories, they haunt me
Wherever I go