" When I first met her

a laugh, haunting, beautiful,

sad.

It lingered in the brisk winter air,

floating.

Like a ghost."

There was a quiet hum in the air, the all too familiar drumming of air vents dribbling into the background as the overbearing ticking of the clock devoured any remaining silence. The time read 2AM, and Yongguk sat at his desk, his tired features visible from the soft cast of light the blank white screen of his laptop was providing. Empty cans of energy drinks and finished ramen cups littered the surface of the table, miscellaneous sheets of crumbled papers scattered amongst the chaos that was his desk. It was certainly chaos, but it held no candle to the crumbling expression Yongguk bore as he stared long and hard at the blank word doc sitting on the laptop screen. His vision grew hazy once or twice, and whenever that happened, he shut his eyes, shook his head roughly, and reopened them to experience only five seconds of clarity before his vision blurred again. It's been five hours now that he's been staring at that same, blank white screen, and any longer he knew he'd go crazy. He pulled back from his desk abruptly, the painful screech of the chair as it slid across the wooden floor waking him up even if only for a moment. He ruffled his hair with obvious frustration before sighing and standing up. He needed some fresh air.

Absolutely nothing. For the past week he was able to come up with nothing. He was recently referred by a good friend to a printing company that was willing to sample a bit of his work before sponsoring and considering the actual publication of anything written by him. It was a great opportunity for an underdeveloped writer like himself to get out there, and all he had to do was write enough for them to sample, to get a simple taste of what kind of writer he was. He couldn't do even that, and the thought drew out an annoyed growl from underneath Yongguk's breath as he exited the quiet darkness of his apartment room to the hallway, the door closing behind him a bit rougher than he had intended. Another sigh slipped past his lips. He left the thought stringing from there and proceeded to exiting the building, pulling his hoodie over his head as he snatched a cigarette from the back pocket of his jeans to only then place it between grumbling lips.

Grey drifted towards the sky once he stepped outside, storm colored clouds of smoke expelling into the air from the small gap of Yongguk's mouth, a lighting cigarette resting at a slant in between his slightly parted lips. The flame at the end of his cigarette stick burned a painfully bright orange, illuminate in the darkness that devoured his shadowy figure as he flicked his lighter on. He found a spot against the weathered apartment building and leaned casually against the brick wall underneath a flickering lamp post. There was a quiet hum in the air again, this time less consistent as the lamp post suddenly gave out in power, sparks flying and bringing complete darkness again except for the remaining ember at the end of his cig.

He simply stood there for a moment, contemplating his current position both physically and mentally. He leaned his head back, letting the weight atop his eyelids give in and close down so that the darkness grew even more endless.

In life, the one thing Yongguk was perhaps able to take away was that leading it without purpose ends up molding it unto an ugly shade of grade, leaving traces of an empty feeling and unbeknownst longing. He remembered the day he revealed to his parents that he wanted to be a writer. Of course any parent would only try to envision the best possible meaning of anything their child tells them. They were happy despite never hearing of the boy's pursuits to become such a thing as a writer, but that was because they assumed he had meant something like a journalist or researcher. Never did it even cross their mind that he was implying that he wished to be a novelist. Why he wanted to be a writer was a mystery to his parents and even him. He didn't know why. He just wanted to. And perhaps that's what angered his parents the most. Yongguk was top of his graduating class in high school, offered scholarships to many high end universities in and even out of the country, and his future gleamed so brightly. His gray, gray future, and he turned it down. All for what exactly? Empty cans of soju, instant ramen, and cheap convenience store lunches.

The cigarette resting at a dangerous slant between his lips transferred over to long, slender fingers━bony, rough, and hardened around the edges from all the long hours he spent typing nonsense onto blank sheets of word documents. Nonsense that he almost always went back to delete, which explains why he has yet to write anything decent for his sample work. The remembrance forced out another groan of irritation and he unconsciously crumbled the cigarette in between his fingers, leaving its ashes falling to the floor.

From somewhere to his right he heard a sudden noise, his head turning instinctly to the source. It sounded like a cat, and his gaze lingered in the area of the source for a bit, his eyes narrowing until the area between his eyebrows wrinkled. The lamp post that shut off earlier also sprung back to life, the inconsistent static noise returning now in the form of a long string of buzzing instead. An eyebrow cocked at this, and Yongguk shifted his gaze back to the place where the lamp post was now casting its returning light. Right smack in the middle of it stood a black cat, the light shining down on it the way it might on an actor delivering a monologue. Its beautiful translucent, golden irises stared straight at him, and he blinked once. 

"Hey," Yongguk called out, surprised at how clogged up and raspy his voice sounded. He cleared his throat. 

The cat meowed in response, lifting up a paw to it before getting on all four paws and disappearing from the lamp post's spotlight. Yongguk found his eyes following the small creature as it emerged into the darkness, an almost childish curiosity alight in the way his eyes widened. He always liked cats, but his mother was allergic, and his father hated animals. Even now he couldn't own one because his apartment prohibited pets. Not that he could afford one anyway. He let his gaze wander away until another sudden noise broke through the air. This time it was a loud screech, one only a cat could make, followed by a frantic collection of steps that scurried through the grass.

"Get back here you ugly rat!"

Out of nowhere stepped a thin figure into the light.

Yongguk could still remember their first meeting as though it'd happen yesterday. It was swift, overwhelming, and flashed by uncomfortably, the way winter always did. Like a ghost. He never liked winter.

"I know you're hiding!" the figure called out again, her footing unstable as she stumbled over a step. A shaky arm then raised into the air as she pointed straight into the darkness, her aim indirect and not necessarily targeted at anything. "I know you're there. Come out!" Her voice was slurred, movements delayed, an almost hysterical air emitting from her occasional giggles and incoherent comments. The stupid girl was looking for the cat. 

Bidding silence, Yongguk remained still, unaware that he had been staring at the girl for the whole duration of her surprise appearance. His gaze followed her every move, capturing small details and quirks that somehow hinted her "off-ness". Something wasn't right. His daze was broken when he unconsciously released a sigh, the nearly inaudible breath actually reaching the girl's ear because  her head twisted around with eyes pinning straight into Yongguk's. The menacing glare tore right into his soul, threatening to extract it and devour it entirely. One side at a time, a wide grin crept onto her lips.

She was mesmerizing. Young and dressed in a battered school uniform, ripped and dirty, but mesmerizing. Dark, disheveled locks framed her shadow ridden but still distinguishably beautiful features, lips the color of roses running from ear to ear. The girl's head slowly tilted more to the right, a certain hunger settling in her eyes as she studied Yongguk.

For the longest time all they did was stare at each other, at least until a single laugh tore through the silence, accompanied by inconsistent steps. She gathered herself and started to slowly make her way over to Yongguk.

An awkward dragging of feet later, she fell into his embrace, his arms naturally falling to catch her as she tripped at his feet.

"Hey you." She fixed her hands to Yongguk's arms and carefully peeled herself off of him, her head raising slowly to reveal a sorrowful expression. The expression suddenly crumbled with the return of a devious grin. "Let's have ."

"What?" 

"Let's have ."

Yongguk said nothing, astounded, but apathetic of her request. Her breath reeked of alcohol. Now that she was closer, Yongguk could make out the bruises and cuts littering her face, the blood that flowered her uniform. Her lips weren't a rose color as he suspected earlier from afar. It was purple. There was a mischievous gleam in her eyes that just spelled trouble, the grin an accessory to her biting tone, all in which tied together her ethereal presence. Was she really there? 

"Just kidding!" she mused, cackling with more laughter. "You should have seen the look on your face!" She removed herself completely from him and took two shaky steps backwards. "To think a piece of loser like you believed I wanted to sleep with you."

"The only here is your personality," he countered, letting his gaze stray away from the pile of garbage that somehow found its way to his feet. What a nuisance. His earlier curiosity of the girl quickly faded. From her grotesque appearance to her young age to her unpleasant attitude, it was already so obvious. The poor thing. She was broken, an item set for demolishment in society, unwanted, casted aside. From herself and everyone around her. She was probably a delinquent or gangster, the kind that got themselves tangled with drugs, violence, and . This was a common trend in high school kids these days. It was cool to be bad or something like that. It wasn't anything new, and Yongguk could care less about what hole this girl happened to crawl out of. He just wanted her to leave and let him smoke in peace. He pulled out a fresh cigarette from his back pocket, balanced it between his lips, and lit it. While putting away his lighter, he continued, "Scram, kid." He breathed grey into the air. "Go home. Your parents are probably worried about you," he lied.

She laughed so loud it startled Yongguk, making him flinch, even if it was slightly, and drop his lighter. "You're funny," she giggled, "Tell me another joke."

Stupid drunk girl. "No." 

He reached down to pick up his lighter, but she beat him to it, snatching it away to light her own cigarette. She transferred over to the spot to his right, sliding down into a lazy crouching position beside him. Two pale digits removed the cigarette as clouds erupted from . 

"No? That's no fun." She laughed again. "I have one."

"I don't ca━

"My life."

There was a long pause after, bitter and empty, until she laughed again, this time more obnoxiously.

"You can laugh ," she spat, "It's supposed to be funny."

Yongguk hated winter. And the color gray. And her stupid laugh.