A/N: I wrote this during the "Just Right" era, but during the chaos of my laptop breaking and getting a new one, I completely neglected to post it. So here you go now, a little late ;) Enjoy!

JUST DO

Mark held the blank sketchbook tightly in his hands. What are you afraid of? He tried to peek over at what the other members were writing as their answers to that question, but Youngjae to his right was still thinking it out, while Jackson to his left was forming a body shield so he could hide his surely hilarious answer to the last minute. Mark looked down at the white sheet in front of him, wondering if it would be honesty this time or entertainment. Sometimes it was better to give an answer that wasn't the full truth to make people laugh, sometimes it was better to share the heart that everyone wanted a piece of so that they would know you better, or at least feel like they did.

But there were things they shouldn't know. Things where not speaking of them to anyone was the only way to keep them safe.

Mark scribbled characters down on the pad of paper just before the PD told them to turn their answers to the camera. Sure enough, everyone latched onto Jackson's answer of “JB” and the funny story of running into a green facemask wearing Jaebum in the kitchen in the middle of the night while half asleep. Mark laughed with the others at Jackson's funny way of telling the story and his massive overreactions. He didn't mind getting passed over for the more humorous answers; if he really wanted to share what he'd written down so badly, he knew how to assert himself, even over the louder members. But not now. They could pass him by now.

But Yugyeom was paying attention. “Look, Mark hyung wrote 'Park Jinyoung,'” he said, laughing. “I didn't know you were afraid of JYP PD-nim like Jackson, he's always pretty nice to you.”

Mark smiled. “Yeah, but he's pretty scary when we make a mistake.”

BamBam, who had recently made such a mistake during one of JYP's check-ins, took over the conversation from there, which Mark was grateful for. While he was talking, Youngjae leaned in.

“You're supposed to put an honorific at the end of JYP PD-nim's name, just a reminder, hyung,” he whispered.

Mark nodded, even though he knew that already.

That wasn't the Park Jinyoung he'd been talking about.

0

It was only fair that no one had caught onto that. Park Jinyoung, their Park Jinyoung, wasn't someone scary. In fact, their Junior was adorable and loving and fun, someone they could all be comfortable with. Mark still remembered that feeling of first meeting him. He could barely even speak the language properly, and when Junior had introduced himself, he'd honestly thought it had been a conversation about JYP himself and not his own name. He'd pretty much just smiled and nodded blankly the whole time when he'd first gone out with Junior and figured out he couldn't speak English as well as he'd assumed, but Junior had still made that effort to talk to him. And that had meant something back then, as much as it meant now. People like him were easy to give up on because of how difficult it was to make conversation without running into walls, not just because he was learning a new language, but because he didn't feel the need to speak a whole lot in the first place, but Junior had never seemed bothered. And he certainly had never given up on him.

What scared him was how much he needed that comfort. It wasn't something he could just get from the other members, even though they were comforting in their own ways. Jackson could talk to him in English, BamBam was simply an endearing and cute kid, and Yugyeom was like a little brother he could unwind with. Jaebum and Youngjae always had smiles for him when he needed help with something or wasn't sure how to handle a situation. They were all warm, they were all family. But Park Jinyoung was the only one of them he needed to an extreme, to where whenever he felt he wasn't being needed back it itched under his skin, it nagged him, it made him almost want to beg to for attention though he was the oldest out of all of them and should have been the most accustomed to needing it the least.

He didn't understand himself or why he'd become like this. He was good at being alone, it wasn't a bad thing, there was nothing wrong with taking comfort in your own company. He didn't know why he was always trying to edge closer, to sneak in interactions that weren't needed, to endear himself so that he was the most favored even though he was sure he had so little of the charms the others had, and much less of a need of what Jinyoung dubbed his “motherly care.”

Mark didn't know. He just did.

Both facts completely scared him to death.

0

Jackson was a good distraction, namely because it was hard to think around him because he was so loud and he was always saying random things which required you to not be paying attention to anything else to actually understand. So when Jackson wanted to go out and do something, Mark was always game, even if it wasn't something he'd normally want to do. Which today was shopping for hats, something they did on what seemed like a daily basis and was getting rather boring.

“So,” Jackson said, placing one on his head and squinting 'seductively.' “This one? Or-” he grabbed another hat- “this one?”

Mark blinked. He was pretty sure they were the exact same hat. Maybe the second one was a single shade lighter, but other than that, they both advertised for the same brand and had the exact same shape.

“The second one,” he said noncommittally.

“Naw, man, the first one is better,” Jackson said. Mark wondered why he even bothered asking.

His phone started buzzing in his pocket, and he pulled it out. It was Jinyoung. Bored, want to watch a movie together? Mark instantly felt like he really wanted to watch a movie more than he wanted to do anything else, ever.

“I'm tired, I'm leaving,” Mark announced to Jackson.

“What the hell, man?” Jackson said. “Look, I just need to pick out three more, and I need your help.”

“You don't take my advice. Ever.”

“Yeah, and I need your crappy advice to make the right decision, so...”

“Bye.”

“Come on, you can't just walk back alone. And bull about you being tired, you slept like a log last night, can't fool your own roommate. What's this, really?” He grabbed Mark's arm and snatched his cell phone. Mark didn't even feel the urge to snatch it back-- playing tug-of-war with Jackson just wasn't worth it, in most cases.

“Oh-ho,” Jackson said, reading the text. “Oh ho ho ho ho. Mark.”

“Yeah?”

“You're free to go. I'm not going to try and win against Jinyoung.”

Mark shrugged. Doing anything more would mean he would have to talk about it or listen to Jackson make jokes about it, or worse, have Jackson change his mind altogether and at least make him stick around to give his unheeded advice. So he shrugged. Then left.

0

Jinyoung was in his room buried under his bed covers when Mark arrived. He poked his head out like a turtle, his full lips turned into a pout. “What took you so long?” he asked. “And why weren't you answering when I was knocking on your door earlier?”

“Sorry, I was napping,” Mark lied. He had enough dignity not to inform Jinyoung of the fact that he had ditched Jackson and rushed home specifically for this.

“Oh, did I wake you?” Jinyoung's pout vanished and he instantly looked contrite.

“No, it's fine.” He slipped next to Jinyoung in bed, tucking the blankets around him. They were warm from Jinyoung's body; in fact, he could feel the body heat coming from Jinyoung's thigh, just inches away from his own. “What are we watching?”

“Begin Again.”

“Are you going to be singing the whole time?”

“Yup.”

Mark pretended to grumble, but he didn't really mind. Jinyoung had a lovely voice, sweet and lulling, and he could think of worse ways to spend a day than in bed next to Jinyoung singing along to “Begin Again.”

After Jinyoung the film, Mark slipped his arms around Jinyoung's waist and nuzzled his cheek into his fuzzy sweater. He wondered why he had to be the one to do these things, why he couldn't even wait anymore to see if Jinyoung would do it first because any second he waited was a second it wasn't happening. Still, he smiled when Jinyoung slung an arm around his shoulder and returned the embrace. He liked how he could feel the vibrations of his chest when Jinyoung started singing this way. He liked how he could hear his heartbeat when the movie got quiet.

He wondered why he liked it so much. This was something he never would have done casually with someone before. He could certainly watch a movie comfortably without being like this.

But he just needed it. He just did.

0

It was still terrifying. Mark wondered if he was becoming another person sometimes. He didn't used to stare in the mirror all the time like this. True, he was an idol now and entitled to be a little image conscious, but most of the fans seemed to like it no matter what he did with his hair or his clothes, not that he had much choice in either. But during his down time, he stopped wearing sweats and hoodies with month old toothpaste stains down the front. He threw out his socks with holes and kept on buying himself new boxers. He started getting facial packs from the Face Shop and smelling like passion fruit and persimmon.

It was for no reason, no person, or so he told himself. But he smiled when Jinyoung cupped his face and cooed about how smooth it had gotten recently.

He was beginning to wonder if he was a rabbit with a carrot dangling in front of its face, with the way he was chasing after these small praises, practically slobbering. He wondered what would happen if he actually had the carrot. If that was what he wanted.

He was thinking now that he did. He really did.

0

There was some kind of quote out there about things getting worse before they got better, and Mark was 100% convinced it was true. He didn't know how, but somehow Yugyeom had squeezed in next to Jinyoung in the tight booth at the coffee shop where the three of them were refueling, and though he loved Yugyeom to bits, for some reason he couldn't stop glaring holes into him from the other side of the table.

“Have a problem, hyung?” Yugyeom asked. Mark could see their legs from underneath the table, and they were pressed up together, knees touching, and irrational anger burned in his chest because that should have been me even though it was a stupid thing to think, they were all close, they could all touch and it didn't have to mean anything any more than that, that's just the way it was here.

But it wasn't for him, he realized. This wasn't something he had grown up doing and did because it was natural, but something he did because he wanted it. He wanted Jinyoung's long legs brushing against his, strong from all their hours of dancing, warm from beautiful body heat, and comforting not just because it was a human touch, but because he loved the person it belonged to. He wanted the big fat juicy carrot dangling in front of his face, and now he was finally realizing why. Little by little, the switch was clicking.

“Nothing,” he grunted.

Yugyeom lifted an eyebrow dubiously. Jinyoung looked concerned, and reached over to touch Mark's forehead for a fever. There was none, but Mark had to wonder if he was flushing enough to confuse him.

“You might be feeling under the weather from something you ate,” Jinyoung said, dropping his hand. “Did you know that if you eat around the same time of day every day, it improves your digestion? It helps to eat the same kinds of food as what your system is used to, that's why you get sick if you eat overseas sometimes or try something from a different-”

Mark had pretty much stopped listening in favor of staring at Jinyoung's lips. He felt bad about it, because normally he would listen raptly to whatever he was saying, but rather than hearing about the inner workings of his digestive system, simply staring was much more satisfying in this case. Jinyoung had really beautiful lips, too. They were full, but not huge, and well maintained. It was cold, but they weren't chapped in the slightest unlike Mark, who was always absently biting his. He remembered being surprised by that when Jinyoung had first kissed him on the cheek, though he'd been surprised by the gesture in general. Now he was the one who did it more, to the point where the others constantly called him out for it. He wondered why Jinyoung had stopped, and if he was supposed to stop now that they were older than they had been. Frankly, he didn't want to.

“EARTH TO MARK!” Yugyeom yelled. “Jinyoung hyung's done talking, you can stop staring and pay attention to me now.”

Mark blinked. Jinyoung was staring back at him, cheeks slightly flushed. He'd definitely noticed. Definitely. Mark quickly darted his eyes to Yugyeom.

“Yeah, what were you saying?”

“Nothing important. What planet have you been on recently, hyung? You're always like this.”

“Um.” Mark folded his hands and did his best to look anywhere but at Jinyoung. “I just zoned out... and I zone out a lot, is it really a big deal?”

“I was boring you,” Jinyoung said in dismay.

“No, that wasn't it,” Mark said, quickly taking his hands. “Not it... at all.”

“Maybe he thinks your face was more interesting than whatever you were saying,” Yugyeom joked. Not realizing it wasn't a joke.

Jinyoung's face flushed again, and Mark started coughing. “Shouldn't our coffee be done by now?” he muttered, trying to change the subject. He averted his eyes, but he could feel Jinyoung looking at him again. He could tell that, even if he couldn't tell what Jinyoung was thinking about this. About him.

0

A few days later and Jinyoung had texted Mark about watching a movie again. But this time when Mark came in, he wasn't buried under his blanket but sitting criss-cross on top of them.

“What are we watching?” Mark asked, dropping down next to him.

“Nothing.”

“Nothing?”

“Yeah.” He gazed at Mark solemnly. “I was thinking...”

“Yeah?”

“I was thinking that... if you wanted to kiss me, that would be fine.”

Mark stared at him blankly. Surely he had heard him wrong, because why would Jinyoung ask that out of the blue after having shown absolutely no more than a friendly interest in him ever since they'd met? “WHAT?”

Jinyoung immediately started to look nervous. “I was wrong about it, then? It's just that I asked Jackson and he said you would want me to ask, and even Yugyeom was suspicious about that last incident and said that maybe you were acting weird for a reason, but if I'm wrong-”

“Um, hold up,” he said, putting his hand over Jinyoung's mouth. “I'm not saying 'no,' I just want to know why you're saying it?” He had the feeling that Jackson had kindly decided to confess on his behalf, and now Jinyoung, being Jinyoung, thought he had to humor Mark's feelings so as not to hurt or ignore them.

“Why I'm...” Jinyoung trailed off. “I don't know. I don't know. I just wanted to be closer to you the same way I wanted to be closer to everyone, except with you it started feeling funny after awhile so I stopped, but then you started and I got more confused, and sometimes you look at me in ways that make it worse, but maybe it's no different for me than it is when you look at other people, I don't know, but I thought maybe if you were looking at me because it's me and if you wanted to kiss me at all, that it would be okay.”

Mark had to take a moment to translate that, and when he did, he could hardly formulate a response with the way his own heart was pounding. Jinyoung wasn't humoring him. He was genuinely unsure and wanted to be reaffirmed, but what mattered was that there was feeling enough in him to make him unsure. To make him wonder if something was wrong with him the same way Mark had wondered.

“Why?” he whispered, taking Jinyoung's hand. “Why would it be okay?”

“I don't know. It just would.”

He exhaled sharply, wanting to hear more than that, but knowing he was just as lost as Jinyoung was and they'd never find an answer stumbling into it and asking thousands of questions. He tugged Jinyoung's hands, pulling him forward, and when they were closer, he closed his eyes and took the kiss being offered to him. Jinyoung's lips were just as soft this way as they had been on his cheeks, but it was different entirely, more intimate, more enveloping. More importantly, it dissipated all the fear that had built up inside of him. He didn't need to be afraid of this person or of what wanting him meant. It meant only that he had found who he'd been looking for and didn't have to search any longer. He needed Jinyoung because he loved him, and loved him because he needed him. All along the answer had been no more terrifying than that.

He pulled away, squeezing Jinyoung's hands. “Was that okay?”

Jinyoung blinked, running his fingers against his lips. “Putting it lightly.”

“And did it help you figure it out a little?”

A nod.

“Good. The reason I was holding you and staring at you and all of those things was because I love you.”

“Oh?” Jinyoung said faintly, surprised even after having received his kiss. “You love me.”

“Yes.”

“For how long?”

“I don't know.”

Jinyoung nodded, probably thinking the same thing himself. “I...”

“It's okay,” Mark said quickly. “I know you haven't been thinking about this as long, so you don't have to rush into it if you're not sure. I can wait.” Part of him wasn't sure he could, but he knew he might have to. And it would have to be fine.

“No, I...” he trailed off again. “I get it now. There were so many things I wanted from you, like you hugging me when we watch movies and how warm you are then, and how you look at me sometimes and the how that makes my heart feel, but I didn't know what it was. I didn't understand that it had to be you. That it was because of you.” He cleared his throat. “So. If that has anything to do with being in love, it's happening to me, too.”

“Yeah?” Mark asked, grinning.

“Yes. But it's still so weird. You love me. You... all these feelings I have, you feel them for me...” He tilted his head. “Do you even know why?

Mark smiled. “Do you know what, Jinyoungie? I love you. That's it. I just do.”