"How long are you going to be like this ?!"

 

"I told you I didn't do it ! It was just assumptions" 

 

"Stop lying to me"

 

"Im freaking not !"

 

"You liar !"

 

"Fine ! God, Im leaving !"

 

"Leave ! Im so sick of you"

 

"Huh really ? Lets see on how long you can live without me"

 

"Ouh shut up !"

 

"No, you shut up"

 

A sound of glass shattering echoed to the whole house like a slow motion. I flinched and hug my pillow tighter as I take a glance at the clock- its not even 5 in the morning and they are already fighting. It have been like this since I was 10 years old. 

 

I still remember the first time they fought- it was because of me. I was left alone at the school until almost midnight because none of them fetch me and just realised that I was not at home when it reached eleven at night. They fought in the car and it never stop through the night. I cant sleep that night because I was crying due to fear of loneliness and darkness that I experienced when I was left alone. 

 

But what I fear the most was them. They never thought of me who was trembling in coldness and they never gives me the hug that I needed the most.

 

After a few times listening to their fights- I only learned one thing.

 

The definition of selfishness.

 

Its them.

 

The two of them.

 

My parents.

 

I put the pillow over my ear and grab my fist tight. It happened almost every night. I thought I will get used to it but it never happened. All I get is anger and grudge toward them. Its getting bigger and they wont stop growing in me to the point I started to hate the two of them for making me feels like this.

 

My eyes feel heavy because I was crying non-stop after listening to their never-ending fight. Especially when I heard one of them mentioned the word 'divorce' tonight. Finally, was what I thought. I have been thinking a divorce will solve it all. I will finally find the freedom and find peace but when I heard it from them, I just lost it- I dont want a broken family. I dont want them to separating and leaves me like this.

 

Leaves me broken.

 

"Never look for me again"

 

I squinted my eyes and cupped my face with the pillow before screaming as loud as I can. I want to let it out, but I dont have anyone to rely on. I have been holding onto the anger for too long. In a word to describe myself- pathetic. I still cant find a thing for myself to do to erased all the grudge in my heart.

 

"Dear.. wake up" I turned my body to faced my mum and yet again, it is so obvious that she have been crying. I never sleep in the first place and we both know it. I put the blanket away and pulled her into a hug before leaves a kiss on her cheek. It is the only way to comfort her. I just want her to know that I am always by her side.

 

"Good morning mum"

 

"Uhm.. get ready for school" she run her hand on my long hair to the end, "I will send you to school this time" I nod in the hug and I do my morning routine afterwards.

 

 

 

 

 

"See you later" I said after listening to the silence in the car, "Wait-" my mum grab my wrist and I see a red stained on her fingers. Its blood. She quickly hide her hand by pulling her long sleeve shirt and clear . I pretend like I know nothing and look at her, "What is it, mum ?"

 

"I dont think your dad or I can fetch you from school today" she said. She didnt even look at me by the eyes. I could tell she is afraid of what Im going to say next. I might scream at her like what I did the last time when she just barged into my room. I change my gaze to her hand and find the blood started to leaves a red mark on her sleeve.

 

I sigh secretly and open the door, "Okay" I said and find her shock to my statement. "W-what-" "I said its fine. You can go now. Im going to be late" I said and fix the backpack on my back before quickly leaves her car. "See you later, dear !" I hear her voice and I decided to ignored it. 

 

Im okay. This is okay. I can face this.

 

I keep on repeating this word in my head.. because it is all that I can do to make myself stronger. Tears in my eyes are threatened to fall but I quickly wipe them away. I dont want to be weak and stay strong for myself but I just cant.

 

They have ruined me since years ago and there is nothing that can fix me.

 

"Hyaaa !" I gasped when a pair of hands hug me from the back. This jerk. I grab his hands and shoved them off of me before turning to faced him. "Oww- you hurt me" he whined as he rub his sore hands. I gritted my teeth as I glared at him. This guy really.. he never fails to ruined my day.

 

"What ?" he asked me as I keep on glaring at him. "Dont follow me" I warned him before turning to the school and walked away from that jerk. "Hey- hey wait for me" he said as I hear his fast footsteps getting louder and nearer. I rolled my eyes and ignored him along the way to the class. He never stop telling me things eventhough I never reacted to any of them.

 

When its recess, I decided to changed my books in the locker. The moment when I open it, a small note fall out from it and landed on the floor right next to my feet. I just shrugged it off- knowing its from that guy from before. There is no one else that seems to know my existence except for him in this school. 

 

"Hyaaa.. why dont you read it ?" he suddenly appeared infront of me and I stop on my track. My breath hitched when I met his eyes. I have been ignoring him and it is my first time ever to see him face to face. Is this really the guy who have been following me all this time ?

 

He walk passed me to take the note and I dont know why I didnt leave him this time. "Here, read it" he placed the note on my forehead and it glued to my head. "I really hope you read it" he pouted and my eyes trembled for a second. Did he just.. pouting ?

 

"Hey.. you okay ?" he leaned closer and search for my eyes before I take a step further from him. "Thats weird.." he smirks as he tucked his hands into his pockets. "You didnt walk away this time.." he tilted his head to the right before slowly break into a smile.

 

"You really dont !" he said happily, "Thats great. Are we friends now ?" he extend his hand to me and I look at his white-pale hands. They look so pretty for a guy. "Hm ? Are we ?" he said and I slowly extend my hand to the air before slapping his hand away and turned around.

 

"Whaa.." I hear he mumbled in disbelief. "Yahh, this is not funny!", For some reason, I could imagined him pouting as I leaves him for the nth times. He is indeed- looks cute for a guy.

 

 

 

 

I leaned my head on the wall as I tapped my pencil on the books. The window is opened and the wind gently hit my face and it is soothing. My eyes getting heavy as the times goes by due to the cold refreshing air. The green nature out there helps me to calm my mind and I ended up getting sleepy.

 

"Hey Baekhyun !" I flinched and I come to my sense. I turn to the source of the voice and see the class monitor talking to a guy. My eyes fall on him and find that he is talking with a very familiar guy. It hit me on how familiar he is to me.

 

"Ahh.. his name is Baekhyun" I mumbled as my hand unconciously scribbled his name on the note that he gives to me. I take a glance at him before read the note again,

Ineffable.

I raised my eyebrows toward the unfamiliar words and sigh. He is really unpredictable. This guy.. what do he want from me ? I change my gaze to him and find him staring at me. I didnt look away- instead I keep on fixing my gaze straight to his eyes. This gaze battle long for seconds until the class monitor come back and Baekhyun take a last glance at me before turning to his friend. 

 

I take the small note and write something under his word. 

 

Leaves me alone.

 

I started to take my notes and homework together. Then I stands up and put the small note next to his book when I walked pass him. "Oh ? Isnt that-" "Han, yes its her" I misheard them talking as I leaves the library and the note