Memento vivere

Remember that you have to live.

Himchan was quite distant after that.

Whenever Junhong would see him in the halls, his soft ‘How are you,’ would be left ignored. Himchan spent more time in the library than anywhere else, and there were times when Junhong would walk by those large doors and Sabhya would be sitting outside, shoulders slumped. He would knock, hoping for the door to swing open and Himchan to hug him, desperate for someone else, but the little radio would only be turned up louder and cries would become softer. All Junhong wanted to do was help, but Himchan had just shut himself off even more.

However, Junhong managed to get the poor man to leave the confines of not only his room, but his castle. All he had to do was cast a simple enchantment spell that Daehyun had taught him. As kind as that man seemed, he was quite devious. He’d even tried to convince Junhong to use the spell on Yongguk, but he refused. There was no way that he could do something so sneaky to his elder, no matter how much the dubious little voice of Daehyun in the back of his head told him to.

With the enchantment uttered and cast, Junhong was able to ‘persuade’ Himchan out of his room. Sabhya wasn’t too fond of this decision, but let out a stubborn growl and followed the two along. She stopped at the edge of the gardens, recognising that Junhong was bringing her master towards town and not to the meadow. It was obvious she knew she couldn’t intrude upon the townspeople’s lives, so she reluctantly sat at the front gates in wait. Though Junhong did feel bad for leaving her alone, Himchan was more important to him. He wanted to show his dear cousin, the only family he had left, what it was like to truly live again.

The spell itself was short lived, and Himchan’s bubbly daze wore off as soon as the two stepped on the edge of town. He went from singing quietly under his breath to blinking away the fog and taking on a panicked stance. “What are you doing?!” He immediately staggered away from Junhong and looked in raw fear at the little cottages that lay before him. “How did I get here?”

Junhong held out his hands in front of him, as if he was approaching a frightened animal. “It’s okay,” he breathed. “It really is. I just want to show you what you’re missing out on.”

“I’m not missing out on anything.” Himchan hissed, turning to the side and clutching his hand to his heart. “The world is an awful place, it’s not meant for people like us.”

“That’s not true!” Junhong’s sudden increase in volume not only surprised Himchan, but himself as well. “There’s an entire world out there full of us! There’s Daehyun and Yongguk, and whoever else we can find! There’s so much for us to learn and experience, yet you’re letting yourself waste away in that goddamn castle.”

The other opened his mouth to retaliate, but stopped himself. His lips pursed as he seemed to be attempting to formulate a response, but none came. Himchan just looked down at his polished shoes in defeat, shoulders slumping.

Junhong approached the other hesitantly, still afraid Himchan was going to lash out. “Just let me show you. Let me show you the nice people and the good food and the wonderful life you’re missing out on,” he made sure his voice was soft, convincing. He really wanted his cousin to experience life to it’s fullest.

“Fine.” Himchan finally croaked, voice hoarse. “You walk me around this town once and then I’m going back. I don’t know why you’re so persistent, but I suppose I’ll give in for now. I don’t have anything going on at the moment.” He acted as if he was a busy man and had something to attend to, yet that was just a front. What else was there to do in that castle of is besides listen to that radio and hope for his family to be mentioned?

With a wide smile, Junhong took him by the hand and led him to the village, where Himchan officially crossed the threshold of the living once again.

The village was small, as was the population. However, despite the scant amount of people, it was a friendly and personable little place. There was a light fog set low to the ground and the stone buildings were wet due to rain earlier that day. Some of the houses were covered with twisting, twirling green vines that came up for the ground, and in the middle of a town a large church stood high over the other structures in the town. However, Junhong didn’t want to lead Himchan there. Instead, he wanted to introduce his cousin to the nice people in the pub that he’d stayed at before.

It was a great little establishment, with good people who always knew how to keep a good conversation. It was next to a big lake, and a fishing boat sat at an old dock right next to it. As Junhong led Himchan closer and closer to the wooden door, he could feel Himchan’s wrist begin to tremble in his grip. Before long, the elder pulled his hand back and stood in the middle of the cracking road. His breathing was heavy and his body shook with tremors. He looked around at the few people milling around the village and there was fear in his eyes. He stood out quite a bit from the greys and blues of the town in his light pink suit that he had chose to don that day. He was muttering under his breath and was looking around nervously. As Junhong approached him, he could hear the hushed whispers much clearer.

“They’re going to get me.”

With one last look to the pub behind him, Junhong reluctantly pulled Himchan along to the church. It was a Tuesday, as he recalled, so the place was empty save for the little gaggle of children playing out front. They waved to him as he and Himchan took a seat on the front steps.

“I’m sorry,” was the first thing that Junhong said. It wasn’t an amazing conversation opener, but he felt that an apology was in order. “I really wanted you to meet the nice people in there, but I didn’t think about how much of a change it would be for you.”

Himchan’s breathing slowed quite a bit, and he let out a hasty cough. “It’s okay. I guess that I really appreciate the thought. No one’s tried to help me like this.” He laughed softly with a shrug. “Then again, I’ve never really let anyone in to help.”

“Why not?” He didn’t mean to pry, honestly, but he had to know what made Himchan so reclusive.

Another laugh, this time drier and more bitter. “Ever since my parents left I’ve never really trusted anyone. Especially not people who claim they’re nice or in need. I don’t think they’re ever truly in need. You saw that the other day, though.”

Junhong nodded, recalling the helpless-looking old man with a knife behind his back.

“You’re the first person I’ve let in since they’ve left,” he sniffed, tears pulling at his eyes. “I don’t know why, but when you said we were family my knees got weak and my heart started beating faster. And then you kept coming back. No one’s ever been that desperate to see me before. I wish I was like you, honestly. You’re so brave, coming here alone.”

A soft smile settled itself on Junhong’s lips. “Honestly, when I saw you, I knew we’d connect. All I wanted was to know you more and just finally have someone. I mean, I have other people, but I really don’t have someone to call my family, you know?”

Himchan nodded, mirroring his smile. “Guess you have someone to call family, then, don’t you?”

With a now beaming smile, Junhong leaned against his cousin with a sigh. “I do. I really do.”

———

Junhong never truly realised that Himchan’s castle was on a cliff until he was standing on the edge of it. Down below lay crashing waves that rammed into rocks that protruded from the water. It was a seascape. There was salt in the air as each wave slammed into the bottom of the rock formation and dissipated in white foam. On the cliff’s edge were the personal belongings from his aunt and uncle’s room as well as his other cousin, Himchan’s sister. The two had brought them out for one sole reason.

Closure.

When the last box of things was out of the castle and laying in the grass, Junhong placed the journal of Himchan’s sister in the other’s hand and pushed him towards the edge. With a deep breath and his eyes squeezed shut, Himchan tossed it into the ocean below. He stared down with wide eyes as the little leather book disappeared underneath the dark blue water.

The next few things were harder to get rid of, but in no time Himchan was hurling clothes and shoes into the air with a smile on his face and watching them fall down to the water as the ocean breeze flew through his hair.

They’d gotten down to the end of the last box by the time the sun was setting. It had taken a handful of hours to throw everything away, but there was also some idle banter and deep talks between every few items. As Junhong stacked the boxes and prepared to head inside, Himchan stopped him. “Just a moment. I’ll be right back,” he said before disappearing inside. Whilst waiting, Junhong seated himself on a rock with a sigh and awaited his return. Nearly five minutes later, Himchan returned, little red radio in hand. He must’ve ran all the way down to the library to get it.

“Just one more thing.” He said with a nod, more sure of himself than anything as he walked towards the cliff's edge one final time. Without blinking, he threw it into the air and watched with bright eyes as it hurtled down into the ocean. When he turned back to Junhong there was indescribable look of happiness on his face. He looked relieved, and free from whatever had been tying him down.

“Thank you,” he sighed, walking over to Junhong and enveloping him in a hug. “Thank you so much.”