Thousands of questions were playing on twenty two years old Hongbin's mind demanding for answers as he looked at the sky, millions of stars dancing on it. Cool breezes of air blowing his pinkish hair, dropping it to his eyes.

It was his last night in Korea. Leaving, might or might not be his best choice but he did choose to live on his own in upcoming days. Tomorrow, at this hour, probably he would be somewhere in Japan, crying.

"I want to join you guys there." he mumbled, talking to stars. "Shining, twinkling... you guys look happy!"  And he laid down on bare dirty floor not caring about his clothes, his own hands used as pillow.

Just when did his heart started going wrong, hongbin wondered, so wrong that it started loving that someone whom he shouldn't have. So wrong that it hurt him like hell.

Was it then when he met that someone for the first time in his life and that someone shared his candy with him?

Or was it that one time when he tripped on his knee and that someone piggybacked him all the way back to home walking for hours?

Or it could be on that day when he forgot to bring his umbrella but there was that someone waiting for him outside his school, holding an umbrella?

Or maybe it was on that many nights he was crying and that someone had hugged and comforted him: everything's going to be okay.

Hongbin heaved a long audible sigh.

Tired of thinking, he closed his eyes, those cool breezes still humming like some kind of music in his ears. Right now, he needed that same comfort from that someone; he just needed that someone right next to him.

"Bean-ah?"

And as if god had listened to his heart, there came a familiar voice which he was eagering so much to listen.

"Bean ah!?"

That soft whisper. That honey like sweet voice. He liked it when he hear it, especially that voice calling his nickname which was itself given by him. He was so in love with that voice, he could listen it for the rest of his life and never get tired. 

That is why, just wanting the voice to speak more, reply didn't escape out his mouth. Instead he pretended asleep.

"Are you sleeping?" that someone approached and placed himself next to hongbin, swaying away mosquitoes. "Roof's not the right place to sleep, bean ah!" he cooed.

Hongbin could feel the voice of that someone flowing through his ears to heart.

When there came no response, the latter laid next to him. His cologne's smell filling right up in hongbin's nose. "I know you are not asleep." he said, adjusting himself on the floor. "Your eye lashes are dancing."

Embarrased. He couldn't see but obviously he could feel the pink growing in his cheeks. "What are you doing here, hyung?" hongbin questioned since he was caught not sleeping anyway, eyes shut stubbornly though he wanted to see that milky white face desperately which was unconditionally so close to him.

"To see you." Taekwoon, Hongbin's 'that someone', three years older than him replied, eyes straight up at the sky admiring the stars.

I want to see you too.

was what he wanted to reply. But those words formed only to stuck somewhere inside his throat.

"Just go back, hyung! I am not willing to see you." he replied otherwise and no doubt Taekwoon knew Hongbin was lying. He just chuckled. It was rather heart breaking for Hongbin to say those words. It hurt him to act tough. But without any choice remaining he had to because Taekwoon was about to get married tomorrow with the girl that would give him tons of happiness which hongbin couldn't even imagine in his dream to give it to Taekwoon. 

.

.

.

.

.

Silence. Only soft breathing sounds of their could be heard, mixed with the soft breezing air.

"Can you not leave?" me. Taekwoon broke the silence, last word came out as a unheard whisper.

"You know I have to." hongbin retorted batting his eyebrows, almost cracking on his voice. You know I can't see you marrying someone who is not me. He swallowed those words to himself, glimse of tears starting to gather on his doe like eyes, which was now opened to face the sky.

"You know I love you, right? More--" whispered the elder, suddenly stopping in his talking track, trying his best to hold back the tears but a drop of it roll down from the corner of his eye. "-- than what our relationship is." he finished, wiping away the fallen tears before hongbin could notice it.

And hongbin's heart sank. Tears that were gathered in his eyes suddenly broke out because more than anyone he knew how much Taekwoon loved him, how much elder care of him. And that what hurt the most.

Both of them had feelings for each other more than what their relation should have and the reality was they couldn't be together.

Unable to speak anything, hongbin just let his tears fall and he knew Taekwoon was crying, too.

"Do you want to run away?" asked Taekwoon between his sobbing and cracking voice, turning to his left to meet younger's big teary eyes already looking at him. "Far away where you can be mine and I can be your's?" he cupped hongbin's bony cheek with his right hand, brushing away those strands of disturbed hair with his left. "Maybe somewhere only we know."

And hongbin smiled for the first time on that night, flashing his deep dimples which also helped the elder to smile back. He was smiling, so brightly for his own surprise but why did his heart hurt? Among all the questions Taekwoon had ever asked, he knew this was really the silliest one but why did his heart achingly tinged at the same time?

Hongbin cried harder. Even when he tried to stop, tears flowed constantly.

Only if they could do that. Running away from people to that one place where they could live happily, where no one would point out anything about their relationship. where they could build their own little world. But bitter reality where they lived on, that was unfortunately unfortune to them.

Because they knew not every 'us' are possible.

"You are funny, hyung!' hongbin wiped away the tears of taekwoon's and silently Taekwoon did the same. They stared into each other's eyes for several good minutes, hundreds of emotion crossing through them before Taekwoon pulled his body more closer and landed his lips onto Hongbin's.

Eyes closed, passion flowing in, their lips moved in perfect sync. Oh how they wished time to stop like this! Holding onto each other's embrace with soft kisses which melted on their lips, it felt so right and more wrong at the same time.

In few seconds, they pulled back ending their very first kiss and probably the last one and went back on locking each other into another stare as they knew this would be their last time memorizing their features. It probably was for short the period, but the moment they just shared would be the cherishable memory for their life.

"Big forehead---Doe eyes, short sharp nose---cherry lips---wide chin--, rounded huge ears--" taekwoon mumbled reading younger's facial feature. "You got everything big, bean ah!" dry voice, he gave his silent hidden smile.

Hongbin chuckled in response. "Small forehead-- small eyes--small nose--little thin lips--small baby chin---small ears!" younger replied, caressing elder's face, playful gigle clinging on his serious tone. "You got everything small, hyung!"

And as if they had nothing to say anymore, only staring started again.

"Are we meeting in future?" he was aware about what younger would answer, but Teakwoon asked it anyway, in middle of glaring.

Hope we will, someday. "No." came flat reply from hongbin after a short hesitation as taekwoon had expected.

"Will you remember me?"

Yes, how can I forget you?  "No."

"Will you miss me?

Ofcourse, hyung.  "No."

And when the younger asked same questions back to taekwoon, elder only answered with silence to which hongbin didn't mind.

Breaking the longest stare they ever had in their life "Leo hyung?" hongbin was the one to cut off the silence, calling elder with one of his nicknames. "Can you call me by my name for one last time?" he cracked another smile (sadness hidden on it) that night because more than anything, hongbin loved his hyung's voice calling his name skipped through his little thin lips.

Taekwoon chuckled at his favorite name which was given by younger himself when they were young. Damned how much he loved that name.

"Woonie hyung!" eight years old hongbin laughed looking at pissed eleven years old  taekwoon who was growling because the younger spat juice on his favourite shirt not-so-accidentally. "You resemble lion when you are angry!" his laugh grew louder as his dimples went deep."Shut up!" was the only respond elder could hiss because he couldn't help but find it cute when hongbin laughed. Cursing to himslef, he wiped juice spotted place on his shirt.

"That's not how you do it!" hongbin came running to taekwoon's sitting side after sipping one last gulp in between his laugh and scoff.  Grabbing tissue from elder's hand, he threw it to trashbin and what he did next surprise taekwoon.

Hongbin took off his own clean shirt revealing his white body and rubbed it on taekwoon's. He tried his all might to wipe the stains almost making elder to loss his balance but wrinkled his nose when the shirt turned even worse. "I am sorry hyung but I think this is going to leave stains." hongbin apologized, dissapointed. And this time taekwoon laughed.

"You are such a cute idiot, you know!" he snatched younger's shirt from his hand and smirked at how both of their shirts were ruined. "Let's just go and wash these!"

"But hyung!" hongbin stopped walking taekwoon and grinned. "I am naming you Leo." he chirpped. "Howwl!" he growled teasing and the elder just shrugged though the name strangely met his taste. "Whatever!"

Taekwoon smiled at one of the best memories but that smile of his didn't last longer when hongbin tug his arm standing from his sleeping position. "Hyung, my name!" he said, dry sob still skipping at back of his voice. "Say it!" he requested,serious. And taekwoon realized that the biding session was approaching them. If he would call hongbin's name, everything would end up with it. Feeling like his legs would give in any time, he stubbornly snatched his body out of floor reaching up to meet the level of younger.

Now that both of them were standing staring right through each other, drums started playing on their weak heart. Soaked eyes drenching again with water. Unable to hold anymore, Taekwoon was the first one to let his tears fall down on his cheeks before pulling the younger into one last embrace. He let out his sob loud not feeling ashame anymore. Seeing elder broke like that, hongbin couldn't help himself. How even would he? Tightening his hands around Taekwoon's waist, he buried his face on slightly taller's chest, cracking out ugly sobs too.

"Hyung, --my name-- I want to hear it from-- you one more time--" he stuttered and cried his heart out, slowly slacking off from the embrace but taekwoon wasn't ready to send him off yet but now or later, he had to leave Hongbin's side, so Taekwoon let him go and-

"Lee. Hong. Bin."

For the second time on their nineteen years which they spent together, Taekwoon finally managed to croak hongbin's full name freeing younger from his tight hug. Taekwoon had never called younger with other name except Bean-ah or Kongie. Because neither of them liked it when their family had transformed Lee Hongbin into Jung Hongbin.

Nature was against them. God was against them. And family was obvious of against.

Why?

Because they were brothers born from same mother but different fathers and to them nothing could be worse than this, could it? No. Because they knew, they were meant to be brothers not lovers.

"Lee Hongbin! Srill sounds cool!" totally satisfied with his own name when it was pronounced by his favourite man, hongbin let out another sincere smile that night. With that, hongbin dissapeared the sight of Taekwoon, leaving him alone in the rooftop.

Hongbin left and he couldn't stop him. Not that Hongbin would stay anyway. Taekwoon passed on his knee, too weak to even handle his own body. 

Lying down back on the bare ground again, this time Taekwoon wondered, when did his heart started going so wrong that it started loving hongbin when he clearly knew he shouldn't have.

Was it then when he was frowning because he forgot to bring his lunch box for school but then hongbin shared his with him?

Or was it that one day when he broke dozen of plates while trying to steal candies and hongbin took the blame and scold for him?

Or it could be on that day when he was too lazy to do his assignments and hongbin stayed all night finishing it for him even without completing his own home works?

Or maybe on that many nights whenever he felt down there was hongbin always beside him patting on his  Leo hyung, everything will be alright apparently!

But now that there wouldn't be hongbin around him anymore, nothing would be okay anymore. He felt so hollow and empty already.

-------------------

Ding~ Dingg~~ Dinggg~~~

Slight buzzes of message tone on his phone woke up taekwoon the next day on the same rooftop. Too tired to even go down to his room, he didn't know when but he fell asleep there on cold bare ground, blue jean's jacket was covered on his body which was not his.

Hongbin must have hoved it on him before leaving.

Almost crying again, when he unlocked his lockscreen with his and hongbin's selfie on it, he was greeted with younger's messages which made him realize that hongbin had really left. He wouldn't be around lingering to him anymore.

05: 17 am. KongBeanie.

Hyung, Lets meet in our next life? ^_^

05:20 am. KongBeanie.

Not as brothers. Not as Jung Taekwoon and Jung Hongbin.

But as real Lee Hongbin and Jung Taekwoon. :)

05: 22 am. KongBeanie.

Or it would be even better if you'd be a girl and I'd be a boy? :p

Taekwoon managed to crack a smile though there were tears starting to fill his eyes.

05:30 am. KongBeanie.

Hyung, be happy! Congratulations on wedding! <3

05:35 am. KongBeanie.

I should get going now! :( I am wearing the same shirt you gifted me on my birthday some months ago.

05:47. KongBeanie.

I love you, hyung!

05:51 am. KongBeanie.

Goodbye!

Till the very last message, taekwoon had already bursted into tears that were never claiming to stop at any moment. He was typing the replies but was he even writing right, he was too weak to even care about that. Whatever he could he wrote.

07:08 am. To KongBeanie.

Yeah~ let's meet for sure in our next life.

You should be my girl kongie, you are more beautiful among us. ^_^

Be happy more than me. :)

You must be looking dashing on it. Have a safe journey, Kong!

I love you too, bean ah. <3

Goodbye!:(

Taekwoon clicked the send botton just to get another mail on his screen.

Sorry, unable to send your message. Please retry after verifying number.

How foolish of Taekwoon to reply. Hongbin probably must have deactivated his number already.

Let's born being possible next time.

Taekwoon murmered caressing hongbin's picture at his cell phone.

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